Accentuating the Positive in a Negative World
June 27, 2007 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Pastor
Introduction
A Last week we learned God made us with needs that are met by others.
1 Made is His image/likeness
a Praise, good & kind words
b What’s inside goes out...positive comes back (boomerang)
2 Soul food
a One of the ways to feed our soul is with words.
b Just like real food, they come in flavors.
aa Good or bad
bb Good builds us up, bad can devastate us
B But He answered and said, "It is written, 'MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.' " Matt 4:4 (NASB)
1 God’s Word can come to us directly through the Bible, or indirectly through men & women like you.
a God has chosen us to speak on His behalf; we are challenged to minister to others by speaking good words.
aa God will have you speak words of encouragement, edification, building up.
bb God will also give (has given) us words of discipline, instruction, judgement (1 Cor. 5)-the goal is restoration out of love.
cc Side not: if a believer asks for forgiveness, you are obliged/required to give it.
2 Words can build up or tear down.
a “To live a full & meaningful life every person needs to receive good words from other people.”
b Just as our physical body needs to digest food to survive, our souls need to digest positive words.
c Those words can be listed in 7 categories:
aa Appreciation
bb Acceptance
cc Approval
dd Affection
ee Attention
ff Affirmation
gg Admiration
d Words that can let us know we are loved, encouraged, develop good relationships.
C Some Scriptures are reciprocal commands (each person will give & receive what each craves).
1 But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Heb 3:13 (NASB) Give encouragement, get it!
2 Example in Jesus’ life- and behold, a voice out of the heavens said, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased."Matt 3:17 (NASB)
a The Father was truly significant to the Son
b Think of the admiration, affirmation, affection, & approval Jesus received from the One whose opinion meant the most.
3 When was the last time you deliberately/intentionally blessed another person?
a Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Prov 18:21 (NASB)
Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Prov 15:4 (NLT)
Your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel. Prov 11:17 (NLT)
b If positive feedback is not given, the negative will automatically be assumed.
c We live in a very negative world where we expect the worst-not the best.
I Proof of our negative world is all around us!
A What do teachers mark on kids’ papers at school?
1 Ever been stopped by a police officer for driving courteously, using the proper lane, or for stopping at the last 10,000 stop signs?
a Has the government sent you a thank-you note for paying your taxes?
b When your boss calls you in, do you expect rebuke or commendation?
c Ever notice if you do 100 good things & 1 bad thing, it’s usually the bad thing that is remembered & mentioned?
2 How often do your children thank you for all you’ve done & are doing for them?
a Even when grown up, they recall the occasional mistakes you made rather than the good things you did on a regular basis.
b T.V., political ads, court
B The effect of negative words
1 For some, they carry mean, hateful words that were spoken to them by a mom or dad in their impressionable childhood.
a “My dad told me: ‘not pretty’, ‘mistake’, ‘should have been a boy’, ‘never amount to anything’, ‘loser’.
“My dad NEVER told me: ‘he loved me’, ‘proud of me’.
b 50/60/70 years old & that is the pain
2 At funerals, no negative words (blessing)
a In Texas, a notoriously wicked man died, his brother had to find a minister to do the funeral & say somewhere in the sermon, “This man was a saint.”
aa This man was so ornery that no pastor would agree.
bb Finally, the brother offered $10,000 & one pastor jumped.
cc The funeral home was crowded, wondering...
dd Preached, went to the casket, & softly said, “Compared to his brother, this man was a saint.”
3 How much does it take to offset one negative?
a BUNCH
b 37 positive things to offset 1 negative thing in the heart of a child.
C We all need positive soul food-words.
1 If you roll red carpet our for...
a A billionaire, he will notice it
b A millionaire, he expects it
c A thousanaire, he’ll thank you for it
d A hundredaire, he’ll tell everyone about it
2 Our words of blessing count & mean something
3 Remember, if you don’t give positive feedback, the negative is assumed (transitional sentence).
a Tell your wife you love her, how great she is & she doesn’t respond, you automatically assume something’s wrong (offended? Upset?)
b We assume the worst!
c Quickly give you 7 kinds of positive feedback
II 7 kinds of feedback:
A Appreciation
1 (Def) Appreciation is the simple act of recognizing the good in others & acknowledging it.
a Thank-you note!
b The #1 gripe among American workers is not lack of pay, but lack of appreciation.
c Whether at home, work, or church-a sincere thank-you is always in good taste.
2 Everyone likes to be appreciated.
B Acceptance
1 (Def) Let others know you accept & admire them.
a If not...assume you’ve rejected them
b Feel unwanted, unaccepted-traumatic devastating to our soul
aa Janet was told in a Sunday School class nearly 10 years ago she shouldn’t have been born because her mother had been divorced & remarried.
bb I’ve heard that story about a dozen times & her pain is revealed every time.
cc She wasn’t accepted-rejected/pain
2 We buy certain clothes, cars, food, all in an effort to be accepted.
a Even express certain religious beliefs just to feel accepted.
b Married people will turn Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist-often just to be accepted.
C Approval
1 (Def) We all need to know we’re valued by others.
a I wanted Mom & Dad’s approval, & still seek Dad’s.
b I want your approval (wife, kids, peers)
2 Without approval, our self-image struggles (what we think God & others think about us).
3 Teenagers struggle so much with approval that if the wrong crowd approves them-they soon become followers of that crowd.
D Affection
1 (Def) Caring, friendly words of love, hugs, touch
a Bumper sticker: “Have you hugged you kids today?”
b Important to show affection to kids-doesn’t stop at 13.
2 If I had a dollar every time an adult told me, “I guess my parents loved me, but I never heard them say so”, I’d retire.
a I’ve heard we need at least 5 hugs a day just to stay normal.
b I believe it!
E Attention
1 (Def) Giving your undivided attention
a We’ve all seen kids-“Look at me! Look at me!”-adults need attention, too!
b There is ADD-attention deficit disorder-in human relationships.
c We struggle to give others attention because we are seeking it for ourselves.
2 Author Jim Rohn says, “One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone is the gift of attention.”
F Affirmation
1 (Def) It’s a compliment on a job well done, good quality.
a People are seeking affirmation from you
b Soul is withering without it
2 Examples: “I’ve noticed what a kind person you are.” “You have a wonderful smile.”
a How do you feel when someone doesn’t affirm you?
aa Inferior, not worth much
bb Assume the worst!
b Received very little affirmation in childhood, they probably still suffer from that neglect as adults.
G Admiration
1 (Def) The expression of sincere esteem, whereas flattery is false & insincere praise offered with an ulterior motive.
a I’m not advising you to practice flattery.
b Many people will accept deceitful flattery, like rotten food.
aa New Orleans, homeless eat out of trash, gutters-NO OTHER FOOD AVAILABLE!
bb Flattery is rotten food!
c Our soul craves good words, it will probably accept false ones, if the good & true ones are not given.
2 Our self-esteem sours when we’re told we’re special.
a Opposite is true as well. Sinks when a negative thing is said.
b You experience the highs of admiration & depths of depression all because of words.
c If someone compliments my tie I’ll wear it all the time! Admired!
Conclusion
A We are a buffet
1 Hold good/bad food
a What are we putting out for people?
b Good words or bad words
2 When we are debating on what car/washer to buy, we look for the best product.
a I think we can help people by looking for the best, superior characteristics or actions, & then commend them for it.
b Everyone enjoys appreciation, acceptance, approval, affection, attention, affirmation, & admiration.
B Praise is important in our lives (God made us like that).
1 For each positive feedback, list one person who needs to receive it.
2 Attempt to meet this need in each of the 7 people this week.
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Respectfully,
Mike Fogerson
