HOW CAN I HANDLE LONLINESS?
INTRO:
It has been said that an individual can live forty days without food, four days without water, four minutes without oxygen, and about four seconds without hope.
In the very first book of the Bible the word of God says it is not good for man to be alone – I will make him a help meet.
Loneliness is one of the most heart wrenching feelings you can experience. You do not have to be alone to feel alone.
You can feel lonely in a crowd. It is not the number of people around you that determines your loneliness –it is your relationship to them.
In our high speed, cock eyed hurried world, we have become the cell phone junkies. Driving down the highway, you will see more people than not on a cell phone. More Americans correspond by way of high speed internet and texting like never before. Never before has the social network like twitter and face book brought more people together. YET PEOPLE ARE LONELIER THAN EVER!
People have never lived closer together and yet have never felt further apart.
Loneliness is no respecter of persons
You can be wealthy and lonely. Ask Howard Hughes
You can be beautiful and lonely Ask Marilyn Monroe
You can be Married and Lonely. Many people get married because they are lonely and get divorced for the same reason.
There are scores of people in the bible that experienced loneliness.
David said, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and
afflicted.” Psalms 25:16
Jesus cried out on the cross the most lonely comment of all “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
In the garden, Jesus while his heart was heavy, He asked is disciples, “Could you not stay awake with me one hour while I pray”
Everyone experiences loneliness at one time or another. There are distinct causes and cures for those lonely times of life
1. Sometimes we bring loneliness on ourselves.
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, "Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "Of course I’m lonely, he says, "I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison." "You’re kidding What for?" "For killing my third wife. I strangled her." "What happened to your second wife?" "I shot her." "And, if I may ask, your first wife?" "We had a fight and she fell off a bridge." "Oh my," says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "you’re never going to believe this, Shirley. He’s single."
2. Life can bring about inevitable and uncontrollable situations
The Apostle Paul found himself in a lonely situation as he writes the second book of timothy. He is an old man facing death as he writes from prison in Rome to his son in the faith Timothy.
2 Timothy 4: 6-17 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. Do your best to come to me quickly, 10for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry. I sent Tychicus to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, especially the parchments.
Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message. At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.
WHAT CAUSES LONLINESS?
FOUR CAUSES FOR LONLINESS:
I THE FIRST CAUSE IS THE TRANSITION OF LIFE
Growing older brings about a series of changes and each change can produce loneliness.
1.You are lonely when you are born and you cry until you are cuddled.
2.The first time you went to school was a lonely experience.
3.Getting a job is a lonely experience. Changing jobs is lonely. Retiring is lonely.
4.The death of a love one is lonely.
5.When you are sick, we will isolate you. Or when older folks cannot take care of themselves, They are often placed in a nursing home. Seventy percent of people in rest homes never get a visit from anyone.
Paul was in the final transition of his life, his time was short and he was lonely. II Timothy 4:6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure.
Paul knows he may be martyred for his faith or he will die soon of old age. He is spending some of his last days alone in a deep dark damp prison.
II .THE SECOND CAUSE OF LONELINESS IS SEPERATION: because of career, or military service or death
Garrison Keillor told the story of the time that his mother and father took him to the city to visit an aunt who was lonely and alone after the death of her husband of 55 years. He describes how she looked to him at 10 years of age. Her dress was stained with food spots, her rouge was heavy on one side, her lipstick was crooked, and her fake pearls did not go with her dress. She sat at the table as they ate together. The aunt began to cry. "I have nothing left to live for. I might as well die." She started to cry as she kept chewing her food. "I’ll bet that if I died tomorrow, no one would even come to my funeral, not even you folks." Garrison, seeking to be helpful at 10 years of age, said, "Oh, I’d come. I’d be glad to come to your funeral."
Reflecting on her outburst, Garrison concludes as he thinks back 40 years to that day: "Every tear that poor woman cried, we will cry also before we leave this world and give in to the one death we owe."
II Timothy 4:9 Do your best to come to me quickly.
He was separated by most of his friends.
Today you can pick up the phone and call someone but Paul couldn’t just reach out and touch someone as the famous AT&T ad puts it.
II Timothy 4:21 Do your best to come before winter. Paul knew time was running out. You can relieve the grieving loneliness of someone by making that contact you have put off
Whom do you need to call? Whom do you need to write a letter to? Who do you need to visit? Who do you need to say, “I love you” Do it now, do it before winter!
III ANOTHER CAUSE OF LONELINESS IS OPPOSTION II Timothy 4:14 –15 Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message
I think of David Livingstone, the pioneer missionary to Africa, who walked over 29,000 miles. His wife died early in their ministry and he faced stiff opposition from his Scottish brethren. He ministered half blind. His kind of perseverance spurs me on. His diary reads Send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. Sever me from any tie but the tie that binds me to Your service and to Your heart.
Other than Jesus Christ, no one faced the loneliness of opposition than the apostle Paul.
Not only is Paul getting old, he has brethren and enemies against him.
He has been beaten, shipwrecked, harassed, imprison, misjudged, misquoted, misunderstood, mishandled, misrepresented --all in opposition to his serving the Lord.
IV ANTOHER CAUSE OF LONELINESS IS REJECTION
This may be the most difficult form of loneliness. II Timothy 4:10 For Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica
II Timothy 4:16 At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me
That is why it is so painful going thru a divorce when someone has rejected you. Betrayal, abandonment and unfaithfulness is a severe form of rejection that causes intense loneliness
Every person has a emotional need for acceptance
DESTRUCTIVE WAYS SOME HANDLE LONLINESS:
WORKAHOLIC—You spend all your time working.
MATERIALISM--- The false idea that if you have more things you will be happy. What if you were put on a highland and you could have anything you wanted except human contact. You would not be happy very long. You cannot purchase happiness.
EXTRALMARITAL AFFAIR: People jumped into relationship. Some call it rebounding. They are lonely and they overlook some series flaws of the person they are dating.
DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
PITY PARTY Some sit around with the attitude “Wow is me”
So what did Paul do to handle is lonely moments. I see four things Paul did to combat those moments that left him feeling all alone.
FOUR KEYS TO HANDLING LONELINESS
1 UTILIZE YOUR TIME WISELY I TIMOTHY 4:12-13 I sent Tychicus to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, especially the parchments.
Paul stayed busy. No sitting on the coach moping No feeling sorry for himself.
2. MINIMIZE THE HURT I TIMOTHY 4:16 At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them.
Do not exaggerate the pain. Do not rehearse it over and over. Some people make it there ever present theme.
3. RECOGNIZE GODS PRESENCE I TIMOTHY 4:17 But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.
Hebrews 13:5 “I will not leave you nor forsake you”
Psalms 139: 7-8 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
4. EMPATHIZE WITH OTHER PEOPLES NEEDS I TIMOTHY 4:17 …so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it.
Start investing in other people.
Illustrate: An old missionary couple had been working in Africa for years and were returning to New York to retire. They had no pension; their health was broken; they felt defeated,discouraged, and afraid. As the trip began, they discovered they were on the same ship as President Teddy Roosevelt, who was returning from one of his big-game hunting expeditions. No one paid any attention to them. They watched the fanfare that accompanied the President's entourage, with passengers trying to catch a glimpse of the great man. As the ship moved across the ocean, the old missionary said to his wife, "Something is wrong." "Why should we have given our lives in faithful service for God in Africa all these many years and have no one care a thing about us? Here this man comes back from a hunting trip and everybody makes much over him, but nobody gives two hoots about us." "Dear, you shouldn't feel that way," his wife said.
He replied "I can't help it; it just doesn't seem right." When the ship docked in New York, a band was waiting to greet the President. The mayor and other dignitaries were there. The papers were full of the President's arrival. No one noticed the missionary couple. They slipped off the ship, disappeared in the crowd, and found a cheap flat on the East Side, hoping the next day to see what they could do to make a living in the city. That night the man's spirit broke. He said to his wife, "I can't take this; God is not treating us fairly." His wife replied, "Why don't you go in the bedroom and tell that to the Lord?" A short time later he came out from the bedroom, but now his face was completely different. His wife asked, "Dear, what happened?"
The Lord settled it with me. I told Him how bitter I was that the President should receive this tremendous homecoming, when no one met us as we returned home. And when I finished, it seemed as though the Lord put His hand on my shoulder and simply said;
"You're not home yet."
Closing:
A city missionary in London was called to an old building where a woman lay dying in the last stages of a terrible disease. The room was cold and she had nowhere to lie but on the floor. When the missionary asked if there was anything he could do, she replied, "I have all I really need; I have Jesus Christ." Deeply moved, the missionary went home and penned these words:
In the heart of London City,
Mid the dwellings of the poor,
These bright and golden words were uttered,
"I have Christ. What want I more?"
Spoken by a lonely woman dying on a garret floor,
Having not one earthly comfort,
"I have Christ. What want I more?"
