PROVERBS 5: 15-20
PURE OR POLLUTED REFRESHMENT
This eye opening chapter deals with a delicate subject daringly and with great directness. The way of wisdom is superbly illustrated by contrasting the false (7-14) with the true. These positive teachings concerning marriage relationship are revealed in the most intimate of physical blessings. Now the physical intimacy created for marriage can be exercised under the mastery or guise of false love, which is lust. Lust is only physical, true love should be spiritual as well. Lust is a perversion of God's great gift of love.
In contrast to much of what we read, see, and hear today, this passage urges couples to look to each other for lifelong satisfaction and companionship. Many temptations entice husbands and wives to desert each other for excitement and pleasures found elsewhere when marriage becomes dull. But God designed marriage and sanctified it, and only within this covenant relationship can we find real love and fulfillment. Don't let God's best for you be wasted on the illusion of greener pastures somewhere else. Instead, rejoice with your spouse as you give yourselves first to God, then to each other.
I. THE TWO SOURCES OF PHYSICAL RELATIONS, 15-18.
II. THE FREEDOM OF MARITAL EXHILARATION, 19-20.
[III. THE BONDAGE OF SEXUAL SIN, 21-23.]
Having viewed the deadly enticement of sin we now have the calm happiness provided by the ordinances of God. Surely none but a fool who refuses knowledge would leave the wholesome fountain for a poisoned and forbidden spring.
Careful abstinence from evil is only one side of the case made for moral purity and the lower one. There is the positive case made of what the true love of marriage and family contains.
God made the family, man made the night clubs, bars, casinos, the ballroom and many other things that drain off the support for the God established institution.
The prized possession of fidelity is the opening theme in verse 15. "Drink water from you own cistern, and (flowing) fresh water from your own well,
"Drink water from your own cistern is a picture of faithfulness in marriage. It means to enjoy the spouse God has given you. In desert lands, water is precious, and a well is a family's most important possession (where rainfall is scarce and deep drilling techniques unknown). The cistern collected rain water and could store any over flow of a well fed by a spring.
In Old Testament times, it was considered a crime to steal water from someone else's well, just as it was a crime to have intercourse with another man's wife. The reason is because the offender is endangering the health and security of family.
Desire after forbidden enjoyments spring from dissatisfaction with the blessings we already possess. Thus we are instructed to "drink water from your own cistern." Where nourishment, fulfillment and contentment is not sought at home-it will be sought for, however vain the search, abroad.
The pure delights oflove from the family are represented by sweet running waters of nature. The pleasures and delights that God gives to creatures to enjoy to the fullest are wholesome, pure and refreshing like streams of pure running water. God has hewn that cistern and given it to you and filled it. Draw out of it what He has put in it and give Him the Glory for it. Be true to your wife and family. Find happiness in your marriage and home.
The metaphor of cleansing, refreshing, life giving water for the marriage relationship continues in verse 16. "Should your streams be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?"
Solomon compares enjoying married love to drinking pure water from a fresh well, but committing sexual sin is like drinking polluted water from the gutter or sewer. Sex within marriage is a beautiful river that brings life and refreshment, but sex outside marriage is a sewer that defiles everything it touches. To commit sexual sin is to pour this beautiful river of strength and goodness into the streets and the public squares. What waste! If you "drink deep" of the wrong kind of love (7: 18) it will contaminate and destroy your energies and life.
The commitment of marriage is like the banks of the river that keep the river from be waters within the banks, and this produces power and depth. Extra marital and premarital affairs don't satisfy because they're shallow, and it doesn't take much to stir up shallow water. A man and woman pledged to each other in marriage can experience the growing satisfaction that comes with love, commitment, depth, and purity.
Verse 17 emphasizes fidelity. "Let them be yours alone, and not for strangers with you."
Husbands and wives need to fulfill the deepest needs of each other. When this is done the reasons for looking to fulfill those needs outside of marriage is drastically lessened.
Willard Harley is his book His Needs, Her Needs, lists man and woman's five most basic needs.
The man's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:
1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive spouse
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration
The woman's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial support
5. Family commitment
Verse 18 teaches the blessings and joys that life-long fidelity will bring. "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Don't just provide food and clothing and refrain from injuring your wife by word or deed. This does not discharge a man's responsibility nor satisfy her heart. Communicate your love and reassurances verbally, with behavior and endearing remembrances. Express to her caring, protection, love, loyalty, commitment and faithfulness. Affirm her personality and beauty specifically. Most of all forget about fulfilling yourself in marriage and concentrate on fulfilling her. As you lose your life on behalf of your partner the miraculous biblical promise comes true that you receive new life as you give up life (Mt. 10:39).
We are to have an ardent, joyful love for our wife. If you will skillfully draw out from the cistern God has given you by fulfilling her needs you will be letting your fountain be blessed and find great rejoicing.
Two women were talking one day. Said the one, "does your husband believe in life after death?" The woman shook her head sadly and responded, "My husband doesn't even believe in life after supper."
How long has it been since you did something to put a little spark in your marriage? How long has it been since you did something together that was just fun?
Solomon says "rejoice in the wife of your youth." Just being faithful is not enough. You also need to be fun.
Peter Marshall is reported to have said that a happy marriage represents the highest halls of human happiness. Is it not wonderful that a human institution that can cause so much joy is commanded by God?
A well-known celebrity, whose marriage has withstood the stresses of fame, was asked, "Have you ever been tempted to commit adultery?"
Without hesitation he replied, "Why would I want to go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?"
Rejoicing in marriage means finding pleasure in making one's spouse happy. It means giving positive support so that he or she has a greater opportunity to enjoy the abundant life that Jesus promised. Rejoicing in marriage means finding enjoyment. Rejoicing in marriage is practicing an attitude that develops ever-increasing pride and delight and joy in one's marriage partner.
II. THE EXHILARATION OF MARITAL FAITHFULNESS, 19-20.
The passion is made even more explicit in the last line of verse 19. "As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times: be exhilarated always with her love.
"Loving deer" and "graceful doe," expressions of the wife's beauty and gentleness. Who can resist wanting to pet and stroke such an attractive, guileless animal? The attention to "breasts" recalls the description of the woman in another love poem. "Your breasts are like two fawns, Twins of a gazelle, Which feed among the lilies" (Song of Solomon 4:5; 7:3; 2:17). "Love" means "lovemaking" as it does frequently in Solomon's Song, and "be enraptured" derives from a verb that suggests intoxication. The Song of Solomon presents a poem of praise for the delights of a man-woman relationship. [Even the apostle Paul, sometimes accused of being "a crusty old bachelor" warns husbands and wives, "defraud ye not one another" (1 Cor. 7:15).]
One of the accusations frequently leveled at the Bible is the false assertion that the Bible is anti-sex. In the opening chapter of the inspired book God says to our first parents, "Be fruitful and multiply." Husbands and wives in exercising their sexuality are obeying the command of God.
The Bible is against sexual distortions, sexual perversions, and sexual exploitations, maintaining that it is only within the security of the marriage bond that sex can be legitimately enjoyed.
Vividly aware of the sexual temptations that beset us, this proverb reminds us of the explosive power of affection. Caring, tender affection in the home is the best defense against the illicit desires and unlawful passions. Do not let anything interrupt affection and the contentment it brings. Yes, it's ok to hug your wife, even in front of the kids. Hold her hand, open the door, take her out to dinner, send her a card or give her flowers. Be exhilarated with her love and communicate it to her. If you can't feel it act like you are excited and you will soon discover that you are.
When this kind of companionship is available at home, is it not sheer stupidity to seek it in the arms of a person whose name, values, and habits of life are foreign to you?
[What Makes You Romantic?
What would you say are say are the most important to romance,? A national survey listed a number of actions that men could take, and women were asked to rate actions from 1 to 5 according to their romantic value, with 5 being the most important to romance. Here are those that received [4.4 or higher]:
. He touches me with tenderness (4.7)
. He smuggles after making love (4.6)
. He treats me as the most special person in his life (4.6)
. He is available when I need help (4.6)
. He gives emotionally (4.5)
. He shares his thoughts and dreams with me (4.5)
. He arranges for us to have time alone (4.4)
. He knows what makes me happy (4.4)
. He keeps in touch when we are apart (4.4)
. He is gentle in his lovemaking (4.4)
. He listens to me intently (4.4)
. He treats me special when I am sick or down (4.4)
Now that you've read the list, use it to enrich your marriage and begin to bring out the best in your wife. [H. Norman Wright, Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife.]
Verse 20 instructs us with a question for thought to not only be intoxicated with the love of our spouse (v. 19) but to not be thrill by an immoral woman. "For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?"
The adulterer watches lust's river turn into a sewer, but the faithful husband finds that Jesus turns the marriage water to wine! I think it's significant that Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding feast, as though he were giving us an object lesson concerning the growing delights of marriage (John 2: 1-11 ).
When a husband and wife are faithful to the Lord and to each other, and when they obey Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 7: 1-5 and Ephesians 5:22-23, neither of them will look for satisfaction anywhere else. If they love each other and seek to please each other and the Lord, their relationship will be one of deepening joy and satisfaction; they won't look around for "the greener grass."
God does not intend faithfulness in marriage to be boring, lifeless, pleasureless, and dull. Sex is a gift God gives to married people for their mutual enjoyment. Real happiness comes when we decide to find pleasure in the relationship God has given or will give us and to commit ourselves to making it pleasurable for our spouse.
The real danger is in doubting that God knows and cares for us. We then may resent His boundaries or timing and carelessly pursue sexual pleasure without His blessing. Far better to be exhilarated by a life long deepening of relationship with your God given spouse.
IN CONCLUSION
It is far better to be exhilarated by a life long deepening of relationship with your God given spouse.
