Matthew 18:21-35
February 7, 2010
Forgiveness
I like watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Actually, I like it and I really don’t like it. Because just as I think I have it figured out, just as I solve the crime, one of the detectives asks a new question, the case shifts and the unexpected seems to happen.
Well, in this scripture I just read, Jesus tells us a story, and we need to remember Jesus is the master story-teller. He knows how to draw us into the story, then just when we think we know what’s going to happen, He switches everything. He turns everything upside down. That’s what happens in this story as He tells us more about what it means to forgive another person; and incidently, what it means not to forgive another person.
The basis of the story is this . . . and we talked about Peter’s question last week, as we began to look at forgiveness. I think Peter was really trying to look good to Jesus. He asked, ‘how many times do I need to forgive someone, up to 7 times?’ According to Jewish rabbinic law you had to forgive someone 3 times, on the 4th offense you didn’t have to forgive that person. Peter looked at the number 3, added 4 and patted himself on the back . . . I’ll forgive up to 7 times.
Jesus’ answer floored Peter and in many respects it floors us to. Jesus gives an answer we don’t always want to hear. He tells Peter your forgiveness should be continual. We should lose track of the number of times someone has sinned against us and how many times we’ve forgiven them.
Now let me stop for a minute and tell you that if someone is continually hurting you, then you need to remove yourself from that relationship. Don’t always expect the offender to leave you, you may need to leave them. For example, a friend continually lies to you, then they ask for your forgiveness. The pattern is endlessly repeated. Do you need to be constantly abused by that person? No. You don’t have to be in a relationship with that person.
If someone has physically, sexually or emotionally abused you, even though they have asked for your forgiveness, you need to forgive them, but you don’t have to be in relationship with them. It’s called having boundaries. We must have them, some people don’t have clear boundaries, for others, we know rather quickly where we stand.
With that said, Jesus’ point still stands. We must have the willingness to forgive others. And forgiveness is a process. Jesus gives us an example that’s really overwhelming. He tells us about a man, let’s call him Frank. Frank owed the king 10,000 talents. How much is a talent? Well, 1 talent = 15 years salary. So, this poor schlepp owed the king 150,000 years worth of salary. If you figure the guy made $25,000 per year, then he owed the king $3.75 billion. You know, there was no way he could ever repay the king. Not in this lifetime, nor in the next 20 lifetimes.
So the king is going to throw Frank and his family in jail. They’ll work for the government to pay back as much of the money as they can, which will be the rest of their lives.
So, Frank pleads his case before the king and tells him,“be patient with me, I’ll pay back everything.” I love it. Be patient, I’ll pay back the money? It’s not like he borrowed a few hundred dollars. We’re talking billions!! The king wasn’t stupid. He knows there’s no way Frank can repay the money, but what does the king do? He looks at this poor schlepp and has pity upon Frank, and in an amazing act of mercy, he says, ‘you know what? I’ll not only be patient, but I’ll let you off the hook entirely . . . Frank, your debt is forgiven.’ Frank is overwhelmed at the generosity of the king. He is thrilled and runs off to tell his wife and family that his life, and their lives have been spared.
So, Frank is on his way home, basking in joy at his freedom, and he sees another poor schlepp, let’s call him Hank, who owes Frank 100 denarii. 1 denarii = 1 days wages. So, Hank owed Frank 100 days wages. Assuming that same $25,000 annual salary, Hank owes Frank $10,000. Now, that’s not a small sum of money, but it definitely is not $3.75 billion. Catch the absurdity of all this. Divide $10k by 3.75 billion and you realize Hank owes Frank .00026%.
But when Hank pleads for time and mercy, he still gets thrown in jail.
When Frank’s friends see what happened, they become indignant and report this to the king. Now if you were the king how would you feel?
In fact, how do you feel in real life when someone you extended amazing grace to, seems to stab you in the back? How about the times when you bent over backwards to loan money to someone who told you they were in desperate need? Or the time you opened your home to someone, or the time you befriended someone and they came back and hurt you?
You’d be furious. You want to punish them. You aren’t overly concerned about grace and forgiveness at this point, so you want the book thrown at them. So the king brings Frank in, reads him the riot act, he should have had mercy on Hank, just as mercy and forgiveness was shown to him. The king has Frank not just thrown in jail, but he is to be tortured until the debt is repaid. Again, it’s obvious the debt will never be repaid, so Frank will be tortured in jail until his final breath.
Jesus’ point is obvious, but He explains the point of the story in verse 35, telling Peter, That's what my heavenly Father will do to everyone of you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters FROM YOUR HEART.
Now, we haven’t talked about the heart in awhile. For the next few minutes we need to talk about our hearts in the process of forgiving others. Because if we remove our hearts from this process, it all falls apart.
As a quick refresher . . . our hearts are the center of our being. God holds our hearts higher than any other part of who we are.
Solomon reminds us in Proverbs 4:23, Guard your hearts, for it is the wellspring of life. In other words, all of life flows through your heart, so guard it.
We are told David was a man after God’s own . . . heart.
David asks God . . . create in me a pure . . . heart.
Love the Lord your God with all of your . . . heart.
Blessed are the pure in . . . heart.
For where your treasure is, there your . . . heart will also be.
Paul tells us, it is with your . . . heart . . . that you believe.
Even on the negative side, we learn in Jeremiah 17:9 - what is so deceitful, that nobody can understand it? Your heart!
Okay, I think I’ve made my point.
You see, when it comes to forgiveness we can easily say it with our mouths, but not believe it in our hearts. We can believe it in our minds, but not in our hearts. Let me give you an example . . .
This is a true story. Someone from another church in town has always given us the cold shoulder. We’re not sure what we’ve done to deserve their silent treatment. Well, one day the woman comes over to us and said she heard a sermon on forgiveness and asked if we would forgive her for the way she has treated us.
I thought wow, some people even listen to sermons! But really, I thought how cool was that. It’s not easy to walk up to someone and ask for forgiveness. Of course, the forgiveness test comes the next time you see the person.
Well, just about every time that person sees us, she turns the other way and does not acknowledge our presence. We have not done anything to their family, yet, this supposed request for forgiveness, in my opinion was from the brain. Her heart was not involved. If it was her actions would have changed, because her heart would have been changed.
Has this ever happened to you? Maybe you were the one who needed to forgive, and you went through the motions and you even told the person you forgave them, but you still couldn’t move on. Every time you see them or hear their name, or think about them, you begin to seethe. That is because your forgiveness came with your brain, but your heart has not caught up yet.
And friends, that is common. We know we’re supposed to forgive, but Jesus in all of His brilliance reminds us our forgiveness must come from the heart. If it does not then we really have not forgiven. Now, some of you are thinking to yourself, I can forgive with my head, but I’ll tell you what, your wrong. I believe if you don’t forgive with all four aspects of your being, you have not forgiven. You must forgive with your heart, soul, mind and body.
In order to get to the point of moving into the process to forgive someone else we must start out by . . .
Admit you have been hurt.
That almost sounds too simplistic, but if you can’t admit you’ve been hurt, then you can’t begin to move through the forgiveness process. We like pretending that what another person did or said, doesn’t bother us, but until we’re willing to admit we were hurt, we’re not in a place where we can begin to pursue forgiveness.
We need to objectively and that is not easy when something is personal, but we need to be objective when we examine our hurt. As I’ve told you, sometimes I will ask Debbie or a friend if I should be upset about a situation. That helps give me perspective. Consider if you were hurt by someone else’s words or actions.
We may even surprise ourselves at our feelings of hatred in our heart towards someone because we or a loved one has been hurt. Of course, hatred is never a good thing, but we must be careful that we don’t try to get rid of it by covering it up. When we find that hate in our heart, that’s a sign something deep is happening. When this happens, you need to check it out. Secondly . . .
Surrender your right to get even.
A mother ran into the bedroom when she heard her 7 year-old son scream. She found his 2 year-old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl’s grip and said comforted her son and told him, “She really didn’t mean it. She doesn’t know that hurts.” He said he understood, and the mom left the room.
As the mom was walking down the hall the little girl screamed. She rushed back in and asked, “What happened?”
The boy replied, “Now she knows how it feels.”
Paul reminds us of God’s words in Romans 12, as he wrote,
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
20On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Christian writer Philip Yancey wrote the following in his book called, “What’s So Amazing About Grace” ~ "At last I understood: in the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God’s hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy” (page 93).
It’s not easy to do because we want to see the other person suffer in our way and time, but as Yancey says, forgiveness is really an act of faith, our faith in a loving God.
If we want to be generous givers of forgiveness, then we need to be generous receivers of God’s forgiveness.
