Opening illustration: A bride was very nervous. It was right before the service. She wasn’t sure she could even walk down aisle. Her mother gave her some words of calming wisdom. She said to her. “Honey, there’s only three things you need to focus on. If you focus on these three things, you’ll be fine. The first is walking down the aisle. Just focus on walking down the aisle of the church. I know it’s rather long, but just concentrate on that. Don’t get caught up with those on either side of the aisle. Just focus on getting to the end of the aisle. Next, focus on the altar. It is your destination today. Make your way down the aisle to the altar. There you will stand before God with the man you love and will make vows to God and him. God will also make vows to you. Focus on the altar that represents the love God has for you in Jesus Christ. Last, focus on the hymn that the soloist will sing. In poetry and song, the hymn embodies God’s love for you in Christ, your love for your husband and his love for you. So, to help you not be so nervous, focus on those three things. Walking down the aisle, standing before the altar and listening to the hymn.”
The bride was very thankful to her mom for her words of advice. The family and friends gathered watched as she walked down the aisle and noticed a look of calm determination on her face. But as she passed them, they began to chuckle quietly. For along with the look of calm determination, she was mumbling three words over and over to help calm her nerves. As she passed them, they heard her saying, “Aisle, Altar, Hymn. Aisle, Altar, Hymn. Aisle, Altar, Hymn.”
Many people come into a marriage relationship just to fix one another. Let us turn to Genesis 2 in our Bibles and revert to Godly principles for the role of husbands and wives.
Introduction: God gave man dominion over all creatures and this world. But though he was lord of the creatures, yet nothing in this world was a help meet for man. From God all are our helpers. If we rest in God, he will work all for good. God caused deep sleep to fall on Adam; while he knows no sin, God will take care that he shall feel no pain. God, as her Father, brought the woman to the man, as his second self, and a help meet for him. That wife, who is of God’s making by special grace, and of God’s bringing by special providence, is likely to prove a help meet for a man. See what need there is, both of prudence and prayer in the choice of this relation, which is so near and so lasting. That had need to be well done, which is to be done for life. Marriage is the first institution that God created and Satan has been trying …
Why did God create husband and wife?
1. To PARTNER with one another (vs. 18-20)
The passage in context suggests the principle of headship and submission by the central role of man in the account of the woman’s creation. God created man first and provided him with a garden, an occupation, and finally a wife to be "a helper (‘ezer) fit for him" (Gen 2: 18). Though the word "helper" suggests the woman’s supportive role, the Hebrew word ‘ezer (helper) does not imply submission alone but also an aspect of leaning and depending on one another. Paul reiterates this in his letter to the Ephesians (5) and Colossians (3). Neither does this imply a relationship of a taskmaster and slave. Obviously to run an organization you can’t have two CEOs – surely there is going to be a power struggle and result in a major disaster. Apparently this is what is happening in most homes in our country. We must understand here that one needs to lead and the other to follow. The passage here clearly states that man is the spiritual head and leader of the relationship and family. In the OT the Hebrew Bible most frequently employs ‘ezer to describe a superior helper–God Himself as the ‘helper’ of Israel. This is a relational term describing a beneficial relationship, but in itself does not specify position or rank, either superiority or inferiority. The OT portrays God as our Helper (Psalms 10: 14; 54: 4; 22: 11). This only serves to prove that the helper role is a glorious one, worthy even of God Himself. But this fact does not exclude submission, because the very nature of a helping role presupposes submission. Whenever God undertakes to help us, in a certain sense He subordinates Himself to us. But this does not "undo" His deity in helping us. To help us Christ emptied Himself and assumed a servant role, but this did not make Him any less God. The difference, however, between the helping role of God or of Christ and that of the woman is that while God assumes the role of Helper to meet human needs, Eve was created specifically to function as a helper suitable for Adam.
The husband and wife complement each other. Suitable helper would be better-translated ‘helper matching him’, i.e. supplying what he lacks. She is his missing rib. Matthew Henry commented on God’s choice of a rib to create Eve: ‘Not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.’ Perhaps this reads a little too much into the rib, but it expresses well the biblical ideal of marriage. God had work for both the man and the woman as partners. The Hebrew word for “helper” does not imply inferiority or passivity in any way. It is ‘ezer, meaning help or support. It is most often used in the Scriptures to refer to the assistant, the one who helps or supports someone else. The two share the workload.
Significantly, Paul alludes to Genesis 2: 18 to support his admonition to women to respect male headship, but he does so without using the phrase "helper fit for him." Instead he gives his own interpretation of this phrase, namely, that woman was created for man and not the other way around. There is no doubt in Paul’s mind as to the meaning of "helper fit for him." He did not have to dissect kenegdo in order to come up with an interpretation. The apostle states unequivocally the plain meaning of the phrase "helper fit for him," namely, that woman was created for the sake of man. If woman was created for man’s sake, that is, to help him in the tasks God gave him, then it follows that her helping role is a submissive one. To avoid possible misunderstandings, we must note that Genesis 2: 18 and Paul’s interpretation of it in 1 Corinthians 11: 9 do not say that woman was made to be man’s slave or plaything; they say rather that she was made to meet man’s need for a fitting companion and fellow-worker. When men view their wives as less than God-given helpers, they are unfaithful not only to the teaching of Genesis but also to the example of Christ’s servant headship, which is the model for husband-wife relationships (Ephesians 5: 23-30).
2. To be SOUL-MATES to one another (vs. 21-23)
I believe God has ordained someone special for each individual just like Adam and Eve. When God created Adam, he only created one mate for him, not several potential mates. I think it was like this for a purpose. God wanted this to be an example for us. Otherwise God could have created a whole generation of people and then let Adam meet Eve either by divine intervention or after dating several potential mates.
I believe there’s one person God has designed perfectly and specifically for each person. This person isn’t only one’s perfect match at the time they meet, but God knows that even their purposes and destinies match. He knows the combination of these two individuals will produce exactly the kind of children he wants added to the world. However, so few people make being in the perfect will of God a priority. Instead, they walk down a road that winds on and off of God’s most desired path for them. Along the way they meet and fall in love with people who are great for them, but not perfect for them. So they get married and have a great life, but only God knows how short of perfect it really is.
Even if a marriage was not God’s desire, it is still within His sovereign will and plan. God hates divorce (Malachi 2: 16), and “marrying the wrong person” is never presented in the Bible as grounds for divorce. The claim “I married the wrong person and will never be happy unless I find my true soul mate” is unbiblical in two respects. First, it is a claim that your wrong decision has overridden God’s will and destroyed His plan. Second, it is a claim that God is not capable of making a struggling marriage happy, unified, and successful. Nothing we do can disrupt God’s sovereign will. God can take any two people, no matter how mismatched, and mold them into two people who are perfect for each other. We must understand that no two people on earth are compatible and that is not the foundation of marriage. One needs to be spiritually on the same page. If you are on two different books it won’t work at all. Even being in the same book but on different pages is going to be a great struggle. To live in God’s will and having Him as the center and foundation of your marriage (that is being on the same page) will help you to stick together in love no matter what your circumstances are.
If we maintain close fellowship with God, He will lead us and guide us. If a person is walking with the Lord and truly seeking His will, God will lead that person to the spouse He intends. God will lead us to our “soul mate” if we submit to Him and follow Him. However, being soul mates is both a position and a practice. A husband and wife are soul mates in that they are “one flesh,” spiritually, physically, and emotionally united to each other. In practice, though, there is a process of taking what a couple is, soul mates, and making that a day-by-day reality. True soul mate oneness is only possible by implementing the biblical pattern of marriage.
3. To be most INTIMATE with one another (vs. 24-25)
(a) Transparency: Genesis 2: 25 ‘And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.’
The text here does not only imply physical nakedness but being emotionally and spiritually bare to one another. In fact, the power of this attraction is that you become completely vulnerable to one another not that you would take advantage of each other or betray each other’s trust of confiding but would take effort to strengthen each other’s weaknesses. For this takes deep communication and may take time to achieve. You or your spouse may have come from a family where open communication was discouraged or even punished. It may take years to reach a deep, satisfying level of transparency, but every couple needs to be headed in the right direction. Oftentimes couples try to keep their spouses in the dark when it comes to their mistakes, justifying that it’s not that big of a deal. Biblically it is mandatory for you to be completely transparent to your spouse. Becoming transparent with many people can be dangerous as it makes you vulnerable. For example, sharing too much of who you are with someone of the opposite sex can lead to an affair.
(b) Unselfishness: I Corinthians 13: 4-7 ‘Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.’
I have discovered that I am unselfish until my wife asks for the last bite of something that is truly delicious … Unselfishness and convenience seems to go hand and hand. But when we demonstrate a willingness to focus on the needs of our spouse, even at times when it intersects with what is convenient, a bridge to intimacy is being built. In mutual acts of unselfishness, feelings of loneliness and neglect can be replaced by feelings of connection and love. Love that is patient, love that is kind, that does not brag nor seek its own, is not provoked, or that accounts for wrongs suffered – Love is unselfish.
© Respect: I Peter 3: 1 ‘In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives …’ I Peter 3: 7 ‘You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…so that your prayers will not be hindered.’
Respect between a husband and wife is mutual. As a wife is respectful of her husband she gains a strength that does not require a word to win the heart of her husband. Likewise, in a show of mutual respect, as a husband remains understanding of the differences between him and his wife, he retains his ability to communicate with God.
(d) Surrender: I Corinthians 7: 4 ‘The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.’
Give in to each other. In many of the couples I meet, boundaries have been drawn to limit how much they are willing to surrender to each other. However, as God teaches us to forgive, become unselfish and mutually respect each other, He brings us to a place where we can intimately surrender to each other as we have surrendered to Christ.
(e) Trust: I Peter 2: 21-25 ‘For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps … For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.’
The ultimate picture of trust is found in Christ. He did not qualify for the treatment that He received, yet He trusted His heavenly Father – The Righteous Judge. Intimacy can be hindered by what has been done to us, but in Christ the example was set for us – to trust the God above what is being directed toward us. It manifests in an intimacy that based on our infallible relationship with Christ, not the shortcomings of our spouse. Become more intimate with each other by “entrusting” yourselves to Christ.
Application: All who are married or preparing to get married or intending to get married or even thinking of marriage in a distant future should know and understand that marriage is not a one wheel drive vehicle on a one way street. It takes two to begin a marriage relationship. Trying to take control or pursuing to change or alter one another will only push each other apart. Try to identify what is distancing you from your spouse and then in earnest prayer come to the Lord seeking help to sort out the issue(s). Most of the time the problem is in us and we are not able to see it. Let God have His way in your life. He will do much more than you can even imagine. Pray earnestly for one another and see …
