HOME, SWEET HOME
1 Peter 3:1-7
Hope for the Home
"HOW TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND AND NOT LOSE YOUR MIND"
INTRODUCTION:
There have been a lot of funny things told about marriage. For example, men if you want to know how NOT to have an argument with your wife, then take note of this guys example,
Charlie left work one Friday afternoon. But instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend fishing with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly 2 hours with a tirade of his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him "How would you like it if you didn’t see me for 2 or 3 days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me!
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
To find a loving wife is definitely priceless, as Adam himself discovered,
Now I can’t find this in the Bible, but perhaps you’ve heard the story that before Eve was created, God was talking with Adam. He said, “You really need a helper, don’t you?” And Adam answered, “Yeah, I really do.”
So God said, “What if I make a woman? She’ll be perfect for you. She’ll be beautiful. She’ll rub your back at night, & your feet in the morning. She’ll plop grapes into your mouth. She’ll prepare all your favorite meals without fail. She’ll clean up the kitchen & take care of the kids. You’ll never have to do a thing, just sit around & be the king of your household.”
Adam said, “Boy, that sounds great, but how much is this going to cost?” God said, “Well, it’s pretty expensive. It will cost you an arm & a leg.”
Adam thought for a moment & then asked, “How much can I get for a rib?”
But nothing can compare to the simple yet brilliant insights which children give to marriage and the family.
Children & Marriage
“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.”
Kirsten, age 10
“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
Alan, age 10
When asked to give the right age to get married, six-year-old Freddie said,
“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.”
Freddie, age 6
In answering the age-old question about whether it is better to be single or married,
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.”
Anita, age 9
And, when asked how best to make a marriage work, 10-year-old Ricky perceptively replied: “Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.”
Ricky, age 10
Finally, my favorite,
The pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, “What does God say about marriage?” Immediately one boy replied, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
It does not take a brain scientist to realize there is a disconnect in our society concerning marriage. There is more information on sex and marriage than ever before, yet we have more and more marriage problems and divorce.
Obviously something is wrong. It is not enough to say that God is needed in these homes, because we know many CHRISTIAN marriages are falling apart
Peter addressed this section of his letter to Christian wives and husbands who had unsaved partners, telling them how to win their spouses to Christ. Then he includes some important admonitions especially for the men.
This morning, it does not matter if you are married, single, widowed, divorced, or looking to get married this message is for everyone.
First I want to take note of two important factors which, if not understood biblically can tinge our perspective on marriage.
First of all, if you are going to move beyond romance into reality and build a strong and lasting life together, you will both need to develop a proper, biblical attitude towards marriage.
Philip Yancey, in an essay on the theme of arranged marriages, writes
In the U.S. and other western style cultures, people tend to marry because they are attracted to anothers appealing qualities; a fresh smile, wittiness, a pleasing figure, athletic ability, a cheerful disposition, charm. Over time, these qualities can change; physical attributes, especially will deteriorate with age. Meanwhile, surprises, may surface: slatternly housekeeping, a tendency toward depression, disagreements over sex. In contrast, the partnrers in an arranged marriage ( over half of all marriages in our international global villiage fit into this catergory) do NOT center their relationship on mutual attractions. Having heard your parents decisions, you accept that you will live for many years with someone you barely know. Thus the overriding question changes from whom should I marry, to given this partner, what kind of marriage can we construct TOGETHER.
Now I am not advocating a return to some dark ages, middle eastern dominating form of marriage relationship. I am saying that for a marriage to develop healthily and biblically, our attitude must change from an emphasis on how are MY needs going to be satisfied, to how will we build this marriage TOGETHER.
The key word in this chapter, is the word SUBMIT. It is a four letter word that our culture would like to eradicate from our language. You will recall from last weeks message, that to submit does not mean to be subjugated to or to be locked into a slavery like existence.
Submission is simply the recognition of God’s authority in our lives.
Both Peter and the Apostle Paul use a word which means to fall in rank under the authority of another. …to subject oneself for the purpose of obeying or pleasing another.’
Some men have taken this word to promote an unhealthy brand of servitude from their wives. In a few cases, men have mistakenly used this word as an excuse for abusive behavior towards their wives.
Others have gone to the opposite extreme and labeled these passages as outdated and irrelevant for our enlightened 21st century culture.
The point is, if we believe the word of God to be inspired in its entirety, then we must come to understand the true meaning and seek its balanced application for our present situation.
P.P. Peter under the inspiration of the holy spirit gives to us some essentials for building a happy , holy, and healthy marriage.
The first six verse Peter addresses women, and directs verse seven directly at the men.
Was Peter being chauvinistic toward women? Is this being unfair ? Does God expect more from women in marriage than the men?
The silence among many bible scholars would seem to suggest this may be the case. However, Chuck Swindoll in his book, HOPE AGAIN offers this explanation for the apparent inequity,
It may seem strange that Peters advice to wives is six times longer as that to husbands. This is because the wife’s position was far more difficult than that of the husband. If a husband became a Christian, he would automatically bring his wife with him into the church…But if a wife became a Christian while her husband did not, she was taking a step which was unprecedented and which produced the acutest problems.’,
The Bible is not telling wives to remain in an unsafe environment where her life or childrens lives may be in danger. That is not what biblical submission is all about.,
Peter offers three imperative commands that are woven into these verses. They are reasonable, doable and balanced commands that are culturally relevant and best of all THEY WORK.
1. ANALYZE YOUR ACTIONS
1Likewise, wives,(A) be subject to your own husbands, so that(B) even if some do not obey the word,(C)they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2when they see your(D) respectful and pure conduct.
What Peter is saying is, Wives, in the same way ( just as Christ was the example of submission to the Father you follow His example as Christ followers) submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
If you have an unbelieving husband, ask yourself, WHY AM I DOING WHAT I AM DOING. What am I trying to achive? What are my motives?
I have counseled many wives who view their role as conditional; ‘’Sure I’ll be the kind of wife I should be if he’s the kind of husband he should be.’
The problem is that this verse is not written to wives who have perfect husbands. The passage is written to wives whose husbands are not saved, and do not measure up to God’s standards.
The unfortunate reaction by many Christian wives is to substitute secret manipulation for a quiet spirit.
This may take many forms; pouting, sulking, scheming, bargaining, nagging, preaching, coercing, or humiliating.
Wives who use this strategy are not trusting God to change their husbands life. You cannot make you husband something he is not. Only God can do that.
Illustration: 700 Club and woman who prayed for her husband for 40 years. … Finally saved once she stopped preaching, and silently manipulating him.
Eugene Peterson captures the point Peter is making,
Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty.
Such a lifestyle has been called ‘ the silent preaching of a silent life.’
2. WATCH YOUR ADORNMENT AND YOUR ATTITUDE
3(E) Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4but let your adorning be(F) the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
The KJV uses the word adorning. It is the greek word KOSMOS and gives us the English word, you guessed it, COSMOS. It means the ordered universe. The opposite is CHAOS.
Peter exhorts Christian women not to major on external decorations but on internal character.
Warren Weirsbe in his commentary gives this summary of the attitudes women had in the 1st century,
Romen women were captivated by the latest fashions of the day, and completed with each other in dress and hairdos. It was not unusual for the women to have elaborate coiffures, studded with gold and silver combs and even jewels. They wore eleaborate and expensive garments, all for the purpose of impressing EACH OTHER.’
Whenever I watch the OSCARS on TV, and see how the rich and famous glam it up, it seems that the 1st century attitude is still very prevalent in our world.
Illustration: My driving pet peeve, women who put on make up while driving. What happens when they hit a pot hole?
God’s word for Christian women is, What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. ( The Message)
That does not mean you neglect yourself. It means don’t get caught up in the superficial ways of how the world views beauty.
Outward adornment is important, but not nearly as important as attitude. If the internal attitude is right, its amazing how much less significant one’s external appearance becomes. ( C.Swindoll)
3. EVALUATE YOUR ATTENTION
5For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,6as Sarah obeyed Abraham,(G) calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and(H) do not fear anything that is frightening.
O I know a lot of men are perking up right now.
Imagine, men every morning your wife bringing you breakfast in bed, rubbing your shoulders, and your feet and wherever you went she would refer to you as LORD!
Right now I can see steam rising in the room, and it isn’t from the coffee pot in the back of the auditorium.
I am reminded of a story of A husband who is advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don’t have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you’re the boss." The husband takes the doctor’s advice.
He rushes home, slams the door, shakes his fist in his wife’s face, and growls, "From now on, you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs, and lay out my best clothes. Tonight, I’m going out with the boys, and you are going to stay at home where you belong. And another thing, guess who’s going to comb my hair, give me a shave, and tie my necktie?"
His wife says calmly, "The undertaker."
Peter says, Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. A good paraphrase would be, “She paid attention to him.’
The fact that Sarah called her husband lord reveals a lot about their relationship. It shows that she respected im, was attentive to his needs, cooperated with his wishes and adapted herself to his desires.
I would like to ask every women, whether married or sinlge, who are you patterning yourself after? IS it the from the women on Wysteria Lane?; the kardasian sisters? Or some neurotic Hollywood star?
Or are you seeking to pattern yoursaelf after the models given in the word of God.
Here is the point that Peter is making. Look after yourself. But don’t forget your husband. In fact, wives oubt to look after their husbands before their kids, and husbands need to be striving to look after their wives needs before the kids.
That sounds revolutionary. But the reason many marriages breakup in the empty nest stage of marriage is directly due to couples spending their time, energy and money looking after the kids, but forgetting to grow their relationship.
Peter next turns his attention to the men. It is as if, he has been waiting to give the most important message now.
7Likewise,(I) husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker(J) vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Notice the first word in this transitionary sentence, ‘LIKEWISE…”
I hate this word, why, because Peter is telling every man, husband that they are not exempt from the command to follow Jesus example in submission. In fact, men have been given an even greater responsibility as being the example of Christ to the family.
WOW!
This short penetrating message is packed with three powerful imperative commands to husbands and all the men for that matter.
FIRST, LIVE WITH YOUR WIFE. Now that sounds rather obvious. You might be thinking, ‘well who else would I live with?
But that is not what Peter is referring too here.
He’s talking about a ‘close togetherness.’ It is the same word that Paul uses in Ephesians 5:31 where he describes the union of husband and wife as ; the two shall be one flesh’
You see, marriage is fundamentally a physical and spiritual relationship.
There is a depth of intimacy in this word. Peter is saying that you and I men are responsible to kindle that relationship.
Chuck Swindoll summarizes this responsibility in his book, Hope Again,
Providing a good living shpuld never become a substitute for sharing deeply in life. The husband needs to be at home with his wife, understanding every room of her heart and being senstitive to her needs. Dwelling together definitely means more than eating at the same table, sharing the same bed, and paying the mortgage.
SECOND, KNOW YOUR WIFE. This means more than intellectual knowledge. It means having a thorough knowledge of how your wife is put together.
To know your wife is more than being abel to remember anniversaries.
A forgetful husband thought he had conquered the problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided him with dates and instructions to send flowers along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention. All went well until one day, many bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife, and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?"
It is sad but all too true how many couples can be married for decades but never trully know each other.
There is a saying, ignorance is bliss. But that is not a biblical proverb, and that attitude will not contribute to a lasting, fulfilled, marriage.
As men we need to lkearn to listen with our heart as well as our ears. And the older I get, it is getting harder to listen with my ears let alone the heart.
The fact is men, there is o hand book written to give the answers. Every women is made uniquely in the image of God. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes paying attention, concentrating, praying for insight, seeking understanding.
The number one thing a woman is looking for is security. Can her husband be trusted to care and cherish her thoughts, feelings, pains and joys? Is her husband providing safety.
Illustration: Gary Smalley DVD story.
How do we provide security for our wives men? IT includes sharing our possessions. But it is coupled by our presence. More than this it involves showering her with our praise.
This leads to the third imperative.
THIRD, HONOR YOUR WIFE. To grant her honor is to assign her a place of honor. The same word ‘honor’ here in verse 7, refers to the blood of Christ as precious in 1:9. That’s a rather significant analogy wouldn’t you agree?
Giving honor does not mean giving in.you can have disagreements and still respect and honor each other. Its not about you being right! How many know you can win an argueemnt, but lose a friendship.
Giving honor means assigning our wives the top priority on your list of relationships. After Jesus there is no one who takes precedence. Not your job. Not your kids. Not the guys at the CO-OP.
It means she has the empty spot in your heart next to Jesus.
Why is this so important? Look at what Peter says is the results,
What will be the result of this kind of work at home?
My prayers will be helped.
Men, I know you want God to answer your prayers. It’s an awful thing to want God to do things in your home or in your career and to wake up in the morning or to go to bed at night and to lie there and stare at the ceiling and feel, “It’s not real. He’s not listening.”
This passage tells us one reason our prayers are not answered.
… so that your prayers will not be hindered.
This isn’t teaching that praying helps us live right, but that living right helps us pray. It’s true that praying is one of the ways God has appointed to help us live the way we should. But the point here is that it’s true the other way around: God has appointed a way for us to live which will help us pray. There are ways live that hinder prayers and there is a way to live that helps prayer.
So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God.
Matthew 5:23-24 (CEV)
If you want your prayers to be helped and not hindered you have to live with your wife in a certain way.
There is a reason Peter points this out for the men. As the spiritual leaders of our homes, we set the spiritual temperature.
If you and your spouse hope to cultivate an effective prayer life, the secret lies in your relationship with each other. Your prayers will not be hindered if you cultivate a close and caring relationship.
CONCLUSION:
In summary, it might be a beneficial exercise to take an inventory of your marriage. Here are some questions, based on what Peter wrote:
• Are we partners or competitors?
• Are we helping each other become more like Christ?
• Are we depending on externals or internals? The artificial or the real?
• Do we understand each other better?
• Are we sensitive to each others feelings and ideas, or taking each other for granted?
• Are we seeing God answer our prayers?
• Are we enriched because of our marriage, or robbing each other of God’s blessing?
RESOURCES
Hope Again, Chuck Swindoll
The Bible Expository Commentary, Warren Weirsbe
Full Life Bible commentary, Roger Stronstad
Sermoncentral.com/ Illustrations
HOME, SWEET HOME
1 Peter 3:1-7
Hope for the Home
"HOW TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND AND NOT LOSE YOUR MIND"
INTRODUCTION:
if you are going to move beyond romance into reality and build a strong and lasting life together, you will both need to develop a proper, ______________________________ towards marriage.
Peter offers three imperative commands that are woven into these verses.
4. ANALYZE YOUR ______________________________________ 1-2
5. WATCH YOUR ______________________________________: 3-4
6. EVALUATE YOUR __________________________________: 5-6
7. Husbands Imperatives: 7
• FIRST, _________________WITH YOUR WIFE.
• SECOND, ____________________YOUR WIFE.
• THIRD, _____________________YOUR WIFE.
CONCLUSION:
In summary, it might be a beneficial exercise to take an inventory of your marriage.
• Are we ______________________or _________________________?
• Are we helping each other become more ________________________?
• Are we depending on _________ or ______________? The artificial or the _______?
• Do we ______________________ each other better?
• Are we _______to each others feelings and ideas, or taking each other ______________?
• Are we seeing God answer our _______________________________?
• Are we _____________ because of our marriage, or ______each other of God’s blessing?
