In preparing this sermon this week I found myself in somewhat of a quandary in regards to how to approach today’s sermon topic: love and romance. The reason for my distress is that today is Valentines Day. For some it’s a great and wonderful day because you are in love with somebody. For others it’s a miserable day and gladness will only return when this day and all the hype over this day is over and done with.
Today will be our fifth and final sermon on the topic of love. We began this series by pondering the unfailing, unwavering love of God for us. We then focused on the topic of misplaced love. Two weeks ago we talked about love and friendship. Last week we broached the topic of forgiveness-forgiveness is an expression of love which the Lord commands us in.
Today we are going to ponder love and romance or the love of a man for a woman or a woman for a man. The Bible has a fair bit to say on this topic. A whole book of the Bible is dedicated to romance which you ought to read: The Song of Solomon. When it comes to the topic of sexuality the scriptures even have more to say. The first 7 or so chapters of Proverbs are full of warnings about getting involved with the wrong people sexually. I Corinthians 7 has much to say on the proper relating of dating and married couples. I Corinthians 7 also has much to say in regards to singleness. Singleness is held up as something of an ideal. Many people feel pressured to get married yet the Bible affirms singleness and yes it affirms marriage.
Today we are going to consider a love story. How many of you like love stories?? This is going to be no ordinary love story. It’s a love story with a twist
READ GENESIS 29: 15-30
Background
-Jacob’s parents. Mother barren. After 20 years God enables her to conceive. Going to have twins. A special word from the Lord came to Rebekah “2 nations in your womb, the older will serve the younger”
-at the day of the births out came a very hairy baby who was promptly named: Esau (meaning “hairy one”) and holding onto his heel out came Jacob whose name deriving from what he was doing at birth means “supplanter”
-Jacob indeed began to live up to his name. One day his brother he was a hunter came home empty handed and asked Jacob who was a momma’s boy to feed him. Jacob said I’ll give you food if you give me entitlement to the firstborns share of the inheritance.
-Jacob along with the help of his mother who favored him continued to live up to his name then conspired to get his fathers blessing—the blessing given by a father to the eldest son before they died. Isaac was deceived and the end result is that Jacob has connived and wiggled his way into the firstborn’s inheritance and his father’s blessing-both of which should have gone to Esau.
-Esau decides to kill Jacob. Rebekah hears about this and has Isaac send Jacob away. Isaac is unaware of the plan to kill Jacob and is actually sending Jacob away to find of wife from among Rebekah’s relatives for Esau was a disappointment to his parents because he had married some pagan women and they didn’t want Jacob polluting himself in that way.
-Jacob heads out to get away from his brother and to find a wife from amongst his mother’s family
-on the way God communicates to him in a dream. God communicates to him that through Jacob that He is going to build a mighty nation. In the morning Jacob sets up an altar and makes a conditional commitment to being a servant of God.
-ch. 29 has Jacob arriving at the well at which his mother’s family water their flocks. It’s no coincidence, as we who are astute at reading God’s word know. It’s by the providence and design of God. God’s hand is upon Jacob whether or not he admits it or not at this point. It’s also no coincidence that Jacob’s future wife meets Jacob that day-she is an outdoors girl, she’s a shepherdess!! When he meets her he kisses her and begins to weep what appears to be tears of joy and relief—for he has found his mother’s family.
Note: At this point some of you may note a parallel of this story with that of Jacob’s parents ch. 24. Abraham sent his servant to find a wife from amongst his distant relatives (from the same area this story is taking place in) for his son Isaac. God directs the servant to well and out comes Rebekah to get water for the household. Rebekah agrees to go and marry Isaac, whom she has never met. In the account of ch.24 God is front and center in all matters. In this account the leading of God is evident but its not pronounced like is in ch.24
-Jacob gets warmly welcomed into her family. Again it’s no coincidence that Jacob ends up in the household of his uncle-his mother’s brother. It’s the leading of God irregardless of the fact that Jacob at this point does not openly acknowledge it. One of the reasons that our text portrays the leading of God in this way is to match up with where Jacob is spiritually. Jacob is very much in the raw in terms of maturity and in spirituality. He’s a weasal. He’s a deceiver. His name means the supplanter =the one who takes the rightful place of another.
In v.14-15 our text informs us that after staying with his uncle Laban for 1 month that Jacob is approached with a job offer.
-by all appearances Laban is acting in good faith. It appears he’s concerned for his nephew. It appears that he has observed that Jacob is an excellent worker who is worthy of wages.
“Tell me what your wages should be”
-what an open ended question?
-we discover right away that Jacob doesn’t have money on his mind
The text informs us that Laban has 2 daughters: The older daughter being Leah and the younger being Rachel (the girl he kissed at the well)
Leah is homely
Rachel is a 10
Jacob is in love with Rachel. He’s fallen for her. Is he in love with her solely based on her good looks? We are not sure. We know she’s good looking and we know he’s deeply in love with her.
In response to Laban’s question Jacob says “I’ll work for you for 7 years if you agree to give me your younger daughter Rachel in marriage"
-notice that he species quite clearly which of Laban’s daughters he’s in love with and wants
Laban agrees. His motives appearing to be pure enough “better I give her to you than someone other man”
Note: Some of you may be horribly offended at this moment. It appears that Rachel has just been purchased. It appears that Rachel is likened as to property. Some think that Laban is behaving in exactly this fashion however in that culture arranged marriages were not uncommon, in fact majority of marriages were arranged and in many cases love had nothing to do with it. Interestingly enough it really wasn’t until the last 150 or so years that our culture began to marry for love. Marriages used to be arranged and based on compatibility. One author I read stated that “We live in an age that over values romantic love”. It has also been noted and I quote “Men and women who in earlier centuries were married now remain unmarried and unhappy in a society that considers romantic love the only proper basis for marriage”
Anyways: An agreement has been made between Jacob and Laban. (Jacob however, will later regret that he didn’t have a lawyer present when he talked with his uncle that day.) Is he buying her or is his service the dowry that a son in law was expected to give to a girls father in that culture? Hard to really say definitely. But we do know this: He’s deeply in love and willing to work 7 years so that he can have her hand in marriage. That’s incredible. 7 years of free labor. 7 years sweating it out in the fields. 7 years. There is no doubt about his love for her. There is no doubt as to how serious he is. He’s willing to commit.
Imagine being Rachel and being able to say with pride and admiration “Look what my man is doing to show how much he loves me” “Look at that man. That man loves me”
Ladies and Gentlemen would someone be able to say that about you. “I know they love me. Just look at their sacrifice for me. Look at what they are doing for me”
Verse 20 tells us that Jacob worked those 7 years and that they went by fast to him
-so in love with her that the effort he had to put out to get her hand in marriage seemed like nothing. It wasn’t considered an effort or burden by him at all. That’s why the text says: The days went by quick. The effort wasn’t considered great for the reward, the goal, the woman of his dreams was what he kept his sights upon.
At the end of the 7 years Jacob comes to Laban and says “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her”
We learn a few things here
1. It’s been a 7 year engagement for he calls her “my wife”. In that day and in Jesus’ day one’s engagement was considered to be as binding as marriage itself. It was a serious thing to be engaged. Legally bound to one another. Remember that Joseph spoke of quietly divorcing Mary even though they not yet officially married.
2. He’s eager to have sexual relations with her. That’s what the verse says and in fact most engaged couples do indeed have the sexual act on their minds.
However: There’s something very important to note here. They have not had pre-marital sex. They had remained sexually pure during those 7 years of engagement.
The Bible restricts sexual activity to marriage. The Bible exhorts to purity and holiness in all of our relationships. It recognizes the power of sexual desire and yet we are told to master our desires. I know that the majority of dating and engaged couples in today’s society are involved with each other sexually in ways that the Bible says must be reserved for marriage.
Jacob, for all his character flaws respected Rachel when it came to physical things. He saved sex for marriage. For all of you here who are single the Bible tells you that sex is for marriage. It’s something good and enjoyable which God has made and reserved for the marriage bed. Don’t give away your purity. Save yourself for the one you marry. Also when and if you are dating be on guard against what is known as gradualism. Gradualism is a slippery slope. First you start out holding hands, then kissing, then comes petting and then heavy petting and then before a couple knows it they’ve gone all the way. As a single person you need to set physical limits in your mind even before you start dating and you need to be resolved and firm on that. You need to commit yourself to the Lord to be the sexually pure person God wants you to be.
THE BIG DAY ARRIVES
In that culture wedding celebrations lasted a whole week. A huge party was held for the couple getting married.
Laban arranges the party and then comes the twist to our love story
-the parties going strong and day starts to wear on
-the time comes for the Jacob and Rachel to consummate the relationship
-Jacob spends the night with whom he thinks is Rachel but unbeknownst to him his father in law plays a dirty trick. He gives him Leah (who in that culture would have been heavily veiled). And as a wedding gift to Leah, Laban gives her a servant girl named Zilpah
BIG SURPISE
-Jacob rolls over in the morning and the woman beside him is not the woman of his dreams. It is not the woman he loves. It is not Rachel for whom he has worked to get her hand in marriage for 7 years.
-fortunately Jacob had a strong heart and did not die of a heart attack
Q How could this have happened? How could he have not have known?
-Unfortunately the Bible leaves this as a mystery for us to speculate about
Jacob’s ticked! READ v.25
KEY PHRASE: “Why have you deceived me?”
There’s a phrase in life that you may know: “What goes around comes around”
-the deceiver is deceived
-the one who had pulled the wool over his own father’s eyes is flat out tricked
-the weasel has been out weaseled
-the trickster has been tricked
In a way Jacob gets what’s coming to him. On the other hand we can’t let go of the fact that Laban is one nasty guy and in the end, if you keep reading the story he gets it back.
LAME EXCUSE GIVEN v.26
ANOTHER ‘DEAL’ MADE v.27
-here we are made privy to how completely corrupt Laban is
-he puts 2 daughters into the same man’s bed
-Leviticus 18:18 which came later in time clearly forbids such sinfulness. Yet Laban easily puts them in the same man’s arms
-Laban corrupts Jacob morally. Polygamy wasn’t God’s design. Two sisters in the same man’s bed wasn’t God’s design. Yet Jacob goes along with it which says something about his character to. He completes the wedding week with Leah and then the week after that takes Rachel on as his wife. Incidentally the text tells us that as a wedding gift Laban gives Rachel a servant girl named Bilhah. This becomes important in the next chapter.
THE END RESULT: A big mess!
Jacob ends up with 2 wives. One he doesn’t love or want and one he does love and want.
What an absolute mess. Why didn’t he take Laban to the elders and have the judicial system work it out? Why did he take on 2 wives? Why did he go along with the wicked Laban in taking 2 sisters to his bed? The end result is the 2 sisters end up as rivals to each other. The end result is Leah is in a marriage with a man who doesn’t love and who has no regard for her. Imagine what it would be like for her.
CONCLUSION
It’s a love story with a twist. It’s a love story you and I can learn from
1. God’s at work in Jacob’s life. No coincidence that he ended up at the well that day. No coincidence that he met up with Rachel that day either.
God is at work whether people realize it or not. God is at work in our lives whether or not we realize it or not or whether we give him the credit He deserves.
2. The love Jacob had for Rachel was real
-it was deep, it was sacrificial
-every day he went out to work she would have known and been able to say “He’s doing that for me and he loves me”
Q Does the person you profess to love know you love them? Can your other half say unreservedly “this is how they love me”. The Bible tells us in I John 3:18 “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth”
3. Sex is for marriage and marriage alone
-set limits that are honoring to God when it comes to the physical side of a relationship
-save yourself for the person who you marry and wait for marriage.
4. You will reap what you sow in life
-it’s real principle of scripture therefore in everything be pure, be honest, regard those around you with the utmost respect and dignity
5. Resist caving in to the evil suggestions of those around us
6. God’s purposes are going to be accomplished in spite of the messes we make in life
Jacob has to deal with the consequences of his marriages for the rest of his life. Yet God still accomplishes his purposes anyways. You and I may blow it big time but God’s not done with us and He’s still able and will accomplish the immutable purposes he has for our lives.
