“Law & Order: SPU – Putting Life in Order”
Ex. 20:12; 1Tim. 5:1-16
A Sunday school teacher, in her class of 5 & 6 year olds, had just finished discussing this commandment about honoring your father and mother. She asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill!” It’s so easy for us to make a commandment say what we want it to say that we often miss the underlying basic principle behind God’s desire and will through the commandment. It’s especially easy to do so with this 5th commandment, where the underlying basic principle commands us to make a sound investment into our families – for our sake and for the sake of our society.
Let’s begin by taking a look at THE BASIC MEANING of the commandment. “Honor your father and your mother…” Consider THE PRINCIPLE of God’s command. The Israelites had spent all those years in slavery, so even though they lived in family units, their lives were owned, run, and controlled by the ruling powers of Egypt. But now they were free and God wanted them to invest in and ESTABLISH A NEW ORDER FOR LIVING – a new order that would not only bring vibrancy and stability to their lives but to their society as well. So God told them that they were to invest in growing a stable family unit.
But how to do so was the question. The Hebrew word for ‘honor’ means ‘to give weight to or make weighty with respect.’ So the sense of the command to ‘honor’ indicates ‘TO PRIZE HIGHLY, CARE FOR, SHOW RESPECT TO, AND OBEY PARENTS.’ History shows that the Jews caught this principle. From the Old Testament right up to today, the traditional Jewish family structure has always been built on order and stability that gave them strength and discipline. At the very heart of this structure was a high reverence and respect for parents and older members of the family.
Pastor Maxie Dunham summarized this succinctly. “I believe one of the primary reasons Judaism has survived across the years is precisely its family structure. The Jews survived the Holocaust and thousands of years of anti-Semitism because the Jewish family had a sense of identity and a sense of order. It doesn’t matter where the family is on the Sabbath, when the Sabbath comes, they stop and pray. It didn’t matter what Hitler and all the powers of Nazism said, when Passover came it was time to tell the story, even if the family was gathered in a concentration camp and there were no candles to light. There was a sense of order and identity that gave them roots and strength and perspective and discipline. At the heart of that family structure was a reverence for parents, a high regard, a respect, an esteem for the older members of the family. The elderly were honored and cared for.”
With this brief background we can understand THE PRACTICALITY of God’s command. Two major concepts stand out. First, by God’s design THE FAMILY UNIT IS THE PRIMARY, MOST IMPORTANT UNIT OF ANY SOCIETY. From Genesis on it is very clear that the family is the core of life. That’s why God added the promise of long life for those families who obey the command – obedience to the command ensures the stability of the culture. The Bible is brutally honest in showing how strong, stable families impact society positively and how weak, unstable families impact society negatively. The Israelites knew that it is the orderly functioning of the family unit that ensures life. They did not depend on or defer to schools, books, videos, televisions, child experts, scouts, or any other person or entity to build the family; parents took it as their God-given responsibility. It is a responsibility that still lies with parents today. The transmission of values, the sharing of foundations that lead to order in society must take place in the home. The 5th commandment teaches, indeed commands, that the family structure and function is the number one priority for stability in the home and in society. One of the reasons for the fall of the Roman Empire was, in fact, the breakdown of the family unit. It should not surprise us that through the years statistics consistently show that in the traditional Jewish communities there is significantly less juvenile delinquency and crime than in the average American community. As the late Edgar Hoover – long time influential Director of the FBI – wrote, “A child who has been taught to respect the laws of God will have little trouble respecting the laws of men.”
In the early 90’s Bishop Charles Bennison of the Episcopal Church in Kalamazoo, wrote powerfully: “It is the Christian parent in the Christian home who must, with the grace that comes from God through his church, begin to remake our culture. If our culture has slipped into unsound habits of irresponsibility and egocentricity (and it has), the Christian home is the place where those values can be cherished and made to grow in influence. If our culture has learned to put a disastrously high premium on competition (and it has), the Christian home is the place where the cooperative virtues can be a strength and delight. Nowhere in our culture is there an institution that can more vigorously and deeply serve the needs of our maturing than the Christian home.” The family unit is the primary, most important unit of any society.
The second practicality of this command is that it TEACHES ORDERLY SUBMISSION FOR THE SAKE OF SOCIETY. The Heidelberg Catechism states the commandment’s meaning this way: “That I show honor, love, and loyalty to my father and mother and all those in authority over me; that I submit myself with proper obedience to all their good teaching and correction; and also that I be patient with their failings, for through them God chooses to rule us.” Life with freedom means responsibility to voluntarily subject ourselves to the responsible exercise of authority. The apostle Paul understood it well (Eph. 5:21) “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” He then writes about how this works out in marriage, family, and work relationships. Peter wrote (1Pt. 2:13-17) “Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.” Romans 13:1-2 – “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”
The 5th commandment makes it very clear that this submission is taught and caught in the family. And it begins with honoring father and mother. As Joy Davidman put it, “…a society that destroys the family, destroys itself.” An investment in the family is an investment in society.
So how do we apply the command in our lives? What is the BASIC MESSAGE for us? I want to emphasize two messages. I will do so briefly, hoping to point your reflections on this commandment in the right direction. The first meaning is for CHILDREN AND YOUTH. I cannot say it any more clearly than what I said earlier: prize highly, care for, show respect to, and obey your parents. Do not do anything that disregards or disgraces your parents; do anything that brings them honor. I know, it sounds dictatorial and unfair – but God said so.
It’s for your good and for your future. You will have times you will not like what your boss, or your spouse, or your supervisor, or your government – or even God – tells you to do; but God commands you to obey (as long as it is ‘in the Lord’ (Eph. 6:1)). And you learn to do so by obeying and honoring your parents. Proverbs 1:8 – “Listen, my child, to what your father teaches you. Don’t neglect your mother’s teaching. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and clothe you with honor.” There’s an embarrassing but beautiful incident in Genesis 9:20-27 that is instructive. Noah laid drunk in his tent in a shameful state. Shem and Japheth honored their father by walking in backwards so as not to look at him as they covered his nakedness. Their brother Ham, however, did not and was punished by God. I like how Andrew Kuyvenhoven summarized this scene: “We don’t honor a father merely because he is honorable but because he is a father. Nor do we respect the government only when it governs rightly; when David gets his chance to kill Saul (who was trying to kill David), he shudders with religious fear at the thought: ‘The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lift my hand against him, for he is the anointed of the Lord.’” (1 Sam. 24:6) So obey your parents not because they are the wisest, fairest, or coolest but because they are the parents God has given you. Invest in your future through the respect, honor, care, and obedience you give to your parents.
The second message is for ADULT CHILDREN. There are two investments you must make. First, MAKE A SOUND INVESTMENT IN YOUR CHILDREN. You are your children’s first priests – you are the ones to represent and present God to them. It is your responsibility to help them look and live like Jesus, not like you. Raise and nurture them in His image, not yours. Dr. Morris Wee has put it nicely: “Since God has appointed father and mother to rule in his stead in the home, it is the parents’ duty to learn God’s will, keep it themselves and apply it firmly in the family. If parents are indifferent to God’s desires, they forfeit the right to rule in His behalf. They may then enforce their will, but parents who are disobedient to the Heavenly Father themselves deserve no obedience from their children.”
Listen again to two of the key Scriptures that guide you. (Dt. 6) “Love GOD, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got! Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.” (Eph. 6:4) “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
In his book Leaving Home, Garrison Keillor tells a fictional story about a family from Lake Wobegon, Minnesota. Grace Tollefson married Alex Campbell back in the 1930s, a man who turned out to be a ne'er-do-well. They had three kids—Earl, Marlys, and Walter. One day Alex left Grace. Penniless, she was forced to move back home to live off the kindness of folks there, enduring the relentless "I-told-you-so's" of her mother. It was humiliating. But one day they got a letter from a man in Philadelphia doing research on Scottish nobility, who asked who their ancestors were so he could look it up. Grace wrote the man back, and a few days later another letter came in the mail. Though the envelope was addressed to Mrs. Grace Campbell, the letter was addressed to "Your Royal Highness." In the letter the man wrote: "Today is the happiest day of my life as I greet my one true Sovereign Queen." He went on to say that their branch of the Campbell family was first in the line of succession of the House of Steward, the Royal Family of Scotland. Keillor writes: “[The line on the chart led] right straight to them: Earl, Marlys, and Walter. The Royal Family of Scotland living in Lake Wobegon in a green mobile home, furniture donated by the Lutheran church. They were astounded beyond words. Disbelieving at first, afraid to put their weight on something so beautiful, afraid it was too good to be true, and then it took hold—this was grace, pure grace that God offered them. Not their will but His. Grace. Here they were in their same dismal place but everything had changed. They were different people. Their surroundings were the same, but they were different.” Years later, the youngest son, Walter, finds out the whole business was a fraud. But he never tells his mother or siblings, because thinking you are royalty, whether anyone else knows it or not, changes a person. At the end of the story, Grace is much older, and she says to her son: “Oh, Walter, what would I do without you? You're so strong. You're so good to me. You're a prince, you know. They can put a crown on a dog and call it a prince, but you are a prince through and through. They may not know it now, but they'll know it soon. Next year we'll be in Edinburgh with the bands playing and the flags flying and the crowds cheering.” Parents, raise your children as royalty, even if unrecognized! Your neighbors may never suspect it, of course—nor the other students at school. But help your children trace their lineage back to a great King; teach them that they have it on the best authority that one day they will reign alongside him. Once they know this, like the story said, the surroundings won’t matter; they can live like the royalty they know they are.
Second – parents, MAKE A SOUND INVESTMENT IN YOUR PARENTS. The Biblical message is extremely clear. In Matthew 15 Jesus condemns those who fail to properly care for their aging parents. Our passage from 1Timothy 5 is clear as well – the primary care for parents is to come first from children and family. While the Bible doesn’t say a lot about Jesus’ and his family what it does say is significant. We see Jesus as a 12 year old being obedient to His parents after they lost Him in the temple and as an adult caring for his grieving mother as He was dying on the cross. Mollie Hemingway writes poignantly: “The amount of time spent caring for elderly family members can extend to many difficult decades. So what do you do? You take care of your parents… Keep in mind the value of the individual. Christians believe that our worth begins in the womb, and doesn't end until we are cradled to our Father's bosom. When so many people determine worth based on what you can do or contribute, it becomes easy to disregard the elderly as useless. But it is our Father in heaven who determines who is worthy. One's identity isn't changed by illness. Ultimately, caring for parents reminds us that the commandment to honor and love our elders never expires, giving us an opportunity to love others as Christ has loved us. One friend recalled having to bathe his grandfather. "Being a typical self-absorbed college student, I wasn't thrilled about the prospect," he said. But he quickly became mindful of Christ's humility and service toward us."This was nothing compared to what Jesus had done for me—this was nothing compared to what my parents and grandparents had done for me. This was my vocation as son and grandson," he said. It's our vocation, too.”
Knowing we can only obey this commandment with the help of Jesus Christ through His Spirit, let’s pray.
