Foundations for Healthy Personal Relationships
Part 1 – Having a Common Faith
2 Corinthians 6:14-18
August 1, 2010
NOTE: THE ME/WE/GOD/YOU/WE FORMAT IS FORM ANDY STANLEY’S BOOK, "COMMUNICATING FOR A CHANGE."
Me: I’m generally what people call a “people-person.”
I generally like hanging out with other people, and I’m usually not afraid to introduce myself to someone in a social setting.
Unless they’re wearing a Yankees hat or something, of course.
We: How many here on Facebook?
How many of you have more than 100 friends on Facebook? More than 200? 300? More than that?
I have 337 friends on Facebook. Now how many of those do you think are real, close, personal friends? Hardly any of them. In fact, my closest friends aren’t on Facebook that I know of.
Some of my Facebook friends I’ve never even met. Some are people I’ve met through e-mail pastor groups, and others are high school and college friends.
Some are complete, total strangers. I just felt bad about rejecting their friend request.
Just in the last month or so I’ve added maybe a dozen friends who are actually relatives on my dad’s side.
It started with an uncle, and it has exploded.
You have to remember that my dad is the oldest of 13 kids, six of whom are one Facebook, and just about all of whom have multiple children.
Folks, that’s a lot of cousins, most of whom I’ve never met, and probably won’t meet. But we’ve connected on Facebook.
But how many of those people who are Facebook friends are your very close friends?
Not many, right?
I mentioned a few weeks ago that God created us to need other people.
I believe that God has created us in such a way that healthy personal relationships are part of His plan for us to have healthy and fulfilling lives on earth, because it gives us the opportunity to impact and be impacted by those closest to us.
I also believe that when that impact is something that helps us in our relationship with Christ, everybody involved wins, and we gain real benefits from those relationships.
Most of us can think of people in our lives right now who have been blessings to us because they have been more like brothers and sisters than just acquaintances, and have been used by God to help us in our walk with Jesus.
And the thing that makes that so special is that you share a common foundation – a common faith in Christ as your Savior and Lord.
God: Familiar passage used to discuss all sorts of things, especially business partnerships and marriage.
I think it also can be used to discuss relationships in general.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (p. 819) –
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
17 "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you."
18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
On the first glance, this can be a pretty negative passage, basically saying don’t tie yourself to those outside the faith.
But I want us to look at this from more of a positive angle – in other words, what is this passage telling us about the importance of good personal relationships in what it says about negative relationships.
The main point: Your best personal relationships are those built on a common faith in Jesus.
By “common faith,” I simply mean that you agree on the fundamentals – the essentials about Christ and eternal life.
Things like the fact that Jesus is the only way to find forgiveness and heaven. Things like the Bible being the Word of God from cover to cover.
You don’t need to be in agreement about every detail about the faith.
“I can’t be friends with that person – he doesn’t agree with me that a Bible should say “Holy Bible” on the cover…”
“I can’t be friends with that guy. He only tithes on his net pay, not his gross pay like me.” (Well maybe his net is gross – especially in this recession…)
You agree on the essentials of faith and purpose and you’ve got the makings of what can be an awesome and fulfilling relationship in Christ.
Four ways having a common faith helps you in developing healthy personal relationships:
1. Relationships built on a common faith in Jesus allow you to be most effective for Christ and His Kingdom.
Do not be yoked together… (v. 14)
Paul uses a work metaphor in saying we should not be yoked together with someone.
If two animals are yoked together, but are competing against each other, the work either won’t get done or it won’t get done right or quickly.
But if you are yoked with someone who has the same priorities as you, then you can not only get the work done, but also get along better doing it, right?
Because you are like-minded in your faith and desire to serve the kingdom, you can accomplish much together.
Working together for the kingdom is a great way to build great relationships.
Missions trips, special projects, and even (gasp!) helping with VBS can be gateways for awesome relationships that will last a lifetime and be life-changing for everyone involved.
I believe that God blesses the relationships of people who are dedicated first to Him and then to His kingdom.
I’ve found it to be true in my own life, and many here can say the same thing.
The second way having a common faith helps you in developing healthy personal relationships is that…
2. Relationships built on a common faith in Jesus most accurately reflect your relationship with Him.
What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (v. 15)
Often you are identified by who you hang out with. This is especially true in social settings.
If your main relationships are with thieves, guess what you become identified as? Even if you never stole anything in your life, you become known as being part of that crowd, and you’re automatically a suspect.
If your main relationships are with people who are into sex and drugs, then that’s what people think you’re into.
If your main relationships are with business owners who cheat their customers, then guess what they probably think you’re doing?
In the same way, if your main relationships are those who share your faith in Christ and work to live it out in the day-to-day grind, you begin to be identified as a follower of Christ as well.
It’s kind of like you’re saying, “I’m with them – and we’re with Him.”
By the way, I’m not talking about Christian cliques. Being a Christian snob who’s too good to be around other people isn’t what this passage is talking about.
We’re going to talk more about that in a few moments, but what this passage is saying is that your primary relationships should be with those who follow Christ.
Closely related to this second point is what we find in this third point, and that is that…
3. Relationships built on a common faith in Jesus show the world that you belong to God and not the world.
As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." (v. 16)
18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." (v. 18)
This goes a little farther than the last point, in that it’s God who is declaring that He is with us.
And not only that, it says that we are part of His family, and that He’s glad for it.
My daughter, Dani, semi-jokingly says that one of these days she’s going to find someone who doesn’t know me.
Just recently she was somewhere, and the person asked her name, and after that, the person said something like, “You must be Brian’s daughter.”
Now thankfully, Dani and I get along well enough that she doesn’t flip out and call these people names, denouncing me and using my name in vain and connection with profanity. And I’m pretty happy about that.
So she admitted that I was, indeed, her dad.
But let me tell you something else.
When I was working at a Christian bookstore in Florida, we attended a small Presbyterian church (the conservative kind – you know, D. James Kennedy Presbyterian), and Dani was just the cutest little 2 or 3 month old in the nursery.
One day I was working, and a family from the church came in. And pretty soon I heard the little girl say, “That’s Danielle’s daddy, isn’t it?”
I just about killed an old lady with the buttons flying off my shirt.
I was proud to be associated with Dani, even though all she could do at that point was eat and mess her diapers.
I’m even more proud nowadays because I see what God’s doing in her heart.
I’m thankful for the fact that I can say that I’m proud to be associated with my kids, because I enjoy being their father.
And you know what one of the things that makes me proudest? It’s that they choose godly friends to have as their primary relationships.
They have friends who don’t know Jesus, and I’m thrilled for it, because they are concerned for their friends’ eternity, and they look for opportunities to share Jesus with them.
But overall, I don’t have to worry about who they’re hanging out with.
Part of that is that Debra and I have made it very plain the kinds of friends we want our kids to have. I make no bones about that, because I’ve got a duty to protect my children.
But more than that, they know the kinds of relationships will honor not just their earthly father, but more importantly, relationships that will honor the Heavenly Father.
When we have relationships built on a common faith in Jesus, it honors the Heavenly Father.
And it shows the world that we belong to Him.
4. Relationships built on a common faith in Jesus are safeguards against sinful behavior.
17 "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." (v. 17)
There’s this really great thing that comes with godly relationships, but it’s something that while a lot of people say they value it, they actually try to avoid it, and it’s this thing called, “accountability.”
It’s where you help each other and encourage each other in your walk with Jesus.
And it’s especially where maybe you confess your shortcomings and struggles against sin to someone, and you allow them to ask you about that and to call you out about it – in private, of course.
Accountability is one of the greatest benefits of a healthy relationship in Christ.
Accountability is also one of the hardest things about a healthy relationship with Christ.
But it’s one of God’s safeguards to help us say no to sin and yes to godliness.
Not all of your Christian relationships will be a place where real personal accountability can take place, but all of us can have a part in helping the rest of us make wise decisions and avoid sin.
Your common faith in Christ makes it possible for others to speak into your life, and for you to do the same with others.
Just make sure you’re being godly in how you do it.
But can’t I have non-Christian friends?
I think I’ve said this in different ways throughout the message, but let me say it very clearly so there are no mistakes.
Yes – you can have non-Christian friends. And you should.
My goodness – Jesus was a friend of sinners. And if we want to be like Jesus we should be a friend of sinners as well, especially since we are basically just forgiven sinners.
I wouldn’t think it’s the case with folks here, but there are plenty of Christians who don’t have a non-Christian friend, because they look at this passage and think the Bible’s saying that they should stay away from non-Christians.
But that’s not what it’s saying at all.
1 Corinthians 5 talks about how if God meant for us to isolate ourselves from people who don’t know Christ that we would have to actually leave the earth and be with Jesus.
In chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians he says that believers should stay with their unbelieving spouses when that spouse allows it.
And then in chapter 9 of 1 Corinthians Paul says that in order to reach people for Christ, we should adopt some of the customs of those people, as long as they don’t contradict Scripture.
So this passage here in 2 Corinthians isn’t saying to not have relationships with non-Christians. It’s saying that your deepest, most defining relationships should be with those who have a common faith in Christ.
But listen – the point of having non-Christian friends isn’t to just have one foot in the world and one foot in heaven.
The point is the same one Jesus made – that Jesus came to seek and save the lost.
Your hope should be that in some way you can influence that person or persons for Jesus.
You should be praying for them and praying that God would give you the opportunity and the words to help them move closer to Christ.
Jesus died for you. And He died for your friends. You have the hope of eternal life because you’ve put your faith in Jesus.
Your friend needs that same hope, and it could be that He placed you in that person’s life for that very reason.
You: Be intentional about cultivating God-honoring relationships with people who share your faith and love for Jesus.
Maybe God’s laying someone on your heart that He wants you to develop a deeper relationship with for mutual encouragement or accountability.
In any case, it’s up to you to make that happen. Don’t wait for the other person, because they might be more scared than you are. Make the call, send the e-mail, or whatever.
But work on developing healthy personal relationships with people who love Jesus and want to follow Him.
We: And let’s walk out of here today determined to show the world that we have something they can’t have – fulfilling relationships built on a foundation that can only be found in the One who lived, and died, and rose again and who loves you and them more than they can ever imagine. And that they can have it for themselves.
Let’s pray.
