Wrong Perceptions Should Be Subjected to Truth (Matthew 15:15-17)
Matthew 15:17-20 (New International Version)
17"Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what make a man 'unclean'.
Conflicts arise when two people insist on their own perception of reality thinking they are based in truth. However, there are millions of perceptions in the world. On any issue one can find several competing perceptions all equally difficult to evaluate. In conflicts we may have clashes of personalities between an insecure-sensitive melancholy who feels manipulated by a goal oriented choleric because of their differences of perception. Each person may sincerely desire what is best but we must surrender our desires to the will of God in order to maintain love, unity and resolve potential conflicts.
Our perceptions tell us as much about ourselves as they do about the issue perceived. When a person criticizes someone or something it may come from a negative perception that is a precursor to judgment. Jesus warned us not to judge lest we be judged ourselves. (Matt. 7:1,2) Let us look at several ways that faulty perceptions weakens ourselves, others and our organizations unnecessarily.
Faulty Perceptions:
1. Exaggeration
We are prone to exaggerate, to magnify our perception in order to convince people we are right. Most of us are adept at magnifying the negative which often leads us to make the situation worse than it actually is. Paul tells us to not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer, supplication with thanksgiving let our requests be made known to God and the peace of God that passes comprehension will keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-8)
2. Selective Memory
We often omit considerations unfavorable to our position. We selectively direct the conversation to areas that are favorable to what pleases us. James teaches us that the source of our quarrels and conflicts is our own desires that wage war in our members. We lust and do not have so we fight and quarrel. We envy and do not obtain so we squabble. The source of our problem is our selective desire to have something that perhaps God has not intended for us to have. (James 4:1-5)
3. Black and White Polarizing Thinking
We commonly think if absolute terms. Someone might say, "He is impossible to work with or everyone is against me." People are much more nuanced based on their culture, gender, age, personality or level of maturity.
4. Wrong Conclusions
We often misinterpret what we see or hear or experience. Some people take things too personally and become frustrated, upset or angry because a small disagreement. When people take statement too personally or interpret something as hostile they let something flame into a fiery conflict because of faulty perception. We need to avoid rushing to judgment allowing the Lord to evaluate, judge and draw conclusions to every person or event or statement. Remember, judgment belongs to the Lord.
5. Reacting to People Based on Past Associations
Sometimes we react negatively to people based on a bad experience from the past. Our previous hurtful encounters remind us of something that provokes a problem from the past that conjures up bad feelings and perceptions. Paul tells us to forget the things which are behind and reach forward to what lies ahead. (Phil. 3:8-14)
6. Projecting Our Feelings to Another
Someone may interpret your sadness as resentment because they are resentful. Others may interpret your opposition to anger because they are angry. This is often done from an unconscious position. Jesus said, "To the pure all things are pure. To the unclean all things are unclean."
7. Generalizing
We often come to broad conclusions without adequate evidence. After a bad experience we may say,"I will never loan that person money again or anyone else for that matter. From now on everyone will have to prove their trustworthiness before I trust them." When people are armed with too many distorted perceptions they are liable to engage in conflicts of all types.
Consequences of Faulty Perceptions:
1. Attack Mode
Some people think that a good offense is a good defense so they begin to criticize and undermine others with their words. When people complain about others they are often attacking them for different perceptions.
Listen to the Paul's directive on this matter:
4Who art thou that judges the servant of another? to his own lord he stands or falls. Yea, he shall be made to stand; for the Lord hath power to make him stand. 5One man esteems one day above another: another esteems every day alike. Let each man be fully assured in his own mind. 6He that regards the day, regards it unto the Lord: and he that eats, eats unto the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he that eats not, unto the Lord he eats not, and gives God thanks. 7For none of us lives to himself, and none dies to himself. 8For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; or whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. 9For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living. 10But thou, why dost thou judge thy brother? or thou again, why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment-seat of God. 11For it is written,
As I live, saith the Lord, to me every knee shall bow,
And every tongue shall confess to God.
Romans 14:12 So then each one of us shall give account of himself to God. 13Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge ye this rather, that no man put a stumbling block in his brother's way, or an occasion of falling. 14I know, and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean of itself: save that to him who accounts anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15For if because of meat thy brother is grieved, thou walks no longer in love. Destroy not with thy meat him for whom Christ died. 16Let not then your good be evil spoken of: 17for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18For he that herein serves Christ is well-pleasing to God, and approved of men. 19So then let us follow after things which make for peace, and things whereby we may edify one another.
2. Attribute Blame
Some people will blame another or the devil or culture or whatever they think appropriate at the time as long as it is not themselves. If we shove the problem off to another we will not recognize our own limited perception on the matter. Paul tells us to do all things without complaining or disputing but be children of God above reproach in a crooked and perverse generation among whom we appear as lights in the world. (Phil. 2;13,14)
3. Dominate
This is a sure formula for winning the battle but losing the war. Confrontation is only valuable when both parties are standing on level ground.
4. Refuse to Relate, Speak or Reach Out
People justify this approach by insisting, "He would not listen anyway." This is a cover-up for failing to obey Matt. 18:15. Maybe this reflects the fact that I am too much of a complainer and unwilling to address the matter honestly and frankly because I am afraid of being hurt.
5. Attribute Bad Motives to Another
We have to be careful not to impugn wrong motives to another as this is judgment that Jesus condemns. We may insist that another person is acting out of greed, selfishness or pride. Even godly people act maliciously at times when one is struggling to make it through difficulties. We all need to ask God to help us be a little kinder and a little blinder to the faults of those of others and praise a little more.
6. Accusations
Sometimes people think they are being used or abused or neglected. This wrong thinking can lead to distrust and hate and jealousy or benign neglect. Let us ask God to help us give people the benefit of the doubt and love them regardless of an irritation or aggravation. (I Cor. 13:4-7)
7. Mirror Other People's Emotions
There is really no need for us to be angry when another is trying to provoke us to wrath. When I become fearful or anxious when you are angry I just join in adopting your grievance or problem. To weep with those who weep does not mean that I must experience your emotions as if they were my own. The best friends remain objective.
8. Judge Others By the Way We React
Tempermental differences often lie behind wrong judgments and differences in perceptions. What is obstinacy to some is firmness of conviction to another. what is weakness to one is gentleness to another. What is illogical to one is intuition to another. Do not evaluate a person on your own standard alone or your own temperament.
9. Reject the Person Instead of Their Viewpoint
This is rejecting the sinner instead of the sin. Opinions, actions, methods, policies are all open to rejection but people are not. The ad hominem (Personal attacks) is often used in politics but it is unfair and should not be used by Christians.
Let us ask God to help us minimize our tendency to engage in these tactics that often do much damage to ourselves, others and our organizations.
Ephesians 4:25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
