Ephesians 4:25-5:2
Last week when we covered Ephesians 4:17-24 we talked about our new life. That when we become Christians there ought to be change. We need to leave behind the life we once lived, the life we lived as unbelievers and we need to put off the old self
and put on the new. We spoke about the contrast of this and that the Bible uses pretty strong language to describe the difference between the old way of life and the new way of life. And we looked at whose job this is, to change. Gods or ours. And we realised that its both. Its God that makes the new self, but we are commanded to take off the old self and put on the new self.
Last week we had a look at theme generally. You could say we looked at the theory. But now we get in to the practical stuff, what it means on the ground. From now on, until almost the end of the book of Ephesians, its all about where the rubber hits the road in everyday, practical living. And today in Ephesians 4:25-5:2, we look at relationships anger and kindness, stealing and work, pure speech and worthless speech, bitterness and forgiveness. More contrasts more extremes.
But before we launch in, I need to prepare you. So far in Ephesians, Pauls talked in generalities. In the first few chapters he talked about what Christ had done for us. Yes, we talked about how we were sinners. Thats a pretty direct statement, that we are sinners. But it was in very general terms. Theres not too much room to be offended by that, when things are in general terms. Even last week we talked about the stark contrast between the old way of life and the new, and some of you may have found that challenging. But even so, it was in generalities. But now we are going to launch into specifics. Today we talk about relationships, anger, stealing, working, speaking badly, bitterness, unforgivenss. And it gets worse. Next Sunday Ill be on holidays, but the one after, well be talking about specific sins: sexual immorality, crude joking, greed, drinking. Were going to cover sins that most of us, perhaps all of us, have done and perhaps are still doing. And it is quite likely that some of you may be offended by some of the topics that come up and that could well happen today as we talk about anger, our speech, laziness, bitterness and unforgiveness. So as we do cover these verses, I want to ask you to bear with me. Firstly, if I say something that is hard hitting, a bit hard to take, remember Im not trying to offend but merely doing my best to explain the Bible and what it means to us today. And if you hear something today or the next few weeks that is challenging, remember that you are here today in church, I hope because you want to learn more about what God says to us through the Bible. And sometimes the Bible exposes things in our lives that are uncomfortable and that we need to deal with. So today and the next few weeks, if the Bible says something, if it addresses some sin in your life, I urge you to do what the Bible says and do something about it. Im here to help you too, to counsel, pray with you through it. But do do something about it.
So lets jump in to our passage today. Our passage today talks about how we relate to each other. It talks about it in three areas:
1. In the area of of anger. It tells us to control our anger, how to deal with our anger
2. In the area of our speech. This includes, telling the truth and speaking in a wholesome way that builds others up and doesnt pull them down.
3. It tells us not to hold onto bitterness but to forgive.
Of course all these are inter-related. Anger leads to words said, words that wound, or words as a result of our wounds. Words in turn from others that are untrue, hurtful, lead to anger on our part. And this anger, unresolved, can lead to bitterness, unforgiveness, fractured relationships. Which leads to to sin and to grieving the Holy Spirit and threatening our own relationship with God. So this is important
the stakes are high.
Our passage starts with verse 25, which deals with our speech.
EPH 4:25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
This is a continuation of last week - putting off the old self, putting on the new. Now we are told to put off falsehood. The word here literally means, lie. That is dont lie anymore, but rather speak the truth. This is especially so in the church, because again in this verse Paul refers to the body. That doesnt mean its okay to lie to people outside the church - certainly not! We must speak the truth to everyone! But he is mainly concentrating on the church here, and we can see that because in this verse he talks about one body, again saying that we are members of one body, members of one church.
We must be honest with each other. Think of the body imagery again. Can you imagine the eye seeing something and telling lies to the rest of the body? Sometimes I think my eyes and my little toe dont get on too well together. Because my little toe has a habit of collecting every bed post, every protruding corner that it goes past. Just ask Marcela. She knows when all is quiet and peaceful in our house and all of a sudden theres this yell of pain as my little toe collects yet another cupboard corner or something. And Im sure its because my eyes are lying to my little toe.and not warning it to get out of the way. Theyre obviously not getting on well together
Thats the same in the church. When we lie to each other and dont speak the truth, then the body stops working properly. We are members of one body. Literally the Greek is parts of one body. When we start to see the church like that, that we are part of each other, it becomes more difficult to lie to each other. And we can see the need to speak the truth. So, firstly, it says here, let us speak truthfully to each other.
Next our passage addresses the topic of anger. Quoting Psalm 4:4, Paul tells us
26 "In your anger do not sin". It doesnt tell us us here not to be angry, although later on in vs 31 it does warn us against anger, but it tells us that when we are angry we need to be careful not to sin. Anger can be a very natural reaction to wrongdoing. And in fact we know that at times God gets angry at sin. Christ got angry when He drove the moneychangers from the temple. But this was anger at sin. It was righteous anger. But we are not God and it is very difficult for us to control our anger and keep it from becoming sin. From letting bitterness in. From letting it disrupt and destroy relationships. And so we are told that we must not sin if we get angry.
How do we do this? We deal with it straight away. The next part of vs 26 contains the best advice Marcela and I have had for our marriage. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. All of us faces situations of being wronged, either real or imagined that makes us angry. But if we dont deal with it it festers and as it says in verse 27, it gives the devil a foothold in your life. A foothold for bitterness to take root and grow and then choke us up in bitterness, rage and anger that verse 31 talks about, leading to unforgiveness, which then harms our relationship with God. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. That means resolve the issue, the anger, that day if possible, before the sun goes down, or really, before the day ends. Marcela and I have mostly kept this rule. Weve been married over 9 years. I know thats not long compared to many of you, but its long enough to have had a few quarrels and disagreements. We decided when we are angry with each other, to resolve it before going to sleep that night. Only a very few times we havent done that. So no matter how fierce the disagreement, resolve it.
Now of course when you are angry with someone, feel youve been wronged, you dont want to be the first to budge. After all, you are thinking it was me who was wronged, why should I be the one to apologise? The problem is, both of you are thinking that way! Someones got to break the ice, go and seek the other person out. Now when youre married, living in the same house, its relatively easy to physcially locate that person, although of course its emotionally hard to deal with!
But what about others, whom you dont live with? Perhaps relatives, friends, former friends, others in the church or another church? People you havent seen for a long time? Who live a long way away? It may not be possible to seek them out today, but nevertheless, seek them out as soon as you can. Resolve the issue. It is not acceptable to have fractured relations with other Christians. We are part of the same body, the body of Christ. It just wont do for different parts of the same body to not get on together.
So if you are angry, deal with it and if that involves talking to someone you are out of sorts with, pluck up the courage to do that! Now sometimes the other person wont want to talk, or it may be impossible to contact them. Perhaps they have passed on. Still other times, the other person may not have realised that they have offended you and it may actually make it worse to tell them! If thats the case, you need to ask God
to give you the ability to resolve the issue in your own heart, so your anger doesnt lead to sin and to bitterness, unforgiveness.
I told you todays message wouldnt be easy! And if you are having problems in this area, and want someone to be there with you as you deal with it please contact me and well talk about it together.
The next verse
28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. This verse seems a bit of a digression as the other verses round about it talk about anger, speech, bitterness, forgiveness - things that are related to each other. And now we have this one verse that talks about stealing and working. But perhaps in the Ephesian church, perhaps some of the anger and bitterness, perhaps it may have been caused by those who stole, who werent doing their fair share. And so we can learn from this verse too. In our society, we can steal in many ways. We can shoplift or steal from cars, or steal the cars themselves. Thats what we often think of stealing. But theres other ways we can steal too. We can fudge our time sheets at work. We can lie on our income tax returns. We can claim welfare when were not entitled to it. So if thats you, the Bible tells, us - dont do it anymore. Work for your living if you are able to, not just for yourself, but as it says here, so you can also share with those who have a need. And well be talking more about work in more detail soon when Ephesians covers the topic in chapter 6.
Now from verse 29 we return again to our speech - what we talk about.
EPH 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Literally it says: Every bad word from your mouth must not come out! Bad words. What are bad words? When we think of bad words, we often think of swear words - crude, rude words. And Im sure it does include that. We do need to watch what we say in that area. But to see what Paul is getting at hear we need to look at the opposite of bad words. The next part of this verse says, literally but what is good for building up [in situations] of need. That is, verse 29 literally is: Every bad word from your mouth must not come out, but what is good for building up [in situations] of need.
Notice bad words verses good words. And what are good words? They are those that build up those who have a need. In other words, good words are those that help others. Bad words are those that tear down, denigrate others, that do them harm. Words that can lead us to bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander, the things that we are told to avoid in vs31 where it says 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
These things - bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, malice - these are the result of unchecked anger, of unresolved conflict, bitterness, unforgiveness, things that we can bottle up in us, but things that can also come out in the form of bad words, of rage and anger, of brawling and slander. Brothers and sisters we must not engage in these things. Not to anyone but least of all to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
What must we do instead? As it says back in verse 29, we must speak good words. Good, helpful words that benefit those who listen. And verse 32 says 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another. Kind to each other, considerate to each other. Compassionate thinking of and helping each other. So we see here in our passage we have a continuation of the contrasts, the extremes, that we talked about last week in the practical areas of our anger and our speech. We need to let go of anger and rage towards each other and replace them with compassion. We need to let go of bad words that pull others down and replace them with good words that build others up.
And the next thing we need to do can be the hardest of all. We need to forgive. Verse 32 tells us bluntly, to forgive each other. Forgiveness is hard, it is tough. Like probably everyone here, Ive struggled with forgiving some people, people whove done things that have altered my life in a bad way.
Now what is forgiveness? Some say it is forgetting. And while if we can forget an event, it certainly makes it easy to forgive. But its not always possible to forget. Sometimes it is not even desirable, because we can learn lessons from past events. Forgiveness is not forgetting. The other thing is forgiveness is not, is that it is not excusing. What do we normally say when someone says sorry to us? Whats the normal, polite response? We say, Thats all right. Now if that person really did something wrong against us, evil against us, its not all right! It was sin! Forgiveness is not excusing, saying its all right, or they didnt mean it, or they couldnt help it.
This is what forgiveness it: it is letting go. Releasing. Letting go of what? Releasing from what? It is letting go the penalty the sin has incurred. In the case of us forgiving others, it is the letting go of the desire or intention to seek revenge. Its not excusing the sin. If someone has done something bad to you, it doesnt help to say it was okay when it wasnt. But forgivenss is a decision, a decision not to seek revenge.
Now in the case of serious sins such as theft, assault, murder, rape, physical or sexual abuse, being defrauded, that does not mean you shouldnt pursue legal recourse through the police and the courts, because that person could re-offend either against you, your loved ones or others. But it does mean your motives for that are not ones of revenge but of protection and rehabilitation.
Now what Ive just been speaking about, for some of you it is no problem. Youve been blessed enough not to have faced with situations where it is really hard to forgive. Others of you have had those situations of being badly wronged and yourve already worked through it and forgiven. But others here are still facing it the issue of bitterness and unforgiveness.
So how do we forgive?Well it tells us here. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Our model of forgiveness is the model Christ gave us. Now the word forgiving here is not the normal word for forgive. The Greek word here is charizomai. It is the verb form of the more usual noun charis. Charis is grace. It is the word in Ephesians 2:5 Eph 2:5b-it is by grace you have been saved. Charis grace - is the word used to describe what Christ has done for us. And part of that a major part - was forgiving us. And the verb of that being gracious I guess, is what is used here in verse 32, both to describe what God has done for us - just as in Christ God was gracious to you. Its on that basis that we can also be gracious to each other. And this includes forgiving. If God can forgive us of our sins, then we can ask Him to give us the strength, the ability to forgive others of their sins.
If we dont it actually impairs our relatinship with God. Jesus was pretty blunt in Matthews Gospel: MT 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Not forgiving others impairs God from forgiving us, which is a serious business, and therefore not forgiving others does us more damage than to the person you hold bitterness towards. Bad words, anger, discord between believers, also leads to a similar negative effect on our relationship with God. Verse 30 says 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. The Holy Spirit of God that is, God the Holy Spirit - we can grieve Him when there is discord amonst us. This is the same Holy Spirit who has sealed us for the day of our redemption. What is the day of our redemption? It is that day at the end our era, that day when we will live with Christ forever. That day when all our sins will be gone from us, when we will live in perfect harmony with both God and our brothers and sisters in Christ. The Holy Spirit has sealed us for that day. But if we are not willing to change, to speak good things to our neighbours, to be compassionate rather than angry, to forgive rather than be bitter, then that grieves the Holy Spirit of God.
So weve covered some hard ground today. Dont be angry but be compassionate towards each other. Dont speak bad words that pull others down - but speak good words that build others up. Dont hold bitterness - but forgive. Hard to do.But we have Christ as our example, who even forgave the soldiers who crucified Him.
And the whole thing is summed up nicely in 5:1-2 EPH 5:1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
We spoke last week about how we were originally created in Gods image, and thats been marred by sin. But in verse 24 it says that now we are to put on the new self - the new self created to like God in true righteousness and holiness. So we are to imitate God and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us. How did He love us? He gave Himself up for us as fragrant offering and sacrifice for God. If God did that for us, if He forgave us for what we have done, then we can forgive others for what theyve done to us.
Today weve talked about some hard things. Love and harmony amongst believers. Weve learnt that anger, discord and bitterness, unforgivenss against other believers is just not acceptable to God. Weve learnt that God desires that we are to be kind and compassionate to each other, saying good words that build each other up and forgiving each other.
Now some of you will find this very hard to do, but the Bible says we need to do it. But if you are finding it hard to do on your own, the body of Christ is here to help you. Talk to someone you trust. Pray together about this issue. I am also available if youd like to talk about it further and how to forgive in your specific situation. Phone me, email me, talk to me, make a time to talk about it. Because for your own sake more than anyone elses, you need to resolve this.
And for all us, let us make sure that at Gympie Baptist Church we are a people who speak truthfully to each other. Who do not let anger fester between us but treat each other with kindness and compassion, speaking good, useful words to each other that will build each other up. Working hard, and contributing to the neeeds of others, and forgiving and accepting each other.
