Text: 1 Corinthians 7:10-24, Title: Stay Married, Date/Place: NRBC, 11/7/10, AM
A. Opening illustration: the pastor says to the husband, "The Bible says you’re to love your wife as Jesus Christ loved the church." He says, "Oh, I can’t do that." The pastor says, "If you can’t begin at that level, then begin on a lower level. You’re supposed to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Can you at least love her as you would love a neighbor?" The husband says, "No. That’s still too high a level." The pastor says, "The Bible says, Love your enemies. Begin there." “Bad news in a good way…”
B. Background to passage: Remember that we are dealing with questions that Paul was asked by the Corinthian church as they wrestle through how their new faith affects all parts of their lives. Must remember the context, this will help us out much today. They have written Paul regarding marriage and sexual relations to deal with two major issues – men in the church using prostitutes and spouses who want to abstain from sexual relations within marriage or divorce their partner to achieve celibacy, which was considered a holier state. Now most cases of divorce in our society are not because people want to live holy lives of celibacy, so some of this would be stated differently for us. So having dealt with immorality, abstinence, and singleness, now we turn to divorce. Also note that this instruction is given in addition to, not contradicting, Jesus’ statements on divorce found in Matt 19. DISCLAIMER: want to make a couple of statements prior to preaching this message: I realize that this is a very sensitive subject. All of us have had divorce touch our lives at some level. And every situation is different, and too complex to make many blanket statements from the pulpit. But the bible is relevant and practical about these things. And as in a funeral where it does a great injustice to the family, the community, and the gospel to present a sinner as a saint, it is not helpful to soften biblical teaching so that feelings are spared; serious matters, like adultery, are in view here. That having been said, I am going to attempt to be faithful to the hard things that Jesus and Paul said in a compassionate way. Some of you may be offended, but that is not my intention; my intention is to clearly teach what Jesus and Paul taught in a manner pleasing to Him. Also note that this is not a comprehensive study on divorce and remarriage. Let me assure you, there are chapters and books dedicated to this topic by many great pastors and scholars (with varying viewpoints I might add). That was the difficulty on this topic. As with all subjects and texts I preach on, don’t simply take my word (or other pastors and scholars)—examine it in light of the scriptures with the aid of the Holy Spirit, and make sure that what I say if consistent with the bible.
C. Main thought: in these verses Paul gives instructions regarding divorce and remarriage: stay married…
A. Married to a Believer (v. 10-11)
1. First he takes up those that are married to believers in the church. He already told them not to deprive one another marital relations; now he tells them not to divorce. Similar to what Jesus said; Paul notes that. End of sermon…JK. It is odd that the woman is mentioned first, maybe an indication of who is desiring the divorce in this circumstance. But both spouses have the same command, same level of commitment, and the same level of responsibility to the commitment. Don’t divorce. Both words used here mean divorce. Now the instruction here is limited to divorces that don’t involve adultery. (Just btw however, adultery doesn’t necessitate a divorce). Not contradicting himself, but realizing that some people, especially in the emotional turbulence of marital difficulties, are going to divorce rather than heed his instruction. It’s a sin, but Paul is trying to keep them from sinning further, committing adultery. So he says that if they do divorce, to remain unmarried or be reconciled. Of course if they blow off the command not to divorce, why not the remain single command, right?
2. Matt 19:3-9
3. Illustration: I am standing for my marriage, That divorce in the church is just as common as outside the church. In the church 33%, outside the church 34%. Also, the south is second in the nation in divorce. The south has a divorce rate of 35%, just behind the west (38%), and leading the Midwest (32%) and Northeast (28%). Another striking percentage for us as Baptists is that we lead the nation’s major denominations in divorce rates at 29%. Protestant churches overall is at 25%,
4. Now, this is a hard teaching, but as I implied before, we don’t change or jettison difficult sayings because they are difficult. Remember Jesus’ disciples were so taken back, they said it’s better not to get married. This is why we must teach this now, not in the midst of troubles. The church must be warned about divorcing too quickly. You may think twice if you know that you can’t just remarry. It’s a good motivation to try again to work thing out, if you know that you must marry your spouse again or stay single. Even in cases of adultery, where there is repentance on behalf of the erring spouse, divorce should be avoided if possible. Adultery does not require divorce, and Christians should not pursue it in the case of repentance. And this truth is really hard. The only way you can carry it out is to rely upon the Spirit of God. Just btw—separation as we know it, is not biblical, and usually not helpful. Note here that Paul didn’t say that they were “still married in God’s eyes.” That terminology is not helpful or biblical. He says that they are now unmarried (divorced, marriage covenant broken), even though that divorce was illegitimate. So I am not going to bombard you with statistics and studies about how practically divorce is a bad idea. I just want to simply say that if you want to do what the bible says because you love Jesus, don’t divorce. Just another btw, once Christian spouses involved in illegitimate divorces are to the point where there is no hope of reconciliation (death or remarriage of the other spouse) I would say, that they are free to marry again.
B. Married to an Unbeliever (v. 12-16)
1. Now to the unbeliever. The instructions are different because Christ is the authority in both spouses life, rather than just one. And so there is a greater chance they will not tell the world a lie about God. Explain. But here Paul still says, stay married. The lack of faith in a spouse’s life does not justify a divorce. If they will stay with you, don’t leave them. And he gives two reasons along with the alternative. Lots of language and truths here that are unclear, but we can understand easily the overall principle. First, the unbelieving spouse does not defile your home or children. God’s blessing is upon a home by virtue of having one believer there, whether it is a spouse or children there. Also he says that it is possible that your witness to your spouse might lead to their conversion. The alternative scenario that he deals with is that of an unbelieving spouse that wants a divorce. In their day, as in ours, if one partner wanted out, eventually they could get out. So Paul says if they leave, a believer is not bound by the marriage, let them leave. And looking at v. 39 at the end of the chapter, it seems that what is in view is the ability to be remarried. And it seems like he/she is free to do so.
2. Argumentation
3. Illustration: An employer has influence, but cannot force a worker not to quit,
4. Marriage to believers or unbelievers still demonstrates the bride/husband relationship between Christ as His church. It is sacred regardless of faith, because God made it all. Remember, there is a higher standard for the believer than the unbeliever. It may seem unfair, but you should take it up with the author. Many times the question in raised is whether or not a spouse that will act the way the do is really a Christian. But that question is a legitimate one, but can’t be answered with a blanket statement. But if an unbelieving spouse leaves, Christians are free to remarry, but let this be a lesson to you, and be very careful in selecting another mate. But God’s point and heart is that we all stay married. And that we do this because we are desirous to follow Him. Therefore let us not seek loopholes to get out, but covenant to stay in and get right and make the marriage wonderful before it’s too late. Know that marriage is something that honors God if we do it well, but has the potential to harm our testimony if we do it like the world does.
5. So to recap, Jesus says you commit adultery (and cause others to as well) if you divorce your spouse apart from adultery; Paul says if your unbelieving spouse leaves you, you may divorce/remarry; but that’s it! You can’t leave if she burns the toast, if he is difficult to live with, if she is controlling and mean, if he is a lazy bum, if you are not happy, if you are not “in love” with him/her anymore.” STAY MARRIED!
A. Closing illustration: Dalton and Shirley’s 64 ½ years,
B. Refrain (v. 17-24) – Live as you were called, unless God opens the door…
C. Reminder of grace to those who have messed up, “I’m so glad that my salvation does not depend on my daily performance, but by the fact that Jesus died on the cross.” –world-renowned theologian Ronny Yawn. Israel seeking a king, and David’s adultery. And after seeking forgiveness from the appropriate parties, God would not have you separate from a current spouse to marry the old one. Even though less than ideal, God can bless, sanctify, and use marriages entered into illegitimately. God even ordains and participates in some divorce in the bible, with Israel in Jer 3:8, 14, Hosea, Joseph
D. God doesn’t regulate something that He categorically forbids. So we are not to look on divorced people as though they have committed the unpardonable sin. We are not to hold it against them for eternity. Divorce doesn’t necessarily disqualify a person from service, even pastoral ministry in my opinion, unless you want to disqualify God from it.
Additional Notes
• Is Christ Exalted, Magnified, Honored, and Glorified?
