Title: Learning to Play Nice
Text: II Corinthians 13:11-14 and Romans 12:14-21
Thesis: Our lives are lived most peacefully when we live in a “roundabout” way.
Introduction
Bonnie and I saw our first Lacrosse match two weeks ago in Wheaton, IL. Our oldest Granddaughter, Matti, was playing her first game and she was the goalie. It seems being goalie is not an easy position and in fact none of the other girls would play it so, Matti said, “OK, I’ll do it.”
When I saw the game in action I understood why she wore a face mask, helmet and full-body armor. Lacrosse players move a solid rubber ball, that looks to have the consistency of a pool cue ball, with a long stick with a scoopy, web-like apparatus on the end. They pass the ball back and forth and scoop it up from the ground and when they take a shot at the goal they fling the ball at super-sonic speed.
Lacrosse is a tough game. I read an article about girls’ lacrosse in New York state where they have passed legislation to force the players to play nice. If they don’t learn to play nice this year the teams will have to wear helmets and they do not want to wear helmets.
So this year there is a ruling that players are issued yellow cards for playing too aggressively with their slashing and checking. If a team receives three yellow cards a player is removed from the game. And for every additional yellow card an additional player is removed from the game. So, feasibly one team could have 12 girls playing against 6 opponents. They want the girls to learn to play nice. (Learning to Play Nice, Mirah Wassef, Times-Herald-Record, 5/11/11)
Last Sunday the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review published an article, Learn to Play Nice in the Workplace. The gist of the article was that given the job market it would be wise to learn how to get along in your current workplace. The advice included talking through conflicts rather than firing off angry emails; being patient; letting grievances go; and keeping things in perspective. (Anita Bruzzese, Learn How to Place Nice In the Workplace, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, June 12, 2011)
I read a story this week of a shipwreck that was reminiscent of the Tom Hanks film, The Castaway. A man shipwrecked for several months on a desert island finally attracted the attention of a passing ship which sent a crew in a smaller boat to rescue him. When the rescuers came ashore they notice there three huts. So the immediately assumed there were additional castaways living on the island.
But the man assured them he was the only one on the island. The first hut he said, “is my house. The second hut is my church. And the third hut is the church I used to go to.”
Learning to play nice is not only an admirable goal in sports and business. It is desirable as well in the Christian community.
In our text today Paul wrote what might be thought of as “last minute instructions” to the Christians living in Corinth. It is kind of like what we might do as we are walking out the door. Things like, “Don’t forget to feed the cat.” Or we might say, “Remember to turn off the sprinkler.” Or “Be sure to make that deposit or we will be overdrawn.”
Finally, brothers, good-bye. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. II Corinthians 13:11
He said, “Live in peace… learn how to play nice.”
What does it mean to live in peace? II Corinthians 13:11 (To help us understand how to live in peace I turned to Romans 12 for some insight.)
I. We live in harmony when we are deliberately sensitive to others.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:14-15
Several years ago Daniel Goleman wrote a book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Matters More Than I.Q.
We know people who are very bright. We know people who are really, really smart but lack common sense. They may know everything and yet, do the dumbest things. Goleman says that in relationships, being emotionally smart is more important than being intellectually smart. Smart people may know things but they do not necessarily know people. They may know facts but they cannot read the faces of others.
A person with emotional intelligence is perceptive in reading the emotions of others by facial expressions, tone of voice, body language… people with emotional intelligence can read people.
This verse is about reading people. It is about being sensitive to others. It is about picking up on anger and hostility, the sadness and joy of others and responding appropriately. Appropriate responses result in peace and harmony and inappropriate responses result in disharmony and unrest.
The text says:
A. Bless and pray your persecutor. When you sense hostility be sensitive to that hostility and act in ways that soothe rather than inflame and exacerbate a situation.
B. Cry with the brokenhearted. When you sense sadness, enter into that person’s sadness. It is insensitive to laugh-off sadness.
C. Laugh with the elated. When you are aware that another person is feeling blessed and happy… enter into their joy. It is insensitive to rain on anther’s parade.
The Christian community is a place where we work hard at reading the faces of others and responding in ways that bless rather than distress.
Being deliberately sensitive to the moods and needs of others is important to living in harmony. It is also important that we be deliberate in not making distinctions between people.
II. We live in harmony when we just see people.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Romans 12:16
In his little commentary on Romans, William Barclay described a scene from an early church record in which a man of wealth and influence became a Christian. The following Sunday when he came to church, the leader of the congregation showed him to a pew said, “Please be seated in this place.” The man responded, “I cannot sit there… if I sit there I will be sitting by my slave.” Again the leader of the congregation asked him to be seated next to his slave. And again he protested again, “Surely not next to my slave.” But the leader insisted and finally the man sat beside his slave who passed to him the kiss of peace.
The Scriptures speak pointedly and powerfully to the nature of the Christian community. In Galatians 3:28-29, “You are all sons of God through faith in Jesus Christ, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” And similarly in Colossians 3:11 Paul wrote, “Here there is no Greek nor Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scynthian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.”
That is what Jesus does. Jesus levels the field. Jesus erases social stigmas. Jesus does not label people red or blue. Jesus sees people. Jesus would expect that his church look like a family.
There should be some Silent Generation people born between 1925 – 1945. There should be some post-WW II Boomers. There should be some Gen Xers from the 60’s and 70’s. There should be some Generation Y’s from the 80’s and 90’s. And there should be some Generation I’s or the Internet Generation.
When older Christians do not want to be with younger Christians and when younger Christians do not want to be with older Christians the Church of Jesus Christ cannot be a place of peace and harmony. Any bias related to race and ethnicity, gender, age, socio-economic status, political persuasion, or profession disrupts the peace and harmony of the Christian community. It is usually our pride and our preferences and our sense of privilege or entitlement that keep us from living together as a loving and harmonious family.
I don’t know of many “Hallmark” families. Most families are like the ones described in Robert Frost’s poem as a place where “when you go there, they have to take you in.” The community of faith or the body of Christ or the family of God is where everyone is welcomed… where everyone belongs.
Living peacefully and in harmony with others is not easy. It takes effort.
III. We live in harmony when we make every effort to live in peace with others.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:17-18
Paul expects that Christians visibly live in peace and harmony with others. What people see us do is important. Christians not only need to “be good,” they need to “look good.”
Living harmoniously and peacefully with everyone is a challenge but we are urged to do all that we possibly can to live in peace with everyone.
I am a bit shocked that we are already so far into the month of June. While scrolling through my Facebook homepage I noticed that one of my cousins, who lives in Iowa, had just finished planting her flowers. It was good to know that I’m not the only one who got a late start in gardening this year.
Gardens are wonderful things… they start out quite stark and barren places but by summer’s end they are lush and fruitful places. Getting from barren to fruitful is not easy. There is the preparation of the soil and the planting and the watering and the weeding and keeping the plants free of disease and bugs. But in the end when you are slicing a fat, juicy Big Boy or frying up a pan of new potatoes or baking a spaghetti squash you sigh and say, “It was work but it was worth it.”
It is the same with all of our relationships. It takes a lot of work to get from barren to fruitful in a relationship. And even when we have built a strong relationship we still have to work at it…
Have you ever noticed how weeds still manage to pop up through the cracks in a rock solid concrete sidewalk or driveway? Cultivating relationships is an ongoing effort.
I remember reading an article once that said the key to living in harmony with others is:
1. Consideration
2. Communication
3. Hard work
But the day will come when you can say, “It was work but it was worth it.”
Living peacefully and in harmony with others necessitates that we entrust God with the task of doing justice.
IV. We live in peace when we overcome evil with good and leave justice to God
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:19-21
The desire for vengeance or revenge is at the core of our human nature. We do not take being wronged or slighted well. If you have not said it, you have probably thought it or if you have not thought it you have heard it said, “I don’t get mad, I get even.”
The problem with getting even is that when we vow to get even we really are vowing to get more than even. That is why Jesus taught that we can stop the cycle of vengeance by turning the other cheek when wronged.
Anne Lamott has written a number of books, among them, Traveling Mercies and Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith. In Plan B she dishes up a series of essays that illustrate how faith and life intersect. And among her may witticisms she wrote, “Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant to hit back!”
I recall a story I told some time ago about a mother who heard her six year old son wailing away in pain. She ran into the room only to see that her two year old daughter was biting her big brother’s arm. She quickly separated the two and explained to her six year old son that his little sister was just two and that she didn’t know that it hurts to be bitten and left the room. But before she got far she heard her two year old scream out in pain. Rushing back into the room her six year old son said, “She does now.”
As followers of Christ one of the milestones we reach for is to reach the place where it becomes unimportant to hit back or bite back.
Here we are urged to keep thoughts of revenge at bay. Followers of Christ do not entertain thoughts of vengeance or retaliation. To the contrary… the Christians thinks of ways to show kindness. When we stoop to evil we have not overcome evil with good but evil has overcome good.
Conclusion
One of my first experiences with a roundabout or a rotary was when we exited I – 70 at Frisco to drive up to Breckenridge. We took the exit ramp and when we got to the top of the ramp there was no stop sign… just a roundabout wherein traffic flowed in and out. If you entered the roundabout from the south you continued in the roundabout until you could exit onto the on ramp going west. Or if you were confused you could just go around another time or two until you got the hang of it. As it was, we entered the roundabout and exited toward Frisco and Breckenridge. It is a pretty slick idea for traffic control… you simply blend in with the other traffic until you come to you exit.
I’ve decided I like roundabouts and the way everyone carefully enters and exits the roundabout. It is all about being considerate and thoughtful of each other knowing that we are all going in the same direction and hoping to do so carefully and safely. There is no need for laying on the horn. You just go around and around and around together making your way into the roundabout and out of it with ease.
As Christians we may be coming from different places/perspectives but we are all headed in the same direction so how we converge without clashing and crashing is important. The Church is to be a place where we travel together without the clashing of egos, horn honking and road rage. It is a place where we move along being considerate of and in harmony with others in the roundabout. It is a place where we learn to play nice.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live a peace with everyone. Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good!
