A FRUIT-FULL MARRIAGE: PATIENT LOVE *
GALATIANS 5:22-26
Sermon Objective: The Fruit of the Spirit are most fully realized in relationships and no relationship is more basic than the marriage relationship.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
INTRO:
>>This sermon begins with a video titled “Hillbilly Patience”<<
Does that strike a nerve with any of you? It does with me. You see, I am also an unfinished soul and patience is a developing virtue within me. It is one that is maturing as I keep in step with the Spirit.
Did you notice how patience is most fully needed in relationships? When patience (with another flawed human being) is absent there is the potential for real disruption.
Let’s face it; patience is one of those topics that a lot of people would rather avoid discussing. There seems to never be a shortage of stories about our impatience.
I heard the story of a man and his wife who were awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on their door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger in the pouring rain is asking for a push. “Not a chance” says the husband- “It’s three o’clock in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed. “Who was it?” asks his wife. “Just a drunken stranger asking for a push” he answers. “Did you help him?” She asks. “No, I didn’t-it’s three in the morning and raining out.” ‘Well, you’ve got a short memory” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.” The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain and calls out into the dark. “Hello-are you still there?” “Yes,” comes the answer. “Do you still want a push?” calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark. “Where are you?” asks the husband. “Over here on the swing” the drunk replies. (SOURCE: from Joe Bedy on Sermoncentral.com.)
I am not sure who the man needed more patience to deal with, the drunk or his wife but I am sure that at that moment patience was required.
I know many of us have grieved over our failure with patience and prayed for God’s grace and patience to grow within us. One young wife was praying and she said,
I pray for :
Wisdom - to understand my man;
Love - to forgive him;
And Patience - for his moods;
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death. Amen.
But seriously, patience is so essential in any relationship. Especially the marriage relationship. And yet, it is often more neglected, overlooked, excused, and abused in marriage than in any other. Is it not true that we are often less patient with our spouses and children than we are our co-workers and our neighbors? Why is that!? I don’t know, but, again, I contend that it is in the marriage relationship that we show how deep, authentic, and mature the Spirit’s fruit really is.
If it’s okay, I’d like to just ask you some questions this morning. But first, can I read to you some selected verses from the Scriptures on patience.
I will start with Proverbs. Have any of you taken my challenge this month? There are 31 days in July and 31 chapters in Proverbs. Are you reading a chapter a day and using the book as a Marriage Manual or a Relationship Manual? I hope so. It really is worth your while.
• Proverbs 14:29 -- A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
• Proverbs 15:18 -- A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
• Proverbs 16:32 -- Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
• Proverbs 19:11 -- A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
• Proverbs 25:15 -- Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
• Romans 12:12 -- Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
• 1 Corinthians 13:4 -- Love is patient,
• Ephesians 4:2 -- Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
• Colossians 3:12 -- Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
• 1 Thessalonians 5:14 -- And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT:
QUESTION #1: WHICH DESCRIBES YOU MOST OFTEN:
• YOU LOSE YOUR PATIENCE
• YOU FORFEIT YOUR PATIENCE
• YOU PRETEND TO HAVE PATIENCE
• YOU MAINTAIN YOUR PATIENCE?
All four of those options are real possibilities.
• Have you ever become so impatient that, once the dust settled you were wondering “What just happened?” That’s what happens when you LOSE your patience. It literally becomes lost in the emotion and has to be regained or found. This is accompanied by another Spiritual fruit that’s in absentia … self-control and by works of the flesh like anger.
• At other times we choose to FORFEIT or forego our patience. I recently had an experience in an airport where for three hours I was told my luggage “would be here soon.” I chose to forego my patience at that point and went seeking answers.
• Sometimes we PRETEND to have patience when really we don’t. Inside we are frustrated or seething with anger. We find a broom closet or a sound proof place (like our car) and scream at the top of our lungs. We harbor irritation and resentment. Just because you did not blow up does not mean you have patience. It just means you had enough self-control to play a pretend game for a while.
• Sometimes we MAINTAIN our patience. That means it is maturing; growing. It is evidence that other virtues and graces reside in the heart and that the Holy Spirit is making inroads.
QUESTION #2: DO YOU SEE THE INTER-CONNECTEDNESS OF THE FRUIT (S) IN GALATIANS 5?
• Do you see love leading to joy leading to peace leading to patience?
• In other words, do you see how love, joy and peace make patience a potential reality?
• When patience is maintained, the other fruit of the Spirit will still be present during times that test you.
• Is it possible that our lack of patience says something about our spiritual deficiency and our need to grow spiritually … I mean REALLY grow and mature?
• Is it possible that a lack of patience might be an indicator of other, greater, spiritual weaknesses and sin that needs to be addressed?
• Is it possible that the absence or failure of patience says more about our character than it does the circumstances or the other people involved?
QUESTION #3: DO YOU SEE THE ABSOLUTE NECESSITY FOR PATIENCE TO BE PRODUCED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT?
Some want to develop patience via their own self-determination but this is not God’s way. That does not produce holiness and is not God’s way of encouraging His love to be spread abroad.
Could I suggest to you that a deficiency in any of the fruit (with patience getting the attention this morning) is a sign of spiritual and emotional damage and that what is really happening when we walk in the Spirit and see these mature is that we are undergoing healing?
Seriously. Does it not take spiritual healing for one who is unloving to become loving? Does it not take spiritual healing for one who is unkind to become kind? Or one who lacks peace? Why is it any different with patience?
THE ONLY WAY TO AUTHENTICALLY BECOME LIKE JESUS AND EXHIBIT THESE VIRTUES IS FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT TO DO A MIRACLE IN YOUR HEART.
You see, the development of the fruit is not simply about you developing into a more humane/better person – the fruit are about morality. That is why they are contrasted with the works of the flesh in verses16-21 (a.k.a. “sinful nature” in v. 25) and not simply contrasted with lesser character flaws. The fruit reflect deeply seated moral transformation; and for that … we need (indeed must have) the Holy Spirit.
When an impatient Christ-follower becomes authentically patient and treats his brothers and sisters (or spouse) with Christian virtue is it a sign that God’s presence – the Holy Spirit – has taken up residence and that the Christian has discovered how to walk in step with Him.
Patience is accompanied by the other virtues listed in Galatians 5; none of these are in isolation. They are evidence that the Holy Spirit is teaching the believer at least four things (all of which have their fullest expression in community/relationships):
1. To have a discerning / understanding spirit.
Patient people have learned to look “behind the veil.” They look beyond the behavior toward the bigger picture.
2. To be a person of compassion
The word patience literally means “to be long-tempered” – slow to anger and slow to act in haste.
Patience often accompanies compassion and forgiveness. In fact, it is associated with mercy throughout the Scriptures. In Psalm 86:15 for example, we read, “But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger (patient), abounding in love and faithfulness.”
Patience, again, sees the humanness of the other party and, as the Spirit transforms us into the image of Jesus, we replace the irritation and frustration. We act with compassion and even forgiveness.
3. To be a person of humility
Patience looks in the mirror. Patience feeds off of self-understanding.
Ecclesiastes 7:8 says, The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.
Pride is one of the biggest catalysts of impatience. The impatient person assumes
(i) others are intentionally irritating them
(ii) they could do “x” better than the other person
(iii) their frustration is somehow justified – self-importance
(iv) the impatient person rationalizes their own humanness, weakness and sin while refusing to give the other forgiveness or the benefit of the doubt.
4. To be a person of faith
Patient people acknowledge the participation of God in all of life.
James 1:2-4 says, “2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” The word “perseverance” is translated “patience” in other places in Scripture.
Patience acknowledges that God is working in and through the trials that come our way. And that God is using those trials to perfect our moral character.
In short, a patient spirit shows that we are being made into the image of Jesus.
Jesus is our example. Read through the Gospels and see how many times people did not live up to the ideal expectation, how many times people interrupted him, how many times demands were made on him, how many times the disciples failed to grow and heed his instructions. Jesus saw the interruptions, human misery, and human sin as an opportunity. Jesus looked for God’s presence and God’s grace in these circumstances. That is active faith.
Patience is:
1. The ability to sit back and wait for an expected outcome without experiencing anxiety, tension, or frustration
2. The ability let go of your need for immediate gratification
3. The capacity to display tolerance, compassion, understanding, and acceptance toward those who are slower than you in developing maturity, emotional freedom, and coping abilities
4. The ability to remain calm in the midst of turmoil because you know God is in control
WRAP-UP
In “Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul” (Copyright 1999) a poem is recorded by By Anne Stortz, titled “Perseverance.”
When all the world is looming dark
And things seem not so clear,
When shadows seem to hover ’round
Lord, may I persevere.
When it seems everything’s been tried
And there’s no way to go,
Just let me keep remembering
Sometimes the journey’s slow.
I may just need to stop and rest
Along the path I trod,
A time to try to understand
And have my talk with God.
As I gain new strength to carry on
Without a doubt or fear,
Somehow I know things will be right,
And so, I persevere.
NPR Radio reported this week (July 5, 2011) that a well known Hindu temple in southern India has revealed vast treasures and hidden secrets.
The temple itself was well known and previously unguarded. It had been there for hundreds of years (since 1566) and open to the public. But someone recently decided to ‘explore” the temple a bit and found some hidden vaults and secret chambers within it. A huge treasure was found — gold, diamonds, silver, jewelry, and precious stones ... WORTH OVER 25 BILLION DOLLARS!
And it was just setting in an ancient public building.
Ephesians 3:14-19 says, “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
As we look at the Fruit of the Spirit we are reminded of what a treasure they are for us. They are God’s strength for our inner being as He dwells in our hearts; and they flow from His glorious riches!
And those riches are so often untapped and unguarded. They are there for the taking! God eagerly wants you to grow in His grace and power.
Ephesians 4:1-4 says, “1I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Let us offer ourselves to the Holy Spirit for transformation today. Let us allow Him to make us into a people who indeed do “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.”
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** I am grateful and indebted to those who have shared their applications from the fruit of the spirit for marriage. I found the following authors particularly helpful: Rev. David Maxson of Embry Hills Church of Christ, Mr. Stephen Gla of Divorce Hope, and Paul Canner.
This sermon is provided by Dr. Kenneth Pell
Potsdam Church of the Nazarene
Potsdam, New York
www.potsdam-naz.org
