When He Won't Say "I'm Sorry"
Forgiveness and Repentance
A Summary of Chapter 8 of
The Other Side of Love by Gary Chapman
Part of the Lessons in the School of Prayer Series
Calvary Baptist Church
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I. Forgiveness and Relationships
A. Sin Separates Our Relationship With God (Isa. 59:2)
Isaiah 59:2 But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.
B. The Relationship Can Die If Not Repaired (Rom. 3:23; 6:23)
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death [note: eternal separation from God]; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
II. Forgiveness and Repentance
A. Our Goal in Everything is to Become Like Christ (Rom. 8:29)
Romans 8:29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
B. In Forgivness, We Are to Follow the Example of Christ (Eph. 4:32)
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
C. What is the Pattern of God’s Forgiveness? (1 John 1:7-9)
1 John 1:7-9 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
D. The Basis of Restoring the Relationship and Receiving Forgiveness is Repentance (Jer. 3:12-14; Acts 2:37-39)
Jeremiah 3:12-14 Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, Return, thou backsliding Israel, saith the LORD; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the LORD, and I will not keep anger for ever. 13 Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the LORD thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every green tree, and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the LORD. 14 Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion:
Acts 2:37-39 Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do? 38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. 39 For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.
E. God Demonstrates a Constant Willingness to Forgive (Isa. 1:18)
Isaiah 1:18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
F. When We Repent, We Receive Instant Forgiveness (Ps. 103:10,12; Isa. 43:25; 1 Jn. 1:9)
Psalm 103:10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
G. God Expects that We Show Repentance, Not Simply Regret (John 8:10-11)
John 8:10-11 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
H. Without Repentance, God Does Not Forgive (Matt. 23:37-38)
Matthew 23:37-38 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! 38 Behold, your house is left unto you desolate.
I. What About the Saying from the Cross? (Lk. 23:34; Acts 2:22-24)
• I have studied that in detail. The meaning is “Father, allow them to do this.”
• If it means what I think, then the forgiveness would only come later upon repentance.
Luke 23:34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.
NOTE: If this verse is interpreted as some teach it, then everyone at the cross there that day became a believer. And they did so with no repentance, no profession of faith. No! A thousand times no. The Bible message is too clear to believe that! The word here (aphiemi) means to let go, release. Jesus is saying, Father, let this happen so that I may become the Savior. Do not in your anger stop this event!
Acts 2:22-24 Ye men of Israel, hear these words; Jesus of Nazareth, a man approved of God among you by miracles and wonders and signs, which God did by him in the midst of you, as ye yourselves also know: 23 Him, being delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God, ye have taken, and by wicked hands have crucified and slain: 24 Whom God hath raised up, having loosed the pains of death: because it was not possible that he should be holden of it.
Acts 2:40 And with many other words did he testify and exhort, saying, Save yourselves from this untoward generation.
III. Forgiveness and Release
A. When the Offender Repents (Luke 17:3-4)
NOTE: The following are the words of Christ.
Luke 17:3-4 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. 4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
1. There is the Communication to the Offender
2. There is the Condition of Repentance
3. There is the Command to Forgive (Instantly, permanently, and completely)
4. There is the Continuing Obligation to Forgive
QUOTE: Confronting sin? (17:3) It is not "spiritual" to let yourself be victimized by other Christians. It is popular—and sounds spiritual—to promote a passive forgiveness. But Jesus puts forgiveness in a very different perspective. He says: (1) confront by rebuking the person who has sinned against you; (2) he is then to own up to his sin and repent; (3) only then if he repents, are we to forgive. Why the if? Because to bring reconciliation, forgiveness must be received as well as extended. If another person is unwilling to acknowledge his fault, he will not receive our forgiveness.
We must always be willing to forgive (17:4). But we cannot say "I've forgiven him or her" until we have rebuked the sin and the person who sinned against us has repented. Lawrence O. Richards, Bible Reader's Companion
B. When the Offender Will Not Repent
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS: WHAT DO I DO IF ONE WHO OFFENDED ME WILL NOT REPENT?
1. If the offence is grievous, You May Wish to Follow Matthew 18.
• You may wish to follow the steps of Matthew 18.
• You will have to determine if this is necessary?
• The offense may be a trivial thing. (Distorted Anger vs. Determined Anger)
• But when you feel it is absolutely necessary, then follow the pattern.
Matthew 18:15-17 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. [You are kind, pray for them, but they are not a close friend]
2. Release the person and the wrong to God. (Rom. 12:19; 2 Tim. 4:14-15; 1 Peter 2:23)
• You cannot offer the offender forgiveness when there is no repentance!
• But you cannot bottle it up.
• And you certainly cannot blow them up.
• So what is the solution?
• Give it up to God!
Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
• Then, treat them as a pagan (love them, pray for them, but do not maintain close ties with them)
• Note these examples:
2 Timothy 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: 15 Of whom be thou ware also; for he hath greatly withstood our words.
1 Peter 2:23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
3. Confess any fault or sin on your part. (Col. 3:8; Mt. 5:23-24)
• If we respond to anger with explosive or implosive anger, we are guilty before the Lord ourselves.
• Blowing up or brooding places guilt on us!
Colossians 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
CONCLUSION:
Ephesians 4:26 (KJV) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
