Matthew 6:6-34;
There’s a lot of stress going on out there, and a lot of that stress has been associated with the workplace. Maybe you’ve seen some of the signs of it; like this one of a zebra who says, “I think it’s stress.”
Or, maybe you’ve seen this stress reduction kit. The instructions are fairly simple:
1. place kit on firm surface.
2. follow directions in circle of kit.
3. repeat step 2 as necessary, or until unconscious.
4. If unconscious, cease stress reduction activity .
Lot of people stressing out there. A survey by Integra Realty Resources reported the following statistics:
• 34% had lost sleep because of workplace stress, and 23% had been driven to tears.
• 65%, identified workplace stress as a problem for them personally. (And the other 35% must have been too busy to answer the question).
• If all else fails, they just get sick. According to the American Institute of Stress [I’ll bet that’s a fun place to work], 43% of Americans suffer from stress-related health problems, making stress America’s #1 health problem.
• Stress contributes to heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes, and other illnesses in many individuals. It affects the immune system, which protects us from many serious diseases. It also contributes to the development of alcoholism, obesity, suicide, drug addiction, cigarette addiction, and other harmful behaviors.
• Tranquilizers, antidepressants, and anti-anxiety medications account for ΒΌ of all prescriptions written in the U.S. each year.
It doesn’t have to come from bad things. This thing called a family, with all of its good features, is also a source of stress.
Story - Rick Harrison’s 6yr old son seemed to demand his attention just when he was the most busy around the house. His standard reply has been, "I'm busy right now. Go ask your mother.”
The disappointed look often on his face as he was sent away convinced Rick to change his priorities. He resolved to give his son immediate attention whenever he asked. His resolve was quickly tested. He had just climbed to the top of their two-storied house, paintbrush and bucket in hand. As he dipped his brush into the paint he heard his little voice call, "Daddy, Daddy."
Determined to keep his new resolution, he immediately laid paintbrush and bucket aside and climbed back down to the ground to see what his son wanted. He got down on both knees, looked him straight in the face and asked, "Well, now what can I do for you, son?"
His reply: "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
Have you done your homework? That’s what we’re focusing on this month. We’re of the conviction that our homes take and deserve hard work. And this morning, we’re going to be looking at what some have called “the great gray killer.” Something that all families face…
(I. Stress and Crises are Realities All Families Face)
Joke - A little boy was sitting on his front steps with his face cradled in his hands, looking sad. His dad came home just then & asked him what was wrong. The little boy looked up & said, "Well, just between us, Dad, I’m having trouble getting along with your wife, too!"
All families face stress or crises. In fact, sitting here this morning, you’re in one of 3 places: you’re a family that has endured some crisis, a family that is currently going through some crisis, or a family about to go through some crisis. And when you’re going through it, you need to realize what’s happening:
Stress and Crises involve 3 factors:
1. What causes it
Sometimes, without even realizing it, conditions in life add up to stress, and we finally figure it out when we snap at the kids or grump at the spouse or drive down the wrong street without even realizing what we’ve done. I once pulled up to the drive through of a Taco Bell to pick lunch up for my family, ordered, paid, and drove off. It took me a minute to realize I forgot to get the food!
Ill – All of us have certain things that get on our nerves. Frank and Shirl were good friends of my parents. They used to come over to play Rook with my folks. I learned that one of the things that got on Shirl’s nerves was someone stirring with a spoon against a glass. So, from time-to-time, I’d go into the kitchen where they were playing Rook around the table, and I’d make a chocolate milk. Just for Shirl’s benefit, I’d stand there and stir it for a couple of minutes. Ting, ting, ting, ting… They’d be over talking at the table, and I’d just look over now and then to watch the signs of stress in Shirl’s face. Finally, her eyes would catch mine and she’d realize what had been making her feel uneasy as she sat there. “Sherm, you brat!” She’d always manage to get even with me sometime later.
Realize it or not, there’s a list of causes in our life to which our whole body responds with the fight or flight mode. We can’t usually change that. It’s going to happen. The 2nd factor of stress is…
2. How we perceive it
How we choose to look at stress or at a crisis is another important factor in the way we’ll handle them.
Ill - Studies have been done on the way families handle difficulties. I remember shortly after losing our son hearing the scary statistic that 70% of the homes that lose a child to death end up with a divorce. What makes the difference? And how could we ensure that we were part of the 30% that held together? We were convicted that how we decided to perceive the whole thing was going to be very important to our marriage. And it was.
While having stress and crises is common to everyone, the way we learn to look at them isn’t common to everyone. Do you see God punishing you or neglecting you, or God grieving alongside you? Do you see a setback that’s hurting you, or an opportunity to grow stronger? How we perceive it has a lot to do with how it will turn out. The 3rd factor is…
3. The resources we have to deal with it
From where does your family draw help when faced with a crisis? There’s no way to pay a bill. There’s a car accident. The doctor says it’s malignant. Your unwed child is expecting. You lose your spouse. When it happens to you, where will your family go for help? Where will you draw from? Savings account? Other family members? Church family? Your own personal strength?
Of all that factors involved in stress and crises, we usually can’t change #1. Jesus acknowledged that “each day has enough trouble of its own.” But when it comes to how we perceive them, and where we’ll turn for help, those are factors we can change.
But this we can’t change: all families will face stress and crises.
Another observation about stress and crises is…
II. Stress and Crises Can Either Make or Break a Home
Listen to what the writer of Hebrews has to say about the way we handle stress:
Hebrews 12:4-7
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
In other words, change your perception about hardship. Learn to regard it as God’s way of showing His love to you. I know that’s hard. It’s tough to think about your Dad loving you when the way He’s showing you is with a spanking. But the outcome of hardship in our lives is going to be determined, to a great extent, by the way we choose to view it.
Ill - Dr. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist, was imprisoned by the Nazis in World War II because he was a Jew. His wife, his children, and his parents were all killed in the holocaust. Frankl was assigned to Auschwitz.
The Gestapo made him strip. Standing there totally naked, as they cut away his wedding band, Viktor said to himself "You can take away my wife, you can take away my children, you can strip me of my clothes and my freedom, but there is one thing no person can ever take away from me--and that is my freedom to choose how I will react to what happens to me!"
He survived, and later wrote the book Man's Search for Meaning: “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
So, it’s not all up to chance. We’re not just victims to the whims of adversity. We have the choice for our homes to either be made or broken by the challenges we face. So how do we secure the difference?
III. Stress and Crises Can be Successfully Navigated When Jesus is Lord of Our Homes
Victor Frankl had spent years researching and writing a book about finding the meaning in life. It was hidden away in the lining of his coat. Then even that was taken away. He writes, "I had to undergo and overcome the loss of my spiritual child. Now it seemed as if nothing and no one would survive me; neither a physical nor a spiritual child of my own! I found myself confronted with the question of whether under such circumstances my life was ultimately void of any meaning."
He was still wrestling with that question a few days later when the Nazis forced the prisoners to give up their clothes. He says, "I had to surrender my clothes and in turn inherited the worn out rags of an inmate who had been sent to the gas chamber. Instead of the many pages of my manuscript, I found in the pocket of the newly acquired coat a single page torn out of a Hebrew prayer book, which contained the main Jewish prayer, "Shema Yisrael" (Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one God. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.) "How should I have interpreted such a 'coincidence' other than as a challenge to ‘live’ my thoughts instead of merely putting them on paper?"
Later, as Frankl reflected on his ordeal, he wrote, "There is nothing in the world that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions, as the knowledge that there is a meaning in one's life. ... He who has a "why" to live for can bear almost any ‘how’.”
He watched as some prisoners survived and others completely fell apart and died. And he noticed that the prisoners who set a goal out in front of themselves – who concentrated on some reason to stay alive – were the prisoners who survived.
I’m convinced that having Jesus Christ as Lord of our homes gives, for families that face stress and crises, the greatest help to have power to live. When we hold out in front of us the goal of serving Jesus in our homes we can successfully navigate the storms.
I’ve adapted some specific helps for families from a book by two couples, the Stinnetts and the Beams. It’s called Fantastic Families, and it was put together on the basis of a 25 year study involving over 14,000 families worldwide. They studied strong families and the features that make them strong. One of the ways you identify a strong family is by the way they respond to stress or crises.
So I want to list some helps for dealing with stress and crises that are something to take with you and start putting into practice as early as your drive to lunch or home.
1. Focus on something bigger than yourself
Romans 14:7
For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.
Families where there’s a concern to help each other are going to handle life’s curve balls a whole lot better than families where every member is just looking out for himself. Even if you’re family of one, or if you’re a family of 10, focusing on someone else’s needs and problems that you can help with is going to help you deal with your own challenges a whole lot more effectively.
Philippians 2:4
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
2. Take one day at a time
Matthew 6:31-34
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I’m fairly sure that God didn’t give us the ability to know much about our futures for a good reason. Can you imagine how difficult it would be to not get overwhelmed with worry about things we knew were coming up?
So don’t take problems more than one day at a time. God doesn’t allow them to happen to us more than that. We need to accept them the same way.
3. Refresh and restore your family by practicing godly rest
Genesis 2:2 By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.
Why did God rest? Was He tired, creating the universe and all? Of course not! God was establishing a principle for mankind: One day of rest each week is a good thing and the right thing. Godly rest doesn’t mean becoming a goof-off or lazy. In fact, the very point in Mt where Jesus is inviting people to come to Him and receive rest is also the time that He’s inviting people to take on His yoke and to pull His burden. But it’s a manageable burden, and the outcome of it all is rest:
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
4. Cultivate a sense of humor in your home
Notice, it’s “cultivate,” not create. Because, if your home is anything like mine, there’s plenty of funny stuff going on around you. You just have to be willing to draw it out and to be the one you laugh at sometimes.
Proverbs 15:13 - A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 12:25 - An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 17:22 - A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
There’s plenty you can do to highlight the sense of humor in your home.
Andy, what’s it like to have the world’s funniest man for your dad?
I used to ask my wife from time to time what it’s like to have the world’s most handsome hunk of man for a husband. She would just say, “I don’t know. I’ll have to ask one of the ladies at work!”
5. Look for the rose among the thorns
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
That means that, in the very worst of circumstances, God will work for good. It doesn’t mean that we’ll be able to understand the reason for every crisis we face, but it does mean that we can look for the good that comes out of every situation – we can look for the rose among the thorns.
I’ve been blessed to be able to see some of the good that’s happening because a horrible tornado struck Joplin, MO. I’ve seen church families working together. I’ve seen people unselfishly giving. I’ve seen others maturing as they give.
Ill – I once read an account from a family in which the father developed a crippling disease. They couldn’t understand what good would come of it, until, one night, their little girl prayed a prayer of thanks that Daddy was home and she got to see a whole lot more of him than she used to before he got sick.
6. Pull together with your Church family
Stu Weber, a preacher in Oregon - “1967. We were at war with Vietnam. And there I was, at the U.S. Army Ranger School at Fort Benning, Georgia. It was brutal.
I can still hear the raspy voice of the sergeant: "We are here to save your lives. We're going to see to it that you overcome all your natural fears. We're going to show you just how much incredible stress the human mind and body can endure. And when we're finished with you, you will be the U.S. Army's best!"
Then, before he dismissed the formation, he announced our first assignment. We'd steeled ourselves for something really tough--like running 10 miles in full battle gear or rappelling down a sheer cliff. Instead, he told us to--find a buddy.
"Find yourself a Ranger buddy," he growled. "You will stick together. You will never leave each other. You will encourage each other, and, as necessary, you will carry each other." It was the army's way of saying, "Difficult assignments require a friend. Together is better."
Who's your "Ranger buddy "?
If you’re here this morning, but this right here is the extent of your relationship with these people sitting around you, you’re missing out on a very important help for the tough times in life. You need to be pulling together with some smaller group within the church like a home Bible study or a SS class or a ministry team. When you don’t, you don’t get to know anyone well, and when the time of stress and crisis hits you, you don’t have those very needed relationships in place.
1 Corinthians 12:25-26
…that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
There’s only one way that can really happen in the church, and that’s when you are involved in relationships with people that go beyond just sitting here on Sunday morning. Pull together with your church family. Get in alongside and rub elbows. You’ll be glad you did.
7. Stockpile your spiritual resources
Quote - Brooke Foss Westcott - “Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or weak; and at last some crisis shows what we have become.”
I want to suggest to you that you need to be careful to stockpile resources for the times of stress that will give you real help.
How much are you investing in Kingdom things?
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – This was how Jesus concluded telling people to not stress over life’s challenges. Make your concern God’s Kingdom and living for Him. He’ll take care of the rest.
How much are you hiding God’s word in your heart? When hard times come, you need right answers. You need a right understanding of the way God works. You need to be able to handle the living and active word of God. How much are you stockpiling this resource?
How much about God and what He has done are you committing to your memory?
Read Psalm 77 sometime. It’s a psalm of Asaph where he’s recounting some times of crisis in his life. He was asking tough questions, wondering if God really cared about him anymore. Then,
vv10-12
I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High." I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
And the rest of the Psalm is simply praise for the good things that God has done.
So many times, when people are facing a crisis, God gives them the reminder of Who He is and what He has done. It’s a spiritual resource for our help. Have you been saving it away?
8. Give up (allow God to have control)
One of the great causes of stress and anxiety for people is the sense of losing control of their lives. An investment collapses; can’t stop it. A disease attacks; nothing cures it. A burglar strikes; their home is violated while they’re gone. A tornado comes, nothing can stop it.
One of the practical helps to aid in a crisis is to go ahead and give up the idea that life is all about the things you control. One of the greatest reasons we struggle with prayer is that in our minds it too closely resembles doing nothing. Yet, Paul says,
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I’m a whole lot more interested in the peace of God than I am in the peace I get from what I can control. I’m a whole lot more interested in the peace of God than the peace that comes from military posturing and trying to fix the economy.
One of the greatest actions you can take to cope with stress in your home is the controlled response of hitting your knees and giving up control to God.
Conclusion:
Hebrews 13:5-6
God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Can you really say that with confidence this morning? You can if you’ve made Jesus Lord of your life…
