Ephesians 5:21-24
Wives submit to your husbands
Well we have finally arrived at that famous or infamous - passage: Wives submit to your own husbands. Why is this passage so famous or infamous? Why is this passage controversial? Why is the whole idea of wives submitting to husbands is controversial? And not just wives submitting to husbands, but the whole idea of anyone submitting to anyone else? We live in an age of democracy, of equal rights, liberation, everyone can have their say. There is womens liberation, workers rights. Where does the idea of submission fit in this? What do we make of the Bibles command here? Not just for submission per se, but women submitting to husbands? Is it still relevant to us in the 21st century? Isnt the idea of submission in marriage outdated, to be replaced by the idea of mutuality, equal rights, equal say, neither partner needs to submit to the other.
Today we are going to look at these issues. We are going to look at the area of submission in a general sense as well as more specifically look at the issue of a wifes submission to her husband. Todays sermon is the start of a whole section on submission that goes from 5:21-6:9 and covers three human relationships: wife husband; child- parents; slave/servant master/boss. We are going to spend two sermons on the wife-husband one and then one each on child-parent and servant-boss. So, two sermons on the wife husband relationship. Today will be on the wife submitting to her husband and next week on the husband loving his wife.
Why split it into two, shouldnt they be read together? Well in one sense - yes they should be read together, but Paul addresses the wives and husbands separately. Verse 22 is addressed to wives, while verse 25 is addressed to husbands. Once, Marcela and I listened to a CD sermon series on this passage. We listed together to the whole thing from verses 21-33, that is, about the wife submitting to the husband and the husband loving wife as Christ loves the church. Do you know what happened after we listened to the CD? During the CD, I had only listened and paid note to what the wife was supposed to do to submit. Marcela had only listed to what the husband was supposed to do to love. After listening to the CD we proceeded to have an argument. I was telling Marcela she needed to submit to me more. Marcela was telling me I needed to love her more. Wed both missed the point. This passage wasnt telling me what Marcela was supposed to do. It wasnt telling Marcela what I was supposed to do. It was telling me what I was supposed to do and telling Marcela what she was supposed to do. So that we dont mix it up, today I will speak generally on submission and then specifically on the wifes role. So today this is primarily for the wives and next week for the husbands. But it will be useful for the husbands to listen in today
and also for wives to listen in next week. Also, mixed in with this is some beautiful theology on the relationship between Christ and the church that all of us can learn from.
So lets jump in. First, lets talk about submission in general and the context of these instructions. Remember last week: Eph 5 18b be filled with the Spirit. We talked about being filled with the Spirit, and that the next few verses give us four things that describe what it means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. They are:
1. vs 19 addressing one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs
2. vs 19 singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart
3 vs 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
4 vs 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Last week we talked about the first three of those things, and today we start to address the fourth - submitting to one another. And I shall spend the first part of the sermon talking about submission in general before going on to talk specifically about wives submitting to husbands. Now this fourth one submitting one to another, is a biggie. Paul spends the next 21 verses talking about submission. He expands on in three sets of authority relationships:
1. wives to husbands
2. children to parents
3. slaves/servants to masters/bosses.
Each of these sets of authority relationships is very interesting because Paul doesnt just instruct the ones who are to submit: that is, wives, children and slaves; but he also gives instructions to those who are over them in the Lord: that is, husbands, fathers, and masters. And that is very significant, because in Pauls time, people like wives, children and slaves were regarded as possessions, chattels. You could do with them as you liked. If you had a child born to you and you didnt want it, you could abandon him or her on the street, to the elements, either to die from exposure, or for someone else to pick up and raise that child to be either a slave or a prostitute. These people were regarded as possessions to do with as you liked. So it is very significant that instructions were given to those in positions of authority, instructions that protected wives, children and slaves and re-inforced their value to God and to each other. And we shall cover those instructions in the next few weeks as get to them.
So now, since submission seems to be so important, since it takes up so much space 21 verses - we had better had a look at what it means! A lot of ink has been spilled over what submission means. One extreme in interepreting the word, submit, gives it a very strong meaning. It interpretes it as to subjugate someone, meaning to have absolute control, domineering control over another and the absolute right to rule over that person. This might come out in the belief, for example, that I have the right to beat my wife, to do with her as I like. In the area of parenthood, it might come in the idea that the feotus growing in my body is mine and if I want to abort it kill it, I can because it is my property. This is not what submit means here. Submission carries limitations on it quite strong ones, as we shall see next week when we address husbands. So that is one extreme.
But the other extreme in interpreting the word, submit, is to interpret it very weakly. Some today say that the submission in this passage means no more than reverance or respect. That means the wife must respect her husband, but doesnt have to obey him if she doesnt want to. The same with the child. The child needs to be polite to his parents, but doesnt have to obey, and so on. But this is also not what submit means.
So what does submit mean? You know, I spent a lot of time this week reading every Greek dictionary I could lay my hands on - and I have quite a few of them and they are regarded as the best ones. And the meaning of the word is quite plain and simple.
Hupotasso in Greek, submit in English. It means: to yield to authority. The Macquarie Dictionary gives the following definitions of the word that also line up with what the Greek word here means in the original.: to yield in surrender, compliance, or obedience, to refer to the decision or judgement of another or others, to defer to the opinion, judgement, of another. So the meaning is simple - to be under the authority of someone else, to yield to that authority in obedience.
The interpretation might be simple, but the application is hard, and because the application is hard, and grates with our modern sensibilities, we tend to try and water down the meaning of the word. But to be honest to the Biblical text, to be honest to the Greek language, and to the English language in Bible translations, there is really nothing else this word here can mean but to yield to authority in obedience. So thats what the word submit means.
But we also need to qualify what submit doesnt mean. It does not mean, inequality. You see, in our modern world, we equate authority with importance and value. That is, if someone is in a position of authority, they are more important. Their life is more valuable. Thats what our society thinks, but this is not biblical. You see in the Bible,
authority is not linked to value. When we are in Christ, all Christians are equal in value, and have the same access to God as it says in Galatians 3:28.
Galatians 328 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
But this equality in value between all Christians doesnt mean that we all have the same role, the same authority. God has ordained authority structures in the world, for the ordering of society, of the family, so things run smoothly. If there were no authority structures, there would be anarchy, disorder, chaos. But the ones with the authority dont have more importance than those they have authority over, but more of that next week when we turn to the instructions to husbands! But suffice to say for now, submission does not mean inequality.
The next question to answer is to whom do we submit to? Verse 21 says:
Eph 521 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Some take this to mean that all Christians must submit to all other Christians, so that even though in verse 22 wives are to submit to husbands, because of verse 21 it also means that husbands are to submit to wives. This interpretation is called the idea of mutual submission. It is apparently backed up by an earlier verse in Ephesians:
Eph 4:1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to nwalk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.
In Ephesians 4:1-2, we are told to bear with one another in love with all humility and gentleness and with patience. Or you could say, to put up with one another in love. And so, many believe that what Paul here in Eph 5:21 is talking about is mutual submission. But there are a few problems with this interpretation, this idea of mutual submission. The first is it doesnt make logical sense. How can two people submit to each other? Just say I get pulled over for doing 80 in 60 zone. The policeman says, You were doing 80 in a 60 zone so Im giving you a ticket Can I just say, I believe in mutual submission and Im telling you that Im now changing the speed limit to 100 and Im telling you not to write the speeding ticket. Actually Im going to write you a ticket for stopping me?
It also doesnt make sense in the light of what follows. What I mean is this: why would Paul, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, give particular instructions for wives to submit to husbands if it was already covered by the general instruction for everyone to submit to everyone else? And if husbands are supposed to submit to wives, why wouldnt Paul say that as well? But he doesnt say that the instructions for husbands is to love their wives, not submit to them. It also wouldnt make sense if we keep going down to chapter 6. 6:1 Children obey your parents. But should parents submit to children? That is obey them? I think the answer is obvious no they dont, nor do masters obey or submit to their slaves or employees. They should listen to their advice, requests, but in the end they make the decisions.
Well then, what about Ephesians 4:1-2, where it tells us to bear with one another in love? But as weve seen, there is a difference between respecting each other and putting up with each other on the one hand and submitting to each other on the other hand as in terms of yielding to the authority of another. So then, what does it mean in verse 21, to submit to one another? The key to understanding verse 21 is to understand that it is not the last sentence in the paragraph, but merely a linking sentence. In most Bible versions it looks like verses 21 and 22 are not connected because there is a new subject heading in front of verse 22, such as Wives and husbands. But you should know these subject headings and divisions are put there by the English Bible translators to make it easier to find your way around the Bible. They werent there in the original version. It is all one paragraph and in fact, verses 21 and 22 are part of the same sentence. In verse 18 we are told to be filled with the Spirit and then given four ways that is manifested, the last one being in the area of submission, which Paul brings in in verse 21, and then Paul spends the next 21 verses telling us who needs to submit to who. So in other words, in verse 21 he is saying submit to one another, and then telling us who the one another is: in the case of wives it is to husbands. In the case of children it is to parents. In the case of slaves, it is to masters.
If you have a look at the Greek original it is even clearer that this is the case. Literally, in the Greek, verses 21-22 are thus:
21Submitting to each other in the fear of Christ, 22the wives to their own husbands as to the Lord.
Notice there is not even the word, submit in verse 22 because it is mentioned in verse 21. In other words, verse 21 tells us to submit to each other and then Paul goes on to say who the each other is: in this case wives to husbands
Okay, weve got that over with, and for some of you it might not be comfortable. I must admit, I struggled for years with it too. I was brought up in an egalitarian household. The idea of submission was foreign to me, and it took me many years of struggling with it. But finally I just said to God, I will just take your word for what it says and just believe it even when it is hard. Now of course, Im a husband, not a wife, so in one sense it is easier for me to accept that a wife should submit to her husband. But wait till next week when we look at what husbands are supposed to do, and we will see it is a tall order for us husbands too.
Lets now have a look at what it means for a wife to submit to her husband:
Eph 522 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
The first thing to note is who the wife is to submit to. The Greek is very clear and it is brought out very nicely in the ESV and NKJV, wives submit to your own husbands. You dont have to submit to anyone elses husband, unless of cause they are in some other authority relationship to you. This passage here is only about submitting to your own husband, so if you dont have a husband, this verse doesnt apply to you. Now the main thing to note from this passage, is that the relationship between a husband and wife is compared to the relationship between Christ and the church, and this comparison is continued in verses 25-33 where it talks about the husbands command to love his wife. Two comparisons are made. Firstly in verse 23
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body,
What does it mean that Christ is head of the church? What does it mean to be the head of someone? As in English, Greeks used the word head to describe the leader, the one in authority. We use it in that way too, for example, the headmaster of a school. The head coach of a sporting team, and so on. Christ is our head, He is our leader, and Paul says here, in the same way, the husband is the head, the leader of the wife.
In verse 24 the analogy continues
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Why does the church submit to Christ? It is because Christ is the head of the church, the leader of the church, and because of that, the church us - we submit to Christ. We yield to His authority and obey Him. Likewise wives should submit to their husbands. Wives submit to their husbands following the example of Christ and as it says in verse 22 Eph 522 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
As to the Lord. That means you submit to your husbands as you would submit to the Lord.
Now the words here, these three verses, are very easy to interpret. What is hard is accepting it and doing it. So perhaps you would like to know the extent of this submission, to what extent do I have to submit to my husband? Well it says the extent in verse 24:
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
In everything. Thats pretty hard. Now at this stage, I do need to qualify everything. There are many types of authority relationships in the Bible. Ephesians talks about authority relationships between husband and wife, parents and children and masters and slaves. Elsewhere it talks about authority relationships with rulers, with the government. Elsewhere still it talks about submission to the leadership of the church. But we always need to read the Bible in light of the whole of the Bible. What I mean is this: the Bible is clear that our ultimate authority is to the Lord. If your husband asks you to do something that is contrary to Scripture, contrary to your conscience, something that is wrong, you should not obey, you should not do it or even go along with it.
For example, the Bible is very clear that we ought to obey governments. But is also clear that in all cases of human authority, Gods laws, Gods will, has precedence. Listen to this account early on in Acts. Peter and John had been called before the governmental leaders who told them not to tell anyone about Jesus. This is what Peter and John said:
Acts 418 So they called them and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. 19 But Peter and John answered them, Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, 20 for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.
So if your husband is asking or telling you to do something that is wrong - dont do it. And I want to say if he is doing something illegal, then you should report it to the authorities. Sometimes abuse, wife beating, abuse of children, has been justified on the grounds that the wife has to submit to the husband. But you are not required to submit when your husband is asking you to sin. And it is sin to cover up sin, to cover up abuse. And if he is doing harm to you or to the children or anyone else, then you need to report it to the authorities, and if you feel uncomfortable with that, you can come and talk to me, or the other leader in the church or our wives and well help you with it.
So even though it does say here that wives need to submit in everything, in the light of the rest of Scripture, there are limitations on that. But if there is no sin involved, then it does mean you need to submit in everything. It doesnt mean you cant have your say and well talk more about that next week. But it just means you do need to defer the final decision to your husband. But please, if you are in a situation and you are not sure if it is right or wrong, please come and talk to me or Marcela about it or one of the other leaders in the church.
Now we need to add a couple more obsevations. Firstly, that the wife should submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ. And especially in the light of the next few verses about the husbands responsbiilities, it means there is an assumption that the husband will be exercising his authority in a Christ like way as we shall hear more about next week. But although there is the assumptiont that the husband will exercise his authority in a Christ-like way, it does not say that wives should only submit to their husbands if their husbands are loving them as Christ loved the church. It doesnt say that. If it did, imagine the mess we would be in. The wife would say, Im not going to submit to you because you dont love me as Christ loved the church, and the husband would say, Im not going to love you as Christ loved the church because you dont submit to me as the church submits to Christ. Imagine that the wife would never submit and the husband never love. Thats why it doesnt say only submit if he loves. It just says submit. Which can be hard if he is not loving you the way he should. But the Christian life wasnt meant to be easy. It can be hard following Christ.
But on the same token, I have a word for the husbands here. And that is, notice the instruction in verse 21
Eph 522 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
It does not say, Husbands, make sure your wives submit. It does not say that at all!
And this is very siginficant, because in the culture of Pauls day, husbands were told to make sure their wives submit, but the Bible doesnt say that. Submission is something the wife must do voluntarily. You cannot force her. Of course, you can discuss this passage with her, ask her to submit, as she can ask you to love her. But you cant make her submit, she must chose to do that willingly. And it completely unacceptable to force her to submit, whether that is by force or by withholding money or any other way. She must choose to submit to you voluntarily.
So lets wrap up today. I for one am glad the sermon is just about over. But I know some of you, maybe many of you, for you this sermon will have raised many questions, or perhaps disagreement. I am aware that there are different ways of interpreting this passage. All of us have very different individual situations and I have tried to be as comprehensive as I can in 35 or so minutes, but it has been impossible to cover everything in this complex topic.
So please by all means contact me or Marcela during the week if you want to discuss something. If you disagree with something, or would like clarifiction on something or would like to talk about your specific situation.
But in all that, lets not lose sight that although submission is not flavour of the month in our society, is part of the way God ordered the world so that we dont have anarchy. In this case so we dont have anarchy and chaos in our families, in our homes, but they function well as God intended. And as we have seen these verses are connected to verse 18. Submission is one aspect of being filled with the Spirit.
