A FRUIT-FULL MARRIAGE: LOVING-KINDNESS
GALATIANS 5:22-26
Sermon Objective: The Fruit of the Spirit are most fully realized in relationships and no relationship is more basic than the marriage relationship.
GALATIANS 5:22-26
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
INTRO:
Kindness.
Despite his busy schedule during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln often visited the hospitals to cheer the wounded. On one occasion he saw a young fellow who was near death. “Is there anything I can do for you?” asked the compassionate President. “Please write a letter to my mother,” came the reply. Unrecognized by the soldier, the Chief Executive sat down and wrote as the youth told him what to say.
The letter read, “My Dearest Mother, I was badly hurt while doing my duty, and I won’t recover. Don’t sorrow too much for me. May God bless you and Father. Kiss Mary and John for me.” The young man was too weak to go on, so Lincoln signed the letter for him and then added this postscript: “Written for your son by Abraham Lincoln.”
Asking to see the note, the soldier was astonished to discover who had shown him such kindness. “Are you really our President?” he asked. “Yes,” was the quiet answer. “Now, is there anything else I can do?” The lad feebly replied, “Will you please hold my hand? I think it would help to see me through to the end.” The tall, gaunt man granted his request, offering warm words of encouragement until death stole in with the dawn. (Source Unknown)
We are looking at the Fruit of the Spirit this summer and discovering their evidence and depth as it is revealed in relationships; particularly (but not exclusively) the marriage relationship. A few general discoveries we have made so far are:
1.) The Fruit of the Spirit are best understood in relationships.
That is where we show how authentic the growth and change are and no relationship shows this more clearly than the marriage relationship.
As I’ve said the last few weeks, Proverbs is a great marriage manual. Listen to a few verses that speak to kindness and how it affects your relationships.
× Proverbs 11:6-7 -- A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth. A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself.
× Proverbs 12:25 -- An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
× Proverbs 14:31 -- He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.
2.) Marriage is more about being the right mate than it is finding the right mate. The Fruit of the Spirit make you the right mate!
3.) We know the Fruit of the Spirit cannot be selective and exclusive. They go together … when God’s love is present and growing all the fruit will be present and growing.
1 Peter 4:5-8 says, For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
4.) The presence of the fruit (s) is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s deep, work of spiritual transformation within you. They are more than simply evidence that I am becoming a better person – they reveal I am becoming a different person (like Jesus Christ). My relational habits are transformed from “works of the flesh” and “sinful nature” (Galatians 5:16-21) into works of the Spirit as Christ is formed in me (Galatians 4:19).
I have a good friend who is a medical doctor in Miami, Oklahoma. We were discussing a particular person with whom we both had a relationship who was aged, living in an assisted-care facility, and as mean a person as you’d ever want to meet.
Dr. “x” made the comment that he desired to have such a deep transformation within his heart that, once dementia set in and behavior was out of his control, he would have a kind and generous disposition none-the-less.
That requires a healing – a miracle within the depths of the human soul; and only the Holy Spirit can bring about that kind of change.
Today we focus on … KINDNESS – or if you understand the fruit mentioned here to all be aspects/expressions of God’s love “shed abroad in our hearts” (Romans 5:5) … “LOVING-KINDNESS.”
Kindness follows patience in the catalogue. I believe patience and kindness are next to each other in this list because they belong together. They are found together in other places in Scripture too.
• 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient, love is kind.”
• 2 Corinthians 6:6 says, “In purity, understanding, patience and kindness; by the Holy Spirit and in sincere love”
• Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
When it comes to your relationships, both patience and kindness are responses to another’s actions.
• Patience is reactive – Kindness is proactive.
• Patience helps you minimize negative situations – Kindness enables you to make gains in your relationship.
• Patience shows understanding towards your spouse – Kindness shows concern for the welfare and happiness of your spouse.
If you were to think of your marriage as a car, Patience would be the brake and Kindness would be the accelerator. Patience helps slow things down when the road becomes treacherous. Kindness helps your marriage pick up speed and get where you want to go.
Alexander Maclaren once said, “Kindness makes a person attractive. If you would win the world, melt it, do not hammer it.” The writer from the 1930’s, Somerset Maugham, had a mother who was an extraordinarily beautiful woman his father was an extraordinarily ugly man. When a family friend once asked how such a beautiful woman could have married such an ugly man, she replied, "He has never once hurt my feelings."
SERMON
David Maxson, pastor of Embry Hills Church in Atlanta Georgia, notes three important facts about kindness and relationships. I will add a fourth:
[1] Kindness is THOUGHTFUL
• Philippians 4:14 says, “It was kind of you to share in my trouble.”
• Kindness takes the initiative. It does not sit on the couch and wait to be asked.
• Kindness actively looks for opportunities to bless.
• It greets first, smiles first, serves first, and forgives first.
[2] Kindness is SELF-LESS
• Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
• Do you see the contrast? Anger is a selfish emotion. We feel justified in our anger when we’ve been wronged because we’re thinking selfishly. The loving, selfless response to a wrong is not anger, but kindness which naturally leads to compassion and forgiveness.
[3] Kindness is UNCONDITIONAL
• Luke 6:35 says, “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”
• Kindness gives with no strings attached
• “Why should I do anything for her? She never thanks me!”
• “Why should I do that for him? He won’t even notice!”
• I hear comments like these way too often in marriage counseling. But when the Holy Spirit is invited in and His transformation begins, we begin to ACT and THINK like God who is … “kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”
[4] Kindness is CONTAGIOUS
• In John 13:12-17 we read this account: 12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
• If you want your children and grand children to be kind they have to see it modeled in you. When they see your kindness growing and showing at times when it would be easy to be harsh or rude they will take notice.
• It is true with a loving spouse too. As God’s Spirit expands love within you that love can begin to be reciprocated by your spouse.
How is kindness expressed in marriage? Well it is hard to define but we all know it when we see it don’t we?
• Kindness is showing your spouse the same energy and enthusiasm you show to your most important client.
• Kindness is respecting your spouse and treating them with dignity even when you are having a disagreement.
• Kindness is not returning a harsh look or word when you receive one.
• Kindness is checking with your spouse to make sure they have everything they need for the day (money, food, information, etc.).
• Kindness is doing favors like running an errand at the store.
• Kindness quietly does some of the “chores” the other spouse usually attends to.
• Kindness is actively listening to your spouse – using both your eyes and ears – shutting off the TV or internet and not staring into space.
• Kindness is saying "yes" a lot more than "no" when your spouse asks for help.
• Kindness is sharing that last piece of pie or cookie because.
• Kindness is saying “thank you.”
• Kindness is making sure that your teasing is fun and not hurtful.
• Kindness is not rolling your eyes when your spouse says something you think is trivial or boring.
• Kindness is respecting and honoring your husband / wife in public and in private … even at moments when no one else will ever find out.
• Kindness is biting your tongue when he has forgotten to fix that leaky faucet again. It is turning off the cell phone, TV, Internet . . . and asking your wife how her day was. (And really listening!)
• Kindness forgives, genuinely cares, and takes the initiative to bring blessing and enrichment to the marriage.
Kindness is no small thing in marriage. It’s not an extra we throw in every now and then just to be nice. It should be viewed as the lifeblood that keeps our relationship alive.
WRAP-UP
May I close with a story from a New York City taxi cab driver? As I said, kindness is essential in any relationship … anyone you encounter.
Because I drive the night shift, my cab often becomes a moving confessional. Passengers climb in, sit behind me in total anonymity, and tell me about their lives. I encounter people whose lives amaze me, some ennoble me, others make me laugh and sometimes make me weep. However, none touched me more than a woman I picked up late one August night.
Responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town, I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partiers or someone who had just had a fight with a lover or a worker heading to an early shift at some factory in the industrial part of town.
When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, then drive away.
But I have seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always go to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked.
"Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her late 80s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie.
The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag to the car?" she asked. I took the bag and then turned to assist her. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It’s nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated."
"Oh, you’re such a good boy", she said.
When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"
"It’s not the shortest way," I quickly answered.
"Oh, I don’t mind," she said. "I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice."
I looked in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don’t have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don’t have very long."
I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds.
She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of the sun creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I’m tired. Let’s go now."
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were concerned and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.
"Nothing," I replied.
"You have to make a living," she answered.
"There are other passengers," I responded and almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.
She held onto me tightly. "You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you!"
I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.
What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? I don’t think I’ve done anything more important in my life. We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. However, great moments often catch us unaware - beautifully wrapped in what others may consider as small insignificant moments.
Can you think of any more attractive trait of God than kindness? Can’t you see how a human who is being transformed into a authentically kind person is becoming like God? It’s beautiful really. The famous preacher, Charles Swindoll once said, "Kindness is a language that deaf people can hear and that blind people can see."
The Greek word for kindness means graciousness or goodness of heart. The word is CHRESTOS.
The Greek word for Christ is CHRISTOS.
There is no etymological connection between the two but there is a linguistic similarity. And there is a definite spiritual connection; because the CHRISTOS is our example of CHRESTOS. And to be a follower of the CHRISTOS means you are walking in (keeping step with) the Spirit … and that shows itself through CHRESTOS.
Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
He who has ears to hear
Let him hear
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** I am grateful and indebted to those who have shared their applications from the fruit of the spirit for marriage. I found the following authors particularly helpful: Rev. David Maxson of Embry Hills Church of Christ, Mr. Stephen Gla of Divorce Hope, and Paul Canner.
This sermon is provided by Dr. Kenneth Pell
Potsdam Church of the Nazarene
Potsdam, New York
www.potsdam-naz.org
