HUSBANDS
Calvary Baptist Church
May 18, 2003
This is message number two of six on the family, beginning with Mother’s Day and ending on Father's day.
ILLUS: A woman went to the police station to report her husband as missing. She described him as "29 years old, six foot three, athletic, and handsome." The sergeant shook his head. "Wait a minute, lady. I know your husband. He's 50, short, and overweight." The woman said, "Sure he is, but who wants him back?"
Men, I hope today we can get you in shape so your wife will keep you!
TEXT: Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
INTRODUCTION:
Husband - OE, from house and freeholder.
These were radical words when Paul wrote them. The wife was expected to serve the husband, bear children, work. In return, a wife in Roman times would receive basic provision, but honor and respect and love could not automatically be expected. Paul ties all love to the love that Christ has for his church.
Some husband may say, I love my wife.
1. I love her every night. No, that is the Greek word eros, and it is not used here.
2. Or, I love her like a friend. We get together at times and do things. No, that is philos (friendly affection), and neither is it used here.
3. The word that is used here is a word that is very rare outside of the Christian literature of that day. It is the word agape. It is the deep love that Christ has for each of us. In fact, some scholars used to think that this word was made up by Christian writers. Though they did not invent it, the certainly used it. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the Church.
There are some old ideas that are ridiculed today. But they still work. We have gone from growing our own food to buying processed foods. Have you ever thought that the object of the frozen food industry is to provide tasty food as cheaply as possible? Your heart problems and cancer are way down the road and could never be linked directly to them. So they fill it full of nitrates and other preservatives, load it with salt and fat, and we buy it in droves. The result is a level of new instances of heart disease and cancer that is astounding. We are so smart aren't we? The same is true with the Bible's teaching on the family. Some mock and laugh while they are on their second and third marriages. Father's day finds families sending cards to three and four addresses. And the children suffer. We are so smart aren't we?
If we are to survive, and make a dent in saving our families, we must return to traditional, biblical family values. The new ways have been tried and found wanting!
QUOTE: The proof is in the pudding, and Dr. Spock's pudding is sour!
BODY OF THE MESSAGE
The biblical love of the husband should be a love of . . .
L Leadership
1 Cor 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
ILLUS: The little wuss of a man that had to pray about taking brother Maze Jackson to a meeting. "You go tell her that you need to do it." He came back with a black eye and said, "Preacher, that stuff may work at your house but it doesn't work at mine."
• A two-headed creature is a monster.
• Partnerships are among the least popular styles of business because the are so doomed to failure.
• Leadership is not a bossy, driving, in your face drill sergeant!
• As we shall se, leadership is more responsibility than privilege!
• Some who crave leadership in reality are craving power.
• They will soon see that it is not always an enviable position.
1. Lead your home.
2. Lead in discipline - Don't wimp out and dump it all of on your wife.
3. Lead in maintenance.
4. Lead in finances - Don't spend the family's future on your latest toy!
5. Lead in spiritual matters.
Ephes. 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
QUOTE: The first step in becoming a Christian husband is to become a Christian!
O Offering
1. Offer yourself exclusively to her. And she should know it.
Women are very territorial when it comes to their husband.
ILLUS: A man worked in an office with several attractive ladies. His wife, constantly jealous, had a list of questions ready every day. Then she would examine his coat. If she found a blond hair she would accuse, "You're having an affair with a blond woman." If she found a red hair, black hair, brown hair the accusations would come. Finally, the man bought a lint brush and kept it in the car. After looking his coat over and finding nothing, he expected a smile. Instead, she begin to bawl. "What's wrong honey?" he asked. Don't touch me she screamed. Now you're having an affair with a bald woman!
Do what you must do to let her know that you belong to her!
Prov 5:15 19 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. 16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. 17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
ILLUS: "I Mean Everything"
Sinclair Lewis once received a letter from a very young and very pretty woman who wished to become his secretary. She said she could type, file, and anything else, and concluded, "When I say anything, I mean anything." Lewis turned the letter over to his wife, Dorothy Thompson. She wrote to the young woman saying, "Mr. Lewis already has an excellent secretary who can type and file. I do everything else, and when I say everything, I mean everything." (Nelson)
2. Offer your time.
ILLUS: Some men spend all of their time on sports. Here is their wife in the home. Maybe she isn't all she used to be. But she will be with you when you need her. Are you crazy enough to believe that those NFL cheerleaders would give you the time of day? And you are really sick if you would even want that 400 pound sweaty lineman to!!!!!
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them.
3. Offer provision.
1 Tim. 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
4. Offer to help with the chores.
• There is a balance here.
• If the husband is the one who works outside the home and the wife does not, then agreements may be made.
• But there must be a sharing of duties!
QUOTE: Q: How many men does it take to put on a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It has never been done. Cindy Troutwine
V Value
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1. Value Her In Spite of Her Faults "Be not bitter"
ILLUS: The Houston Chronicle, Sept. 25, 1995 records the following quote. It was a man's nightmare. As he sat contemplating the impending expenses of Christmas, his wife burst through the door with an armload of packages. She gleefully remarked, "You told me to stay away from all of those sales so I bought everything at full price."
• See our text.
• Men and women are different.
• People are different from one to another.
• We must not allow these differences to create bitterness.
ILLUS: Pecans. Everyone has a shell, but I haven,t given up on the fruit!
2. By rejoicing at her presence.
Prov 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
3. As you value yourself.
Matt 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
QUOTE: Unless you are willing to put yourself down in public, don't put your wife down.
4. By listening to her.
ILLUS: One evening a man and his wife called another couple to see what they were doing. "Oh," said the other wife, "we're just drinking coffee and talking." As she hung up the phone, she demanded, "Why don't we ever do that? They're just drinking coffee and talking." Her husband said, "So make a pot of coffee." They sat with their freshly brewed coffee, just staring at each other in silence. "Well, call them back," he directed, "and find out what they're talking about."
Show her that her opinions are valuable to you!
5. For her contributions to your family.
Just try to hire out the services done by the average wife and mother.
Prov 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Prov 31:18 Her candle goeth not out by night.
6. Her intuition.
Women have some things figured out that you haven't even thought of mister!
E Encouragement
1 Cor 7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
ILLUS: Say something nice. One misguided boy told his date, "Emy Lou, you sweat less than any fat woman I have ever seen."
1. Smile when you see her.
2. Look into her eyes.
3. Hug her.
ILLUS: A distraught man brought his wife to see the pastor. The woman was listless and unresponsive. After about thirty minutes of futile attempts to counsel them, the pastor walked over to the woman, pulled her from the chair, wrapped his arms around her and gave her a passionate kiss. The pastor turned to the husband and said, "There, that's all she needs, about three times a week." The man replied, "But Pastor, I can only bring her in on Thursdays."
4. Listen to her.
5. Tell her the L word! I love you! Letss practice. Repeat after me. I ... love ... you!
6. Praise her.
You look nice today.
ILLUS: Two men talked at work. One said to the other, my wife makes my favorite dish every Friday. How do you get her to do that, asked the other. Well, on Thursdays, I come in, sweep her off her feet, kiss her, and tell her that she is beautiful. So the man decides he will do the same. Thursday night he comes in, picks up his wife, kisses her, tells her that he loves her and the she is beautiful. The woman breaks down crying. What's wrong honey? Oh, I give up. The dryer broke down, I dropped a gallon of milk and milk is all over the kitchen, the baby has colic, a bill collector called and now you come home drunk!
QUOTE: Evangelist Billy Sunday: "Try praising your wife, even if it frightens her at first."
7. Thank her!
CONCLUSION:
In physics, the law of entropy says that all systems, left unattended, will run down. Unless new energy is pumped in, the organism will disintegrate. Entropy is at work in many areas other than physics. I see it, for instance, when I work with couples whose marriages are in trouble. A marriage will not continue to be good simply because two people love each other, are compatible, and get off to a fine start. To the contrary, marriages left to their own devices tend to wear out, break down, and ultimately disintegrate. This is the law of entropy. So to keep our relationships working, we must constantly pump new energy into them.CAlan Loy McGinnis* Morgan, R. J. (2000). Nelson's Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes
