The Christian Marriage
Matthew 5:27-32
INTRODUCTION
A. Like Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter, we want to put a “D” on Hester Prynne and other divorced people.
1. We tell them God can’t use them but we still love them (what kind of grace is that?).
2. Half of all marriages fail.
3. The divorced represent a significant proportion of the population.
4. Different denominations respond to the divorced in various ways.
B. Divorce has devastating effects on all parties.
1. Men: psychiatric problems, serious accidents, poor health.
2. Women: depression, impoverished economic situations.
3. Children: social, behavioral, emotional and academic problems, feel it is their fault.
C. British physician, David Cooper, The Death of the Family said the “best thing society could do would be to abolish the family entirely.”
D. Kate Millet, Sexual Politics, said “the family must go because it is the family that has oppressed and enslaved women.”
E. Psychiatrist, Armand Nicoli, Harvard Medical School, said “certain trends prevalent today will incapacitate the family, destroy its integrity, and cause its members to suffer such crippling emotional conflicts that they will become an intolerable burden to society.”
F. Various Christian views about divorce
1. Not permissible for any reason.
2. Permissible and remarriage is too under any circumstances.
3. Divorce permissible for some reasons but can never remarry.
4. Divorce and remarriage permissible under certain circumstances.
G. What does it take to make a Christian marriage and what are God’s purposes in marriages?
MARRIAGE IS A DIVINE INSTITUTION
A. To understand divorce, we must understand marriage.
B. First recorded marriage-Adam and Eve.
1. As Adam looked and named animals, there was no one like him.
2. God put him in a deep sleep, took one of his ribs and made a woman.
3. “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.”
4. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
C. Divine institution.
1. Established by God not humanity.
2. Most all weddings call attention to this fact.
3. “Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the presence of God, to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is instituted by God.”
D. Need for it by individuals (some have the gift of singleness and Paul says they have more time to serve God).
1. Natural for men and women to be attracted to one another.
2. Grow in love, get married and populate the earth (instructions to Adam and Eve).
3. Some have the gift of celibacy but the norm is marriage.
4. Sex is for after marriage (almost a lost philosophy in our society even though STD’s are changing this to a degree).
5. Pleasure and procreation are the purposes for sexual relationships.
6. Some faiths (Catholics) don’t believe in birth control.
E. Divine institution (along with the sex) has almost been destroyed.
1. Divorce rate has skyrocketed.
2. Many choose to live together (big fad in the past and still common).
3. Sex outside of marriage is prevalent (kids younger and younger are having sex).
4. Schools and health departments hand out forms of sexual protection.
F. Success comes from recognizing it is a divine institution.
1. Obey God’s laws for the marriage.
2. God must be a part of it (some marriages between Christians and unbelievers do last).
3. Must be governed by God.
4. Jesus, “Haven’t you read, that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:4)
G. Marriage is not a sacrament (grace does not come through it).
1. God does establish it and must regulate it.
2. More than a civil or social arrangement.
H. Treat it as holy and sacred.
1. Never treat in derogatory way.
2. Your spouse is not your “old lady” or “old man.”
I. Dr. Donald Grey Barnhouse said, “Bite your tongue before you will ever say, ‘Well, I want you to meet the old ball and chain’ or ‘Here’s the jailer.’”
J. Dr. Walter Maier, For Better, Not for Worse, said, “To speak disdainfully of married life, to invoke upon it sophisticated sarcasm, is to exalt the puny errors of pigmy minds over the eternal truth of heaven-to blaspheme God.”
IT IS A UNION OF BODY, SOUL AND SPIRIT
A. Since God established, we should get ideas from him.
1. Look to God’s Word but there are also good books.
2. Marriage retreats can be helpful.
3. Many things give us wrong ideas about marriage (Elizabeth Kubler Ross in Life Lessons, suggested that some relationships are not designed to last).
B. More than two people deciding to live together.
1. More than the same house and children.
2. More than a meal and sex together.
3. More than showing and receiving love.
4. Union of body, soul and spirit.
C. Become one flesh.
1. More than a sexual relationship.
2. Two whole persons are now one (this doesn’t mean that either spouse loses their identity or personalities).
3. The example of unity candles in weddings.
4. Two bodies united in a sexual relationship (consummates the marriage).
5. The marriage can be annulled or declared void otherwise.
6. Sexual relationship should be regular part of the marriage.
D. Marriages based on attraction alone are doomed.
1. Union of soul with soul.
2. Refers to intellectual and emotional side.
3. Must have some common interests.
4. Woman and man’s vision for a future mate must match.
5. Union of spirit with spirit.
6. Happens when two Christians marry.
E. Keith Miller, The Taste of New Wine, said “The soul of a marriage can be a trysting place where two people can come together quietly from the struggles of the world and feel safe, accepted, and loved…or it can be a battle ground where two egos are locked in a lifelong struggle for supremacy, a battle which is for the most part invisible to the rest of the world.”
IT IS A PICTURE OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH
A. Established for a special purpose.
1. To illustrate how God can join us to himself.
2. Illustrates Christ and the church.
3. Paul wrote of this in Ephesians 5.
4. Wives are to submit, husbands to love, and there must be mutual submission, “This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
B. Marriages are examples.
1. Of our relationship with Christ.
2. Marriages can point others to Christ.
CONCLUSION
A. Divine institution, union of body, soul and spirit, picture of Christ and the Church.
B. Tammy Brown:
Like a mountain landscape in the distance
I see a great beauty in you.
Like a fire in the winter
You warm me and melt any fears.
Like a great and mighty lion,
You give me a world of strength and pride.
Like the twinkle of the stars at night,
I see the love in your eyes.
Like a child taking its first step,
You give me great pleasure and joy.
Like a butterfly in flight,
You’ve taught me to be gentle and easy going.
Like a great book of knowledge,
You’ve taught me many things.
Thank you for the life you’ve given me,
I love you now and I always will.
