The Art of Marriage
Part 2 – Lessons for Husbands
Matthew 1 & 2
February 20, 2011
NOTE: THE ME/WE/GOD/YOU/WE FORMAT IS FROM ANDY STANLEY'S BOOK, "COMMUNICATING FOR A CHANGE."
Audio of this message can be heard at www.aberdeenwesleyan.org
Me: I mentioned last week that I come to this series of messages on marriage with fear and trembling.
Mainly because I know how far short I fall in many areas.
So today I’m going to preach about stuff that I’m absolutely perfect in. Then I can feel better about myself and concentrate on making you feel like a loser!
How’s that for motivation to listen up, guys?
Today I’m focusing on the guys mainly, so I’m going to ask that you ladies keep your elbows to yourself, keeping in mind that next week I’ll be addressing you with some things that you can bring into your marriage that will help it grow and flourish, much as the guys can bring.
We: I think that every married guy wants to have a great marriage, right?
I don’t think any guy looks at marriage and says, “How can I make my life and the life of my wife as miserable as possible?”
Or, “My goal in life is have a bad marriage. I wonder how many kids we can bring into it?”
I think every husband would like a better marriage, even those of us with good marriages.
The problem is that most guys think that the way to a better marriage is for their wives to get in gear and start making their husbands happier. Then everything will be better in their marriage.
But as I mentioned last week, the key isn’t that you have the right spouse, it’s being the right spouse.
And guys, that’s where it has to start. With us. The husbands – and prospective husbands.
If you’re looking at your marriage and recognize it can use some improvement – as all marriages can, then I think you’ll find some things that will both challenge and encourage you as we go through the message today.
God/You:
I want us to take a look at the life of Joseph, Jesus’ foster dad, to find some lessons for being a good husband.
All we know of Joseph comes from these two first chapters of Matthew and some brief mentions in the first three chapters of Luke.
We don’t hear anything about Joseph after the episode in Luke where Jesus is found sitting among the scholars in Jerusalem asking them questions, except in one little reference to him that I’ll show you a little later we find in the gospels.
We don’t know if he lived to be an old man, although it’s pretty certain he didn’t since he is not mentioned as being with his wife, Mary, at Jesus’ crucifixion.
We just don’t know.
But what we can know about Joseph from the Scriptures paints a very good picture of him.
Today I want to point out four things about Joseph that all of us guys can latch onto in our efforts to be the best husbands we can be.
First off…
Joseph cared for his family’s protection.
There are three examples of when the angel told Joseph to do something, and he did it.
One of those examples was a command to get up and get his family out of harm’s way because the king was out to get baby Jesus.
Chapter 1:13-14 –
13 When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. "Get up," he said, "take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him."
14 So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt,
Joseph could have said, “Look, Mr. Angel, Egypt is a loooooong way away. I’ve got a business to protect, I don’t have a lot of money – oh wait, one of the magi dudes brought gold – scratch that, but anyway, it would be a whole lot easier for us to stay right here in Bethlehem, don’t you think?”
“I could put them up at my Aunt Ethel’s house and they’d never find them – I know because I got lost there for 2 weeks when I was 6…”
Nope. Joseph didn’t make excuses. He did what he needed to do to protect his family.
Now I understand that in spite of what some extremists would say, the government is probably not plotting to kill your family.
So what are the things you need to protect your family from nowadays?
How about harmful things on your computer? Have you installed a filter or something that can keep you and your family from stumbling on certain types of garbage that are out there?
If not, I would suggest you do that today. You can get the b-secure filter from the American Family Association, which is what my family uses, or go to internetsafety.com and buy a filter to protect you and your family.
You don’t need to wait until tomorrow – you can do it online today.
Intrusive in-laws?
Scams that can hurt you financially.
The wrong friends for your kids.
Yes, violence – if that’s an issue where you live.
Joseph cared for His family’s provision.
Joseph was a guy that took care that his family’s needs were met.
The only mention of Joseph after Jesus was twelve years old is a mention of him when some of his hometown folk were getting on Jesus after He did some miracles and they were offended.
Matthew 13:55 –
“Isn't this the carpenter's son?”
This might not seem like a big deal, but it’s the only mention of Joseph’s occupation we find in Scripture.
What I want to focus on is the fact that the people could point to the way Joseph provided for his family.
Notice they didn’t say, “Isn’t that the slacker’s son?” Or, “Isn’t this the son of the guy who gambled away his family’s entire savings away so they lost their home?”
No – Joseph had an income as a carpenter.
Guys – I believe we have a Scriptural responsibility to provide for our family as best we can.
Before I go further, let me say that on the surface, some of what I’m going to say may seem heavy-handed and maybe even a bit unfair, but I want you to hang tight and hear me out, okay, because I think you’ll get where I’m coming from.
One of the passages of Scripture that has formed the basis for my thinking for this over the years is 1Timothy 5:8 –
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Guys – I don’t think it gets any clearer than this. We’re supposed to provide for our families.
If we can work, we need to work. Whether that’s by holding a job, owning a business, or whatever.
We need to do whatever it takes to make sure our family is taken care of.
And I mean with things like food, clothing, and shelter. Not necessarily cell phones with unlimited texting plans or cars for your kids.
Nothing wrong with those, but I think this passage is talking about the basic stuff of life – not basic cable…
Okay – here’s the disclaimer:
There is a difference between can work and won’t work.
I understand that times are tough in the job market, or that there may be some physical reason you can’t work.
I’m not talking about those who can’t work. This passage is talking to those who won’t work.
Here’s some good news – or it might be bad news, depending on your perspective:
As tough as jobs are to find, there are jobs to be had. You may have to lower your standards a bit to find something that will pay the bills.
Here’s what I tell guys who say they’re looking for work but can’t seem to find anything:
First of all, just about every fast-food place in town is hiring at any given moment.
Second, if you can’t get the job you want, you have to take the job you can get.
And third, you may have to take more than one job at a time to provide for your family.
Believe me, I understand that deal, having done that for most of the last 20 years.
I’m not saying the wife shouldn’t work outside the home to help.
I’m saying that the guy should be the one to make sure that the family is provided for – through his own efforts primarily.
Joseph provided for his family – and husbands should do the same thing. If for no other reason than the fact that our ladies need to know that they are being taken care of.
Here’s the third lesson we can learn from Joseph:
Joseph cared for his wife’s reputation.
Here’s something that I’m not sure we talk about enough as guys and that maybe we should make more of a priority nowadays.
Let’s look back at chapter 1, verses 18-19 –
18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.
19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
Joseph saw that Mary was in trouble, and he tried to do what was best to her by trying to help her avoid public disgrace.
Remember, they weren’t actually married yet, but ancient world betrothals had the same commitment level and breaking up was, in fact, a divorce.
But Joseph wanted to do it in a way that would allow Mary to save face.
And then, on the word of the angel, he married Mary – and all of a sudden, Mary is no longer an unmarried pregnant teen.
She’s the wife of a solid citizen who had a reputation as a righteous man.
Guys, let me ask you: if someone were to say something negative about your wife, how would you respond?
When I met with the board about coming here as the pastor, I made one thing very clear: I would not tolerate grumbling against my wife.
My wife is not perfect. She makes mistakes from time to time.
But if someone has a problem with her, they need to go to her about it, and not grumble about her behind her back.
Not too long ago I came across a situation where someone (not from this church) did just that by sending out an e-mail to a bunch of people that was critical of my wife.
I confronted this person and told them to knock it off.
If someone says something negative about your wife, and especially if it’s false, you need to step in.
You do it graciously, but firmly, and you let that person know that you won’t tolerate your wife’s reputation being dirtied by anybody.
She is your wife. She is part of you. You are to cherish her like Jesus cherishes the Church and died for her.
Your wife – and everyone else – needs to see that you’ll protect your wife’s reputation, even if it costs you your own.
Joseph put his own reputation on the line to help Mary. Your wife needs you to do the same thing.
And the most important thing we carry away from Joseph as a model of a good husband was that…
Joseph had a right relationship with God.
This, guys, is the foundation of what made Joseph a great husband.
Back to verse 19 –
Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man…
Earlier I talked about how Joseph was in tune with God so that he could understand how God was orchestrating the events around his marriage to Mary as well as the birth of Jesus.
This is the basis of that “in-tuneness.”
Joseph had a relationship with God that formed his character in ways that show up through all the stuff we’ve looked at today.
Joseph was a righteous guy.
His righteousness was based in his belief in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and in the coming Messiah.
His righteousness was displayed in how he obeyed God and the Scriptures. Not only in how he handle the whole pregnant Mary/Jesus-in-danger situation, but in how he followed the Scriptures in presenting Jesus at the temple and bringing Him to temple on what must have been a regular basis, since that’s where Jesus naturally went when He went missing when He was twelve.
He honored God as he honored his family.
He was a righteous guy.
This is why Joseph was so in tune with God.
Joseph knew enough about God to be able to recognize that the angel’s instructions to Him were from God Himself.
From chapter 1 –
20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.
24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.
Then again from chapter 2 –
13 When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. "Get up," he said, "take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him."
14 So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt,
Five verses later…
19 After Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt 20 and said, "Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the child's life are dead."
21 So he got up, took the child and his mother and went to the land of Israel.
Three times in these first two chapters of Matthew, an angel comes to Joseph to give him encouragement and instruction regarding Mary and Jesus.
And what did Joseph do each time? He believed and obeyed the instructions.
How does that happen? How do you get to the point where when God says to do something you just do it – even when it doesn’t make sense right away?
Well, first of all you have to have the right relationship with God, which I’ll cover later in the message.
Second, it happens as we become more familiar with Scripture by spending time reading, studying, and applying it in your life.
Then you will be able to tell when the input you receive from others is actually from God or from other source that you should ignore.
Guys – if we want to be the best husband and the best dad we can be, we need to have a solid relationship with God based on the Scriptures.
Start today to get into the Word of God if you aren’t already, asking the Holy Spirit to open your heart and mind to understand them so you can obey them the way you should.
And I really mean today.
It’s too important to just blow off. You need God’s Word living and active in you if you want to be the husband God wants you to be and that your wife needs you to be.
It starts with you putting your faith in Jesus, if you haven’t already.
Give your life to Jesus, committing to live for Him from this point on, and allow Him to use His Word to make you a great husband.
Two more applications
Okay – so there are some lessons we can learn from Joseph.
But I want to mention a couple other things that aren’t mentioned in our passage, but that I think you need to hear while I’ve got you in the seats.
There are a couple things that I still struggle with that could really take my marriage – and yours – to the next level.
1. Spending time ALONE with your wife that has nothing to do with the bedroom.
Where you could talk and reconnect.
Where you can squeeze her hand and look into her eyes and tell her you love her.
And yes, your wife needs to be told. She needs to hear it from your lips, and not just in how you provide for her, or from the printed words of a card.
“My wife knows I love her – she doesn’t need me to tell her.”
Yes – she does. And she WANTS to hear it from you.
2. Praying WITH your wife – and not just at the supper table.
To hold her hand and either kneel together or just sit together and ask God – out loud – to bless her and help her with whatever she’s facing, and thanking God for putting her in your life.
Praying that God would give her the strength to take care of all she needs to do – and the strength to put up with you in spite of your shortcomings.
Her hearing you pray for her as you pray with her will be a major blessing.
And you know what? I’ve got some really great excuses as to why I don’t do better at these things.
And guys – they’re the same excuses you use. Gotta work late, tired from work, gotta pay the bills, stressed by paying the bills, an important game or TV show or movie is on, or whatever.
I have found that I’m really good at coming up with excuses.
But you know what it really is? Sin. Because I am not honoring my wife like Scripture says to.
She deserves better than that.
And here, in front of you all, on my anniversary, I’m committing to her that I will work harder at these two things in particular.
You can ask her down the road if I’ve gotten any better at them – and she has my permission to let you know if I have improved any.
We: Guys, I said last week that families are the backbone of any society.
You have weak families, you have a weak society. You have strong families, you have a strong society.
But guys, it starts with you and me. Us guys taking responsibility to be the men – the husbands and dads we need to be.
The husbands and dads that God commands us to be and who God wants to help us to be.
The question is whether or not we’ll step up and do it, or if we’ll just live by default and watch our marriages be average.
And if the current state of marriage in our country is any indication, then “average” if pretty bad.
Guys – God wants more for us and our marriages than just “average.”
Remember, He invented marriage and He wants it to flourish and be awesome – because it reflects our relationship with Him.
So whaddya say we throw “average” out the window and go for “awesome.”
Let’s show the people that marriage is more and better than what we see on TV sitcoms.
Let’s show them that when we love God as we should then we love our spouses as we should, and marriage will be something that’s not made fun of, but something that we can love and enjoy, till death do us part.
Let’s pray.
