Ephesians 6:1-4
Children and parents
Children, I’ve asked you to come down the front because the first half of this sermon is for you. Have any of you learnt Ephesians 6:1? Do you know what it says?
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
So who is this Bible passage addressed to? Children! That’s you! But a question you might have, or maybe some of the bigger ones might have - the teenagers - does it include me too? Okay, we’re going to ask the first question - who are the children? In English, the word “children,” means “children” hey! And we normally think of little children. But what about older children, what about teenagers? Are they children?
Now when we speak English, when we use the word “children,” we might not say that teenagers - high school kids - we might not say that they are children. But we have to remember that the Bible wasn’t written in English first. Did you know that? Do you know what language the Bible was first written in? It was written in a language called “Greek.” Greek is the language that people from Greece speak. Who knows where Greece is? Greece is a long way from Australia. It is in Europe and it’s still there and the people there still speak Greek, although the Greek they speak today is a bit different to the Greek they spoke in Jesus’ day.
But Greek was different in Jesus’day too. You see, in Jesus’ day it wasn’t just the Greeks who spoke Greek. It was everybody. It was the international language, and that’s why the New Testament was written in Greek. So Ephesians 6:1 was written in Greek and what we have in our Bibles is a translation.
And in Greek there were lots of words for “children.” Lots of them. And the one here is the word “tekna.” Can you say, “tekna”? Now tekna didn’t just mean little kiddies – little children. It meant teenagers too. So this bit of the sermon is not just for the smaller children. It’s for the bigger children and for the teenagers too.
So some of you who are older might be asking, “how old does it go?” Does it mean even for grown ups, do we still need to obey our parents? Well, what the word means, what it seems to mean, it is for those children who are still growing up, still depending on their parents. Those who haven’t reached their maturity yet. When does that happen? well I guess it’s different for everyone. It’s different in different cultures too. In Australia it’s normally around when someone is 18. But it can be earlier, it can be later, but in Australia it’s about then.
So this is for all of you under about 18, until you have reached your maturity, until you are fully grown up, then your parents are responsible for you. They buy you food, you live in their house, they send you to school, and it’s their job to bring you up. To bring you up right, and in the second half of this sermon I’ll be talking to them about how to do that.
But now I’m talking to you. Have I still got your attention? So children, teenagers, what does this verse say? Let’s read the 3 verses that are for you.
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
We’re going to break these verses down and have a look at what each bit means. Firstly, remember it’s addressed to children, which in Greek includes older children - teenagers, high schoolers, as well as primary schoolers and preschoolers.
Then it tells us to obey our parents. Well what does this mean? It’s pretty simple - it means do what they say. Do you do what your mother and father say? When they tell you to eat your dinner? To do your homework? To brush your teeth? To tidy up your room? Did you know it is very important to obey your parents, to obey your mother and father?
Why is it important? Well it’s important because it’s what God tells us to do. It’s what God wants us to do. He wants us to obey our parents. And here in Ephesians it also quotes one of the 10 commandments. Do you know what the 10 commandments are? They are found in the book of Exodus. Can you tell me what one of them is? Well the fifth one is this: Exodus 20:12: Honour your father and your mother. Now back in Ephesians it tells us something about this commandment. It says it is the first commandment with a promise. Although it’s the fifth commandment, the other four didn’t have promises, but the fifth one does! Do you know what the promise is? It tells us in Eph 6:3: 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Who here wants things to go well for them? Who wants to live a long time? You do? Good. I want things to go well too. I want to a live a long time if that’s what God wants for me. But do you know what you have to do if you want things to go well for you? If you want to live a long time? Well you have to obey your parents.
And not just obey. You also have to listen. You see the Greek word for “obey” also meant listen. You see you need to listen to what your parents say, not just what they tell you to do. Your parents will tell you to do stuff, like clean your room, do your homework, turn the TV off. But they’ll also teach you stuff about life. For the older ones of you here, those in high school, teenagers, they’ll teach you about things about life, about getting jobs, what career choices to make. They’ll teach you about relationships, about girlfriends and boyfriends, and how to do things right. They’ll warn you about drugs and warn you against the dangers of alcohol and stuff like that. Listen to them, they know what they are talking about. Many young lives have ended in tragedy because young people don’t listen to the advice of their parents. And if you think your parents are being hypocrites when they tell you stuff - maybe they tell you not to smoke and they smoke, maybe they tell you not to do stuff they did – or even they are doing. Okay, they might be hypocrites, but one reason they are telling you this stuff is they don’t want you to repeat the same mistakes they may have made.
Your parents will teach you lots of stuff, which is not just useful for nowwhen you are under their roof, but stuff that will be useful for your whole life. So don’t just obey them. Listen to them. Listen to the wisdom they have. They have wisdom because they are older than you, and they’ve been through what you’ve been through. They’ve made mistakes and they want you to avoid them. They want things to go well for you, for you to live a long life, if that’s what God has for you. So listen and obey.
Now you might have a question – “do I always need to obey? What if my parents tell me to jump in the lake?” Or more seriously, what if they tell me to something that is wrong, something that’s not right, something that is against God’s laws or even something that would violate me or my consciense?
Well that’s a good point. Notice it does say: 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord. The “In the Lord” bit is really important, because your parents need to be telling you do the right things. God has given you your parents and He wants you to obey them. But your parents are also people and people aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. So sometimes your parents might tell you to do something bad or give you bad advice for your life. So as you get older and you can read the Bible for yourself, if you parents tell you to do something that is bad - then don’t do it. And if your parents tell you to do something really bad, or make you do something bad or do something bad to you, you need to tell someone about it - someone like a teacher, pastor or other church leader and so on.
But most of the time, most parents, when they tell you to do something, it will be the right thing. So you need to obey and listen to their advice. And when you obey, do it happily. It’s not good enough to obey but be grouchy about it. To obey but throw a tantrum as you do it, or yell and shout or even to do it in a huff. No – your attitude is important too. Because it also says we shouldn’t just obey and listen to our parents, but we also need to honour our parents. Verse 2 says to honour our mother and father. So we honour them by willingly obeying and listening with a good attitude.
So children, teenagers, you need to obey your parents, your mums and your dads. Obey them in the Lord, for this is right. And if you do, things will go well for you.
Okay now, smaller children, you can go back to your seats. I’ve finished talking to you directly. I’m now going to talk to your dads. But you can listen in if you likeor just play quietly, I won’t talk to them for that much longer.
Okay now Dads, it’s Fathers’ Day and how appropriate that now we have something addressed to us. The rest of our passage today says:
Eph 6 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
I guess the first question you might be asking, is why only fathers? Why not mothers? After all, we’ve just heard that our children need to obey, listen and honour both their parents, their mothers as well as their fathers. So why just fathers here? Well the answers is: we don’t know! But it could be that in Greco-Roman society the father was well and truly the head of the household and he was ultimately responsible for bringing up the children. And we’ve also been learning that in a Christian household, where there is a father, that he is the head of the household too. But there could be another reason and that is that this verse has a negative command- not to provoke our children to anger - as well as the positive one, to bring them up in the fear and discipline of the Lord. But the negative command is interesting - don’t provoke your children to anger. And often it is us fathers, us dads, who are more likely to provoke our children to anger, so perhaps that’s why the verse is singling us dads out. But nevertheless, I think mums can learn from this verse too, so as we go through it, all parents – mums and dads – listen - but especially dads.
Okay, I’ve already said this verse has one negative and two positive commands.
The negative one is not to provoke our children to anger, and as I said to the children, this is not just the younger children, but teenagers too. Your off spring still under your roof, who have not yet gained their maturity. Now just a word on when someone gains their maturity. In the world of Bible times, people tended to marry much earlier than today. And often the marriage marked the time from being dependent to independent. And if we slip back a few verses, to chapter 5:31 when it talked about marriage, it says
Eph 531 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
It’s very clear here. When your children are married, they leave your home. That means they are no longer under your authority. They have started a new family. Yes – there’s still the relationship. Yes – they still ought to honour you as their parents. But they are a new family. So please, one of the greatest sources of marital disharmony is over in-laws. Please don’t interfere in the marriages of your children. Of course you can suggest, offer advice, but don’t tell them what to do. Because your children have now left, and formed a new family. They are now independent.
So in Bible times the marriage was very much a marker between dependence and independence. But in our society people often marry later on in life, and it would be unreasonable to say a 30 year old who is single is still under the authority of his or her parents. So we have to use some discretion, some common sense. And a good marker is when your child has reached maturity, probably around about 18 or so.
But until your child reaches maturity, your child is under your care. You are responsible for the well being and safety of your child. As you’ve just heard, that extends to giving instructions to your children. Tidy your room, brush your teeth.
Don’t touch the hot stove. Eat your greens. And so on. But it extends beyond that.
It extends to their education. You are not only responsible for them until they reach their maturity, but you are responsible for maturing them! That is, it’s your responsibiilty to educate them, to bring them up in the ways of the Lord. And that’s what it’s talking about here in our passage. Where it says to bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now these two words, In the ESV – discipline and instruction. In the NIV – training and instruction. In the NKJV – training and admonition. They had quite specific meanings in those times. They referred to the whole education, training process. It referred to the maturing process. Preparing your kids for the world out there. So that when they were old enough to be mature, that they would be mature! They would be ready to face life.
Part of the meaning of these words referred to preparing your children vocationally. That is – making sure they would have a skill, a trade, some knowledge, so they could earn a living when they matured. And of course, parents didn’t always do that themselves. They would send them to school – as we do now. Or they would get in a tutor. So this is not saying we all need to home school our children, although of course, that is one way we can educate our children. But it’s not the only way. We can send them to school too. But even if we send them to school, our children’s education is still ultimatly our responsibility. We need to take an interest in our children’s education. If you have a choice of school you can send them too, and I realise that not everyone does have a choice, but if you do have a choice, pick their school wisely. When they pick their subjects later on in school, help them with the decision making process. If you feel you can’t because you don’t know, put them in touch with someone who can. Make sure they do their homework, their essays. Even help them with it – but don’t do it for them! Doing their essays for them might help them pass, but it won’t prepare them for the world out there.
But these words – discipline and instruction - or whatever your Bible translation says, they went beyond just vocational education. They mean educating your children for life – for real life. And in our passage, tt tells us not just to bring them up in any old discipline and instruction, but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So it’s not just vocational education, making sure they learn maths and English and other stuff like that. But making sure as much as we can that they learn about God.
You need to make sure they are being taught how to live as Christians. Things like honesty, a hard day’s work. Things like serving – what we learnt last week, serving the Lord. Things like loving God, following Him. Serving God. Teaching and training them in the things of the Lord. Teaching them the Bible and teaching them how to apply the Bible’s teachings to their lives. When they make career choices, teaching them to make those choices with the extension of God’s kingdom in mind. What jobs, what careers, with your children’s talents, what jobs are going to glorify God the most? What options will give them the best opportunity to serve the Lord? Educate them about the unfinished task of global evangelisation. The people in our community who don’t know the Lord, as well as the 2 billion in some other parts of the world who don’t just not believe, but who’ve never even heard the Gospel. Teach them about them, and challenge them about how they can make a difference when they grow up.
Teach them about the world around us, those less privileged than us, both in our own community but also those in the world out there. Dscuss things like the Pakistan floods, the earthquake in Haiti and what we can do to help. Teach your children to be kind, compassionate people, who love God and who love to serve Him.
Now some parents send their children to a Christian school so they get this sort of Christ centred education at school, and certainly, that’s what happens at schools such as Cooloola Christian College. But even if you do send your children to a Christian school, don’t abdicate your responsibilty. Whether or not you send your children to a state school or a Christian school or home school them, you need to spend time at home, teaching your children the Bible and to love God and to love obeying and serving Him. And part of that is not just with words, but with your example of a Christ centred life. That’s what it’s talking about here.
Now these words that talk about the maturing process, don’t just refer to the outcome, but to the process. You see, the process has two parts, and these words carry the meaning of those two parts. One part is instruction. That is – telling your children, talking to them. The other part is discipline.
Discipline is an unpopular word in today’s world, but it is part of the education process. Fathers, parents, it is your responsibility to teach your children the consequences of their actions. That’s what discipline is. When your children make wrong choices, when they don’t obey, there needs to be consequences. If you don’t teach them consequences, if you cover for them, if you let wrong go unpunished, they will grow up thinking they can do whatever they like and they will end up in big trouble. Think things like drugs, immorality, trouble with the law. You must teach your children consequences. And sometimes you need to apply those consequences yourself. You need to apply the discipline. If your children don’t obey you, if you tell them to get inside the house, or to brush their teeth and they defy you, don’t just sit there doing nothing. Discipline them!!!
Now you might ask – how? Should I hit them physically? Is corporal punishment okay? Well there are many ways we can discipline. We can withdraw them privileges. No dessert, no TV, no computer games. And by the way, on the whole, TV and computer games don’t help your kids mature much anyway. One way you can discipline is denying them something. Another way with smaller children is time out. We give our kids sitting practice – which they dread! But there can also be a place for measured corporal punishment, especially when children are younger. They don’t understand things like no dessert, or even time out. There can be a place for a smack or two. And these words - discipline and instruction - they refer to a process that included smacking.
Now in the Roman world, that physical punishment could be quite severe. And that’s why Paul also gives a negative command. We are told not to do something. Notice in verse 4 it also tells us Eph 6 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. In the Roman world, corporal / physical punishment could be quite harsh unfair and unjust, which would provoke anger. And we can do that. Not just with smacking, but in all sorts of things. But in the area of smacking, if you do smack, and I think at times it can be needed, and the words “discipline and instruction” in this verse certainly include smacking, but it needs to be be measured. It needs to in an attitude of calmness. It needs to be done not in a rage and it needs to be done without injuring your child and in the best interests of your child.
And most of all, it needs to be just. Justly and fairly applied. And that’s not just with smacking, but with all discipline. And not just with all discipline, but with everything you do when you raise your children. Don’t provoke them to anger. Of course, your children may get angry with you when you rightly apply discipline. It doesn’t mean that, but it means to unnesseccarily provoke them to anger.
And while all parents can do that, I think us fathers are especially prone to that. When you train up your children, when you are maturing them, it is them you are serving – not us. Remember our sermon last week on serving. We serve our children. Our goal in bringing them up is to prepare them for life, prepare them to obey and serve God. Helping them understand what Christ has done for us on the cross.
The goal is not so our children are exactly like us. Our goal is not so our children do in life what we failed to do. Our goal is not so our children bring us credit - although if we bring them up well, they will bring us credit. But that’s not the goal. The goal is to prepare them, mature them. So when you bring them up, set rules. Discipline them. Counsel them, advise them. But don’t lay on them demands they can’t keep. Listen to them, what they say to you. Discipline them, not in rage. Not unjustly, but justly in love, with their maturity in mind, their maturity in the Lord.
So we close now. Children - do you remember your command? To obey your parents!
And parents, especially fathers, your command to bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Which means to mature them, prepare them so they understand the Gospel. They are prepared for life, to earn a living, to raise their own family, to love the Lord and to love obeying the Lord, and to love serving Him in reaching a lost world. And as you do, with their welfare – not yours – in mind, ever mindful not to provoke them to anger as you do.
