Life Simplified
Raising Kids that Don’t Disappoint
November 13, 2011
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
INTRODUCTION
Happy children are children with boundaries and who are well disciplined. Children who respond well to their parents and other authority will generally excel better in the class room and on the sports field. There is nothing better than a child who has the self-discipline to achieve and work towards goals.
How do you discipline children ?
In a survey of more than 2,000 parents of children between the ages of 2 and 11,
38% were using the same discipline methods their own parents used on them as a child.
45% of the parents using time-outs as a disciplinary action.
42%removed their child’s privileges,
13% who resorted to yelling
9% who opted to spank their children. Here is the bummer
31% of participants reported they believed their methods were not effective !
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has released an extensive study on teens and substance abuse. Their main finding was that "teens whose parents have established rules in the house have better relationships with their parents and a substantially lower risk of smoking, drinking, and using illegal drugs than the typical teen."
The study discovered that the successful parents habitually did at least 10 of the following 12 actions:
Monitor what their teens watch on TV
Monitor what their teens do on the Internet.
Put restrictions on the CDs they buy.
Know where their teens are after school and on weekends.
Are told the truth by their teens about where they really are going.
Are "very aware" of their teens academic performance.
Impose a curfew.
Make clear they would be "extremely upset" if their teen used pot.
Eat dinner with their teens six or seven nights a week.
Turn off the TV during dinner.
Assign their teen regular chores.
Have an adult present when the teens return home from school.
Pete Hartogs, "Study: Rules Improve Parent-Child Relationship," CNN Online (02-21-01); submitted by Jerry De Luca, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.
A PROVERBS-DRIVEN LIFE ACCEPTS THE CALLING TO RAISE CHILDREN AS A TASK DELEGATED AND DIRECTED BY GOD.
This is the great calling of every parent and by extension the parent’s support network.
I. Presuppostions
* Children are a great gift. -- Psalm 127: 3-5
Children are a great gift.
Ps 127: 3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
4 Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
5 How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.
* And a Trust -- Ephesians 6:4
Ephesians 6:4
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (NLT)
* Discipline of children is a major focus of Proverbs
"Fools despise wisdom and discipline." (Pr. 1:7)
"My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when He corrects you. For the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." (Pr. 3:11)
* Note that correction in not automatically associated with punishment.
But let’s be clear that when Proverbs speaks of "discipline" it has in view quite a range of activities.
II. Discipline Defined
What do you think of when you hear the word discipline?
Proverbs 12:1 says, "To learn, you must love discipline" (NLT).
For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life, Proverbs 6:23
In Proverbs, "discipline" includes instruction, teaching, training and correction.
A. teaching
* involve imparting knowledge;
B. training
* involves all sorts of coaching and preparation;
22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
C. correcting
* involves identifying errors and urging their removal.
"Corrective discipline is the way to life." (Pr. 6:23)
"People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray." (Pr. 10:17)
"If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding."(Pr. 15:32)
Appl: We don’t discipline kids because we’re angry. We do it because or teaching training correcting. Why do you discipline.
III. Discipline’s Motivation
A. For our children’s sake
Proverbs 13:24 (NLT)
24 Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.
Proverbs 19:18 (NLT)
18 Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.
The Books of Samuel describe them as the officiating priests at the sanctuary of Shiloh at the time of Hannah.
In the Biblical narrative, Hophni and Phinehas are criticised for engaging in illicit behaviour, such as appropriating the best portion of sacrifices for themselves, and having sexual relations with the sanctuary’s serving women. They are described as "sons of Belial" (1 Samuel 2:12, "wicked men" in the NIV). Their misdeeds provoked the indignation of Yahweh and lead to a divine curse being put on them, and they subsequently both died on the same day, during a battle against the Philistines at Eben-ezer. Eli dies of the news in 1 Samuel 4:18
B. For our sake
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul. Proverbs 29:17
Proverbs 29:15 (NLT)
15 To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.
Pr 29:17
17:25 - A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him.
David has a number of sons, three lacked real wisdom. Three had been raised resulted in heartache for David
Ammon -- incest with his sister.
Absolom -- murders his brother, seeks to lead a rebellion against David
Adonijah -- schemed to take the kingdom.
C. For the sake of other’s
Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his folly. Proverbs 17:12
IV. Have the Right Spirit
4:24 - Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
10:11 - The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.
Children Believe what we tell.
* You’re an idiot.
* You can’t be my kid.
* You’re horrible.
* I brought in in this world I can take you out.
V. Have the right Method
A. Verbal Methods
* Instruction --
Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction . . . When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said . . . Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor. Proverbs 4:1, 3, 7--9
* Discourage Bad Behavior
My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them. If they say, ’Come along with us; let’s lie in wait for someone’s blood, let’s waylay some harmless soul; let’s swallow them alive, like the grave, and whole, like those who go down to the pit; we will get all sorts of valuable things and fill our houses with plunder; throw in your lot with us, and we will share a common purse’--my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths. Proverbs 1:10--15
* Open Rebuke
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Proverbs 27:5
B. Applied Consequences
One day I explained to my 5-year-old daughter that if she chose to disobey me, she would have to live with the consequences. "Oh, Mommy!" she said with a terrified look on her face. "Please don’t make me live with the Consequences. I want to live here with you!"
Carla Lutz, Tennessee. Today’s Christian Woman, Vol. 18, no. 5.
* Loss of privileges
Deut 30:1-5
"In the future, when you experience all these blessings and curses I have listed for you, and when you are living among the nations to which the Lord your God has exiled you, take to heart all these instructions. 2 If at that time you and your children return to the Lord your God, and if you obey with all your heart and all your soul all the commands I have given you today, 3 then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes. He will have mercy on you and gather you back from all the nations where he has scattered you. 4 Even though you are banished to the ends of the earth, the Lord your God will gather you from there and bring you back again. 5 The Lord your God will return you to the land that belonged to your ancestors, and you will possess that land again. Then he will make you even more prosperous and numerous than your ancestors!
* Corporal -- for the obstinate
Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment. Proverbs 10:13
Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:13-14
C. Natural Consequences
18:6 - A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.
19:29 - Penalties are prepared for mockers, and beatings for the backs of fools.
16:22 - Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools.
D. Divine Consequences
Proverbs 3: 33- 35 The Lord curses the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the upright.
34 The Lord mocks the mockers but is gracious to the humble.
35 The wise inherit honor, but fools are put to shame!
Applying Discipline in a Practical Sense.
Issue: Picking up in a child’s room.
Young child:
Impart: It’s important to pick your toys up and put them away so the next time you want them you all the pieces are there.
It’s important to put dirty clothes in the Hamper so they get washed.
Discourage Bad Behavior.
Billy: You left you dirty underwear in bathroom instead of the hamper. I picked them up today, but that is unacceptable. You need to put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
Open Rebuke:
Billy: In front of other parent or sibling. You left your dirty pants on the floor of your room. Before we eat dinner, before we watch this movie, we’ll wait while you go pick up your pants.
Open defiance:
Applied consequences: Loss of a privilege, perhaps in the face of extreme defiance a spank.
Issue: Keeping a room neat, or items put away.
Older child:
Training:
Billy you know you have to clean up you room. And it’s messy right now.
You have until dinner time to clean it up. Toys put away and laundry put away.
Consequences:
Applied: Billy you didn’t clean you room up by dinner. You lose the right watch tv tonight, to play video games.
Defiance:
Billy you still didn’t clean your room so you are grounded from tv until your room is cleaned and the garage is cleaned.
Issue: Picking up in a child’s room.
Teen:
Billy your room is a mess. You need to clean it up by Friday after school, clothes away , bed made. Desk organized and neat.
Applied Consequences:
If you don’t you will lose the following privileges, I take you phone for the weekend. You are a grounded can leave to go hang with friends.
Natural Consequences:
Billy any clothes that don’t make it to the hamper by Wednesday won’t get washed. MOM where’s my basketball stuff. Don’t know. I didn’t wash it.
No Shouting Required
No need to make meaningless threats
