6th epiphany 2011
Matthew 5:21-37
Dealing with Anger
We can do some crazy things when we allow our anger to take hold of us. Have you done things while you were angry that you wish you could take back? Anger can be one of the most destructive things in our life, especially if it is anger that is held inwardly against another person. Sometimes this anger can show in how we treat others as well.
Let me illustrate this.
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, the clerk’s repeated questions and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, a man stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for his son. He took his selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked. "Cash," he snapped. Then apologizing for his rudeness, he explained, "I have just spent the afternoon at the motor vehicle bureau." The clerk then asked sweetly "Shall I gift-wrap the bat? Or are you going back there?"
Today we are going to look at the devastating effects that anger can have on ourselves, on our worship of God and on other people. I have a theory. It goes something like this. Most of us know what we’re supposed to do, but we don’t always do it correctly. This is especially the case when it comes to conflict and anger. Most of us also have probably heard at least one sermon on this topic in their church life as well, but few put it into practice.
Before we get into the effects of anger that we want to look at, we need to look at what Jesus is trying to tell us in verse 21.
In verse 21 Jesus points to the sixth commandment that is found in Exodus 20:13. He says that the ancients were told thus and such. This means that Jesus is speaking of the commandment itself, not the interpretation of the commandment. It is also important that we know that there is a difference between “kill” and “murder” in the Biblical sense. To murder means to take a life with anger and premeditated thought, to kill would be to take a life in self defense or in a time of war.
Also Jesus in no way was changing the law of the Old Testament, He is just adding to its spiritual meaning. This is why you can never ever throw out the Old Testament, because Jesus in no way changed the law but merely fulfilled and further added to its meaning. Jesus’ own words was that He came not to abolish the Law but to fulfill it.
Going further into this passage, In Matthew 5: 23-24 we read some words that are simple to understand and yet so sharp that they’re bound to cut us: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” What Jesus is saying is this: Being reconciled is more important than being religious.
Let’s notice a few things here.
* Anger can wipe out our worship. The context of this passage has to do with anger: “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.” We must be watchful of our words or else wrath will destroy us and destroy others. When we bring anger to the altar we can’t adore God. Isaiah 58:4 says: “Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.”
* Peacemaking is very personal. The pronouns change in this passage from the plural “you all” (or ‘y’all’ if you’re from the south or ‘youse guys’ if you’re from New Jersey) to “you” singular: “YOU have heard it said…but I tell YOU.” This message is not for the masses but for me and you.
* Friction in the family of God must be dealt with. The word “brother” is used four times in verses 22-24. As sons and daughters of the Father He desires holy harmony in His family.
But there are some steps to dealing with this anger and strife in your life and the life of the church.
* Make it right when God reminds you. It’s no accident that you are probably thinking about someone you are out of sorts with right now. Don’t dismiss the convicting ministry of the Holy Spirit at work in your memory. Remembering is the first step to reconciliation. It’s God’s way of prompting you to be a peacemaker.
* Initiate reconciliation whether it’s your fault or not. It could be a legitimate gripe, or maybe it’s unfounded. It doesn’t really matter. If someone has a grudge against you, follow God’s nudge and do what you can to make it right.
Peacemaking is messy business, isn’t it? I know of someone who has worked hard at reconciling relationships and has done the exact same thing with two different people. One individual responded and reconciliation has happened and the other one rejected the peacemaking efforts. Even when it doesn’t work, it’s always worthwhile to do what God says. Romans 12:18 says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Verse 24 lays out four steps for us to take when we have tension in a relationship: “Leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” These steps can by summarized by four words from this verse – Leave, Go, Be, and Come.
1. Leave abruptly. “…leave your gift there in front of the altar…” We need to pause in our praise until we’re at peace. David figured this out in Psalm 51:16-17: “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” God would rather have a broken life than a beautiful lamb. He would rather have a surrendered man or a woman than scads of money. He would rather have us leave and make peace than lift our hands in praise when we’re in conflict with someone. Check this out. God is more into correct relationships than He is with correct ritual. Or we could say it this way: Worship must wait when we’re out of whack with someone.
2. Go quickly. “…First go…” We’re to leave the place of reverence and go find the place of reconciliation with the one we’ve wronged. The verb tense here suggests an intense effort. It’s so easy to think that the other person should take the first step. Notice the word “first” before the word “go.” This means first in order of importance. The priority in peacemaking is to resolve everything right away.
Matthew 18:15 says the same thing, only this time we’re told to go if we’ve been the one sinned against: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” Whether you have been wronged, or you’re in the wrong, it’s always right to go. Ideally, we should run into the person we’re in conflict with, because if they’re doing it right also, they’ll be coming to us. But even when they don’t show, we are still required to go.
In this passage, Jesus does not mention the responsibility of the other person to restore the relationship. He puts it squarely on you and on me. Why? Because our relationships test our righteousness and He’s not asking us to do anything He’s not already modeled for us. So we need to remember: the pursuit of reconciliation is always my responsibility.
3. Be reconciled. “…and be reconciled to your brother…” First, leave abruptly. Second, go quickly. Third, be reconciled. The verb tense changes here, suggesting an intense effort. Remember, the goal is reconciliation, not revenge.
I’ve also found great help from these “Four Promises of Forgiveness” from Matthew 6:12; 1 Corinthians 13:5 and Ephesians 4:32.
* I will not dwell on this incident.
* I will not bring this incident up and use it against you.
* I will not talk to others about this incident.
* I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
4. Come worship. “…then come and offer your gift.” Leave. Go. Be. Come. Reconciliation is important enough to interrupt our worship of God because unresolved conflict has already interrupted our worship because your focus tends to be on what you are angry about rather than on the worship of God. A right relationship with God depends on our willingness to maintain a right relationship with one another. It is this anger which actually separates us from the love of God in worship. How long will it last? In some families it can last for years.
Let me illustrate. Have you ever noticed that sometimes we get angry and remain bitter with people and actually forget why we’re so upset? Take, for example, the notorious Hatfield-McCoy feud. It hit newspaper front pages in the 1880’s, when the Hatfield clan feuded with the McCoy clan from across the border in Kentucky. Historians disagree on the cause of the feud -- which captured the imagination of the nation during a 10-year run. Some cite Civil War tensions: McCoys sympathized with the Union, Hatfields with the Confederacy. Others say it began when the McCoys blamed the Hatfields for stealing hogs. As many as 100 men, women and children died. In May 1976, Jim McCoy and Willis Hatfield -- the last two survivors of the original families -- shook hands at a public ceremony dedicating a monument to six of the victims. Jim McCoy later died Feb. 11, 1984, at age 99. He bore no grudges -- and had his burial handled by the Hatfield Funeral Home in Toler, KY.
We listen to such a story and we think how ridiculous it sounds, but this is why anger has such serious effects that Jesus tells us to deal with it before we come to worship Him.
I hope that this morning if you are harboring hatred or anger toward another brother so sister in Christ, or if you know a brother or sister has something against you, that you will take the high road and make reconciliation efforts.
Harboring anger has devastating effects on your life, your relationship with God and the lives of others.
DO not let anger tear you apart, let it go, give it to Jesus. Neither let anger rule your life, only God should be doing that.
