Our church says: “We define marriage as a life covenant between one man and one woman according to the Scripture.” Last time, we talked about the nature of marriage. Let’s look at two other things regarding marriage that are addressed in this passage. (READ TEXT)
B. The difficulty of marriage - vs. 7-10
Marriage is difficult. It doesn’t matter who the two people are who come together in the marriage relationship, they each bring a certain amount of baggage into it, which is then “unpacked” in the years ahead.
No one has the “perfect” marriage, but that doesn’t mean you cannot have a great one. This was the testimony of Billy Graham in his book, Just As I Am. Writing about his marriage to his late wife, Ruth, he said, “Ruth and I don’t have a perfect marriage, but we have a great one. How can I say two things that seem so contradictory? In a perfect marriage, everything is always the finest and best imaginable; like a Greek statue, the proportions are exact and the finish is unblemished. Who knows any human beings like that? For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in happily-ever-after fairy tales. Ruth likes to say, ‘If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.’ The sooner we accept that as a fact of life, the better we will be able to adjust to each other and enjoy togetherness. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”
On their 50th anniversary, a couple explained the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word ‘marriage.’” The wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling.”
Marriage takes work, but it is worth it. But there are times when sin is allowed to rule the relationship and the inevitable result - the death of the marriage (Romans 6:23a) - divorce, occurs. Let’s talk about what Jesus says here concerning divorce. The question of the Pharisees relates to Deuteronomy 24.
“Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes her a letter of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man.” - Deuteronomy 24:1-2 (NLT)
The debate was over the words “discovered something wrong with her.” Dr. Spiros Zodhiates, in his book, What About Divorce, says, “What the Pharisees were after was license to dismiss their wives for any unsubstantiated accusation against them.”
There is much confusion about what Jesus says in verse 9, and other passages, like Matthew 5:31-32. Let’s see if we can clarify things a bit. The problem in Jesus’ day (and also Malachi’s day - see Malachi 2:13-16) was that men were putting women out of their homes for all kinds of reasons WITHOUT giving them a bill of divorcement. They were disregarding the instruction of Deuteronomy 24, and thus, were trampling on the rights of women. Notice, Deuteronomy 24:2 says that the divorced woman is “free to marry another man.”
Dr. Zodhiates explains that Leviticus 20:10 and Deuteronomy 22:22 said if a wife committed adultery, she could be executed with her lover. But a man had the option, as with Joseph and Mary, of simply sending her away (Matthew 1:18-19) without giving her a bill of divorcement (The word “apoluo” in verse 19, translated “divorce” in the NIV should be translated “put away”). Sending Mary away without a bill of divorcement, would cause her to have to live with the stigma of being an adulterous and Joseph would be seen as the innocent party.
This is what Jesus is referring to Matthew 5:32, when He says that when a man put his wife away without a bill of divorcement for reasons other than adultery, he “causes her to become an adulterous, and anyone who marries the woman also commits adultery.” This is in the passive tense in the original language, which means the woman and anyone who marries her are caused to live with the sigma of being an adulterer and an adulterous.
What was happening in Jesus’ day was that men were disregarding the law of Moses, kicking women out of their homes for reasons other than adultery WITHOUT giving them a bill of divorcement, and were thus, disregarding the rights of the innocent party. Without a bill of
divorcement, they were being caused to live with the stigma of being an adulterer, though that was not really the case.
The whole passage in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 demanded not that a man divorce his wife for certain stated reasons, but that if he decided to divorce her, he ought to at least give her a bill of divorcement. And this was so that she might have the right of remarriage. Otherwise, she could not remarry without giving to her new husband the presumed guilt of adultery falsely assumed from her first husband.
Moses, under God’s revelation and even like Christ later on, stands for the defense of the innocent party. The reason for the wife finding no favor in his eyes, because "he hath found some uncleanness in her,” was not infidelity on her part. If that were so, the prescribed punishment would have been death by stoning and not granting a bill of divorcement which would enable her to remarry. Moses therefore did not command divorce, but provided protection for the wife by stating that if a person unjustifiably wanted to dismiss his wife, he ought to give her a bill of divorcement. Divorce was tolerated, permitted, the Lord said, but not commanded, and even that toleration was due to the hardness of their hearts. - Dr. Spiros Zodhiates, What About Divorce, pg. 167-168
So what can we conclude about what the Bible says about divorce and how might these principles apply today?
1) Sexual infidelity is justifiable grounds for divorce. The innocent party is free to divorce and remarry without guilt.
2) Abuse and neglect are justifiable grounds for divorce (Exodus 21:10-11). The innocent party is free to remarry without guilt.
3) If a divorce occurs for other reasons, the one who did not want the divorce is considered guiltless (Deuteronomy 24:1-2). The innocent party is free to remarry without guilt. Paul deals extensively with these issues in 1 Corinthians 7 (May I Divorce and Remarry by Dr. Spiros Zodhiates).
4) Divorce is NOT the unpardonable sin! Through confession and repentance, even the guilty party can be restored to a place of usefulness in God’s work.
5) Even if one does have justifiable grounds for divorce, that doesn’t mean they have no other option. Jesus says divorce isn’t commanded, but permitted. It is also possible by God’s grace, through confession and repentance, for things to change in one’s marriage.
The disciples’ rightly concluded in verse 10 was that success in marriage is impossible. That is why we need to view marriage as a covenant relationship between us, our spouse, and God. It is only as we allow God to transform us and empower us, that marriage can be all that God designed it to be and everything we hoped it would be.
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”- Matthew 19:26 (NIV)
Conclusion: Marriage is an impossible proposition. But not if you factor god into the equation, for with God all things are possible.
Including learning how to love my spouse, forgive my spouse, heal up from a hurt related to a divorce, receive enough grace and forgiveness to move on in the middle of God’s blessing.
