DO GOOD MEN MAKE GOOD FATHERS?
1 SAMUEL 2-4
A father of five children had won a toy at a raffle...so he called his kids together to decide which one of them should get the present. So he asked them, "Who is the most obedient... who never talks back to your mother...who does everything she says?" All five voices said together - "If that's the case dad, you play with it."
I guess for some, being a good dad has a lot to do with how they respond to mom. Theodore Hesburgh said, "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." I could never stress enough the importance of that statement...but I don't think it's the most important thing a father can do.
I have no doubt that many of you had what would be termed "good" fathers. They made sure all your basic needs were met like food, clothing and shelter. Many spent a reasonable amount of time with you...and hopefully treated your mother with respect.
But what really makes a good father - biblically? What is the standard for determining how we'll be rated by the Heavenly Father when we stand before Him and give account for what we've done as a father. I want to look at a man in Scripture that I believe parallels many of the men I run into in the course of my ministry and life experience.
The man's name is Eli, and he was the spiritual leader of Israel during this particular time. The story is found in 1 Samuel chapters 2-4. As we pick up the story of Eli we find that he was 98 years old, and he'd been the priest for many years...but God was about to replace him.
Now, we need to see that Eli was a man who had many excellent qualities. He was a moral man. In all his years we find no record of terrible sins. He didn't drink, steal, lie or swear. He never committed adultery, or abused his children.
In fact, his treatment of Samuel was very kind, especially under the circumstances. Eli knew that Samuel would be his replacement as spiritual leader of Israel...and yet there's no trace of jealousy.
Instead, when Samuel revealed God's judgment against Eli, the old man responded quietly and submissively and said, "He is the Lord...let Him do what is good in His eyes." It's also clear that the old man had a deep love for the ark of God, which symbolized God's presence.
When the ark was carried into battle, Eli's heart feared for it (4:13). And when he heard that the ark had been captured, he fell off his seat, broke his neck, and died. Right to his death he was a man deeply concerned about the things of God. And yet, Eli was a miserable failure both as a father and a priest. He knew God, and yet God pronounced judgment on him and his descendants. Read 2:27-36...and 3:14
Now that's what I call a very serious pronouncement. What an awful thing to happen to this man who was clearly such a "good" man. "WHY?" Two clues point to the answer. The first is found in 2:30..."Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained." The second clue is found in 2:35..."I will raise up for myself a faithful priest"
Eli was an unfaithful priest who despised the Lord. How? Simple...He was a passive father! God told him that He would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about...his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.
Now look at v. 23-24 READ
Didn't Eli correct his sons? Not really. He did what so many men do today. In effect he said, "Now boys, you shouldn't do these things...people are talking." But it was much too little...and much too late.
A good man? Yes, very good. But he didn't have enough backbone to stand up to his sons and say, "We're not going to tolerate your sin around here. And the same principle applies today..."If you are passive as a father toward the things of God, it'll damage both you and your family.
Now, just so there's no confusion, let me explain what it means to be passive. First, being passive means having religion without reality. Eli was immersed in religion. He not only worked in the temple...he lived there. But the reality of walking with God in a personal way was completely absent from his life.
Eli was tolerant of personal and family sin...but he was harsh on the sins of others. When he thought Hannah was drunk in the tabernacle, he quickly confronted her. But when his own sons were committing adultery in the tabernacle, it wasn't until people started complaining that Eli came out with his feeble, "Now boys, you shouldn't do that."
Any time a person grows soft on obedience to the Word of God, you know he's just playing the religion game. When you're not obeying God...you've lost the reality of what it means to be a Christian.
Nothing corrupts children more than to see a parent who has the form of religion but lacks the reality of what it means to be a real Christian...a sold out...100%...no-compromise Christian.
Face it men...your level of commitment will likely be mirrored in your children. If they see that you've got a genuine, positive relationship with Christ that's reflected in your lifestyle...they'll likely follow in your footsteps.
But...and this is most often the case...if they see that your attitude is one that says, "A little religion is okay, but don't get too carried away with it" ...or "that's more for the women, I've got to spend all my efforts on making a living for you" ...that will show them that commitment to Christ is situational...only when it's convenient.
The second thing being passive means is shirking the responsibility of shepherding your family. Eli's boys were grown men. Maybe Eli shrugged his shoulders and said, "What can I do?" But still God held him accountable.
Instead of drifting along with the evil trends of his day, he should have taken the lead and said, "Our family is going to be different." But instead he just let his family drift. Chances are, he acted the same way when the boys were younger.
Men, if you don't assume the responsibility for shepherding your family...God will hold you responsible! But before we can ever lead we must first have the knowledge of our own personal walk with God.
If you have nothing more than a little religion...chances are good that your children will settle for just a little religion too...and spend eternity in hell right along with their religious father.
Men need to get serious about their faith in Jesus Christ. Stop being ashamed of it and make it the motivating force in your life....and lead your children to a personal faith in Christ.
Eli's sons didn't know the Lord. In chapter 2:2 it says his sons had no regard for the Lord whatsoever. Yet they were serving in the temple. And many today are serving in the church...carrying out various tasks and functions...with no real regard for the Lord. And it shows!
Men will spend hours and hours teaching their children to hunt, and fish and a host of other things...but what about the only thing that matters eternally? The problem is we can't teach them what we don't know first hand. And we'll never take the time to teach them about something that means little to us in the first place.
Men...fathers..."How many times in the past month have your children seen you read your Bible...or heard you pray" What are you teaching them...by example? Our children, regardless of their age, are watching - and they're learning. And you know as well as I do they will likely do what you do...regardless of what you might say.
Another important thing we need to teach our children is respect for the things of God. Read 2:16-17...
What kind of attitude do we project when we come into the house of God? Are we focused on God and preparing ourselves for worship? .........
What is our attitude when it's time to give of our tithes and offerings? What do our kids see and hear then? Do they see us give God less of a tip than the waitress at a restaurant?
We can never take our kids to a higher spiritual level than we're at ourselves. I never want my children to hear me taking lightly the various aspects of worship, including being faithful in tithes that are to go to the storehouse...the local church.
Finally fathers...correct your children when they need it. Read 3:11-14
Look at how serious God takes this matter of restraining our kids (v. 14). The very same thing that Eli failed at is something that continues on even stronger today. Every single week I see kids in this church run wild and parents stand by without so much as a negative look.
All this week I've heard parents yell at their children...and threaten them...and who prevails? Parents, especially fathers, seem afraid to discipline their kids. And I don't mean just giving them a "whooping" when you've finally gotten yourself so frustrated and angry that you lose control.
Yes, they may need a good smacking on the backside...it's biblical! But what they need most is for dads to explain why what they're doing is unacceptable...and then be the example for them to follow.
Training and proper discipline based on love will result in a family that will be a true testimony of God's grace. And the buck stops with you, dad! You are the one who will stand before a holy God and answer for the way your children are raised.
Eli was in his 90's, so his boys were at least in their 40's to 50's. And parents can't correct their grown children as if they were first graders. But that doesn't mean you must be passive.
You may think it's too late now...your children may be older...maybe even grown up and gone out of your home. But it's not too late to seek God's forgiveness and to actively seek to influence your children...and even grandchildren - from now on.
We have several "good" men here today. I pray that you will seek God and determine to become the kind of fathers God wants us to be. In fact, I'd like every man here this morning who is a father...regardless of the circumstances, to come up and let us pray for you.
