Develop a Rule of Life
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, prt. 8
Wildwind Community Church
November 28, 2010
David Flowers
1 Cor. 7:35
A couple of weeks ago when we talked about the Sabbath and the Daily Office, I spent the first eight or nine minutes of the message reviewing the routines that most of us accept as normal for our days. Get up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, work out, head to the office, work, head home, etc., etc. We definitely have routines, don’t we? Most of us in fact have pretty stable routines. Some of us keep extremely stable routines, doing the same things in the same order every day.
In the 6th century, St. Benedict wrote what we call a Rule of Life. A rule of life is simply a consciously chosen routine for living. The word for rule comes from the Greek for the word “trellis,” and of course most of us know that a trellis is a tool that allows a vine to get up off the ground, get more sunlight, and become more productive and fruitful.
A rule of life does for your time what a budget does for your finances. A rule of life tells your time where to go, instead of you sitting around wondering where it went. So my question for you today is are you ready to at least talk about or consider the idea of a rule of life? I’m talking about intentionally creating a routine for your life – a routine that, rather than drain you and zap you every day, allows you to stay in touch with God.
I’m not asking you to walk out of here today and go home and write your entire rule. I’m not asking for something elaborate. I’m asking, really, for two things today. First is that you ask yourself two questions:
1.Am I okay dancing to the same chaotic, hectic, relentless song the rest of the country is dancing to?
2.Is it even possible to stay connected to God when I’m dancing to the world’s song?
Second is to simply begin to consider some ways in which you want your song, your life, to be different.
Because of course we never change until we are sick to death of being where we are. We’ll never try a new way until the old way stops working. Is your way working for you? Do you experience God as closely as you’d like to? Is God as real to you as you’d like him to be? Do you live most of your life with a sense of peace? Do you see new and amazing “fruits” growing out of your life on a regular basis that you can’t fully understand or explain?
Let’s be practical for a moment. One year from now, you will be one year older, regardless of how you choose to live. The question is how you will live this next year. Will you live more intentionally, more in line with the stated goals of your life? Or will you spend another year drifting, playing the school’s game, or AYSO’s game, or the band’s game or the church’s game, or the office’s game? Hopefully every single person in this room has another year to live (and of course we don’t even know THAT!). So how will you spend it? What will it be?
Let me help you look at some areas you might choose to submit to a new rule of life. Ask yourself what am I sick of. What am I sick of. A couple weeks ago I finally got so sick of being out of shape that I bought a treadmill and climbed back up there and started running again. What are you sick of? Are you sick of being in debt? Sick of spending every evening in front of the television? Sick of not knowing your Bible? Sick of never going out with friends? Sick of your own fears and worries? Sick of feeling depressed or sad? Sick of the disconnect between you and your spouse? Sick of the growing chasm between you and your kids? Sick of your body the way it is? What are you sick of? The answer can be absolutely anything, but it has to be about you, not about someone else. This is about what YOU can do to step into the stream of grace, not about what you wish someone else would do.
What are you sick of is, in my opinion, a better question than, “What do you desire?” because we have many desires for our lives, but we’re not sick enough of the way things are to move toward what we desire. So how would you complete this sentence – “I don’t, I won’t, I can’t, I never, I always – and I’M SICK TO DEATH OF IT!” The answer to that question “What are you sick of” is a great place to start with a rule of life.
Have a couple of ideas? If so, then you have a starting place. Let me give you some general categories that a rule of life might include:
First is prayer. Under prayer falls activities that help us connect directly to God: the reading and praying of scripture; silence and solitude; the Daily Office; and study – by this I mean a focused time of learning more about God and about yourself, whether that is through books, conferences, videos, audiobooks, whatever. The Psalms are a book of prayers, so I would highly recommend praying through the Psalms. Concerning silence Dallas Willard writes, “Silence is frightening because it strips us as nothing else does, throwing us upon the stark realities of our life. It reminds us of death, which will cut us off from this world and leave us only God.” That’s the reason most people avoid silence, but it’s the reason we need to run to it. The final reality will be us and God. God invites us to live in that reality now and to experience now his peace and his joy. We do this mostly in silence and to avoid silence is to miss the presence and love of God. Show me someone who misses God’s presence and I’ll show you someone who is probably not sitting regularly in silence.
The next category is Rest, and under this category fall things such as Sabbath, Simplicity, and Play and Recreation. We talked about Sabbath a couple weeks ago. In our society, Simplicity may be the most important spiritual practice next to solitude and silence.
1 Corinthians 7:35 (MSG)
35 ... All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
Simplicity involves setting parameters around our time and the time of our family members. It involves not getting bogged down with excessive material possessions and toys (which is huge for me because I love that stuff!). It involves deciding just how clean your house needs to be and drawing a line there so that you are free to focus on your deepest values. The financial principle of tithing is also part of this – the practice of faithfully returning at least 10% of your income back to God through charitable donations. Money is important -- making it, saving it, spending it, and giving it away. We cannot overlook any of these four aspects of our financial lives and expect to maintain a simple lifestyle. If you are not regularly giving 10% of your income back to God, I encourage you to make a financial commitment today, at least to this church, if not to several other charitable organizations that mean something to you. Keep challenging yourself in this area. I know this year Christy and I added another $100/month to what we give to Wildwind. I hope we are all on a journey to be more and more aggressive in our giving. In December you’re going to begin hearing about a course we’ll be starting in January called Financial Peace University. We will be encouraging every individual and family at Wildwind to take this course, which has the proven ability to change our views of money and our handling of money forever, in ways that deeply benefit ourselves, our families, our church, and the world.
Anyway play and recreation also falls under the category, obviously, of rest. Be careful here. It’s easy to go grab a movie and watch it, thinking it’s restful – but oftentimes we actually feel depleted when it’s over. Just more time sitting in front of the television. Instead, do a little advance planning and go out to dinner and then see a movie if you want to. Do it with a spouse, your whole family, or close friends. I’ve never known anyone to do dinner and a movie and end up feeling depleted, but videos at home carry that potential. I know movies at the theater cost more money, but they also do a better job of refreshing and restoring us. Remember, God built feast days into the Hebrew calendar. The Jews were commanded by God to take time off here and there to party – to enjoy food and drink and music and good company.
The next category is Work/Activity. This involves service and mission, and caring for your physical body. Now these categories are arbitrary, obviously. If you really love working out, you might put that under recreation. I don’t really like doing it, so for me it goes under Work and Activity. I do love to read though, so for me it easily goes under prayer, or rest, but I realize for some of you it would more appropriately fall under work. The categories aren’t that important – what is important is finding ways in which you want your life to be different and then writing up your new routine. Under Service and Mission you would have things like serving the poor and marginalized; bridging racial/cultural/economic barriers; working for justice and the environment; and world missions. Care for the body would include stuff like exercise, proper diet, getting enough sleep, getting an annual physical, stuff like that.
The final category is Relationships. Here you would start with your relationship with yourself, which means maintaining and increasing your emotional health. This might involve reading up on a certain thing that has been bothering you (a book about anxiety, for example), or journaling, or choosing to see a counselor or meet regularly with a mature close friend who can help you work through stuff. Also in this category is your relationship with your family. How will you choose to become a better parent, a better spouse, a better lover, a better companion, a better son or daughter, a better brother or sister? Do you see any areas here where you are sick of the way you have been and it’s time for a change?
Last under relationships is your relationship with your community. Since we’re in church, that’s a good place to start. What is your relationship with your church? Are you allowing people to know you and become part of your life? Are you making yourself available to invest in other people, or are you just waiting around for someone else to take the initiative? How are you connecting with this faith community? Have you joined a small group? If not, that is definitely the number one way to connect into a community. You may or may not find close friends in your first small group, but keep trying. Try out some different groups, meet a variety of people. We would love to see every single one of you connected into a small group – no exceptions. The question is who are your companions on the journey? Who do you allow to ask you difficult questions and challenge you and love you and encourage you? Do you only want people to love you when it’s convenient for you and doesn’t ask much of you, or are you willing to go to small group even when you are tired and don’t feel like it? When you miss and people ask where you were, will you choose to be defensive about it, or will you accept it as an expression of care, realizing that part of letting people love you is a certain accountability to them? Many people say they want to be close to others, but will not make the commitment that close friendships require. I hope if you are not in a group, you will sign up for our next round of groups. I hope if you are in a group, you will renew your commitment to the people who love you and are growing because of your presence in their life. If you are a member of the church and have stepped out of group for a while (which is fine, that’s the way we’re set up!), I call you to honor your commitments and move right back into group again next round and let the process work its subtle magic. (Non-members, one of the things we ask of our members is to commit to a lifestyle of participation in small groups – we really believe this is important for our growth.)
So we’ve gone over the major categories, along with their sub-categories, of things you might want to consider as you think about what a rule of life might look like for yourself. Again, I am asking only that you ask yourself, “What am I sick of in my life” and then make some conscious changes in your life so that you progress toward greater emotional health and greater connection to God in the next year. Let’s not wait until the new year to make some needed changes. Remember, ultimately a rule of life is about choosing to live intentionally in ways that keep you connected to yourself, your closest relationships, and the needs of the world around you. Taken together, these keep you connected to God.
That’s it. With that, we bring our Emotionally Healthy sermon series to a close. Let’s briefly review what we have covered.
In week 1 we talked about the problem of emotionally unhealthy spirituality, looked at its signs and symptoms, and introduced the solution, which is emotional health and contemplative spirituality.
In week 2 we talked about becoming your true, authentic self – letting the false self peel away so you can be restored to the joyful person God created you to be.
In week 3 we talked about going back in order to go forward – breaking the power of the past in your life.
In week 4 we talked about the wall – how it’s a terrible place to be, but how it’s also a place where our relationship with God can deepen and move to the next level.
In week 5, we talked about enlarging your soul through grief and loss – the importance of grieving our losses appropriately and not trying to put things in the past until we have actually dealt with them.
We devoted week 6 to explaining the Daily Office and the Sabbath and I tried to help you imagine how radically your life would be changed if you decided to adopt these two practices. They are acts of rebellion, actually, against a culture that is trying to swallow you up, and will succeed, if you let it.
Last week we looked at a profile of an emotionally healthy adult and talked about how one of the main ways we grow into an emotionally healthy adult is to practice the presence of people – learning to listen below their words, to consider every person as the presence of God right in front of you, etc. (Small group helps us learn to do this)
Remember that our goal in the past eight weeks has been to start you on the journey to Emotionally Healthy Spirituality if you were not already on it before we started -- to launch a revolution in the way you understand and relate to God. As you leave today you will be given a list of suggested resources you might use to help you continue your own journey into emotionally healthy spirituality. Now, don’t look at the list and instantly feel overwhelmed and frustrated because you don’t know where to begin! Remember that Emotionally Healthy Spirituality is about being aware of our feelings and responses, and simply asking God to meet us there. If you feel overwhelmed, get quiet and ask God what is going on, what you are afraid of, and how you can move forward. The Holy Spirit is behind our search for truth and will use whatever tools we pick out as long as we are willing to listen to what’s happening inside of us, be honest, and remain open.
“Father, thank you for your love and care for us all. Thank you that through the fear and sadness we experience as we dig deeper down into ourselves, we know you are with us and are leading us into greater truth and a deeper connection with you, and that is what we most need. Amen.”
