Open: Well today we are going to be continuing in our study through the book of James. This morning we will be exploring another topic that is relevant to every single person here today -- the topic we are going to looking at this morning is conflict.
I read a story this week about two farms in Canada this past week. There are two parallel fences two feet apart that run for about half a mile. Why two fences when only one would do? Well, two farmers, Paul and Oscar, had a conflict that soon became a feud. Paul wanted to build a fence and split the cost, but Oscar was unwilling to contribute. Since he wanted to keep cattle on his land, Paul went ahead and had the fence built anyway. After the fence was complete, Oscar said to Paul: "I see we have a fence." What do you mean "we"? Paul replied. "I got the property line surveyed and built the fence two feet into my land. That means some of my land is outside the fence. And if any of your cows set foot on my land, I'll shoot them." Oscar knew that Paul wasn't joking, so when he eventually decided to use the land adjoining Paul's for pasture, he was forced to build another fence, two feet away. Oscar and Paul are both gone now, but their double fence stands as a monument to the high price we pay for unresolved conflict.
That's the way it goes isn't it? Some little thing, some insignificant thing comes along and people begin to fight with one another. And up goes the fence on one side. Then up goes the fence on the other side. And two people who are commanded by God to "love thy neighbor as yourself," live on in some weird state of coexistence. This slide would really illustrate dozens of situations I've seen over the years. Sometimes it would be a picture of a husband and wife. Each accusing the other of causing all the problems in their relationship. It might serve as a picture of two people who used to be best friends, but refuse to even talk to one another not because of some disagreement they've had. I've even seen apply to people who call themselves Christians in the same church -- even in the same worship service. Lifting their voices in praise to God but very guarded behind their own fence line when it comes to relating to each other because they individually feel the other party has offended them. Each party behind their own little barricade. This picture really serves a metaphor for dozens of situations I've witnessed. I can't think of how many situations I've seen like this in real life.
It's really amazing how unprepared we really are when it comes to managing conflict in our lives. And there is no way to escape conflict. From the moment we are birthed into the world we are thrust into conflict situations. Baby says, "it's feeding time." Mom says, "It's 4 AM, please wait." Conflict. It's everywhere at every conceivable level. Conflict in families, conflict in marriages, conflict in the workplace, conflict in every arena of human existence that escalates ultimately to conflict between nations where peoples as nations are warring against one another...that's simply the macrocosm of the microcosm of conflict that exists in the heart of a worldly person. It's in the littlest things or the biggest things. Ill - The other day I was driving to Logan airport in Boston. I don't know who designed the toll booths there, but there is this area where there are 8 lanes going into the toll booths and on the other side it narrows down to 4 lanes. (It's really a beautiful example of thoughtful civil engineering.) So as you come out of the booths everyone is jockeying for position -- many have to change lanes and such. So there was this car with what looked like 4 teenagers right beside me and I'm sitting there waiting for my opportunity to get into the lane I needed. Sitting right next to me, about three feet from my window was this teenage boy in the passenger seat who looks me in the eye and then flashes an obscene gesture at me -- you know -- the universal sign of disapproval. He wasn't the driver. He knew nothing about me -- I would have gladly let them go first. He didn't know anything about me - for all he knew I was a wonderful person. But, I mean, this guy had to have something brewing inside of him -- some kind of internal conflict that he felt compelled to give me that message. Here's a guy that was living in absolute conflict and if you got into the 14 feet he wanted to occupy, you're in real trouble. I mean, the hostility is mindboggling.
I kind of get the impression that James had this kind of a thing happening in his congregation. That's why he brings up the topic of conflict in the letter he is writing to his little church in Jerusalem. Not a surprising thing -- given some of the other topics that have led up to this point in his letter. The first part of chapter three deals with how we control our tongues. "It is a world of fire and is itself set on fire by hell." James has been giving his people as clear a warning as possible that speaking without biblical discernment can cause immeasurable damage in people's lives. It's is not too big of stretch to think if there were people who were exercising influence on others when they were not properly equipped -- if there were people who not very discerning when it came to managing their tongues -- if there were people who were not fully devoted to God's wisdom -- then it isn't much of stretch to think that it resulted in conflict in his little flock of believers. So addressing that James kind of stops for a moment and asks them a question: Why do you do the things that you do? Why do you act the way that you are acting? I want you to step back for a moment and analyze where all this is coming from. He wants them to internalize the question. Now here is what he wants them to understand:
- What controls your heart is what controls your behavior. -
Jesus said, "no one can serve two masters" it's always going to be one or the other. Whatever rules your heart exercises inescapable influence over your life and behavior. It's easy to blame others for that which is tearing at the fabric of relationship. "It's his fault! It's her fault! It's their fault!" James is aware that we all like to look outward but very seldom feel comfortable looking inward. But that's exactly the thing that he is trying to get beyond. The way James is going to approach the issue of conflict is by taking a look inward not outward. We normally think, "If I can only get the other person to alter their behavior, this issue would be resolved." In other words, what is at the root of conflict is the issue of control. If I can't control my world -- I get angry -- and I enter into conflict with another person. -- the issue is not us controlling the other person -- the issue is God is not ruling completely in our heart. And so James is very direct. He addresses the cause -- the consequences and the cure for conflict.
The Cause: What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. (James 4:1-2)
Notice he uses a war metaphor -- he's trying to identify the source of relational conflict. Where does it come from? Don't they come from desires that battle within you? That's the source -- that's the cause. There is a war that is being waged -- now he's not addressing the outside war -- but the inside one. There is an internal battle that is spilling over to the outside. What's the issue that's caused the war?
The war is being fought over the issue of control.
Whatever controls your heart exercises inescapable influence over your life and behavior. It's a thought that is echoed throughout Scripture. Let me show you want I am talking about:
Gal 5: 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. This reduces our living to two foundational lifestyles -- desires that are of the flesh competing with desires that are of the Spirit. Our lives are either shaped by a self-indulging, sinful lifestyle or Spirit-controlled, self-sacrificing love. So James is saying, the battles that surround you are the outside, gives evidence that you are losing a greater battle on the inside. If the Spirit of God is losing the battle for your heart on the inside of you -- it is going to be manifested in your life by being in conflict with others.
The problems on the outside come from the war on the inside over the issue of control. Let's go back to our verse in James -
Notice the language he uses here: fight -- quarrel -- battle -- kill -- covet- quarrel -- fight, KJV throws in the words lust and war. This is really strong language, isn't it? It's a vocabulary of violence. He could have chosen any kind of metaphorical vocabulary but he chooses violence terminology because it expresses the intensity and destructiveness of the conflicts in their lives. Sometimes we tend to write off the conflict situations in our lives as just little issues that happen from time to time. James doesn't want them to take this issue lightly.
- kill = you injure others because of your desire to get indulge yourself. You destroy relationship because your desire to have is so great. You fight and war because of your desires.
- the basic cause = they come from your desires that battle within you. The word desire comes from the
Greek word hedonon from which we get hedonist. A hedonist is a person whose sole desire in life is to satisfy self. A hedonist is a person who lives for pleasure -- a person who is driven by his passions, a desire for pleasure. "My pleasure -- my happiness is the most important issue in life." At the core of a hedonist's worldview is "me" Anything that contributes to my selfishness is supported. Anything that takes away from my "Me-ishness" is resisted. "What makes me happy is what is most important. I want my environment to be the way I want it to be. I want my ideas to be acknowledged as brilliant. I want my desires to be seen as more important that other people's desires. I want my way." A hedonist is really a slave to his own desires. The term, in fact, describes the desires for worldly pleasure that are contrary, of course, to the will of God. Look what else he says: but you cannot have what you want. It's really echoing the exact same thought. Now it might be a pill that's hard to swallow -- but James is saying the root cause is selfishness.
Here's what he is saying: you are pursuing (lusting after) the desires of our hearts instead of pursuing or desiring after God. It's an either or proposition. This is dichotomous situation You can't be lusting after your own desires and desiring God at the same time. Either your desires are going to be preeminent in your life or God is. God's throne isn't designed for the both of you to sit upon. It's a "single-seater" It's for him alone. James is saying that conflict is a dead giveaway that someone is not pursuing God.
The Consequences: Now let's take a look at the consequences of adopting this kind of mindset.
* Conflict With Others. The first consequence we've already noted -- conflict with other people. Did you note that fights and quarrels are plural? This is an ongoing, continual kind of condition. James just described the qualities that should mark our lives: pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere -- peacemakers. But the reality is this: fights, quarrels, battles - coveting.
This is kind of a prolonged kind of condition -- when you think of the person, "You better be careful around them -- you don't want to get your father mad -- you don't want to get her dander up" Stay away from the fence!
* Conflict With Self - conflict on the outside only as a manifestation of a tremendous war going on in the inside. What's this war? People battling to fulfill their desires and lusts and ambitions and being thwarted in the process are frustrated internally. This ultimately translates into external hostility against people who stand in their way, or even against themselves in their own inability to bring to get the things they want. Uncontrolled desires -- Unfulfilled desires -- Totally selfish desires -- all battling against what the Spirit of God wants to manifest in your life -- all battling with the circumstances you face in your life -- all battling against the people who are stopping you from fulfilling these desires. So there is this internal boiling conflict within
* Conflict With God. We set ourselves in opposition to God with our lusts. (verse 4) You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. It almost seems as if James is changing subjects. He goes from discussing this war we are having with other people in our lives to taking about adulterous people. Remember James is speaking in a Jewish context -- when his congregation heard the term adultery, they would have immediately recognized what he meant. They would remember, for example, Hosea 1:2 where Israel is designated as an unfaithful wife of Jehovah God. Israel was called to be the covenant bride of God, the wife of God, as it were, as symbolized in the relationship of Hosea and Gomer. And when Israel went chasing after other gods, Israel became an adulteress. And because James is writing to Jews, this term is very vivid and very understood.
Adultery is the sin of giving the love I have promised exclusively to one person to someone else - I become a spiritual adulterer when I give the reign of my heart to someone or something other than God. That's what he is getting at. When something or someone other than God is ruling my heart, I have gone outside of my covenant relationship to gain satisfaction. I'm saying in effect, "God my relationship with You is not enough. I want to be satisfied and I am going to seek satisfaction outside of my covenant relationship with you." God calls that spiritual adultery.
Core Principle: Human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery.
My problem is not sinful people and difficult circumstances. Our problem is that we give the love that belongs to God to someone or something else. I'm convinced that we miss this 95% of the time. Because what we say is this, "The problem is this person who wronged me. The problem is these unfavorable circumstances that I'm facing. The problem is what so-and-so did to me." James is saying, "no, no, no - You're looking the wrong direction." "You're not going to stop the conflict by looking outward -- you have to look inward." If the conflict is going to be resolved, we have to see it through the lens of what God says in his word. He says the issue is you have given your heart to something other than Him. Because if your heart really belonged to him then being wronged, or facing unfavorable circumstances, or the problems you perceive the other person has caused all falls under the banner of his sovereignty -- who works all things together for good. If Christ is ruling in the heart -- then how you respond to and love others will be mediated by how Jesus has responded to and loves you.
Whatever is ruling your heart on a horizontal level will affect the way you relate to God on a vertical level.
Whatever is ruling your heart will shape your attitude when you pray. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. Rather than prayer being an act of worship where you meet with God to listen to His voice and submit to His will -- you will pray self-centered prayers. If you pray at all -- the prayer will be very self-centered. If your desires are self-centered, when you pray -- if you pray at all -- you going to have an attitude: "I really doubt that God would really want this for me." Or you might try to fool yourself and go through the motions of prayer - and then when the prayer doesn't get answered you say -- "God doesn't care for me." So many people treat God like some kind of divine waiter who should deliver whatever it is that I set my heart upon.
Ill. of going to the restaurant and ordering a 20 oz. prime rib. You place your order with the waiter and order the baked potatoes all done up in the way you like it and your drink. The waiter leaves and your mouth is watering just anticipating that steak. The waiter comes out 15 minutes later with everyone's food. He sets the dishes down in front of everyone and when he sets your plate down in front of you it's a dry salad. "I didn't order this!" He says, "Well I took down your order but then I began to think about your age and your health. If you don't mind me saying -- you really shouldn't be eating that kind of food. So I decided that order wasn't good for you, so I had the chef prepare this salad instead." Now, would you thank the waiter for his concern for you and dive into the lettuce? I doubt it. No way. Nether would I. Why? Because at that point -- the desire for that steak is ruling your heart. The waiter isn't delivering the goods I ordered. Now let me take my little scenario a step further. Let's say that your spouse is sitting at the table with you watching this little drama play itself out. Your spouse has heard you order the steak and then watched the waiter bring the salad and heard the waiter's explanation of why she made the change. So your spouse decides to express the same concern the waiter expresses, "You know honey, that salad really would be better for you." What's likely to happen now? Now not only are you lashing out at the waiter, but now you're lashing at your spouse.
When a certain set of desires rule our heart -- we bring God down to the level of divine waiter, whose job is to fulfill the menu of our desires. We shrink God from the level of being an all wise, all loving, all powerful Father to a divine waiter who we expect to deliver everything we ask. And when God doesn't deliver the goods -- we are not a happy camper -- and everyone around us knows it. "If you stand in the way of what I crave -- then I lash out against you." Do you see the connection between spiritual adultery and the issue of dealing with conflict?
What's the Cure?
- verses 5 --6: Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the Spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
God is jealous for our hearts. He doesn't want to share our heart with anyone or anything. He says God resists the proud. The word "opposes" is a very interesting word. It's the word antitasso. It's a military word and what it basically depicts is a full army ready for battle. It has the idea of God setting His troops to do battle against the proud. The world is filled with pride. It isn't always that pompous external pride, but it's that pitting of our will against the will of God. "I know what God's Word says, but I have to live my life on my terms." And God sets His army in military array to do war and battle against the proud...very vivid language. - talk about a bad situation -- in verse 4 we set ourselves as enemies of God. In verse 6 God has set himself in opposition to us as an enemy. God opposes a man or woman whose focus is on their own desires and not his. And people still stubbornly want to hang on to their own desires and fight him. Just a clue -- you are not going to win when you get into a conflict with God.
But look what else it says: He gives grace to the humble. OK now make sure you catch this because James is giving us the cure for the conflicts in our lives. Here's what he says, "You want to talk about conflict -- OK- let's talk about conflict. Let's talk about the conflict you had going on in your life. When you arrogantly resisted God's love and mercy towards you. Let's talk about the time when not only did you hate God but God had set himself against you because of your pride. Yet he gives what -- grace. What kind of grace? Saving grace, forgiving grace, amazing grace. God uses a healing instrument that is more powerful than any of the devices you can utilize in resisting him. Grace is the most powerful tool in the war for our hearts.
In God's economy grace drives everything. Grace must permeate everything we come into contact with this side of heaven. Grace is when someone gives you something you didn't earn and you didn't deserve. In grace God walks up to you and says -- out of the boundless expanse of my love -- I want to save you. You didn't do anything to earn it. And no you really don't deserve it -- just out of the thrill it give me to expend my love on you -- I want to express grace to you. In grace God says, "I just going to erase all the mistakes and sin and indebtedness of your life. Jesus will pay for it all. And you - you just receive. You receive forgiveness and love and mercy and hope and joy and even inherit heaven itself. You get it all just for believing in him. Take the very worse thing you've ever done -- and grace covers it. The worse points of rebellion in your life -- the terrible mistakes you've made in your life that perhaps no one knows about -- the darkest times when you've hurt people who love you -- take it all, take all the sin, all the disappointment -- all the rebellion place it in one huge box all tied together and grace covers it all. And why does God extend his Grace towards us?
Because it's just his good pleasure to do so.
But then -- but then -- after you receive this amazing gift of His grace -- you have to do something with it. You have to give it away --you have to extend grace towards others the same way he has extended grace towards you. Grace received - then becomes grace extended. It's inconceivable to think, that after becoming a recipient of God's grace that any child of God would cling to selfishness to the point that they would refuse to extend grace to someone who may have wronged them.
"I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel..." (Galatians 1:6) When Paul starts out the letter to the Galatians, he says, "I am astonished -- it blows my mind that you are turning to different gospel," -- a gospel by the way that isn't based on grace alone. He says you are deserting the one who called you -- the idea is switching sides. He chastises them because they are responding improperly to grace. "How can you treat grace like this? How can you -- you who know and have accepted grace -- how can you then turn away from grace and not respond properly to it?" It's inconceivable that someone would mismanage something as precious as grace.
What's the cure for the common conflict? It's grace. It's humbling yourself and submitting to God. It's resisting the devil who is going to whisper in your ear over and over again how wrong the other person was and how indignant you should be. Whatever rules your heart exercises inescapable influence over your life and behavior. Are you practicing grace in the common conflicts in your life? Perhaps the more important question: Is the grace really ruling over your heart? Is it possible to withhold forgiveness and have at the same time to say grace rules my heart?
Close: Isn't it time to tear down the fences in your life?
Your choice -- you can live behind the fences -- denying the power of the grace of God. Or you can make another choice -- a choice to give to others what God has given to you.
What do you want the landscape of your life to look like?
