“Do what it says, Don’t be a dummy”
Colossians 3:18-4:1
Big Idea: When Christ is at your core, you’ll be dressed right for relationships
(Props: 5 manikins to represent those from the text)
Introduction: There is often two sides to every story in a relationship, and it is especially true in the marriage relationship. Let’s watch how there can be two different accounts in this video.
Videos: “The Perfect Wife” & “The Perfect Husband” (Can be found on Sermonspice)
Oh, if we could just blend these two accounts into one, we’d have “The Perfect Marriage”! But with two imperfect people, can we really expect that?
Today we’re going to take everything Paul said in previous verses of Chapter 3 and “flesh them out” in our relationships. If you were here last week, you should remember Paul said when “Christ is at our core” our identity changes, our heart & thinking change, and our outward appearance changes. But knowing what the Bible says and applying it in our daily lives is sometimes much different.
Last week I used two racks of clothing to help us understand that our outward appearance really comes from what’s going on the inside. Paul said that if we really have Christ at our core, there are clothes we need to “put off” and there are new clothes we need to “put on”. But for this week’s text, I called in a few less than human friends to help me apply how today’s verses are going to “come to life”. In other words, we need to put a little flesh under those new clothes.
Opening Prayer:
Read the Scripture passage: Colossians 3:18-4:1
Paul has just mentioned the three basic relationships most people have; marriage, family, and work. What he has added to the “new clothes” is a major “core command” that each member is to carry out in those relationships. Each of these commands must be an intentional ongoing decision that cuts against our old selfish nature. And that’s the reason I call them a “core command”; because without Christ at your core, there is no way a person can carry them out completely.
Although the ‘friendship relationship’ is not mentioned, these “core commands” and the “new clothes” he’s already mentioned can be applied to that relationship as well.
But before we get into those three, I want to make a few general observations about all relationships.
1. Everyone has relationships.
2. People have different roles in relationships.
3. Healthy relationships are reciprocal.
4. It isn’t uncommon to encounter difficulties in relationships.
The first relationship Paul speaks of is the foundational institution God established back in the Garden of Eden. This is where a man and a woman enter into a covenant for life. And God’s plan is that all of society, culture, and even the church is shaped from this relationship.
God’s model for marriage (v18-19)
It’s not uncommon for many couples enter into a marriage thinking their spouse will change over time. However, it usually doesn’t work out that way they think.
ILL: During the wedding rehearsal a nervous bride was having a difficult time remembering all the details. Her kind pastor took her aside and said, “Tomorrow, when you enter the church, you will be walking down this same aisle. So, concentrate on the aisle. And when you get halfway down the aisle, concentrate on the altar. Then, when you reach the alter, your groom will be waiting for you. Concentrate on him. Focus on the aisle, then look at the altar, and finally, lock eyes on your husband. That’s all you have to do.”
That seemed to help a lot, and on the day of the wedding, the beautiful but nervous bride walked flawlessly down the aisle. But people were a bit taken aback as they heard her repeating these words, to herself, during the processional, “Aisle, alter, him. Aisle, alter, him. --- I’ll alter him.”
I’m not sure how much success she had at changing her spouse, but there were probably a number of other wives wishing her well that day.
ILL: Oddly enough though, the longer couples stay married the more likely they will turn into mirror images, having similar movements, habits, and thoughts. This is not an illusion, there is ongoing research being done at the University of Washington that reports, the longer people stay together, the more likely they are to reflect each other. They eventually share thoughts, perceptions, and even mathematical skills. However, and perhaps not surprisingly, wives usually do the changing. Women gain mentally if they marry intelligent men; they lose an edge if they marry below their own intelligence quotient. (Please no elbowing your spouse)
Though that was all in fun, the reality is, if we’re serious about having Christ at our core, He will alter each of our lives.
A. Wives “submit” (v.18) The parallel passage is Eph5:22-24
Every woman’s blood pressure just went up 50 points! No one wants to be ‘put in submission’! No one wants to be considered inferior!
There are probably no other words in the Bible that have been more misused and miss applied than these. And there is probably no biblical teaching more controversial in or outside the church, than these simple words of Paul.
*Some people say, “the Bible was written to keep women down.”
*Some people say, “Paul wasn’t speaking under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit here and this was just his opinion.”
*Some people say, “Paul was using a wrong interpretation of Gen.3:16”.
*And some say, “This was just culturally accepted in Paul’s day, but it doesn’t apply for us today”. But no one would say Paul’s next command to the husband isn’t to be followed today, would they?
A poll was taken a few years ago asking, both men and women this question, “Should wives submit to their husbands?”
In 1998, the Southern Baptists also sparked controversy with their statement that wives should "submit graciously" to the "servant leadership" of their husbands. At that time, when asked if they concurred with that statement exactly as quoted, 69% of the public disagreed.
Wow, nearly 70% disagree with what the Bible teaches.
Really? It seems very clear to me. This same thing is taught in several other places in Scripture:
1 Corinthians 11:3,9-12 Ephesians 5:22 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
1 Timothy 2:11-15 Titus 2:5 1 Peter 3:1-6
Maybe it’s because we don’t understand what “Submit” means.
This doesn’t mean…
a. that women cannot be in leadership roles. (With the exception of Pastor & Elder)
b. that women are second-rate; they are our sisters in Christ.
c. that a wife is inferior; she is your life partner.
d. that a wife is a servant or slave; she is your queen.
e. that submission is absolute, “as is fitting in the Lord”
It means…
a. Lit: “to place oneself in rank under” (Military term)
b. This is to be a continuous action, Lit: “Keep on submitting”.
c. But what about Eph. 5:21 “submitting one to another”? That is referring to all Christian, not specifically husband & wives.
This act of “submission” is about “headship” in the relationship more than anything else. In my house, we say the husband is the “head” and the wife is the “neck” that turns it. Just as Jesus “submitted” to the will of the Father, so a wife is to submit to her husband. Paul explained this a little further in the Eph. passage by saying, “even as Christ is the head of the church”, so the husband is the head of the wife.
How/Why? - “as is fitting in the Lord”, this is what the Lord expects.
What’s interesting is, Paul does not say the wife is to “obey” her husband. And she is not to submit to some detached, impersonal authority figure. Rather, she is to submit to the man with whom she has a loving, intimate, personal, vital relationship.
Before the husbands get all excited about their wife being “submissive”, let me point out that nowhere in scripture does it command the wife to “love” her husband. (see Titus 2:4)
But Paul does add the command “Respect” to the wives in Eph. 5:33.
B. Husbands “love” and “do not be harsh” (v.19) The parallel passage is Eph.5:25-33
Now, every husband’s blood pressure just went up 100 points! Guys, I don’t know if you realize it or not, but we have the first and greater responsibility! Paul added a few words in his Eph command. He said, “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That means our model is the Lord Himself. Actually Paul devoted twice as many words telling husbands how to love their wives as he did in telling wives how to submit to their husbands. And Biblically, the man is to initiate the loving relationship. Just as God the Father initiated the loving relationship with his people and Jesus initiated a loving relationship with us, so the husband is to do the initiating.
Lit: “Keep on loving” (not the emotional type of love but sacrificial love)
The godly husband sacrifices for his wife like Christ sacrificed Himself for the church.
Lit :”do be embittered against them” or “stop being bitter”
This has the idea of bitter tasting. One commentator said it like this, “You can’t call your wife, ‘Honey’ and treat her like vinegar.” Why would a “loving husband” do this to his wife?
Both the command to the wife and the command to the husband go against our “old nature and its old clothes”. Our sin nature says, “I want to be in charge”, wives. And “I want to do what I want and have my toys”, husbands. But God has called us to something greater.
When a husband “loves his wife like Christ loved the church” the wife finds it easier to “submit” to her husband.
And when a wife “submits” to her husband the husband finds it easier to “love” his wife. Remember what I said about healthy relationships being reciprocal?
Here’s the bottom line, wives whether your husband shows you “love” or not, you are to “keep on submitting” to him. And husbands, whether your wife is submissive or not, you are to “keep on loving and stop making her bitter”.
God’s model for parenting (v20-21)
A. Children “obey” (v.20) The parallel passage is Eph.6:1-3
Veronica has just finished 8 weeks of teaching our younger children what it means to “obey”. And I had a lesson on it about a month ago for the older children. Every one of us are born with a rebellious nature. All of us want our own way, right? Parents, what one word did you use with your kids, more than any other, before they were 2 years old? I don’t think it was, “Yes, Yes, Yes”.
Lit: “Keep on obeying” (listen to, hearken, follow, do)
Paul is really speaking to any child who is still in the home and under the oversight of parents. They are to “obey”.
The extent is, “in everything”. This means total obedience unless the instruction is against God’s Word.
The reason is, “this pleases the Lord”. God’s blessings and pleasure are always tied to our obedience!
I understand that many preteens and teens think their parents are dummies and you know more than they do. I understand that, because I thought my parents weren’t the smartest either. The truth is, I know I wasn’t always the smartest parent myself. So, why should I listen and obey them? Here’s why, its God’s will for you! And, you’ll be surprised just how smart your parents get by the time you reach 25 years old.
When children leave the home and become independent, Paul says in Eph. they are to still “honor” Lit: (value) their parents.
Once again Paul is going back to one of the Ten Commandments. This is the 5th Commandment, and carries with it a promise: “That it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Obedience brings God’s pleasure and comes with God’s promise.
B. Father’s “do not provoke” The parallel passage is Eph.6:4
Though this is directed at “fathers” both parents are implied. (Fathers are just more likely to do this.) And the responsibility rests on the father, not the mother!
Lit: “arose, irritate” or “stop provoking or nagging”
This is the only place in the NT this word is used in this fashion.
Paul called it “exasperate” in the Eph. passage.
Paul tells us why – “lest they become discouraged” only found here in the NT. Lit: “lest they lose heart”
Parents are to break the ‘will’ of the child to disobey, not their ‘heart’. We should never cause them to “lose heart”.
In what ways can parents cause their children to “lose heart”?
1. Overprotection.
2. Showing favoritism/ Indulging them
3. Not appreciating their worth
4. Setting unrealistic goals.
5. Failing to show affection
6. Not providing for their needs
7. Lack of standards/ Lack of discipline
8. Criticism
9. Neglect
10. Excessive discipline
11. “Do as I say, Not as I do”
All these things drive children away from the Lord!
The Ephesians passage gives us the positive: “bring them up…”
Both the command to the children and the command to the father go against our “old nature and its old clothes”. Our sin nature says, “I don’t want to listen & obey”, kids. And “Do what I tell you, because I’m the parent.” But God has called us to something greater.
When parents “encourage their children, especially, in the things of the Lord” the children find it easier to “obey” their parents.
And when children “obey” their parents, parents find it easier to “encourage their children in the things of the Lord”.
God’s model for the workplace (v22-4:1)
It is one thing to be “dressed right” in a healthy relationship with someone who you trust, respect and know. One with whom you know has your best interest at heart. But what about in a relationship with someone who is your authority or one who could abuse you for any cause? How difficult would that be?
At the time Paul wrote this letter, some historians say as much as 40% of the Roman population were in some kind of slavery. The early church without a doubt had both slaves and master in its congregations. Even the Colossian church was dealing with its own slave situation. Paul had sent back a runaway slave named Onesimus to his master Philemon.
While few of us are in an actual “slave/master relationship”, there are enough parallels to the employee and employer that I’ll be comparing it to that relationship.
A. Slaves “obey” The parallel passage is Eph.6:5-8
Lit: “Keep on obeying” (listen to, hearken, follow) This is the same word he used to tell children.
The extent is, “in everything” & “whatever you do”. This means total obedience unless the instruction is against God’s Word.
How? - “not by way of eye-service”, “ but with sincerity of heart”, “fearing the Lord”
ILL: A missionary was put in charge of supervising a group of nationals on a work detail. He was frustrated because they were lazy and worked only while he was watching them. When he left they would sit around and not work. The missionary had a glass eye so he decided he would try something. He took his glass eye out and sat it on a fence post and told the nationals he would be watching them even when he was away. This work great for a while, and the missionary was thrilled until one day he came back and saw them sitting around again. He looked over to the fence post and saw that someone had placed a hat over his eye. What’s sad is some Christian employees aren’t much different!
Slaves “work heartily”
Lit: “working with you whole heart”
Why? – “as to the Lord”
-“Knowing that from the Lord…
- “you will receive the inheritance” This is a special paradox since slaves never received an earthly inheritance. Payday isn’t always on Friday, nor does it always come in the form of a check.
Slaves “serve”
Lit: “you are serving the Lord” or “keep on serving”
Our service is first and foremost to our Heavenly Lord!
Why? – “…will be paid back” , “…no partiality”
B. Master “treat” The parallel passage is Eph.6:9
Lit: “to cause to experience something”
How? – “justly” Lit: “that which is right”
-“fairly” Lit: “equality”
Why? – “you also have a Master in heaven”
Once again, both the command to the slaves and the command to the master go against our “old nature and its old clothes”. Our sin nature says, “I don’t want to listen & obey”. And “Do what I tell you, because I’m the boss.” But God has called us to something far greater.
When employers “treat their employees justly and fairly” the employees find it easier to “obey” their employers.
And when employees “obey” their employers, employers find it easier to “treat their employees justly and fairly”.
Here’s the bottom line for the employee, whether your boss treats you right and fairly or not you are to “obey & work for” your employer as if you were working for the Lord. And employers, as one who also has a heavenly Master, and whether your employees are “obedient” or not, you are to “treat them as the Lord would treat them”.
Conclusion:
Our passage ends with the word “Master/Lord” being used seven times. And unlike our “less than human friends”, we can choose to have “Christ at our core”.
And when Christ is at your core, you will be enabled by the Holy Spirit to “submit” and “obey” because you are doing so as to the Lord.
And by having Christ at your core, we’ll be able to “love”, “encourage”, and “treat” those under our ‘watch care’ as our Savior would.
Each of us can only be responsible for our own attitudes, choices and behavior within our relationships. We cannot change those things in others, only the Lord can.
If you’re in a struggling marriage today, how much “heart action” are you displaying to your spouse? Are you doing what is being said here, or…?
If you’re at odds with your parents or children today, how much “heart action” are you displaying to your parents or children? Are you doing what is being said here, or…?
If you’re having difficulties at work with your employer or employees today, how much “heart action” are you displaying to your employer or employees? Are you doing what is being said here, or…?
What relationships do you need to “dress better” for?
What relationships do you need to put more “heart” into?
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