Mayor Gerardo Balmori
The Salvation Army
Self respect comes from having strong character. Say whatever you want about what constitutes self
respect, but it cannot exist apart from a strong, Godly character. D. L. Moody said Character is what you
are in the dark. [1]
Where does character come from? How does it arrive? After all, everyone has character; not everyone’s
character is something about which you’d want to boast. Charles Swindoll, in Growing Deep in the
Christian Life [3], tells about a man who bought fried chicken dinners for himself and his date late one
afternoon. The attendant at the fast food outlet, however, inadvertently gave him the proceeds from the
day’s business--a bucket of money (much of it cash) instead of fried chicken. Swindoll writes:
"After driving to their picnic site, the two of them sat down to enjoy some chicken. They discovered a
whole lot more than chicken--over $800! But he was unusual. He quickly put the money back in the bag.
They got back into the car and drove all the way back. By then, the manager was frantic.
"The Man got out, walked in, and became an instant hero.” I want you to know I came by to get a couple
of chicken dinners and wound up with all this money here.’
"Well, the manager was thrilled to death. He said, ’Let me call the newspaper. I’m gonna have your
picture put in the local paper. You’re one of the most honest men I’ve ever heard of.’
"To which the man quickly responded, ’Oh, no. No, no, don’t do that!’ Then he leaned closer and
whispered, ’You see, the woman I’m with--she’s, uh, somebody else’s wife.’ "
So, I ask again, Where does strong character come from? I maintain it is in the hands and lives of Mom
and Dad (the home), and our society – but mostly it is formed in the home. It happens in the everyday of
life.
I believe we can teach our children to have a self-respect that will build a strong Godly character. It is a
matter of balancing discipline and instruction with our own daily example, and it is not the impossible
dream, even in a society where ethics and character are not required any more – even with presidents.
As always, God’s word, the Bible, has the answers. As the parts and service manual is to the repairman,
the Holy Scriptures is to any parent who would teach his children respect for himself.
Here is Ephesians 6.4 in two different translations:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (KJV)
Fathers, don’t make your children bitter about life.
Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction. (GWT)
The issue of making children bitter about life, is the matter of
…the overbearing or abusive parent who frustrates his child by never allowing him room for growth or
mistakes.
…it is also the parent who makes endless rules, then changes them as his own mood changes.
…it is the father or mother that yells, rather than communicates.
…it is the household where children begin to understand they will never be good enough, never meet the
parent’s standards.
This is the place of children provoked to wrath, who grow up cynical and angry. It is the perfect medium
for the growth of bacteria known as hatred; it winds up in the tragedy of a Columbine High School.
We can do better. There is the second half of that verse, but bring them up in Christian discipline and
instruction. That is our mission this morning. Let’s look at six characteristics of CHARACTER-BUILDING
parents…
I. Committed enough to the Faith to pass it along.
Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have
seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’
sons; Deuteronomy 4:9 (KJV)
Many people in America attend church, and even Sunday School. Some come every time the doors swing
open. That is good. However, it is no replacement for evangelizing your kids.
Our thesis for all these messages is that we must teach and require respect at home and at church.
Teaching our children “self-respect” includes at the very base of our faith, that no person can have a
healthy understanding of who he is, and the value of his life until he is a born-again child of God.
Our faith teaches the inestimable value of the human soul. Scripture here says to keep [your] soul
diligently, meaning to attend to matters of reverence and worship before holy God. It tells us to teach it to
our children, and their children. You build the foundation of character in your children by introducing
them to the “Chief Cornerstone” (Eph 2.20, 1 Pe 2.6), Jesus Christ. Pass along the faith.
II. Creative enough to arouse curiosity towards God.
And when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What mean the testimonies, and the statutes, and
the judgments, which the LORD our God hath commanded you? Deuteronomy 6:20 (KJV)
This passage is from the promises God gave to Israel when they first became a nation under Moses. They
were being reminded that they were to be very creative in teaching their young ones about God.
When it comes to respect for self, most kids don’t have a clue that always trying to pass the blame for
their own errors or sins is the very thing that makes having a Godly character impossible.
This passage says the kids will ask about God and what all the worship stuff is about. Do your kids ask
you? If not, perhaps it is because that worship stuff isn’t the center of your life as it is supposed to be. Do
you talk creatively about worship?
III. Consistent enough to weave holiness into all of life.
And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou
walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 11:19 (KJV)
This passage is at the end of Moses’ rehearsal of the Ten Commandments. Moses is at the end of his
leadership time (and his life), and he is preparing Israel to get along without him. (Incidentally, that is a
very good description of a parent’s job, that is – to work himself out of a job!).
What Moses said in the preceding several chapters is, live a consistent holy life before God, and your land
will be blessed. That has grand implications for raising children too. If you will live a holy life before God
and your children, your children will be a blessing. Consistent Godly behavior instills respect.
I broke my own rule last week. On Monday I watched 10 minutes of “Fear Factor”. If you haven’t seen the
show, don’t worry – you haven’t missed much worth seeing. On this particular show, there were four
contestants. In order to progress to the next level towards winning $50,000, they each had to spend 3
minutes totally naked on a stage runway in front of the studio audience.
Of course the networks blurred the vital areas. (If they could have gotten past the censors without editing
I’m certain they would have shown it in a heartbeat.)
We are thinking today of self-respect. I want to tell you I felt dirty just watching the edited part of that
show. I wondered about the contestants and the audience. In craving fame or attention, the exhibitionist
contestants were egged-on by a cheering mob to flaunt their nakedness. Now, although the audience was
applauding and cheering loudly, was there a single bit of admiration in the house? That audience was
looking on with mocking and derision – and, if they would admit it, revulsion at the lack of self-respect
the contestants had for themselves.
I am certain there was at least one common thought factor among the, “reasonably sane” in the audience
– “I’m glad it’s not me up there.” Now, this show is a highly rated popular show. Is it any wonder it is
getting impossible to watch TV with your family any more?
“You’re a prude, Pastor.” No – I don’t think that’s it at all. I just have more respect for my soul, and what I
will be able to discuss with my children and grandchildren, than to watch degrading filth like that.
IV. Loving enough to confront inappropriate behavior.
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 19:18 (KJV)
We have spent much time in the previous two messages on correcting bad behavior. However, we simply
mention it to stay consistent. Teaching your child to have self-respect cannot be done without discipline.
The writer of Proverbs knew to say let not thy soul spare for his crying. He means, if you don’t follow
through on the discipline, the boy will know he’s got a wimp for a parent. I have actually had tears in my
eyes over the crying of one of my children during a spanking. But, if I stopped, the discipline would be
lost.
This is one of the reasons I find it hard to keep my mouth shut when I hear a Mom or Dad constantly
threaten to punish, but never following-through. When you say, “Child, quit that, or I will have to punish
you.” – and the child doesn’t quit – what is the next step; another warning? I think not.
If that’s what you do, you have (at the least) proven you won’t ever discipline him the first time, and he
can always disobey at least a few times. At the worst you have lied to your child, promising discipline, and
delivering a bail-out. If there is one thing that creates respect for you (and therefore creates respect within
the child) it is when Daddy or Mommy takes all their promises seriously – even those promises to
discipline.
V. Patient enough to correct for the long haul.
Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Where there is no
vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 29:17-18 (KJV)
Vision is not just for politicians, preachers and artists. Vision is what it takes to get your family through. It
is the vision of knowing God is in it, and you, for the long haul.
Creating an atmosphere and learning ground of self-respect for your children means seeing the long
picture. It means teaching all of God’s counsel to the little ones and living it before them, day-in, day=out.
It means not expecting to get patted on the back for doing what you should do, but plodding on, doing
right, even when it costs. That is what builds character.
What is the “payoff” for all that effort? The payoff for the parents who exhibit these qualities is children
who live Psalm 1:1-6 (Read)
