Oikos tou Theo IV: Speaking the Truth in Love
Text: Ephesians 4:17-32
Introduction
BEING ONE BODY UNITED IN CHRIST SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL, NICE AND MAJESTIC – BUT IT ISN’T EASY. A LOT OF WHAT WE TALK ABOUT IN GOD’S WORD SOUNDS GOOD TO OUR EARS, BUT PUTTING THEM INTO PRACTICE IS MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE DIFFICULT!
o For the past three weeks we’ve been looking at the identity, purpose and calling of the church. We’ve been looking at how we who once were enemies, outcasts and separated from God and his people were brought near by the blood of Jesus. He is our peace who has destroyed the dividing wall of hostility and has made us one in Christ.
o Then we looked at how this new thing called the church required that we somehow co-exist without separating from each other. And so the eye cannot say to the hand that he doesn’t need him nor the ear to the foot I don’t need you – for we are all one body consisting of many different parts.
o Then last week we looked at how God’s intention is to not merely bring us together for the sake of unity, but that through our unity we might each mature and become like Jesus Christ and that each part of the body would be deployed into a functioning whole whereas together we might build something – to be a fully functioning unit called the Church who exists to glorify and honor the Lord.
DOESN’T THIS SOUND AWESOME AND AMAZING AND GRAND? LET’S MAKE THIS HAPPEN. LET’S COME TOGETHER AND BUILD A CHURCH THAT GLORIFIES AND HONORS GOD AND MAKES A TANGIBLE DIFFERENCE IN THIS FALLEN WORLD! LET’S JUST DO IT BABY! YEAH!
But before we fall in love with the idea of coming together and building something together, we need to face reality and start to practically and tangibly learn how to be one body together. Yes, God has made us into one family, but learning how to be one family is the task that we face as a church.
Because unlike robots or mechanical pieces, you don’t just whip up a church like a machine – each of us are real human beings with real feelings and emotions and thoughts.
WITH A CAR, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAKE IT INTO THE MECHANIC WHO DIAGNOSES THE PROBLEM AND FIXES IT SO THAT YOU CAN BE ON YOUR WAY, BUT THE CHURCH IS A SPIRIT LED-HUMAN COMMUNITY AND WE’RE NOT MACHINES WHO ARE EASILY FIXED AND MENDED...IT TAKES GOD’S PRESENCE AND MERCY AND THIS THING CALLED SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN ORDER TO BECOME A FULLY-FUNCTIONING, FRUIT BEARING PEOPLE.
Teaching
Ephesians 4:17-19
• You Must No Longer Live as the Gentiles
Back in verse 1 Paul called us to live in a manner worthy of the Lord or to walk in this way. Here in verse 17 he says that in order to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, you need to stop walking like the Gentiles and the futility of their thinking. This futility has led to a hardening of their hearts and a deadening of their sensitivity. And so in order to regain what they have lost, they pursue sensual things in order to remedy that which they are missing. But this only leads them to being deeper in the hole they were in.
• Futility in Thinking; Darkened in Understanding
Last week we looked at how we mature in Christ through unity in the Body. And as we mature we become wiser. But here Paul states that Gentiles or those who remain un-reconciled to God become futile in their thinking...darkened in their understanding. Although they might possess degrees and diplomas, their ability to discern truth has been handicapped. They become spiritually dull or blind or undiscerning...and so the chasm between those who are in Christ and growing in wisdom is contrasted with the ignorance and futility of thinking by those apart from Christ.
Ephesians 4:20-24
• Put Off Your Old Self / Put On Your New Self
These words are probably very familiar to us – they speak of an actual change or call to turn away from our old life and a new way of life. And using the image of changing one’s wardrobe, Paul calls us to put off our old self and to put on the new self.
The remainder of the chapter spells out practical ways to do this...
Ephesians 4:25-32
• Put off Falsehood / Put on Speaking Truthfully
The first thing Paul calls us to put off is falsehood. The word here is pseudos from which we get words like pseudonym or pseudo-community – and it means a lie or a deception. To take on a false name or to convey a false impression of oneself to others. It goes beyond telling lies to becoming a lie to others.
Conversely, we must put on truthfulness or to speak the truth to our neighbors – for we are all members of one body. The Church is a community built upon the truth (aletheia) that is found in Jesus.
• Put Off Anger That Leads to Sin
Notice how Paul doesn’t tell us to stop being angry. He understands that from time to time we will experience anger – because it’s normal. Anger is a part of life, it emerges most frequently in the matrix of our relationships when people do not meet our expectations or when they disappoint us. Anger is a part of life.
Paul is much more concerned with unresolved anger. This is the anger that leads to sin. And so be angry or whenever you should become angry, resolve it quickly because if you let it linger, it doesn’t dissipate, it actually grows and mutates into this thing called bitterness resentment and holding a grudge.
o Whenever I counsel couples for marriage, I refer to Ephesians 4:26 and challenge the couple to not let the sun go down on their anger – even if it means staying up until 2 or 3 a.m.
• Put Off Stealing and Put On Working
Paul continues to speak in very practical terms about what we must put off and put on. For those of us used to having someone else serve us or to always have mom or dad take care of things, we are to quit hanging out and to get up and get a job.
People who are able to work but refuse to do so may in fact be guilty of stealing. Whereas the politically correct thing to say would be that they’re unemployed or out of a job – those who can find work, but choose not to and prefer to mooch off of others – may in fact be stealing.
• Put Off Unwholesome Talk and Put On Edifying Language
Zip it up and get rid of swearing, cursing, making false promises, or flattering people – this needs to go. Kick it out. Stop talking. Ask God to liberate your tongue.
Instead, learn to be friendly, to encourage people, to not be sarcastic or to always put down people.
o Sometimes we use humor to loosen others up – figuring that they know we’re kidding and that they can take a joke. But people are sensitive and if you tend to put people down – even in jest – don’t be surprised if they start to avoid you altogether or to inwardly hold grudges against you or find that you’re not a safe person to be around.
Instead, let your language be something that builds others up, encourages up without being flattering. Don’t suck up to people, but learn to be kind and humble in how you speak to others.
• Put Off Grieving the Holy Spirit
When we choose to wear the clothing of the old self and act in a lazy, malicious manner especially towards other members of God’s family, it grieves or disappoints God the Holy Spirit within us. Like a parent who is disappointed and saddened to see their kids fighting each other, God the Holy Spirit grieves when we choose to separate ourselves from one another and to keep wearing our old selves.
• Put Off Bitterness, Rage, Anger, Brawling, Slander and Malice
Like we saw earlier, these things are the result of anger left unresolved within us. If we don’t like a person and we are upset towards them for some reason, our lives will become bitter and resentful and even outright antagonistic towards that other person.
Our words begin to leak things like subtle criticisms of that person or to misrepresent who that person is because our perspective of that person has somehow been tainted or jaded by what they did to us. And then we start to become aggressively malicious, mean-spirited and cruel towards that person.
o A little while ago there was this case made against this teenage girl who was a cyber bully towards another girl. Her words of slander and malice towards this other girl became so spiteful and hurtful that it led to the victim committing suicide – all because of her words which she used to slander this other girl in school. It wasn’t even in person – it was via some chat room or social network thing – not facebook, but the other one – myspace.
• Put On Kindness, Compassion, and Forgiveness
Instead, put on kindness and compassion and forgiveness...don’t hold on to anger and rage and bitterness – Put on love, compassion, patience, gentleness and forgiveness...
BUT THIS IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE. HOW DO WE PRACTICALLY LEARN TO PUT OFF THE OLD SELF AND NOT RESORT TO GOING BACK THERE, AND INSTEAD TO PUT ON THE NEW SELF FILLED WITH KINDNESS, COMPASSION AND FORGIVENESS? HOW?!
FOR THE REMAINDER OF OUR TIME, I WANT TO FOCUS IN ON VERSE 25 AND SOMETHING WE SPOKE ABOUT LAST WEEK IN VERSE 15 – SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE. BECAUSE AS WE LEARN TO PRACTICE THIS TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER, WE WILL EFFECTIVELY LEARN TO RESOLVE OUR ANGER AND IMPATIENCE TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER AND INSTEAD COME TOGETHER IN LOVE, KINDNESS, COMPASSION AND FORGIVENESS.
Application – Speaking the Truth in Love
Speak
• When someone upsets you and gets you angry – they said something hurtful, they embarrassed you publicly, they didn’t invite you to a party or whatever – when this happens (and it will happen), you and I must learn to speak with that person.
• Sometimes we give people THE SILENT TREATMENT. We don’t want to speak to them – and so we say nothing to them. We’re so upset at them that we choose to avoid them altogether.
• Other times we might do the opposite thing – instead of speaking to them, WE YELL OR SCREAM AT THEM. This is what happens to the hot-headed ones among us or the passive aggressive ones...some of us get ticked off really easily and we lay into people and overwhelm them with our yelling and shouts of accusation. The passive aggressive ones will remain quiet for a long time – but things are simmering below...but then the whole thing can’t take it anymore or all of a sudden the damn breaks and out gushes a rage that seems out of this world...
• Rather than go to both extremes, God’s Word calls us to speak to one another in as calm a tone as possible.
Speak the Truth
• BUT ONLY ARE WE TO SPEAK TO ONE ANOTHER, WE ARE TO SPEAK THE TRUTH TO ONE ANOTHER. And this is opposed to speaking lies or half-truths to each other. We are to be a people of honesty and integrity because our God is a God of truth. He is the truth and from him flows into us a life that embodies truth.
• BUT WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE SPEAKING THE TRUTH IS RARE. We almost come to expect that certain people will not tell us the truth – and so we must not be gullible because some lawyers or insurance agents or car salespeople will not always give us a fair and honest answer. Some people think that they are honest, but they omit or fail to give full disclosure to things.
o As Walene and I prepare to sell our home, one of the forms we need to fill out is a full-disclosure form telling the buyer of all of the issues or faults with the home. As sellers, I could see how it could be tempting to not tell the truth or to not disclose that this faucet leaks or the roof is 50 years old or that this fixture is not stable. Of course, we disclosed everything to the buyer, but there are many opportunities to not speak or tell the truth or the whole truth to others.
Speak the Truth in Love
• You and I are to take this a step further. We need to speak the truth in love. Sometimes we’re tempted not to speak...or to speak, but not in truth...but Paul calls us to speak the truth in love.
• Unfortunately, the truth sometimes hurts. Speaking the truth can wound unless it is done in a spirit of love. Some people have no problems speaking to others...they might be the extroverts among us...others have little difficulty speaking the truth to each other – but this can easily come across as abrupt, abrasive or brash...
• The challenge for us is to learn how to speak the truth in a spirit of love and care and humility.
INTERVENTION FOR A LOVED ONE...
• I pray that our church would be a place where the truth is spoken in love to one another – a community where as we follow the God of Truth and the God of love, that we would become truthful and loving and genuinely changed from the inside out because of our relationship with Jesus Christ. And the best place to practice this ethic or speaking the truth in love is in the context of our core groups starting this fall.
o We need to be around God’s Word which is his truth spoken to us in love. And we need to be around each other so that we might practice speaking the truth in love.
o This will involve learning to receive the truth spoken in love to us as well. Rather than react defensively, we need to learn how to hear the truth in love spoken to us about the ways in which we’ve offended someone or hurt them or were unresponsive to their gestures of peace, reconciliation and friendship.
• ONE OF THE UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS of working together on a project or being a part of a team on a missions trip or serving together – is that sooner or later we’re going to get hurt by each other or to hurt someone else. As these things will inevitably arise, we must be prepared to both speak the truth to one another as well as receive the truth spoken in love to us...
Working through conflict, resolving our differences and not letting the sun go down on our anger will need to be a common value we hold – and as we aim to be united, as we patiently work with one another, as we seek to resolve our differences and get to a place of forgiveness, reconciliation and peace, we will invariably grow closer to one another and become deeper friends.
One of my best friends back in college admitted to me that when he first met me, he thought I was a jerk.
• We struggled early on, but managed to work through our differences...WE BECAME CLOSE FRIENDS AND BROTHERS!
WHO DO YOU NEED TO SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE WITH?
WHO HAS ANGERED YOU OR WHO HAS HURT YOU – THIS IS THE WAY TO FIND OUT WHO YOU NEED TO SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE TO.
FIND THAT PERSON...ASK TO SPEAK WITH HIM OR HER...BE HONEST WITH THEM IN A SPIRIT OF LOVE...GOD IS FAITHFUL – HE WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER AS A RESULT.
Conclusion
Last week we looked at how we mature and become like Jesus Christ – not in hermit isolation – but in the thick of life together as the body of Christ. Today, we see that not only do we need each other to become like Jesus Christ, we also need each other to move away from the vices of our former way of life.
AND AS WE BEGIN TO PRACTICE THIS ETHIC OF SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE, WE SLOWLY AND GRADUALLY AND PAINFULLY LEARN HOW TO PUT OFF OUR OLD SELF AND TO PUT ON OUR NEW SELF.
o WE LEARN TO STOP GIVING EACH OTHER THE SILENT TREATMENT AND BEGIN SETTLING OUR DIFFERENCES.
o WE LEARN NOT MERELY TO BEAR WITH ONE ANOTHER, BUT ALSO TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND BECOME DEEP FRIENDS
o WE LEARN NOT TO HOLD GRUDGES OR TO LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON OUR ANGER, BUT WE RESOLVE THINGS QUICKLY
o AND AS WE RESOLVE OUR DIFFERENCES AND LEARN TO COME TOGETHER, WE ARE ABLE TO BECOME REALLY KIND AND WARM-HEARTED AND GENEROUS IN OUR LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR ONE ANOTHER WHERE WE ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT AND FORGIVING OF EACH OTHER...
o AND SLOWLY AND GRADUALLY BY THE TENDER GRACE OF GOD, WE WILL LEARN HOW TO BE A HEALTHY, FUNCTIONING CHURCH FAMILY THAT STICKS WITH EACH OTHER THROUGH THICK AND THIN AND PRODUCES KINGDOM FRUIT 30, 60 AND 100 FOLD.
Let’s pray...
