Purpose: To explain God's view of marriage.
Aim: I want the listener to esteem marriage.
INTRODUCTION: Divorce is a real problem in our country. Several years ago this ad appeared in a California newspaper: "Divorce, $25 Divorce Centers of Calif. Unload that turkey."
A so called "born-again" television preacher said, "I'm happier now than I was before the divorce because I'm my own person, making decisions on my own.....In my mind, God is a forgiving father and He loves me despite the divorce. I'm hoping I'm not judged as a Christian on the basis of a divorce, chuck and I are both happier being divorced friends than married enemies."
In spite of the fact that the divorce rate is much higher than it has ever been, it is not as bad as the news media would have us believe. The glum statistics that say half of the marriages end in divorce are wrong. According to pollster Louis Harris only 1 in 8 marriages end in divorce.
Americans have been led to believe for the last decade that the institution of marriage is decaying since the government's National Center for Health Statistics revealed that there had been 2.4 million new marriages and 1.2 million divorces in 1981. Overlooked in the divorce statistics are the number of already existing marriages. "What was left out is that there are 54 million other marriages that are going on very nicely, thank you," he said. Each year only 2 percent of existing marriages will actually end in divorce, according to calculations by Harris which combine ongoing and new marriages.
A statistician with the U. S. Census Bureau agreed that the divorce statistics presented for the last few years have been deceiving because the number of ongoing marriages was not calculated. "A number of academies made a sensational splash" out of the statistics released in 1981," Harris said, "and the media got a lot of mileage out of it." And "ever since then, an indelible message has been chorused in church pulpits, academic broadsides, and political prophecies of doom for the American family." Yet, in reality, he said, "the American family is surviving under enormous pressure."
Harris questioned the much-touted divorce statistics after polling 3,001 persons for a family survey. The study showed a "glowing picture of the American family." Among the findings of the poll: Eighty-five percent of families have happy marriages. Ninety-four percent are highly satisfied with family relationships. Eighty six percent said they are happy with the support they receive from family members during a crisis. Only 20 percent said they are not happy with family life. Harris called the 1-2 divorce-marriage ratio "one of the most specious pieces of statistical nonsense ever perpetrated in modern times." [1]
One of the most shocking statistics about divorce is that couples who go to church regularly get divorced only slightly less often than those who don't. Why is that? I think it is at least partly due to the fact that the Bible teaching on marriage is seldom explained.
Today we are going to explore three important concepts of marriage beginning with:
I. What is Marriage?
Basically we can summarize marriage with two statements. The first one is from God's perspective and the second one is from our perspective.
A. Marriage is a provision from God
Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." (NAS)
Matthew 19:6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (NAS)
Those statements apply to all marriages, not just Christian marriages. The first institution that God established was marriage. That came before government, rules for worship, or the church.
So, if God began the whole concept of marriage then He has the right to set the rules for marriage and we would be wise to pay attention to them.
B. Marriage is a promise to God
God used marriage as an illustration of His relationship with Israel. Ezekiel 16:8 "Then I passed by you and saw you, and behold, you were at the time for love; so I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness. I also swore to you and entered into a covenant with you so that you became Mine," declares the Lord GOD. (NAS)
God is also very careful to describe marriage as a covenant. Covenant is the most solemn word for a promise that is used in the Bible. The word COVENANT literally means "cut." In other words, "I promise under pain of death (or being cut to pieces)"
When God promised to Abram that he would have a son that would become a great nation God sealed that promise this way: Genesis 15:5 And He took him outside and said, "Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them." And He said to him, "So shall your descendants be." (NAS) Genesis 15:8--10 He said, "O Lord GOD, how may I know that I will possess it?" So He said to him, "Bring Me a three year old heifer, and a three year old female goat, and a three year old ram, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon." Then he brought all these to Him and cut them in two, and laid each half opposite the other; but he did not cut the birds. (NAS) Genesis 15:17 It came about when the sun had set, that it was very dark, and behold, there appeared a smoking oven and a flaming torch which passed between these pieces. (NAS)
This same word COVENANT is applied to the marriage vow. Malachi 2:14 "... the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. (NAS)
Solomon condemns women with loose morals as those who Proverbs 2:17 leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; (NAS)
We must get back to taking our promises seriously. Deuteronomy 23:21--23 "When you make a vow to the LORD your God, you shall not delay to pay it, for it would be sin in you, and the LORD your God will surely require it of you. However, if you refrain from vowing, it would not be sin in you. You shall be careful to perform what goes out from your lips, just as you have voluntarily vowed to the LORD your God, what you have promised. (NAS)
A covenant with God is something like what we may have said as children: "Cross my heart and hope to die." Part of the marriage vow is "till death do us part."
II. Why is Marriage Important?
The Judeo-Christian concept of marriage is as old as mankind. It has served as the very foundation of civilization itself, and yet it is under a vicious attack in our society. Today there is great political pressure to redefine the word MARRIAGE itself. That word has always meant a sacred union between a man and a woman. Now they want to expand that meaning to include unions between those of the same sex.
Many have argued that there is no harm in allowing homosexuals to marry because it doesn't forbid heterosexuals from marrying.
"Sociologist and historian Carle Zimmerman, in his 1947 book Family and Civilization, recorded his keen observations as he compared the disintegration of various cultures with the parallel decline of family life in those cultures. Eight specific patterns of domestic behavior typified the downward spiral of each culture Zimmerman studied:
"Marriage loses its sacredness; ... is frequently broken by divorce; traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost; feminist movements abound; there is increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general; an acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity and rebellion occurs; there is refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family responsibilities; a growing desire for, and acceptance of, adultery is evident; there is increasing interest in, and spread of, sexual perversions and sex-related crimes." [2]
"Mortality rates are 50 percent higher for unmarried women and 250 percent higher for unmarried men than they are for married women and men.... Indeed, in Sweden the out of wedlock birthrate is 55%, Norway is 50%, and Iceland is approaching 70% and in Denmark 60% of firstborn, children are born out-of-wedlock. And, again according to Dr. Kurtz, studies in these countries demonstrate that unmarried families break up at a rate two to three times that of married couples. This has only exacerbated the welfare state that is unparalleled in Scandinavia. No western nation has a higher percentage of public employees, public expenditures or higher tax rates than Sweden for example." [3]
There are at least three reasons why traditional marriage is much better than homosexual "marriage" or having couples live together without getting married:
A. Marriage is good for men
God created Eve and brought her to Adam because: Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone..." (NAS) Every woman, and most men, would agree that men NEED help.
The most basic way that marriage helps men is by keeping them from being as selfish. A marriage commitment implies the need for responsibility. A man is promising to provide for his wife and any children that God sends. Our culture is so selfish that is common for people to want all the benefits of a married relationship without any long term obligations.
A marriage commitment also gives men an opportunity to mirror God's love for His followers. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, (NAS)
Marriage is not a right it is a responsibility
Augustine wrote in the 4th Century, "peace is the tranquility that is produced by order"
Cultures that honor marriage are more stable cultures. There is less crime and less poverty in a nation that with traditional family structures.
Rutgers University conducted one of the most comprehensive studies on the state of marriage: The State of our Unions, The Social Health of Marriage in America, 2002. The top reason given by men for their unwillingness to commit to marriage is "They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past." History has proven that we simply cannot violate God's moral order on a large scale and maintain good relationships and moral stability.
"The contemporary culture's concept of sexual freedom is simply not true instead it offers broken trust and emotional harm. This is why cohabitating relationships last an average of five years. In the absence of a legitimate commitment the emotional security is simply not there and as such people are never free to experience intimacy as intended and designed by God." [4]
Sex without commitment produces children who have no security.
God's Word says 1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (NAS)
B. Marriage is good for women
"When all crimes are considered, single and divorced women are four to five times more likely to be victims. Single women are ten times more likely to be victims of rape and three times more likely to be victims of aggravated assault. The national Crime Victimization Survey conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice reports that of all violent crimes against partners that occurred between 1979 and 1987, 65 percent were committed by boyfriends or ex-husbands. Husbands presently living with their wives committed 9 percent of these crimes." [5]
This may be why Paul said, 1 Timothy 5:6 But she who gives herself to wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives. (NAS)
Marriage provides security and protection for women.
C. Marriage is good for the children
According to an article in Psychology Today in July of 1985: "A five year study of children of divorced parents in California questions that children are better off when their parents divorce than when they stay in an unhappy marriage. Many of the children would have been 'content to hobble along in an unhappy marriage and they did not experience the divorce as a solution to their unhappiness.' Most of them harbored fantasies of a 'magical reconciliation.' The divorced family is less adaptive economically, socially, and psychologically to the raising of children than the two-parent family." [6]
Those who are less selfish and are willing to submit to God's order in marriage are more likely to value their children. Psalm 127:3--5 Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. (NAS)
Our culture, on the other hand, celebrates sex with no accountability. "According to research by the American Family Association, 91% of all sex depicted on TV is outside of marriage." [7]
III. What is the Best Reason for Getting Married?
A. Christian marriages should display Christ's love for His own
Christian wives should reflect the way Christians treat Jesus. Ephesians 5:22--24 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. (NAS)
Christian husbands should reflect the way Christ provides for believers. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, (NAS) Ephesians 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, (NAS)
B. Christian marriages should display Christ's unity with His own
Ephesians 5:30--32 because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. (NAS)
This unity is really amazing when we consider the huge difference between us and Christ. Ephesians 2:3 ...we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. (NAS)
Ephesians 2:12 remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. (NAS)
The unity that Christians have with Christ is breathtaking. Colossians 1:27 ... the riches of the glory of this mystery ... which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. (NAS)
Paul describes this unity as being like the union between a body and its head (Ephesians 4:15-16) and a building and its foundation (Ephesians 2:19-22). Jesus compares our unity to the closeness between a vine and a trunk (John 15: 1-8).
Jesus even goes so far as to compare our unity with Christ with His unity with the Father. John 14:23 Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our abode with him. (NAS)
John 17:21--23 that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. (NAS)
The Process of becoming Unified with Christ
The wedding traditions that existed in Bible times provides a wonderful picture of how a person becomes unified with Jesus Christ.
The father of the groom chooses the bride.
The parents chose a wife for their son. Ephesians 1:4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love (NAS)
The engagements are long and binding.
The engagement or "betrothal" is as binding as marriage. Joseph was called "husband" before the marriage ceremony to Mary in Matthew 1:19.
Christians are still only engaged to Jesus Christ because the great wedding is still future, but we could not be more secure in Christ than we are right now. Romans 8:35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? (NAS) Romans 8:38--39 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NAS)
Gifts are presented.
The father of the bride gave a gift or dowry to the bride and groom. Romans 8:32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? (NAS)
Special garments are worn.
The bride wears a special garment. Ephesians 5:26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (NAS)
Revelation 19:7--8 "Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready." It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. (NAS)
The groom is escorted to the bride's home.
The groom is accompanied to the wedding ceremony by special friends. Matthew 25:31 "But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. (NAS)
The bride is taken back to the groom's home.
In the evening of the day fixed for the marriage the bridegroom and his friends went in procession to the bride's house. He would take her back to his home where a great feast was held.
1 Thessalonians 4:14--17 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. (NAS)
Jesus IS coming back for His own!
There is a marriage feast just before the wedding.
Matthew 22:2 "The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son. (NAS)
Revelation 3:20 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. (NAS)
Revelation 19:9 Then he said to me, "Write, 'Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.' " And he said to me, "These are true words of God." (NAS)
CONCLUSION: Have you been invited to the great Marriage Supper of the Lamb of God? If you have given your heart to Christ and are trusting Him to rescue you from the eternal doom that you deserve then Jesus is your friend, your guide, your Savior, your King, and your husband.
Hosea 2:19--20 "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion, and I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the LORD. (NAS)
When we know that we belong to Jesus Christ then our hearts will sing with the hymn writer: "Come, lift your hearts on high--Alleluia! Amen! Let praises fill the sky--Alleluia! Amen! He is our Guide and Friend; to us He'll condescend; His love shall never end: Alleluia! Amen!" [8]
They lose nothing who gain Christ.
Samuel Rutherford [9]
[1]News Digest, Pentecostal Evangel, Aug 23, 1987, submitted by Robert Strand, Grand Junction, CO
[2]Confident Living, November 1987, p. 34 Galaxie Software, 10,000 Sermon Illustrations (Biblical Studies Press, 2002; 2002).
[3]Why is Marriage Important? May 3, 2006 S. Michael Craven
[4]Why is Marriage Important? May 3, 2006 S. Michael Craven
[5]Why is Marriage Important? May 3, 2006 S. Michael Craven
[6]Galaxie Software, 10,000 Sermon Illustrations (Biblical Studies Press, 2002; 2002).
[7]The Pastor’s Weekly Briefing, March 17, 1995 Galaxie Software, 10,000 Sermon Illustrations (Biblical Studies Press, 2002; 2002).
[8]Kenneth W. Osbeck, Amazing Grace : 366 Inspiring Hymn Stories for Daily Devotions, 328 (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Kregel Publications, 1990).
[9]I.D.E. Thomas, The Golden Treasury of Puritan Quotations, electronic ed., 44 (Simpsonville SC: Christian Classics Foundation, 1996).
