Yes, I’ve cheated on Tiffany: It has happened twice. In 2005 & the first part of 2006 and also in 2009: I’m going to tell you the persons name in a moment. Everyone of you know her. During the seasons I cheated, she was always on my mind. She consumed so much of my time and energy. I talked about her all the time. She would keep me up at night. The most heartbreaking thing is she was already married. She has a husband. Her name is People’s Church. I cheated on my wife and kids when we were building these two buildings. I got so wrapped up in getting these buildings done that my family took a back seat. Even when I was home I wasn’t home. I would be out on a date with my wife and I wouldn’t be there mentally. I was checked out. All I talked about was the building. I was more short and on edge. My wife was frustrated with me and I couldn’t blame her. Thankfully, after the buildings were done I snapped out of it and stopped cheating on my wife. The problem is some of you are cheating and have been cheating for year and you’ve never snapped out of it and your family is suffering because of it.
1. Somebody or something is going to get cheated
Luke 2:41-46 Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. 42 When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. 43 After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44 Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45 When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. (NIV)
A. Joseph and Mary got so caught up with the feast, they got so caught up with talking and hanging out with family and friends that they left Jesus behind! This happened to Tiffany and I at Thanksgiving. Drove to a hotel in Kansas City: Tiffany was focused 3 kids & dad’s family: Me luggage: Left Case. We got so focused on the immediate that we lost focus on important. The luggage really wasn’t the most important thing but it got me off focus on what really mattered. In life, this happens all the time. People get so focused on the immediate: work, friends, hobbies, sports, and the busyness of life that they lose focus on the important and wake up one day and realize they left their spouse and kids behind. They’ve cheated the important for the immediate!
B. In life, somebody or something is going to get cheated. Somebody or something is going to get left behind. That’s just the way life works. You have to choose who you’re going to cheat. If you don’t choose to cheat the immediate, you will end up cheating the important. I should have left the luggage behind and made sure my kids made it to the hotel room. But the immediate cheated me from the important. The question is never is someone or something getting cheated? The question is always where and who am I cheating? Who are am I leaving behind?
Let me ask you a very sobering questions: who and where are you cheating? Who are you leaving behind? Are you cheating your spouse while chasing your career goals? Are you cheating spending time with your kids for your favorite hobby? Are you so caught up in the immediate pressures of life that you’re cheating the most important people, your family? You have to realize that you’re not expendable at home. You’re the only father or mother you’re kids will ever have. Your mate only has one spouse to receive emotional and relational support from, at least I hope so. What I’m simply saying is your family needs you. You can never make up for the lack of time you spend with your family. You can’t bring home enough money to replace your absence in the home. You can’t buy enough flowers or bass pro gift cards to heal the damage that’s caused by neglecting your marriage. You can’t buy enough toys, gadgets or cool clothes to replace your consistent presence in the life of your kids. Somebody or something is getting cheated! But don’t make it be your family!
2. I quit cheating by establishing priorities
A. The only way that we don’t cheat the important for the immediate is by establishing priorities. Without crystal clear priorities, you will get caught in the busyness of life and cheat the most important people, your family. A priority is something you put ahead of something else. A priority is something you say yes to even when it means saying no to other important things.
Establishing priorities means that you’re going to cheat by design. I have learned how to cheat by design. I choose to cheat! I choose to prioritize around the important so that the immediate doesn’t take control of my schedule and life. Examples: John Madden football gave it up: I do very few evening appointments. I say no to a lot of friendships. I say no to a lot of speaking opportunities. I say no to a lot of activities in the community. I’ve say no a whole lot more than I say yes! I say no to a lot of good things so I can say yes to the best things, my wife and kids! If you don’t make your family a priority, nobody else will!
3. My actions speak louder than my words
A. When it comes to how we spend our time, our actions speak louder than our words to our family. Talk is cheap!
Matt 7:18-20 A good tree can't produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can't produce good fruit. 19 So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. 20 Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. (NTL)
B. When it comes to how we spend our time, actions speak louder than words! Herbert, my family knows my intentions. I have good intentions and my family knows I love them. That may be true but your intentions don’t matter to your family, your actions do. If I run over you with my car, but it was my intention to swerve and miss you, you still have to go to the hospital. After hearing my good intentions your bones are still broke and you’re still hurting. My good intentions don’t help the pain you’re experiencing! Your good intentions don’t help your family, your actions do! Your family doesn’t see your good intentions just your actions.
What your family wants from you is to feel like your priority not hear they’re your priority. The problem is many people love their family in their heart but they don’t love them in their schedule. And our families can’t see our heart but they do see our schedule! Our actions speak louder than words!
4. To quit cheating your family is a spiritual decision
A. To quit cheating your family could be the most spiritual decision you make in 2011!
1 Tim 3:4-5 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) (NIV) (God’s says my priority is that you would take care of your house before you take care of my house! God says your family before my family! It’s a spiritual decision)
B. To your family the clearest indication of God’s presence in your life could be the reordering of your schedule. My wife doesn’t view my spirituality by my preaching, but by my love for God, for her and our kids. My wife and kids don’t want to hear me preach sermons as much as they want to see me live sermons. I could quote 50 scriptures a day but if I’m cheating my marriage with work, friends a hobby or something else, I’m not as spiritual as I think I am. I can preach to thousands of people every Sunday but if my kids are starving for my attention, I’m not as spiritual as I think I am. And if you make a million a year, drive nice cars, live in a nice house, become the best golfer or shopper in the world, have the best friends in the world and lose your family, what have you accomplished? Today, the most spiritual thing you could do is to reorder your schedule!
