FREEDOM FROM THE PAIN OF REGRET
INTRODUCTION: Have you ever done anything you’ve regretted? If you’ve ever said, “if only…” or if you’ve spent time in the land of, “woulda, coulda, shoulda” then you probably have regrets. I believe there’s no pain like the pain of regret. (secretregrets.com, book-what if you had a second chance?) The world is full of the pain of regret but we can actually gain freedom from our regrets and move on.
1) What do we regret the most?
• We regret what we say. Matt. 12:36, “But I tell you that men will have to give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.” Ever put your foot in your mouth? Ever say something you wish you could’ve grabbed out of the air and stuffed it back into your mouth before it reached the listener’s ears? We often say stupid things. The ‘open mouth-insert foot’ stuff. Like when you ask a woman when she’s due and she says she’s not pregnant. The pain of those moments is usually gone quickly but there are other times when our words are not so easily forgotten by others. Especially when we’re angry or hurt. We get into an argument and say things we regret later. Quote, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”. Sometimes we can mend the wounds but there are times when the wounds we cut with our words are too deep. Wounds that time doesn’t heal. Proverbs 12:18a, “Reckless words pierce like a sword.” We often deal with the pain of regret from what we’ve said to others.
• We regret what we do. Sometimes we make decisions based on how we feel. Sometimes we make decisions on the spur of the moment. Sometimes we make decisions out of our selfishness. And sometimes those choices come back to haunt us. Matt. 27:1-5 (set-up). Dr. Anne Catherine Speckard, of the University of Minnesota, reports the following long-term consequences of abortion: 81% reported preoccupation with the aborted child. 73% reported flashbacks of the abortion experience. 54% recalled nightmares related to the abortion. 23% reported hallucinations related to the abortion. One study showed they are more likely to attempt suicide than other women; in other research, psychiatrists reported negative psychological manifestations in 55% of women who had undergone abortions; and in another study, "even those women who were strongly supportive of the right to abort reacted to their own abortions with regret, anger, embarrassment, fear of disapproval, and even shame. Many of our regrettable decisions are irreversible. We have to live with the fallout from those poor choices and that leads to much regret.
• We regret what we don’t do. As part of a commencement address former First Lady Barbara Bush said the following to a group of graduating college students: "As important as your obligations as a doctor, lawyer, or business leader will be, you are a human being first, and those human connections - with spouses, with children, with friends - are the most important investments you will ever make. At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend, or a parent. Our success as a society depends not on what happens in the White House but on what happens inside your house." No one at the end of their life will say, “Gee, I wish I would’ve spent less time with my family and more time at work.” When we put off telling someone how much we care about them and they die we regret it. When we need to make amends with someone and we put it off and they pass away we deal with the pain of regret. When we know there’s something we know we should do and we put it off until it’s too late we regret that also. In early 1874 an inventor named Elisha Gray transmitted a few musical notes over a telegraph wire. He thought to himself, "If I can send music, perhaps I could send the human voice." The NEW YORK TIMES reported predictions of a "talking telegraph", and the public began to grow eager for it. Just one-year later Gray believed he had the answer. Tin can like voice chambers connected by a wire in a liquid that could turn vibrations into signals is what came into his mind. However, he did not put his idea on paper for two months. After finally making a sketch, he waited four more days before he went to the patent office. When he arrived, Mr. Gray was told that just two hours earlier a school teacher had come through that same door with his own sketch and had already applied for the patent. His name was Alexander Graham Bell. When you compared the sketches, the voice chambers, the wire, and the liquid everything was identical. The reason we know the name Alexander Graham Bell and until today, never heard the name Elisha Gray is simply because one man seized the opportunity when he could. The other one waited until it was too late. We regret not seizing the moment. Procrastination can produce regret. Especially if that procrastination is in your response to the gospel. Your delay, your procrastination in recognizing Jesus as Savior and Lord may someday result in an eternity of regret. Phil. 2:8-11. The NAS says, “will”. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess. Think about that. Can you imagine the pain of regret when the day of judgment comes and you realize that when you blew off those people who told you that salvation came through Jesus you now realize that they were right; but there’s nothing you can do about it-it’s too late. Talk about the pain of regret. The eternal regret from not recognizing Jesus as Lord until it’s too late. Jesus said in hell there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. I believe one of those reasons is the pain of regret. Think about it. We are plagued now by the things we wish we would’ve done differently. Imagine spending eternity in hell’s torment being constantly reminded of the times you could’ve and should’ve responded to the call to salvation and didn’t. You put it off. “Someday, maybe.” Then someday never came. Your life was cut short. You had the opportunities but you didn’t take advantage of them. Now, you have eternity to regret your decision. Erwin Lutzer said, "Hell is the place of unquenchable, raging, unmet emotional needs, without painkillers or sedation. Hell is a place of eternal regret."
2) Moving from regret to freedom. We move from living a life of regret into living a life of freedom when we…
• Have godly sorrow. 2nd cor. 7:8-10. Susan Wilkinson, in, ‘Getting Past Your Past’, wrote, “An initial sin or mistake leads to regret … which is followed by some destructive coping mechanism … which brings more sin and mistakes … which prompts more regret. On and on the downward spiral goes. Some of the coping mechanisms we turn to include "drugs, alcohol, overeating, gambling, pornography, escapism, or inappropriate relationships. When we rely on these things to cope with guilt and hopelessness, we find that regret begets regret - and the cycle continues." Sin produces regret and then that regret produces more sin and on and on it goes. If there is worldly sorrow, we will see this in action. We feel sorry, but why? Because we got caught? Because we’re suffering the consequences of our actions? Worldly sorrow is all about how my poor choices have affected ME? But if there is godly sorrow, that doesn’t lead to more regrets but rather freedom from regret. Through godly sorrow my focus is not on me, but God. I’m sorry for my sin against God. I’m sorry for how I’ve disappointed God, for how I’ve damaged my relationship with God. When this type of sorrow is present it will lead to repentance because I don’t want to do this to God again. And through that godly sorrow we can now move on. There’s a quote that goes, “Look not back to yesterday, so full of failure and regret; look ahead and seek God’s way—sins confessed you must forget.” Godly sorrow makes this happen.
• Embrace grace. 1st Tim. 1:12-14. Paul had plenty to regret from his old life. He persecuted, imprisoned and took part in the killing of Christians. Now here he was one of them. Talk about having regrets. This could very well have been the thorn in his flesh; the messenger of Satan sent to torment him in 2nd Cor. 12. He pleaded with Jesus to take it away but Jesus’ said that his grace was sufficient for him. His grace was all Paul needed to take away the guilt and shame. Jesus wanted Paul to give his regrets over to him. Jesus wanted Paul to know that the grace that saved him, the grace that forgave him, wiped the slate clean so forget about it. Don’t allow the past to claim your thoughts any longer. Paul was able to grasp and understand that God’s grace was enough for him to be able to move forward and leave his regrets behind. 2nd Tim. 4:6-8. Paul-“I have fought the good fight and have finished the race. I have kept the faith.” Nothing had changed about his past, except the way he dealt with it. Paul moved forward in the sufficient grace of Jesus. There’s a quote that goes, “Regret is unresolved guilt. Take care of the guilt - you take care of the regret.” Paul did that and we can too.
• Do the right thing. 2nd Cor. 7:8-10. Even though Paul’s letter hurt the Corinthians, he didn’t regret sending it because they needed to see what was missing from their lives-regret! There was no godly sorrow for their actions. We, like Paul, don’t have to regret our actions if they are done in love. A tragic event occurred in the spring of 1931 when nine young black men were pulled off an Alabama freight train and accused of raping two young white women. A fight had broken out between blacks and whites in which the whites were thrown off the train; the surprise was that two southern women Victoria Price and Ruby Bates were also on the train, they had also been down to Chattanooga to look for work. Rather than be arrested and put in jail they cried rape. The nine young men called “the Scottsboro boys”, were quickly tried and sentenced to the electric chair. News of their convictions spread, forcing an appeal to the United States Supreme Court. New York attorney Sam Leibowitz traveled to Alabama in 1933 during segregation to defend the nine black men—setting in motion a legal battle that ultimately changed the lives of everyone involved. Unfortunately, Sam Leibowitz lost his case. However, Judge James Edwin Horton overturned the decision of the jury to the favor of the nine black men, which resulted in the ruination of his career; he was never elected to the bench again. Yet he said he never regretted his decision. Even though we might suffer consequences for our actions, we don’t need to regret those actions if they the right ones. When we do the right thing, when we live a life of integrity, when we live above reproach, when we renounce secret and shameful ways, we can live a life of freedom from regret.
3) Some things we will never have to regret. There are things we don’t ever have to regret doing but the irony is that Satan will try to get us to regret it.
• You never have to regret getting saved. Satan wants you to believe his lie that you don’t need Jesus; you can save yourself. The truth, however, is that Jesus is the only way to eternal life. (John 14:6). Satan will also try to convince you you’ve made a mistake by trusting in Jesus as your Savior and Lord. He wants you to think you’ve lost something good when you turned to Jesus. He wants you to regret giving control of your life over to Jesus. He’ll try to get you to regret your decision to resist temptation. “Well, you let that one slip away; you blew that opportunity.” Opportunity to what? Bring more misery upon myself? Putting God first does come at a cost but the blessing is far worth the sacrifice we make and that benefit leaves no regret. With Jesus we now have the fullness of life (John 10:10). Where’s the regret in that?
• You never have to regret sharing your faith. Satan wants you to regret that as well. “See where sharing your faith got you? Now that person doesn’t want to be your friend.” See what happened? You just lost your job because you shared your faith.” “Those people just yelled at you for telling them about Jesus. You don’t need this.” I guarantee Satan tempts the Christians in hostile nations who are in jail or who are tortured for sharing their faith to regret it. But if we are persecuted for sharing our faith we don’t have to regret it. We are doing the right thing-we are giving someone an opportunity to know Jesus, to become born again. Where’s the regret in that?
• You never have to regret showing love. Love is the greatest thing we can show to a person. Although sometimes, when that love is not reciprocated, Satan wants you to regret it. “Look where being loving got you. Nice guys finish last.” Satan wants us to regret showing God’s love to people. But, we can live without even false regret when we know that even though others might not appreciate our love, God does; and there’s no regret in God being pleased with us. 1st Cor. 13:8 says that love never fails. There’s no regret in love; there’s only regret in failing to show love.
CONCLUSION: Living a life of no regrets doesn’t mean living a life with no mistakes. It’s what we do as a result of those mistakes that determine whether or not we will live with regret. When we have godly sorrow and repent and embrace God’s grace, we can move from regret to rejoicing. And we can have peace of mind and no regrets when we do the right thing. Let’s strive to live a life that’s free from the pain of regret.
