Fellowship
Some Important Characteristics of Great and Effective Relationships in the Church
Hebrews 10:23-25
July 11, 2010
NOTE: THE ME/WE/GOD/YOU/WE FORMAT IS FROM ANDY STANLEY’S BOOK, "COMMUNICATING FOR A CHANGE."
Me: Over these next few months we’re going to take a Sunday once in a while and cover one of the five purposes of the church, which we have listed on the wall over here.
In a couple weeks we’re going to look at the issue of worship, and we’ll look at the others between now and Thanksgiving.
But today we’re going to look at fellowship.
I was very fortunate in that when I first came to Christ, I had a bunch of fellow college students who were ready to help me get established in my relationship with Christ.
They helped me learn how to pray, read and study the Bible, find a good church, and all sorts of things.
But one of the best things they taught me was the value of having good Christian friends who cared for me, and who would stick with me through thick and thin.
We: Relationships are part of who we are as humans.
For better or worse, we all have relationships that help shape who we are.
When it comes to our spiritual health and development, relationships with other believers is paramount.
Many of you here can point to the blessings you have gained through the relationships you’ve had with other Christians.
The fun, the laughter, the learning, sometimes in the sharing of hurt and even shame for some reason or another.
God had placed other Christians in our lives to help encourage us and support us in our efforts to live for Jesus.
Fellowship is what we call being around other Christians for the sake of mutual benefit.
God: Fellowship is one of those things that a lot of people have different definitions for, and I can pretty much guarantee that what I share with you will fall short of some of your definitions and maybe surpass some others.
My purpose isn’t to give an exhaustive discussion about what fellowship is all about and what it’s not.
My purpose is to give us a handle on some things that can help us strengthen our relationships in this church and in the overall Church of God around the world.
The passage that kept coming to mind as I was working through and praying about this message was Hebrews 10:23-25 (NLT) –
23Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. 24Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. 25And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.
This is a great passage about fellowship, and I think we can learn three things in particular about fellowship from it.
Three facts from this passage about fellowship:
> It’s based on mutual faith in Christ. (v. 23)
Christian fellowship, by definition, can only happen between Christians – people who have put their trust in Jesus.
You can (and should) have relationships and friendships with those who don’t yet love Jesus.
However, Christian fellowship is not possible, because fellowship in any context has the sense of going in the same direction.
2 Corinthians 6:14 –
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Fellowship is two people being yoked together by their common faith in Christ.
If two people are yoked together who are not believers, it doesn’t work, because one is living for Christ and one isn’t – they are going in opposite directions spiritually, and therefore cannot have the kind of relationship that fellowship brings.
Does that make sense?
Again, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have non-Christian friends. I hope you do. But fellowship, by its very definition can’t happen between a Christian and a non-Christian.
Now let me talk a little bit more about the “mutual-ness” that brings good fellowship.
When I asked some pastors what they thought of when they thought of fellowship, one of them said, “It’s getting two fellows in the same ship!”
I thought he was being smart-alecky, but then I realized what he was saying – that you need to be united in destination – in this case, following and living for Christ.
Wanting to help each other reach the destination of spiritual maturity.
That doesn’t have to mean you agree on everything, though.
I have some pastor friends in an e-mail group who will quote Amos 3:3 from the King James Version –
Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Usually these same guys say that you have to agree on things like what’s the “right” Bible translation or you can’t have fellowship, because you don’t agree on what that is.
I know because they’ve told that we couldn’t have real fellowship between us and we could never minister together because I wasn’t a King James Only guy.
Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s a Scriptural requirement for fellowship.
So what do we need to agree on in order to have fellowship?
The essentials – One God, salvation through Jesus alone, the authority of Scripture, and maybe a few more, but I think that if you have those in order, fellowship is possible.
Other than that, we can pretty much more together and have great relationship and fellowship.
There can be disagreement – even significant disagreement – over secondary issues which might be important, but not essential, and still have great fellowship together.
Case in point: two of my closest friends in this town are Pentecostal pastors. I am not a Pentecostal pastor, and I disagree with some of their core doctrines regarding speaking in tongues.
But those are secondary issues – they are not essential in terms of what a person needs to believe to be saved.
That’s not to say they aren’t important, because they are. But we can love each other, pray with and for each other, minister with and for each other, and encourage each other like our passage suggests.
Okay – the first key characteristic for good fellowship is a mutual faith in Christ.
The second characteristic from this passage is that…
> It includes mutual encouragement to service for Christ. (v. 24)
I’m going to touch on this a bit more later, but while I think that fellowship can include just having a good time together, one of the best things about fellowship is that it’s a vehicle God can use to encourage us to become more like Jesus in love and service.
People are used by God to help us see our strengths, our weaknesses, to encourage us to take risks for the sake of the Kingdom, and to grow in our relationship with Christ.
People in good fellowship encourage one another. When they try something in service for Christ, they don’t belittle them or tell them they’d be no good at that.
They might help them find a direction for service, and help them get started.
In any case, they are a positive influence on each other to grow in their love and service for Jesus.
Fellowship helps to bring out the best of us in our walk with Christ because it includes mutual encouragement in our mutual faith in Christ.
Here’s the third key characteristic of good fellowship, and that is that…
> It involves gathering together at times. (v. 25)
One of the first verses I ever memorized as a new believer in Jesus was Matthew 18:20 –
“For where two or three come together in My name, there I am with them.”
It was a great verse to remind us that fellowship also involves the presence of Christ.
However, Jesus is with us even when we’re alone, so gathering doesn’t bring Jesus any more “with us” than He is when we’re not gathering.
And second, this isn’t a verse about fellowship, it’s a verse about church conflict resolution and church discipline.
But while this may not be a real verse about fellowship, it is true that there is value in Christians getting together. It allows fellowship to take place.
If you want to do an interesting study sometime, take a concordance and look at all the times the word “together” occurs.
Meeting together, praying together, eating together, consulting one another, sharing material things with each other.
The Christians life is meant to be lived in community.
God made us to need other people. We have a built-in need to interact with other people, face to face when possible.
Fellowship helps to meet that need.
There is value in getting together with like-minded and “like-faithed” people.
We can share our joys, our sorrows, pray with each other, encourage each other, and all sorts of things that in my mind are better when we can actually share space together, you know what I mean?
But that brings up a couple questions: can there be fellowship over the phone, or over the internet?
I think so, especially when it comes to the phone. Hearing a voice makes a connection that helps when you can’t be with that person or group of people.
As far as the internet goes, I think that even though the interaction is not physical, between chats, programs like Skype and others that allow instant interaction, real fellowship can occur.
Of course, for those who might be in locations where interacting with others isn’t feasible, it might be all they can get, and I wouldn’t want to minimize that.
I was visiting with Dani yesterday about whether or not real fellowship could happen over the internet and I asked her opinion.
I thought her response was very good, and it was that if internet fellowship was all you got, especially when you can get some real face-time once in a while, what you were getting was “fellowship lite.”
This passage suggests fellowship should, include from time to time, real interaction between people in the same place.
I think it’s important that Christians not hole up and not gather with other Christians.
We need each other. And we should be interacting with each other.
Listen to this from Richard Bliese, a professor and president at Luther Seminary:
“Meaningful worship and meaningful meals are critical to any attempts at renewal, and one doesn’t work well without the other. Never trust a Christian fellowship where Christians regularly worship together but don’t like to eat together, or where they eat together but neglect worship.” (Christian Century article)
Again, God made us to need other people, and when we don’t hang out with like-minded people, we end up starving ourselves.
And instead of finding encouragement, like we should, we can often find discouragement from others to live for Christ.
Another question that comes up once in a while whether anything HAS to happen for fellowship to occur?
Some would say that unless some sort of spiritual conversation or activity happens, it’s not real fellowship.
I’m not so sure about that.
I think that it’s possible for good Christian friends to get together and just have a good time building that relationship over a ball game or watching the races.
It builds a bond that actually paves the way for more of those spiritual conversations to take place.
So I’m not ready to say that some sort of spiritual conversation has to happen in order for fellowship to happen.
But I think I can suggest one thing that should NOT be part of people’s fellowship: anything that causes someone to stumble into sin or belittles them.
For example, one of the non-essentials many Christians disagree about is the use of alcohol.
You might think it’s okay to have a drink now and again.
But if you’re with a Christian who has struggled with alcohol in the past, maybe recovering from alcohol addiction, and you break open a cold one or pressure them to have one, that’s not fellowship, that’s sin.
Or if your conversation is always negative toward a person or their walk with Christ, that’s not fellowship.
Let’s move on now and take a look at two main avenues of fellowship:
* One-on-one.
I think this is the best form of fellowship in a discipleship (mentoring) situation.
Also the best for accountability relationships where you can ask each other the tough questions that would be hard to ask and answer in a group setting.
But getting together one on one with another believer, even outside a mentoring relationship is great for a person’s spiritual growth.
You can laugh, joke, tell stories, and even, if necessary, cry with each other, knowing that the other person will keep it to themselves.
You can feel safe asking questions and even express your doubts about something without worrying about a group getting down on you.
A second way to get great fellowship is through…
* Small groups.
People getting together for the sake of studying or praying or ministering together.
This is also good for accountability in some ways.
It’s also a great way to build life-long relationships that will last through the comings and goings within a church body, as well as the ups and downs of life.
I’ve heard countless stories of people, who when going through the tough valleys, found their small group coming alongside to pray with them and for them, to step in to cook meals, clean houses, take care of kids, or any sort of thing like that.
It’s that sort of thing that keeps a church “small” and “personal” even when a church grows very large.
You don’t have to know everyone in a church if you have good relationships in a small group.
The fellowship in that group builds a bond that is not easily broken.
This is especially true for small groups whose members get together outside of church and the small group.
One-on-one relationships and small groups are wonderful ways to experience the kind of fellowship that God wants to have so we can know the joys and encouragements that come with those kinds of relationships.
I’m not including worship services as a means of fellowship, because the kind of interaction that fellowship denotes doesn’t usually happen during a worship service.
It can happen before and after, but it usually doesn’t happen during the service.
You: Okay, so fellowship is commanded in Scripture and I hope that you’re getting the picture that it’s something we all need to make part of our lives as we seek to become more mature in Christ.
But knowing isn’t enough, is it? We need to do something about it.
So here’s my suggestion: take the initiative to start or expand your circle of fellowship.
Some ideas:
Start or join an existing small group: prayer group on Wednesdays, men’s and ladies’ Bible studies throughout the year.
Invite someone out for coffee or lunch.
How about opening your home to a group or inviting someone to your place for coffee or lunch?
If you’re uncomfortable with that, then take baby steps like going up to someone you haven’t met during the coffee fellowship after church.
Or if you have internet access, join the Aberdeen Wesleyan Church group on Facebook. We just started it up about a week ago.
That would be a good place to interact with others from the church, and might open the door for some face to face interaction down the road.
But do something. Allow God to bring someone or a bunch of someones into your life to help you access the benefits of strong fellowship.
We: One of the names we call a church is a fellowship.
I think that if that’s true in a church, then it should be reflected in how people interact outside of the church service.
Stick around any Sunday following the service, and you’ll see that some really good fellowship happens here, and not just after the service.
I love hearing about how some of you get together during the week sometimes just to talk about stuff – serious and not so serious.
I think that you have turned this church into a real fellowship.
It can obviously get better, and I’m hoping that we can do some things intentionally over the next few months to a year to help that happen all the more.
May God be glorified in the relationships He brings our way to encourage us – and all the more as we see the day of Jesus’ return draw nearer.
Let’s pray.
