“Four Things I Learned from my Father”
June 19, 2011
Proverbs 4:1-6
1 “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. 2 I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. 3 For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. 4 Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart;
keep my commands, and you will live. 5 Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. 6 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.”
In a large measure, we are the product of our upbringing. Our parents have a tremendous influence on us for good or bad. Their strengths often become our strengths; their weaknesses often become our weaknesses. The Bible says that the sins of the father affect up to four generations (Genesis 20:5). The things a father does right, though, can affect his family for a thousand generations. It is so important for us dads to do what is right. We need to learn the strengths of our father, emulate them, and pass them on to our children and their children.
This morning I want to share four important things I learned from my Dad. I hope they will make you fathers better in your role and help you others understand dads a little better and maybe equip you to be more of a support to them.
First of all, my Dad was a Pattern for manhood. Much of how I am and how I think of myself comes from my Dad. There is good and bad to that. I learned some good things from Dad – but I also learned some bad things and had to reject those things and go to my Heavenly Father for the correct instruction.
When I was growing up, my Dad was not a very good spiritual leader. Now, you guys need to know – whether you like it or not – you are a spiritual leader – especially to your sons. My Mom was a wonderful, godly example when I was growing up. She prayed daily for us; she took us to church every time the church doors were open. Sunday morning, Sunday night, Youth meetings, Midweek Bible study, every night at the revival meeting. Mom had us there. I suppose, if you asked her, she would tell you we missed a lot – but it sure doesn’t seem like it to me. I remember winning a lot of those little pins the Sunday school used to give out for attendance. Mom was a great spiritual leader in our family. Dad wasn’t. But here is an important thing for you guys to remember – no matter how godly, how wonderful your Mom is – your boys do not learn how to become a man from them. They learn how to become a man by watching and emulating their Dad’s.
Dad was rough and tough and a bit rowdy. All five of us boys became the same. Dad didn’t go to church much when we were growing up – so when we got older – we didn’t either. Dad drank and smoked and liked to fight – we all grew up the same. What the dads do in moderation – the sons will do in excess – and we boys all had problems with alcohol and drug abuse. We all grew up ready to fight at the drop of a hat – and when we got together the conversation often turned to the fights we got in. Part of our manhood was being a good fighter – because Dad valued that. In adulthood, he became a Christian and tried to correct a lot of the bad stuff he exampled. But the damage was done. All five boys bear the marks on their bodies and souls for following the bad example of my Dad. I never heard my Dad tell me he loved me until I was in my forties. That deeply affected my brothers and me.
Dad also set a good example in a lot of areas, too. In marriage, he set the example of commitment and love. He always taught us to value and respect women. He was an example of a faithful and loving husband. My heart warms at the memory of mom cuddling with him watching TV. That was probably more her doing than his – but it was a good example. But what I want you guys to understand is that Fathers are a pattern for manhood. Your children are learning what a man is like from you. Are you setting them a good example - or a poor one. They more readily take on your weaknesses than your strengths. They are more like to emulate your failures and flaws than your successes and strengths. Give the boys a good pattern to follow.
Secondly, I learned from my Dad how to be a provider. We grew up pretty poor. My Dad was a World War Two vet and suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Nobody knew it at the time – but with the training I have had in that area I realize that PTSD affected my Dad a lot. We moved a lot and he was only happy working in the woods. Consequently, we grew up pretty poor. We lived in tar paper shacks without running water or electricity for some of my formative years. Then when Dad broke his back - we really did have it rough for awhile. But I have to admit I was never concerned. We always had food on the table. Dad was a good provider –at least I thought so. We would come home from school and have a raw potato with a little salt on it for a snack. Probably better than potato chips. I would fix me a onion and mayo sandwich – probably better than those greasy snacks we have now.
I had a pretty safe and secure childhood. I knew Dad would always provide for us – even if it meant scrunching into the car in a body cast to go shoot a deer for dinner. The Bible says,
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
1 Timothy 5:8
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (KJV)
Dads, it is up to you to provide for your family. There are too many dead beat dad’s today; Dads who have abandoned their families; Dads who neglect their needs; Dads who don’t provide the material things – but more importantly, Dads who don’t provide the love and the spiritual needs of the family.
It’s not the government’s job to provide for your family. It isn’t the churches job to meet the needs of your family; it isn’t your friends and neighbors job to take care of you and yours. It is your job, Dad. And you can’t be a good Christian man if you don’t. In fact, I don’t think God can truly bless you if you are not living up to this responsibility. The Bible says you are WORSE than an infidel; you are WORSE than an unbeliever; the Bible says you have ‘DENIED THE FAITH’ if you do not provide for your family. It is not an option for the Christian man to abandon or neglect his family.
This, of course, if usually thought of in the material way, but I think even more importantly, is providing the spiritual needs for your family. I will talk more about that in a minute or two.
Thirdly, Dad was a protector. Now, my dad was a man’s man. The men in our community respected him and his physical strength. He was a war hero and a known fighter. He was good at fists, guns or knives. In fact, one of the incidents that profoundly affected his life was killing an enemy soldier with a knife his dad have given him. He never shared his war experiences with the family, but when my cousin was writing a book on killing, dad shared some of those experiences.
So dad was well prepared to be a protector. We never worried about crime or being attacked. I felt very secure and safe when I was growing up. We dad’s need to protect our families from physical danger. Our families need to feel safe. But it is not just from physical danger we are to protect them. We are to protect them from spiritual danger as well. The Bible says,
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith...” 1 Peter 5:8-9a
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...” John 10:10a
Do you realize that Satan has his sights set on your little lambs? Like a wolf separates a lamb from the flock to kill – your spiritual enemy wants to separate your lambs from you to kill and destroy them. He wants to steal their souls and ruin their minds and destroy their bodies. Satan is a terrorist. Do you know what a terrorist job is? It is to cause terror. How can they best do that? One prime target is the children. The terrorists has our children targeted. Schools, playgrounds, buses, places where children congregate are prime targets for terrorists. It is because they can cause the most terror through our children.
Satan knows this. Our children are targeted from birth. Just as Moses and Jesus were both targeted as infants, so are our kids. He will introduce them to drugs and pornography and homosexuality and all this garbage -at an age I certainly was innocent to all this stuff. Dad’s it is your job to protect your family. It starts with prayer. You better pray for them every single day. Get involved with their lives - their schools, their activities. Do you know what they are watching on TV and the internet? Do you know who their hero’s are? Who are their friends? Let’s do a better job at protecting our children.
Lastly, Dads are priests. God says,
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7
Dad’s we have an obligation to provide for our children’s Spiritual education. We are to teach them that there is only ‘one’ God. We are to teach them to love God with all their heart, soul and strength. We are to ‘press’ these truths into their minds. We are to talk about them all the time.
Are you doing that? I felt called me to provide a Christian education for my kids. God opened the doors to start a Christian school in our church and their formative years were spent there. Some parents home school and make the Bible and religious studies a big part of it. I don’t know what God would have you do in this area – but I believe He wants you to sacrifice, if you need to, to provide a Christian education for you children. It is YOUR responsibility to be a provider. It is up to you to make it happen.
It is harder today to be a dad than ever before. There are so many dangers and worldly influences and things that hinder us in our responsibilities. But we must do the very best we can. Understand your role. Be a pattern; be a provider; be a protector and be a priest to your families. They need us more than ever before. May God bless you and help you do what He has called you to.
Let’s honor our Dad’s today.
