How To Become A Great Father
On what day are the most telephone calls made? On Mother’s Day! On Father’s Day there are the most collect calls.
Gordon Dalbey, author of “Healing of the Masculine Soul,” tells of a Catholic Nun working in a prison. She was asked by a prisoner to get him a Mother’s Day card for his mother. She did, and the word traveled like wildfire around the prison. Deluged with requests, she called Hallmark, and the company donated huge boxes of Mother’s Day cards. The warden arranges for each inmate to draw a number, and they stood in line to get a card.
When Father’s Day came around, the prison Warden prepared with hundreds of cards on hand, but there just a few requests for Father’s Day cards. Studies have shown that many men who get into trouble with the law had an unhealthy relationship with their father.
Here’s a survey of elementary children was conducted several years ago, which indicated the ten most appreciated qualities for Dads:
1. He takes time for me.
2. He listens to me.
3. He plays with me.
4. He invites me to go places with him.
5. He lets me help him.
6. He treats my mother well.
7. He lets me say what I think.
8. He’s nice to my friends.
9. He only punishes me when I deserve it.
10. He isn’t afraid to admit when he’s wrong.
The Apostle Paul gives helpful instructions to Christians that apply to everyone and especially to fathers.
I Corinthians 16:13-14: “Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong. And everything you do must be done in love.”
I want to share with you some suggestions on how to become a “Fabulous Father.” These suggestions are helpful for any parent, but this morning I want to direct the suggestions to fathers.
1. Great Fathers Make Family Relationships a Priority
I Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Mike Holmgren who was the offensive coordinator for San Francisco 49ers for six seasons. Mike is an example of putting the family ahead of his own vocation. Mike’s coaching helped the 49ers to win back-to-back Super Bowl Championships. Mike is a professional coach that unashamedly admits to being a committed Christian.
In 1991 several NFL teams approached Mike. They asked him to become their head coach. He and his wife prayed about the opportunities, but decided not to accept the job offers. Why? Because his twin daughters were in their senior year of high school. It was a great job opportunity for Mike to advance professionally, but it didn’t seem far to his daughters.
The news media of that day said he was an overzealous family man and a fool not to take advantage of the offers. Mike said his life verse guided him: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
The following year after his daughters graduated the Green Bay Packers hired him in 1992. Holmgren is currently serving as president of the Cleveland Browns Football team. Coach Mike is an example of making your family relationships a priority.
Ephesians 6:4 gives this counsel: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Fabulous fathers do not have confused priorities. They don’t put their work ahead of their family. They know that except for almighty God, the wife and the kids come first!
One young father was talking to his pastor and said, “I wish I knew what God wanted me to do. I’m willing to do anything. I just don’t know what it is yet.” The pastor said to him, "How many kids do you have?" And he said, "Three." The pastor said, "Well, that’s a ministry right there! You got your own portable youth group!" You know what Psalm 127:3 says? It says, "Children are a reward from God!" One of the greatest things a man can do is to raise up the next generation of young people for Jesus Christ.
I read a story about a Christian attorney. He was talking about the influence of his father on his life. He said that "The greatest gift my dad ever gave me was when I was a little boy. It was a small box. Inside the box was a note saying, "Son, this year I will give you 365 hours, an hour every day after supper. It’s all yours. We’ll talk about what you want to talk about. We’ll go where you want to go. Play what you want to play. It will be your hour." "My dad not only kept his promise," the lawyer said, "but every year he renewed it. It is the greatest gift I ever had in my life. And I am the Christian man I am today because of my dad."
This father gave his son the greatest gift a father can give: The gift of time. Fabulous fathers don’t find time for their kids. They MAKE time.
Fabulous fathers make family relationships a priority.
2. A Great Father Meets the Basic Needs of His Wife.
I Peter 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partners and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
I confess that it took me several years of married life to grow in personal and spiritual maturity. I walked with the Lord ten years before I was married, but lacked maturity. I was not as considerate for my wife as I should have been.
The Apostle Paul wrote to Christians in Corinth: “Dear brothers and sisters when I was with you I couldn’t talk to you as I would to mature Christians. I had to talk as through you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in the Christian life.” I Corinthians 3:1 NLT
The second year of our marriage we were living in Wilmore, Ky. I was attending Asbury Theological Seminary. Carollyn was teaching 5th grade in the Wilmore Elementary School. Our son Tim was born in March. I loved our son, but I wasn’t as helpful as I should have been taking care of him. One Sunday morning I got ready for church, went to the car and waited for Carollyn as she got ready and got our baby ready for church. I waited and waited, and to speed things up I honked the horn several times.
When Carollyn got to the car she didn’t mince any words. “Next time I’ll go to the car and honk and you can pick up the house, get the dipper bag ready, and our son dressed for church.”
I’ll admit that the smartest thing I ever did in our marriage was to begin to listen to Carollyn. I had to learn that marriage is a partnership. I grew up in a home where my dad, who grew up on a farm, believed men work outside and women work inside the home. Housework, taking care of children, washing and ironing is all women’s work.
A survey was made of women who listed obstacles to a good marriage relationship.
• Lack of tenderness. “If my husband could only be a little less self-centered. If he could only whisper, “I love you” once in a while. He is quick to complain when things go wrong. Why can’t he show a little appreciation when things go well.”
• Lack of courtesy and common politeness. “Too often my husband takes me for granted.” “I would feel a lot better if he continued some of the common courtesies he gave me when we were dating.”
• Lack of sociability. “My husband is social and talks when we are out with others, but clams up when we are at home.”
• Lack of fairness in financial matters. Some men think they are being fair when they buy a new laptop p/c and a pocket calculator for their wife’s purse.
Here are several practical ways you can show love and affections to your wife.
• Give a positive greeting when you meet; Not, It’s about time you got home.” But, “I missed you while you were gone.”
• Give a surplus of hugs and kisses
• Write notes of love
• Give flowers and gifts for special days
• Hold hands when walking together
• Keep in touch with phone calls and text messages
A great father 1.) Makes family relationships a priority and 2.) Meets the basic needs of his wife.
3. A great Father Blesses His Children
As a fabulous father you recognize your children are a gift from the Lord, and give them your blessing. You let Ephesians 6:4 guide your relationships with your children: “And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.” NLT
As often as you can speak words of blessing to your children. Verbally give expression of your love and often say:
1.) “I love you.”
Some people, I know, feel a void in their life and because they have never heard the words, “I love you,” from their Dad! I can't tell you the number of adults I have talked to over the years who said: "I'm pretty sure my Dad loved me, but I can't remember him ever saying it to me. I would have given anything to have heard those words from him."
#I remember my Dad after his retirement, visiting us in Taylor, Michigan. After his three weeks visit I took him to the airport and as he was leaving I told him that I loved him and he said, "I love you too." That was the first time he had had verbalized his love in over 65 years and it was in response to my affirmation of love. I took what I could get and I felt great.
That's why early on in our family I determined that I would to tell my children that I loved them. To this day both Carollyn and I end most phone calls with, "I love you Tim. I love you Wendel. I love you Annette. I love you Janette.”
2.) “I Believe in You!”
If you want to add to the treasure that the "tapes" your children will be playing in their minds in future years, then you need to be telling our children that you believe in them!
You need to:
· express confidence in their character and abilities;
· affirm their potential;
· show trust in their decision making abilities and do it before we see a lot of evidence for it in their lives;
-let our children know that "you believe in them."
Jesus was a master at this. Remember when he changed Simon's name to Peter, which means, "Rock"?
Jesus was saying to a rather unsteady, explosive, emotional kind of guy: "Simon, I'm changing your name to `Peter,' or `Rock,' because I believe in you. Simon. So, every time I call you, `Peter,' every time I call you that name, I am saying, I believe in you.
I believe in your character. I believe in your talents and skills. I believe in your faith in the Father. I believe in the future that God has planned for you.”
And in the end, even though, Peter at times was less than rock solid, even though he stumbled along the way. Peter did live up to Jesus' belief in him.
We need to continually say to our children:
"I love you.
"I believe in you."
3.) “I’m Proud of You”
Every child, whether infant, adolescent, young adult and sometimes even as an adult seeks the affirmation and approval of their parents, and especially their Father.
Sometimes this need for affirmation drives people for years to achieve and accomplish, so that one-day they might hear the words of their dad, "I am proud of you!"
Dad's now is the time to start liberally spreading affirmation not just for the things your children do or accomplish, but the people they are becoming.
For Mothers who are single parents the church family has the opportunity to provide father figures for the children and give affirmation and encouragement.
In my life, my mother gave me the encouragement I needed. Because my father failed to take leadership, my mother stepped up and gave me words of affirmation.
4) “I’m Sorry!”
Some of us fathers have to say from time to time, "I'm sorry." And some children need to forgive their dads for not being perfect and offer them a new beginning as well. The good news is that it is never too late for a new beginning when God is involved! It’s never too late to start some re-mastering of those old tapes and rebuild broken down relationships!
Words all of us Dads Need to say . . .
I Love You
I Believe in You
I Am Proud of You
(And Where Needed, I Am Sorry!)
Arnold Prater, in his book You Can Have Joy! Tells about a man in a little English village named John Deckard. He was a clerk in a textile factory. A modest and quiet man, he lived in an ordinary little house at the edge of town with his wife and his six-year-old son, Rob. Like thousands of Englishmen, every morning John put on his plain tweed suit, got on his bicycle, and rode to work. Returning home at five in the evening, he would work in his garden until suppertime. Then he would spend a quiet evening with family. He was a very ordinary man living what most people would call a very ordinary life. But he had one claim to fame. For five consecutive years he had won the blue ribbon in the Village Garden Show with his prize rose. It had gone on so long that people had come to expect it. John Deckard's prize rose would win, and that was that.
Behind his house was his rose garden. When he returned home each evening, he would put on his coveralls and spend his time out there with his roses. Some said he had more than just "a way with flowers." Some said he mothered them, that he talked to them and that they understood what he said. This year, deep in his own heart, John Deckard knew that he would again win the blue ribbon, for this year his rose was truly a rose among roses. Never had he seen such perfection in a flower. This was his masterpiece and as he watched it daily, his contentment and pride grew.
The show was on Saturday and he planned to transplant his rose to a pot early in the morning. But while he was at breakfast, the tragedy happened. His little son Rob burst into the kitchen, and chatting excitedly he rushed to the table and cried, "Look Daddy, look what I have for you!" And in his grimy little hand, half its petals gone, its head drooping was John Deckard's prize rose.
That afternoon, visitors to the Garden Show were astonished when they came to John Deckard's entry. For in a flowerpot he had thrust a stick, and attached to it, at the very top, was a picture of his little son, Rob. When the judges heard what had happened, they gave John Deckard an honorary blue ribbon. Some said that the rose that was not a rose was the finest he had ever grown.
This father saw that developing a loving relationship with his son was more important than winning a trophy for a beautiful rose.
I pray that every father and parent will grow roses like John Deckard.
Action Steps to take today:
• Think of ways how you can apply this message to your life and family
• Memorize I Corinthians 16:13-14
• Call or talk in person this week to a family member and tell them how much you love and appreciate them.
