Song of Songs 5: 1- 16
Is It A Dream Or Reality
1 I have come to my garden, my sister, my spouse; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk. 2 I sleep, but my heart is awake; It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, “ Open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one; For my head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night.” 3 I have taken off my robe; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I defile them? 4 My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him. 5 I arose to open for my beloved, And my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, On the handles of the lock. 6 I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart leaped up when he spoke. I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer. 7 The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me, they wounded me; The keepers of the walls took my veil away from me. 8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am lovesick! 9 What is your beloved more than another beloved, O fairest among women? What is your beloved more than another beloved, that you so charge us. 10 My beloved is white and ruddy, chief among ten thousand. 11 His head is like the finest gold; his locks are wavy, and black as a raven. 12 His eyes are like doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set. 13 His cheeks are like a bed of spices, banks of scented herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. 14 His hands are rods of gold set with beryl. His body is carved ivory inlaid with sapphires. 15 His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of fine gold. His countenance is like Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. 16 His mouth is most sweet, Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!
Verse one should be part of chapter 4 because it is the culmination of the intimacy that Solomon and his wife had just experienced. We read that the groom has been totally satisfied with his bride, “ 1 I have come to my garden, my sister, my spouse; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk.” He has entered her garden of delight. He has been taken in by her smell which has now been recorded forever in his mind and he is relishing in the sweetness of kissing her. Now does this sound great or what?
So, as we look back to our honeymoon the memories are fantastic. But now, we begin to live our lives together and hidden issues come out.
We are in chapter 5 and there are only 8 chapters in this book. Why do I bring this fact up? It is because there will be 7 issues that have to be dealt with. Wow! However, this is good because the couple will deal with them and not just ignore them which many cases ruin marriages. With the hundreds of couples I have counseled with marriage issues, I can group them into two categories. The first is those couples who have been married under two years. After the marriage bliss has faded and the couple begins to see in their partner characteristics that annoy them, they realize that they will not be able in the long run to put up with them and need to deal with them or they fell they will not be able to hang in there until the finish. These are the smart ones in my opinion. The other group seems to be the ones who have been married for 20 years or more. This for me is the sad group. What they have done is to have children right away and not deal with their issues. They basically live for their kids. But one thing always happens. Kids grow up. The couple now faces the empty nest syndrome. They look at each other as total strangers. This is a critical time. They now realize that if they do not do something for their marriage then serious consequences can occur.
Three problems emerge in this chapter. The woman is bugged about her husband’s work schedule, his approach to sex, and lastly her living conditions.
Solomon was a shepherd king. He had his own orchards, vineyards, and flocks to oversee in addition to all his duties as a king and judge. The woman knew of these responsibilities and heavy demands on his time before she said, ‘I do!’, but they now start to really bother her. He would come home late every night and want to be intimate with her. She began thinking that all she was in his life was just for sex and these thoughts were added to her mental torture. Lastly, she was a country girl and began thinking and missing her prior home life before her marriage. Mentally, she was not in a good place.
This chapter begins with her frustration with her husbands late night advances and will end with her decisive change in attitude.
Have you ever experienced a dream that reflected issues that you were struggling with during the day. This is what happened to the Shulamite. Look at verse 2, “2 I sleep, but my heart is awake.” The dream was caused by one of two possibilities. For one, this rejection of her husbands advances have been actually occurring. You know, ‘Not tonight hun, I have a headache.’ Or secondly, she has been contemplating refusing his advances.
Some might find it odd that the couple had separate bedrooms. Some think that this was the cause of the problem. I do not think so. Having separate bedrooms do not cause sexual problems. Sexual problems are just that by themselves. Some times it is beneficial for couples because of snoring, or other sleep difficulties, to sleep alone. This however, should not dampen the sexual time because, hey, you are awake, I hope, for this time of intimacy.
The Shulamite dreams that her husband has come home late at night and wanted to have sex with her. The bottom line is that she refuses him. Let’s take a look at this part of the dream.
It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, “ Open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one; For my head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night.” 3 I have taken off my robe; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I defile them? 4 My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him.
Notice the conflict that the woman was going through. She comments that her husband is ‘her beloved.’ This statement of him says that he is her lover, her companion, and friend. He is all these to her, yet, she is bugged by him coming to her so late at night. Then after she gives the flimsy excuse that she can’t get out of bed, in her heart and mind she knows that she would love to be in his embrace [and my heart yearned for him]
It is interesting that he could have just reached through the bolt and unlocked the door to begin with. He picked up on her ‘I’m tired and I’m not in the mood’ excuse and walked away.
Have we fallen in this type of relationship with our Holy Lord and Savior. Is He back again knocking on the doors of our hearts for us to open to Him. Have we began to make excuses as to why we are not seeking His Love and Movement in our lives like we once did. Do we tell Him to go away and come back some other convenient time. And as we will read about shortly when we will seek Him will He be hard to find.
5 I arose to open for my beloved, And my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, On the handles of the lock. 6 I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart leaped up when he spoke. I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.
Please note the statement that her hands’ dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh’ What is this saying? She had earlier in the night prepared to be with him. She had gotten herself in the mood and prepared to receive her lover. While she was waiting for him the devil planted some evil thoughts in her mind about his treatment of her. Something like, ‘Some nice guy. Look at the way he treats you. Out all night doing his own thing, while you faithfully here are getting all nice and pretty for him. What a slap in the face. Of all the nerve.’ These types of thoughts go on and on and develop into this type of attitude.
When she finally snapped out of her incorrect thoughts regarding her love, she jumped up and went to open the door and embrace him. However, it was too late. He left.
In chapter 3 we read about her interaction with the watchmen. “By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. 2 “ I will rise now,” I said, “ And go about the city; In the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love.” I sought him, but I did not find him. 3 The watchmen who go about the city found me; I said, “ Have you seen the one I love?” 4 Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go, until I had brought him to the house of my mother, and into the chamber of her who conceived me. 5 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”
Here the watchmen helped her. Now in her dream the watchmen beat her up.
7 The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me, they wounded me; The keepers of the walls took my veil away from me.
This could be from one of two possibilities. She might feel guilty and feel that everyone sees how wrong her treatment of the king was or that she felt the victim – everyone and everything is against her.
She now compounds her problems by seeking help from other women who dislike her.
8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am lovesick!
She is seeking out their help and sympathy. If they might know where he might be please help her. Please speak up on her behalf to Solomon as too how much she misses and needs him. Oh yeah, they are going to help her out. Look at the venom in their response.
9 What is your beloved more than another beloved, O fairest among women?
These women had heard the couple sweet talking to each other as we read in chapter 1, 8 If you do not know, O fairest among women, follow in the footsteps of the flock, and feed your little goats beside the shepherds’ tents. 9 I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh’s chariots. 10 Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with chains of gold.
They had heard the romantic words spoken by him to her and also we read her comments about him in chapter 2, “3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
In affect, the Sulamite commented that her man was better than any other man around. So,, in mockery these women respond to her;
What is your beloved more than another beloved, that you so charge us.
She picks up on their sarcasm and responds
10 My beloved is white and ruddy, chief among ten thousand. 11 His head is like the finest gold; his locks are wavy, and black as a raven. 12 His eyes are like doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set. 13 His cheeks are like a bed of spices, banks of scented herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. 14 His hands are rods of gold set with beryl. His body is carved ivory inlaid with sapphires. 15 His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of fine gold. His countenance is like Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. 16 His mouth is most sweet, Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!
They apparently were jealous of these two lovers comments and dealings with each other and let they thoughts out. So, the Shulamite sees and understands their hatred towards them. She gives them both barrels and really pours on her compliments of her lover, which they don’t have and will never have.
All of these problems should not have gotten this far. It all stemmed from marital differences that was not dealt with. In many cases if not worked out, then it all will spill over with the couples sexual intimacy with each other.
I am thankful to a great book that I came upon that was written in 1977 by Mr. Joseph C. Dillow titled Solomon on Sex. I found this amazing letter that he included in his writing on pages 104 – 05 of his writings relative to a wife’s rejection.
To My Loving Wife
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded only 36 times, this is an average of once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often.
It will wake the children 27 times
It’s too late 23 times
It’s too hot 16 times
It’s too cold 5 times
It’s too early 15 times
Pretended to be asleep 46 times
Windows open, neighbors will hear 9 times
Backache 26 times
Headache 18 times
Toothache 13 times
Giggles 6 times
Not in the mood 36 times
Too full 10 times
Baby is crying 17 times
Watched late TV show 17 times
I watched late TV show 15 times
Mud Pack 11 times
Company in next room 11 times
You had to go to the bathroom 19 times
Total 329 times
During the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory due to the following:
1. Six times you chewed gum during the whole time
2. Seven times you watched TV the whole time
3. Sixteen times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
4. Six times I tried to wake you to tell you we were through
5. One time I was afraid I had hurt you for I felt you move.
Honey, it’s no wonder I’m so irritable!
Your Loving Husband
It’s funny but very sad at the same time.
There is only one case that I see in the bible that speaks about a couple separating sexually from each other. We read this in the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 7, “3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Please note the following three points brought out by this Scripture;
1. It has to be mutual consent
2. It is only for a short period of time
3. The purpose is to be devoted to prayer and fasting
If you play games with this important aspect of your marriage you face the following four problems.
1. Your fellowship with the Lord is in jeopardy because you are disobeying God
2. Your relationship with your mate can be damaged or ruined
3. You will tempt your mate to be unfaithful
4. You will create emotional issues in your mates life
We need to wake up folks and start loving the one who has committed his or her life to us. On our own we can do nothing but with Christ Jesus our Lord we can again experience the love and fire our relationships once had. Amen.
