BETRAYAL
INTRODUCTION: When we think of betrayal we think of people like Benedict Arnold who betrayed George Washington. We think of a spy or double agent. We might think of reality shows like “Survivor” or “The Mole”. We’ve all experienced it on some level. We understand the feelings that come with someone betraying us. It’s an emotional let down. When we’re betrayed we’re hurt, depressed and angry. We wonder why this person did this to us. We sometimes turn it back on ourselves thinking, ‘what’s wrong with me that this person did this to me?’ This can make us feel insignificant and unimportant which lowers our self esteem. But what if it’s the other way around and we are the ones who are doing the betraying? Let’s look at both scenarios and see what we can do about them.
1) How can I heal from being betrayed?
• Take it to the Lord. Psalm 55:1-8, 12-23. David was betrayed by someone very close to him. Sometimes that’s the way it works. The one who betrays us is the one who we trusted the most. We don’t expect it from those who are closest to us. David was hurt but instead of handling it the wrong way through anger or developing a devious plan of revenge he went to the Lord about it. He expressed himself. He was real and transparent about how it made him feel. But David trusted in God’s ability so he was able to leave the matter in the Lord’s capable hands. When we are dealing with betrayal we can be like David and bring our thoughts and emotions to the Lord. And if we’re going to overcome betrayal we need to leave the matter at the throne of the Lord and let him deal with it.
• Handle it like Jesus. Where the bible is concerned, when we think of betrayal we probably think of Judas’ betrayal of Jesus. The chief priests wanted Jesus. They were plotting to arrest and kill him when there wouldn’t be a crowd around. Judas helped them out by going to them and making a deal to hand Jesus over to them. Let’s see how Jesus dealt with it. John 13:1-17. How could Jesus wash the feet of the one who would betray him? Because his faithfulness did not depend on someone else’s. He was going to stay true to the Father’s will even if everyone else deserted him (which they later did at his arrest). Jesus was putting into practice the ‘love your enemy’ command. He was putting into practice the ‘bless those that persecute you’ command. He was even going beyond ‘love your enemy’. He was loving the friend who would become his enemy. If we are going to be able to overcome the pain of betrayal we need to handle it like Jesus did.
• Don’t seek revenge. Our natural tendency might be to seek revenge and hurt them worse. But we need to follow the example of David. In 2nd Samuel, we read about David being betrayed by his own son, Absalom. Absalom wanted to be king so he mustered some men and forced David to battle. Even though Absalom was against his father and wanted his throne, even though David knew his own flesh and blood sought to take his very life, he ordered his men to be gentle with Absalom. And when word came to him about Absalom’s death, he didn’t respond with, ‘well, serves him right for what he did to me’. No, he instead wept bitterly. David was also betrayed by King Saul. In 1st Samuel, David rescued Saul and his army from the Philistines when he killed Goliath. David was loyal to Saul but Saul was jealous of David so he tried numerous times to kill him. He would often subside and promise not to go after David but eventually he would go back on his word and pursue him again. On two separate occasions, David had the opportunity to take Saul out, but instead he showed mercy. David had opportunities to get back at the ones who betrayed him but instead of doing that, he showed them love. We can show our betrayer love when we show them forgiveness. That’s not easy because typically if we can get past not seeking revenge we will still vow to never forgive them. The hurt is deep, causing resentment to take root. We can’t forgive them for what they’ve done. But we need to remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean we have okayed what they’ve done. It’s not us letting them off the hook; it’s letting us off the hook. We are able to move forward when we can forgive our betrayer. But that doesn’t mean things automatically go back to the way they were. The damage caused can change the course of the relationship; it might even sever it. But, I don’t have to hold onto the hurt feelings and emotional pain caused by the betrayal. I can get past it by not seeking revenge and actually forgiving the person.
• Learn from it. Often times we can’t see the betrayal coming but sometimes we walk right into its trap. Especially when it’s a close friend or family member. Our judgment can be off when we’re dealing with those closest to us. We trust them when they shouldn’t be trusted. We give them another chance without addressing the situation. We allow them to come back into our life without dealing with the problem and in that we are setting ourselves up for another betrayal. If the person who betrayed us doesn’t get the help they need it is likely just a matter of time before they betray us again. We need to make wise decisions. We need to think before making any type of agreement. We should pray and seek Godly counsel to determine if we’re making an emotional decision. Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. When we’re betrayed the best thing we can do to try to prevent it from happening again is to learn from the experience and move on.
2) What if I’m the betrayer? Maybe a friend told you something in confidence and you gossiped about it. Maybe someone told you a good idea and you claimed it as your own and took the credit. Maybe you stole your best friend’s girl. Whatever the case, we can find ourselves betraying someone. What should we do about it?
• Examine ourselves. I need to get in touch with why I did it. Did I feel pressured by someone else? Was I angry and this was how I was going to get back at you? I need to examine these things so I can understand what led to my willingness to betray. At one time, Judas was a trusted individual. He was the one who was the keeper of the money. But what happened? Satan entered Judas. Why him? Perhaps Judas was a follower but he doubted some of Jesus’ ways. He questioned things and showed disapproval of Jesus’ actions-Matt. 26:6-13 [John 12:4-6] 14-16. That’s how betrayal happens. A negative, cynical seed gets planted and instead of crushing it we water it. And the next thing you know, Satan enters in and we end up betrayers. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal that and bring me under conviction. If I’m going to overcome I will need to eliminate any feelings of justification. I need to see my betrayal for what it is. Ultimately, when we betray we don’t care about anyone but ourselves. Nothing else matters to us except getting what we want. Therefore, we are willing to compromise our morality and integrity. We minimize the importance of our relationships and commitments. Judas sold Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver; the same price one would pay for a servant. After being a close companion and seeing Jesus’ love and care displayed to him countless times, in the end he had diminished Jesus’ worth to this measly amount. Knowing what it’s like to be the victim of betrayal should cause us deep conviction when we become the betrayer. Therefore, we can be motivated to turn from those ways and seek God’s power to not betray again.
• We need to sympathize. When someone confronts us with betrayal we might tend to engage a defense mechanism and try to justify why we did what we did. Or we try to convince them, and us, that it isn’t as bad as they’re making it out to be. But we need to understand that they’re communicating how it made them feel. They are responding emotionally to what you’ve done. We need to listen to their heart without picking apart their words. They might go to extreme and say they never want anything more to do with us. We might panic and try to fix the situation right away. But we need to give them space. We would not be able to solve anything in the moment. Our initial response should be to apologize and own up to the damage that we’ve caused. We should sympathize with how they’re feeling and commit to talking more about it when the time is right. We need to take responsibility for what we’ve done and if we think they are blowing things out of proportion, we can address that later. I should be able to sympathize and empathize because I know what it’s like to be betrayed. I know the pain so I should be connecting with how you’re feeling, having been where you are. When we have betrayed someone, we need to be sympathetic toward them.
• We need to realize the consequences. Proverbs 25:9-10. A bad reputation follows us when we’re betrayers. Consider Benedict Arnold. That name is forever linked with betrayal. Although I understand he was a brilliant general, it’s his betrayal that has become his legacy. Some synonyms for betrayal are disloyalty, unfaithfulness and infidelity. This is what we are doing when we’re betraying someone. We are unreliable. Since I’m betraying their confidence and trust, I gain the reputation of someone who can’t be trusted. When someone else bestows confidence in us and we betray them, especially if they’re someone close to us, those wounds are deep and lasting. And sometimes a person will carry their resentment for the rest of their life. Broken promises can mean broken bridges. When Judas betrayed Jesus he dealt with some serious consequences-Matt. 26:23-25, 27:1-5. Judas realized he had done wrong and tried to make it right. He was overcome with guilt and he hanged himself. Betrayal carries consequences.
• We need to repent. Jesus was betrayed by those who were closest to him. In Matt. 26:31, Jesus told his disciples that they would all fall away. When Jesus was arrested it says in verse 56 that all the disciples deserted him and fled. Then later in the chapter we see Peter denying him. Do we betray Jesus; especially when the pressure is on like it was for the disciples? We betray him when we fall into sin. We betray him when we fail to stand-up for him when challenged about our faith? When we betray Jesus, or anyone else, we need to repent like Peter did. After Peter realized what he had done he went out and wept bitterly. When we repent we can be forgiven and restored like Peter was in John 21:15-17. Whenever Judas’ name is mentioned in the Bible, either the passage is dealing with the events surrounding his betrayal, or the phrase, “who betrayed him” is attached to his name. Judas Iscariot – the one who betrayed Jesus. But the other disciples, who ran away from Jesus when He needed them most, their betrayal is never mentioned again beyond the record of the actual event. Why? Because through repentance they received forgiveness and restoration. The darkness of the past was wiped away. If we repent we can wipe away betrayal from our lives too.
CONCLUSION: We betrayed the trust of others when we took from them, cheated on them, broke promises, were unreliable, etc. We were selfish and didn’t care. If we are going to be released from the trap of being the betrayer we need to remember the pain from when we were betrayed so we can be motivated to stay on the right track. And when we are betrayed we can take comfort in knowing Jesus knows what it feels like. And he will see us through the pain and suffering of betrayal. And it helps to be able to have Jesus-someone we can trust 100%. Jesus will never betray us.
