A Messiah Who Restores Relationships
Text: Matt. 18:15-20
Introduction
1. Illustration: "Life without confrontation is directionless, aimless, passive. When unchallenged, human beings tend to drift, wander and stagnate. Confrontation is a gift, a necessary stimulation to jog one out of mediocrity or prod one back from extremes."
2. No one enjoys confrontation.
a. We don't like being confronted.
b. We dread having to confront someone else.
c. The reality is there are times when it is inevitable.
3. Jesus teaches us that the best thing to do is...
a. Deal with it in private
b. Deal with it with integrity
c. Deal with it and maintain unity
4. Read Matt. 18:15-20
Proposition: If we confront people in the right way it will foster restoration.
Transition: The most import thing is to...
I. Deal With It In Private (15).
A. Go Privately
1. The key to understanding this text, in my opinion, is seeing it in its context and not separating one verse from the others. However, we must also understand not what it is saying, but also what it is not saying.
2. First Jesus says, “If another believer sins against you..."
a. He says if another "believer," another person who is living for Christ.
b. It is literally a "brother," but it is a reference to anyone fellow follower of Christ regardless of gender.
c. That is the key, this is what we do when another Christian is involved.
d. The second key lies in the word "sins."
e. Sins has the literal meaning of "missing the mark" and is the basic New Testament verb for sin, missing the mark of God's standards.
f. Just as the category of the sinner is inclusive, so is the category of sin.
g. In other words, this does not mean if a person hurts your feelings you go and jump in their face and give them what for.
h. Jesus is talking about when another believer deliberately sins by lying about you, taking something that belonged to you, or cheats you in some way.
i. It's not merely about hurt feelings, it is about sin.
j. The third key is "against you."
k. We need to realize that when we sin we not only hurt God but we also hurt other believers, and this can cause rift between two believers which can hamper or make fellowship impossible.
3. Jesus says when this happens we are to "go privately and point out the offense."
a. Such an encounter must be undertaken with privacy so that if it is resolved, no undue attention will be given to the tragedy of sin committed by a member of the community.
b. The ultimate objective of the encounter is not punishment but restoration — winning over a brother so that he can be restored to the faithful path of discipleship (Wilkins, NIV Application Commentary, New Testament: Matthew, 618).
c. It is about restoring someone who is not in right relationship with God.
d. The key is that of the sinning believer becoming right with God and with you.
e. The emphasis is on the spiritual need of the one doing the sinning.
f. "You must conduct your judgment of him privately. Make your cure easy to accept. For the words "point out the offense" mean nothing other than help him see the indiscretion" (Chrysostom, Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture, vol. 1b, 76).
g. We must understand that the Christian life cannot be lived alone on an island, but that the Christian life is all about community.
h. We are a part of the family of God, and when someone falls into sin they are in danger of being lost as a member of the family.
i. Step number one is all about restoring a member of the family (Horton, 383).
4. Jesus then points out the goal of the confrontation, "If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back."
a. In such a case, the offending brother or sister is not only to be confronted by the one who is offended but also forgiven if he or she repents.
b. The one who is sinned against should approach the offender in a spirit of humility and meekness, and his motive for rebuke should be the restoration of the brother or sister to holiness.
c. It should never come from a spirit of vindictiveness.
d. Jesus said if we do this we will have "won that person back."
e. Won was originally a term of commerce referring to financial gain or profit.
f. Here it refers to the gaining back of something of value that is lost, namely an erring brother or sister (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
g. It's all about restoration!
B. Personal Touch
1. Illustration: I once heard about a confrontation between a young boy and his mother. The mother asked her son, "Young man, there were two cookies in the pantry this morning! May I ask how it happened that there’s only one now?" The boy didn’t flinch but said, "It must’ve been so dark I didn’t see the other one."
2. We must deal with it directly.
a. Leviticus 19:17 (NLT)
“Do not nurse hatred in your heart for any of your relatives. Confront people directly so you will not be held guilty for their sin."
b. When we choose not deal with it we open up the door to biterness.
c. When we open up the door to bitterness we open up the door to resentment.
d. When we open up the door to resentment we open up the door to hatred.
e. When we open up the door to hatred the devil has won.
3. We must deal with it gently.
a. Galatians 6:1 (NLT)
Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
b. We are not to judge them.
c. We are not to condemn them.
d. We are to be gentle, humble, and understanding.
4. We must be willing to forgive.
a. Luke 17:4 (NLT)
Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.”
b. If that person asks forgiveness we must forgive.
c. Just as we have been forgiven we must forgive.
d. Just as we have much to be forgiven for so we must forgive those that sin against us.
Transition: If that doesn't work, we move on to step two.
II. Deal With It With Integrity (16-17).
A. If You Are Unsuccessful
1. What we hope for is that the person in question will respond positively to the confrontation, repent, and be forgiven. However, since we are human, it doesn't always work out that way.
2. Therefore Jesus says, "But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses."
a. When done in the proper way, the sinning believer should listen, but if they don't the danger of losing them increases, so we must proceed to step two.
b. The idea of taking someone with you is not to condemn or browbeat the other person, but rather it is to make sure that there is no miscommunication to avoid a "he said," "she said," situation.
c. This basic procedure for confirming facts in a dispute or in an allegation of wrongdoing had been set forth by Moses (Deut. 19:15) and was therefore familiar to every Jew.
d. Deuteronomy 19:15 (NLT)
“You must not convict anyone of a crime on the testimony of only one witness. The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
e. To guard against a person's being slanderously or spitefully accused of a Sin, crime, or other offense he did not commit, the Mosaic law required that at least two or three witnesses must corroborate any charge brought against someone.
f. That was an important protection against the false accusation of an innocent person.
g. They will be able to help arbitrate, or in the case of stubborn rebellion, become witnesses of non-repentance (Wilkins, 618).
3. If this does not work, the third and final step says, "If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church."
a. The third step, in the case of non-repentance, is to bring the complaint before the church: "If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church."
b. This is the second time that the word "church" (ekklesia) occurs in Matthew’s Gospel, both times used by Jesus.
c. This is a look ahead by Jesus to the future functioning of his family of disciples as the community of believers in this present age.
d. Again with the goal of restoring wayward disciples, the intent of including the church in the disciplining process is to involve the broader body of believers in trying to get the sinning person to acknowledge their sin.
e. Those who have shared the fellowship of the community may persuade the sinning person to accept responsibility for his action (Wilkins, 618-619).
4. Depending on how you look at it, there is actually a fourth step: "Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector."
a. Now you can see this as a fourth step or simply the result if steps one through three doesn’t work.
b. "As a pagan or corrupt tax collector," is another way of saying someone outside of the church.
c. We must be willing to try and restore that person, but we cannot continue to have spiritual fellowship with that person as if nothing happened (Horton, 385).
d. Does this mean we just write the person off? No, just as we do not write off those who do not know the Lord.
e. However, we cannot treat someone as a fellow believer if they are not acting according to God's Word.
f. We must continue to love, care for them, and pray for them.
B. Doing the Right Thing
1. Illustration: Wilkerson states, “Perhaps the greatest hindrance to honest confrontation is the ‘Fear of Man’ rather than the ‘Fear of God’. We are afraid of the pain we will suffer by speaking the truth” (346).
2. We must always keep the goal in mind.
a. 2 Corinthians 5:20 (NLT)
So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”
b. The goal is not vindication.
c. The goal is not to embarrass.
d. The goal is not to be proved right.
e. The goal is restoration.
3. We must make sure our motivation is correct.
a. 2 Thessalonians 3:15 (NLT)
Don’t think of them as enemies, but warn them as you would a brother or sister.
b. Our motivation cannot be superiority.
c. Our motivation cannot be self-serving.
d. Our motivation must be love.
Transition: When we confront someone we need to see the big picture...
III. Deal With It and Maintain Unity (18-20).
A. If Two of You Agree
1. Here is where the context is so important, as the next three verses are often misquoted and misunderstood because they are taken out of context.
2. Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven."
a. "I tell you the truth," is a phrase which the Lord often used, should always be noted with special care, because it introduces a teaching of unusual importance.
b. A Jew of that day would have understood that Jesus did not mean that men could bend heaven's will to their own but that God had an expressed principle with which the church must conform.
c. The idea is not that God is compelled to conform to the church's decisions but that, when the church follows Christ's pattern for restoring, it conforms its decisions to what God has already done and thereby receives heaven's approval and authority(MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
d. As John Calvin put it, "For when Christ maintains the authority of his Church, he does not diminish his own power or that of his Father, but, on the contrary, supports the majesty of his word" (Calvin, Calvin's Commentary Online).
3. Jesus gets to the real heart of the issue when He says, “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you."
a. The one condition that is demanded is unity (Horton, 385).
b. Agree is from sumphōneō, which literally means to sound together and is the term from which we get symphony.
c. If even two of Jesus' followers are in agreement with each other that a Sinning believer has either repented or refused to repent, they can be sure they are also in agreement with the Father who is in heaven (MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 16-23).
d. Here's where we get in to trouble when we rip things out of context. Probably many of us have been taught, myself included, that this verse is talking about answered prayer.
e. That is you and I agree that God is going to give you a new Porsche that He is bound to give it to us.
f. That's because we focus on the "anything you ask" portion of this text, but Jesus is focusing on the "if two of you agree."
g. He's talking about unity in the church more than about answered prayer.
4. Here is another verse that's focus is about unity. Jesus said, "For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”
a. The certainty that one's prayers will be heard is not based on the size of the assembly or the good and determination of the believers, but on the fact that Jesus is present (Horton, 387).
b. There is no doubt that when we pray together that there is power and a special anointing that accompanies it.
c. However, is Jesus saying that when we pray by ourselves He's not there and doesn't listen? Of course not!
d. What He is talking about is the fact that when we are unified and sin is not causing barriers to be put up between us it is powerful.
e. Again I refer to the words of reformer John Calvin, who said, "There is therefore no reason to doubt that those who give themselves up to his direction will derive most desirable advantage from his presence.
f. And since it is an invaluable blessing to have Christ for our director in all our affairs, to bless our deliberations and their results; and since, on the other hand, nothing can be more miserable than to be deprived of his grace, this promise ought to add no small excitement to us to unite with each other in piety and holiness" (Calvin, Calvin's Commentary's Online).
B. Unity In the Body
1. Illustration: “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all turned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So one hundred worshipers [meeting] together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become ‘unity’ conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship”
2. When we are together in unity God's blessing rests on us.
a. Psalms 133:1-2 (NLT)
1 How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!
2 For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron’s head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe.
b. We cannot allow sin to separate us.
c. We cannot allow sin to make us bitter.
d. We cannot allow sin to cause us to hold grudges.
e. We must allow the peace of Jesus to reign in the church.
3. We must make the unity of the Spirit one of our main goals.
a. Ephesians 4:3 (NLT)
Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
b. Where there is unity there is the Spirit's anointing.
c. Where there is unity there is the Spirit's power.
d. Where there is unity there is the Spirit's joy.
4. Because unity is so important we must deal with sin.
a. Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT)
26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
b. The devil knows where there is the unity of the Spirit there is power.
c. He knows that he can't stop God's glory.
d. He knows that he can't fight God so he gets us to fight each other.
e. Don't be a tool of the devil!
Conclusion
1. Jesus teaches us that the best thing to do is...
a. Deal with it in private
b. Deal with it with integrity
c. Deal with it and maintain unity
2. Is there someone who has sinned against you?
3. Have tried to restore that relationship?
4. Have you let the sun go down on your anger?
5. Take the first step and seek restoration.
