FRIENDSHIP
INTRODUCTION: There are different levels of friendship. We have people in our life who are acquaintances, people we like but only see once in a while, usually at a function. Then we have closer friends who we get together with on occasion. We might not see them too often but our level of conversation goes beyond small talk. These are people we have shared interests or experiences with; people with whom we’re compatible. C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You, too? I thought I was the only one’.” Then we have close friends with whom we talk with regularly. We have a more intimate relationship with these people. We may have shared some secrets or personal stuff with them. Usually one doesn’t have too many people they can call close friends. Then we have a best friend. This is the one who knows us best. This is the person we feel comfortable telling anything to. This is the one person whom we feel is our closest companion. Today I’m going to talk about friendship.
1) How should we choose our friends?
• Carefully. Prov. 12:26a, “a righteous man is cautious in friendship.” There’s only one letter separating ‘friend’ from ‘fiend’. Sometimes it seems like there’s a fine line in differentiating between the two. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to turn a friend into a fiend. That can be because of who we decide to call friends. Prov. 22:24-25. Being a friend of someone who has an anger problem puts us at risk. We will have problems. There will be conflict with each other and we will be dragged into conflict through our association with the angry person. If we’re not careful, choosing the wrong friends will cause us much damage. 1st Cor. 15:33, “Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character.” We also have to look out for ‘fair weather’ friends. Prov. 19:4, “Wealth brings many friends but a poor man’s friend deserts him.” We have to try to determine if anyone has an ulterior motive in wanting to be our friend. Socrates said, “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in continue firm and constant.” A friendship is too valuable to be entered into lightly. We need show care when choosing friends.
• Without compromising Christ. Deut. 13:6-8. We shouldn’t entertain a friendship with someone who tries to get us to compromise our devotion to God. We shouldn’t compromise our devotion to God for anyone. Even if our best friend tries to do so we should distance ourselves, as hard as that would be, from that person. Some of our friends might turn on us when we devote our lives to Jesus. But we have to be willing to lose a friend in order to stay true to Jesus. Psalm 119:63, “I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.” We should be careful to make sure we are friends with those who follow God.
• By realizing that friends aren’t perfect. Our friends are human; just like us. They will make mistakes. They will get us angry, they will hurt us. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t value our friendship. Especially if they wrong us and ask for our forgiveness. Consider these imperfect men who were chosen by God: Noah got drunk, Moses was a murderer, Jacob was a deceiver, David was an adulterer, Jonah ran from God, Elijah was a whiner, Jeremiah was depressed, Thomas was a doubter and Paul was a persecutor. God knew this about them yet he chose to use them anyway. He even called the adulterer David a man after his own heart. It’s not always easy to get along with each other. Someone once said, “To dwell above with saints we love, that will be grace and glory. To live below with saints we know, well, that’s another story!” Friends don’t always agree, and that’s okay. Just because we might not always agree and just because we might have conflicting personalities doesn’t mean we can’t get along and be friends. If two friends have a disagreement or an argument that shouldn’t end the relationship. Prov. 17:9, “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separated close friends.” Although we need to be careful when choosing our friends, we need to realize that we will never find that perfect friend. We shouldn’t avoid a friendship because of imperfections. What if someone used that standard with us? Nobody’s perfect including our friends.
2) How can we identify a good friend? A good friend is a good find. Developing positive friendships are the crowning jewels in our life. Someone once said, “A friend is a present you give yourself”. How can we tell if we have a good friend?
• A good friend is concerned about your well-being. When Paul was a prisoner he was put on a ship headed for Rome to appear before Caesar, they made a stop in Sidon. Acts 27:3, “The next day we landed at Sidon; and Julius, in kindness to Paul, allowed him to go to his friends so they might provide for his needs.” Friends look out for the well being of others when they’re willing to help provide for their needs. Illus. book pg. 327-‘Making Coffee’.
• A good friend eases your burdens. Ecc. 4:9-12. Things always go easier and better with a friend. David and Jonathan enjoyed a close, valuable friendship. David was dealing with a lot of stress. When Saul was chasing after David, I’m sure Jonathan’s friendship carried David through and lifted his spirits because he had someone he could talk to and lean on during his times of stress. Someone once said a friend is someone who multiplies joys, divides grief, and whose honesty is unbreakable. Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” When Jesus sent out the Apostles he sent them out he sent them out two by two. He did it the same way when he sent out the 72 disciples. There were reasons for that. One of them was undoubtedly to build friendships where there would be mutual encouragement and edification. They would share ideas and sharpen one another. They would ease each other’s tension as they were embarking on their first solo adventure without their friend Jesus by their side. Having another on the journey combats any loneliness or fear. There would be laughter and joy. Having a good friend to count on eases burdens.
• A good friend tells you what you need to hear. Prov. 27:5-6, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted. This is a good thing. The friend who loves us the most is the one who is willing to offend you in order to convey the truth. It shows they are more concerned with you changing for the better than they are about you liking them. 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another.” Being sharpened causes friction but in the end it’s worth it. Prov. 27:9, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” If we accept what we need to hear and act upon wise counsel it will bring joy to our heart.
• A good friend won’t betray you. Prov. 18:24, “A man of many companions may come to ruin but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” We can have a lot of ‘companions’ but few who are truly friends. Some of the people we think are our friends turn out to be simply acquaintances. There are tests in order to find out who our true friends are. When we are in need who is our helper and who blows us off. When adversity strikes us, who runs and who stays. Someone once said, “A real friend is the one who walks in when everyone else walks out.” I found out who my real friends were when I quit drinking. But some people who we think are our friends betray us. Psalm 55:12-14. Judas betrayed Jesus for money. Job had three so-called friends but they all turned and lashed out against him. But we can rest assured that even if everyone deserted us we have a true friend who will never let us down. Jesus will never leave nor forsake us.
• In order to have a good friend we need to be a good friend. When choosing a friend, we need to be sure that we are ready to be a good friend. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” How can we be a good friend? In his book, The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale lists some rules for becoming the kind of person whom others enjoy being around. Here are some of them: 1) Learn to remember names. I believe this goes a long way with people. 2) Acquire the quality of relaxed, easy-goingness so that things don’t irritate you quite so easily. 3) Don’t be egotistical. Guard against giving the impression that you know it all. Be humble. 4) Sincerely attempt to heal, on an honest Christian basis, every misunderstanding you have had and now have. Drain off your grievances. 5) Practice liking people. In order to do this we will probably need to work on patience and pride. 6) Never miss an opportunity to say a word of encouragement upon anyone’s achievement, or express sympathy in sorrow or disappointment. Proverbs 17:17 starts out by saying that a friend loves at all times. If we are going to be a good friend we need to be ready to always show love. That’s what Jesus did. That is the kind of friend he is to us.
3) Jesus taught us about friendship. John 15:13-15.
• A true friend makes sacrifices (vs. 13). This needs to be taken figuratively as well as literally. Laying down my life for my friends means I’m making sacrifices for them. Friends will sacrifice their time, desires and their resources to help a friend. They are willing to be there for their friend when it’s inconvenient. Then there’s the ultimate sacrifice. Many years ago in Canada a young man, his wife, his two children, and another young man were pursued by a large pack of hungry wolves. When about to be overtaken, they shot some of the wolves. This stopped the wolves a short time while they devoured the dead ones. Again about to be overtaken, they cut the lead horse of the three-horse team loose. The wolves pounced upon him and devoured him. The people were trying to reach the place of safety; but, before they could do so, the wolves were upon them. The young man who was with the other young man and his family said, "The only hope is for me to give myself to the wolves." Then he immediately leaped from the vehicle into the pack of wolves. Of course he was devoured immediately. Just as they reached the place of safety, the wolves were again upon them; but the family rushed in and was safe. They could scarcely rest. They said, "Our friend gave himself for us. We are living because he is dead." Jesus laid down his life for his friends. He became a servant of others. And in the end, he laid down his life on the cross so that we would live. We are spiritually alive because Jesus died for us.
• A true friend is devoted (vs. 14). We can’t use this criterion for our friends. But Jesus can use it regarding us; his servants. If we are a true friend of Jesus then we have accepted him and his commands. We have connected ourselves with him and have surrendered to his wisdom and guidance. We have denounced being a friend to the world and have chosen to be Jesus’ friend instead. James 4:4, “You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” If we want to live in sin we are a friend to the world. We can’t be a friend to the world and a friend to God. We will either be a devoted friend to Jesus or a devoted friend to the flesh. It doesn’t work any other way. This doesn’t mean we will never sin but that we will be a true friend of Jesus when we do what he commands and live according to his will. James 2:23 says that Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness and he was called God’s friend. Abraham was God’s friend because he believed and obeyed him.
• A true friend is personal (vs. 15). This doesn’t mean that we are no longer his servants. Jesus is saying that you are not just servants. If we were just servants, we would not have insight into our master’s heart. But, because Jesus wants to be our friend, he shares his heart with us. He shares his infinite wisdom with us. This is wonderful because of its intimacy. It’s a personal relationship. It’s not just a master/servant relationship. Jesus wants us to know him. He wasn’t just teaching, he wasn’t just commanding; he was sharing, he was transparent. Jesus had 12 close companions with whom he shared intimacy. He laughed with them, cried with them; he loved them. A master doesn’t have to love his servant. Jesus loves us because to him we are much more than just servants. Jesus is our best friend.
CONCLUSION: Poem by Charles Hanson Towne titled, ‘Around the Corner’. ‘Around the corner I have a friend; in this great city that has no end. Yet days go by and weeks rush on; and before I know it a year has gone. And I never see my old friend’s face; for life is a swift and terrible race. He knows I like him just as well; as in the days when I rang his bell. And he rang mine, we were younger then; and now we are busy, tired men. Tired of playing a foolish game; tired of trying to make a name. “Tomorrow,” I say, “I will call on Jim; just to show I am thinking of him.” But tomorrow comes-and tomorrow goes; and the distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner yet miles away; “Here’s a telegram, sir. Jim died today.” And that’s what we get and deserve in the end; around the corner, a vanished friend.’ Is there a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while? Why not connect with them today? Is there a friendship that’s been damaged? Why not seek to mend it today? Perhaps your friendship with Jesus isn’t what it could be. Let’s commit to strengthening our friendships with others; especially our friendship with Jesus.
