Parenting Done Right
Luke 2:39-52
Rev. Brian Bill
6/27/10
I have a confession to make this morning. For the past 11 years many of you have had to endure my frequent references to Wisconsin as the Promised Land. I’m starting to feel bad about this because it’s not really fair to say that just one state is highly favored by God. And so from now on I feel constrained to refer to two states that comprise Paradise. Some of you have been waiting for many years for me to see the light so I might as well admit it today. God has especially blessed the land of milk and the land of mountains…Colorado.
Our family was able to leave the flatlands of Illinois and travel to the majestic mountains of Colorado for vacation. We started in Colorado Springs where we did a lot of hiking at the Garden of the Gods, visited Glen Eyrie, Focus on the Family and the Air Force Academy. We ended our time by spending a few days at a secluded place up in the mountains four hours northwest of Denver. A Christian couple graciously let us borrow their brand-new home for free (see www.engediretreat.org.) Everywhere we went we either saw mountains or we were in the mountains. It was incredible. One of the things we did was look up over 200 Bible verses that contain the word “mountain.” Reading 25 at a time, we learned that God is as unmovable as a mountain, that He met with Moses on a mountain, that we can find refuge in Him, that He shakes the mountains with His voice.
On the first day we were in Colorado Springs, I woke up early in search of a cup of coffee and went outside on the motel balcony with my Bible. The view of snow-covered Pike’s Peak was glorious. When I went back inside for a refill I noticed a man standing in front of a TV intently watching a sporting event. He was totally locked in. When I walked past him with my full cup of java, he didn’t even notice me. As I headed back to my perch on the porch I was moved again by the majesty of the mountains. I then looked back at the man and he was still glued to the TV, totally oblivious to the splendor of God’s creative beauty. I began to secretly judge him inside, only to realize that I had pulled out my phone and had my face in my messages.
As we wrap up our “Hope for Your Home” series, I want to draw our attention away from electronic devices and other distractions so that we can focus on some parenting peaks that are as immovable as the mountains. Please turn in your Bibles to Luke 2. Before we camp in our text, let’s set the context. After Jesus was born, Joseph and Mary took Him to the Temple in Jerusalem to dedicate Him to the Father. It was there that a man named Simeon blessed the young family and predicted that Mary would have her soul pierced. They also encountered a worshipping widow named Anna who spoke about the Savior to all who would listen.
Here’s where we’re headed today. I want to draw some parenting principles from Joseph and Mary and then we’re going to look at five key factors in a child’s growth.
Parenting Principles
Let’s look first at four parenting principles.
1. Live for the Lord. We see in verse 39 that Joseph and Mary were careful to do everything required by the Law of the Lord and then they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. They didn’t leave anything out. If God’s Word said it, they did it. In verse 41, we see how their spiritual fervor was demonstrated with action: “Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover.” As we’ve established in this series, parents must live for the Lord before anything else. The trip from Nazareth to Jerusalem was about 80 miles and would have taken several days.
On the last leg of their journey they would have been singing the Songs of Ascent from Psalms 120-134. This shows a lot about their spiritual commitment. There were two other required feast days according to Deuteronomy 16:16 and they probably made those trips as well: “Three times a year all your men must appear before the Lord your God at the place he will choose: at the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the Feast of Weeks and the Feast of Tabernacles.”
Once they arrived in Jerusalem, they would have purchased a lamb and brought it to the Temple where it was slaughtered along with thousands of others, the blood flowing freely on the pavement. The lamb was then taken and prepared for the Passover meal. Joseph and Mary did not yet grasp that their son Jesus would become the final lamb, offering his blood years later as full payment for the sins of the world.
Studies show that if both mom and dad attend church regularly, 72% of their children remain faithful. If only dad goes, 55% remain faithful. If only mom is plugged in, just 15% hang in there spiritually. If neither attends regularly, only 6% of kids stay connected to Christ (Quoted by Warren Muller, “Homemade,” May, 1990).
2. Make the passing on of your faith a priority. Notice in verse 42 that “when he was twelve years old, they went up to the feast, according to the custom.” At 12, Jewish boys became “Sons of the Law,” and from that point on were considered responsible for their own faith.
Fellow parents, let’s look for ways to expose our children to the things of God. In the Jewish homes, this was very clearly the responsibility of the parents – they didn’t just ship their kids off to the synagogue for spiritual training, though they did utilize the synagogue as a partner with them in raising spiritual champions. Can I just level with you? If you and I are not living for the Lord ourselves and intentionally passing along our faith to our kids, we are being negligent in our parenting.
3. Let your children go so they can grow. I’m not suggesting that you don’t keep a close eye on your kids when you’re out in the crowds, but I do want to point out that Jesus was determined to spend time with His Father. After the feast was over the parents headed home with a group of people that caravanned together. They no doubt assumed that Jesus was in the group somewhere. Maybe Mary thought He was with Joe and Joe thought Jesus was walking with mom since the men and women generally walked in different groups. When they realized He was missing, they searched up and down, panicked and then went back to Jerusalem and according to verse 46: “After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking questions.”
We see some pretty strong emotions on display. Verse 47 says that those who heard Jesus were “amazed.” Verse 48 tells us that his parents were “astonished” and even hurt because they had been “anxiously” looking for Jesus. If you’re a parent, you know that the process of giving your child over to the Lord will be both confusing and crushing but remember this: your child’s relationship with the Lord is even more important than his or her relationship with you. When Jesus realizes that they were upset He asks two questions in verse 49, which are his first recorded words in the Gospels: “Why were you searching for me? Didn’t you know that I had to be in my Father’s house?” Notice in verse 50 that they had no clue what He was talking about.
They made the mistake of forgetting who Jesus really was and who He belonged to. We must remember that our kids don’t belong to us, but to the Lord. We’re facing something similar as a family right now as our oldest daughter Emily moves to Iowa this week to begin an internship in a church and our second daughter Lydia will leave for college in Indiana in August. As difficult as it is, we know that for them, they need to go in order to grow.
4. Memorialize the moments you have with your kids. In the last part of verse 51, we see that Mary is trying to live in the moment. She not only doesn’t want to miss anything, she’s also trying to figure out who her son really is: “But his mother Mary treasured all these things in her heart.” This is the second time we see Mary marking a moment. Check out verse 19: “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Parents, let’s not be so eager for our kids to get out of the stage that they’re in…because once they are, they don’t go back. Let’s be fully present, actively engaged and intentional in our efforts so that we take full advantage of teachable moments as we make memories for them…and for us. Ok, I’m getting emotional now.
Challenges for Children
When we stayed at the house up in the mountain we were told that there was a path cut into the forest but we couldn’t find it. It would have been difficult to make one because of the steepness of the mountain and all the undergrowth. Parents, no matter how challenging it is, it’s our responsibility to help our children cut their way up the mountain of Christian maturity. I see five pathways in this passage that I want to direct to the children and teenagers here today. If your child is not with you, I want you to pick up a copy of this sermon and go over it with them. There are copies in the hallway or you can download a manuscript at www.pontiacbible.org.
1. “Jesus was obedient” – I need to obey my parents. We see in verse 51 that the preteen Jesus “went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.” Jesus not only was with His parents, He did what they said. While a lot of kids don’t like spending time with their parents, it’s really a good thing. No, really it is. And, looking to Jesus as their model, children are to obey their parents. Actually, the word carries the idea of being submissive or subordinate to an authority. The root means “to hear and to heed.” Parents, we do a disservice to our kids when we allow them to disobey without consequences. And kids, when you rebel against your parents’ authority, you’re going against God and you’re missing out on blessings. Here are two verses to ponder:
* Ephesians 6:1: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
* Colossians 3:20: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
For the rest of our time together, I want us to focus on this summary statement of a balanced life in Luke 2:52: “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” If you develop in each of these areas, and build on a foundation of obedience, you will be balanced and fruit-bearing disciples.
Let me draw your attention to the word “grew.” This is also translated as “kept increasing” but it’s not used in a passive sense. Instead, the idea is active and intentional. It has the idea of one who “kept cutting his way forward as through a forest or a jungle.” It was also used of a blacksmith who repeatedly hammered on a piece of metal in order to lengthen it. Growth takes effort. If you want to become a spiritually-minded man or woman, you cannot be a spiritual slacker because discipleship requires discipline. Spiritual growth demands strenuous activity; it’s not automatic. Don’t look for a spectacular spiritual experience or expect instant spiritual maturity. It doesn’t work that way.
I was struck this week with how tenacious two tennis players were in their match at Wimbledon. In the longest tennis match ever, these two guys played for eleven hours over the course of three days. That’s the kind of dogged determination that we all need in our spiritual lives!
2. “Jesus grew in wisdom” – I need to make the wise choice. While it’s important to develop your intellect and become intelligent (I’m still waiting for this to happen to me), the Bible says that what we want to go after is wisdom. It’s not enough simply to be educated and have knowledge, as important as education is. We also need wisdom, which is the ability to use the knowledge that we have. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for “wise” is used to describe people who are adept at working with their hands. Those who have wisdom have the ability to face life honestly and to live it so that God’s purposes are fulfilled in their lives. Wisdom is not theoretical but practical. A wise person does not just say wise words, he or she is skillful at living life to its fullest.
Proverbs 1:7 is the key that unlocks the way to wisdom: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” The main emphasis of the entire Bible is the fear of the Lord. In this verse we see that there are two classes of people: those who fear the Lord, and the fools who do not. The beginning of knowledge refers to its origin or principal part. The first lesson we must learn in the school of wisdom is to develop a proper view of God.
A fool is not just someone who is a couple bricks short of a load, or one whose elevator does not go to the top floor. A fool is not somebody who is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. In Proverbs, the fool is the one who doesn’t follow God’s ways. He’s the one who knows the right thing to do but instead does the opposite, or simply does nothing. Proverbs 1:32 says that the “complacency of fools will destroy them.”
T.S. Eliot was spot on when he penned these words in “Choruses From the Rock.”
Endless invention, endless experiment,
Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness;
Knowledge of speech, but not of silence;
Knowledge of words, and ignorance of The Word…
Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?
One of the things I really appreciate about the ministry of Pontiac Christian School is that it not only focuses on education; it seeks to drive students to the path of wisdom. Over the past four years, Dean Ridder has provided leadership at PCS as the administrator and he will be moving on to a new position in Iowa this coming week. I know you want to demonstrate your appreciation to the Ridder’s because they’ve also been involved members here at PBC. Dean, Jolene, Kelvin, Jackson and Noel, could you please come up front?
Let me be quick to say that we respect and support parents in the way they choose to train and educate their children. We honor homeschooling parents and those who are making a difference in the public schools as well. If you want to join a group of moms who are praying for the schools in this community, I highly recommend the Moms in Touch groups. We’ll also host the second annual Back to School Prayer night on August 15th. Can I also encourage you to come to church at 8:10 a.m. next Sunday for a time of prayer? We meet every communion Sunday but our attendance has been pretty anemic.
3. “Jesus grew in stature” – I need to take care of my body. We didn’t do this very well when we were on vacation. We figured out that we only missed one day when we didn’t have ice cream! But I think we made up for it by having it twice on another day. Over the years, I’ve gone for months without dessert but I’ve obviously caved on this one. I need to come back to the teaching of 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” Teenagers, this is a strong reason why you should avoid sex, smoking, drinking, or using drugs. If you’re a born-again believer, your body belongs to the Lord.
The recent issue of Newsweek has a cover story called, “The Science of Healthy Living.” It’s important to exercise, eat healthy and for parents to set an example because we live in a couch potato society. I recommend the Promised Land diet: milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream and Johnsonville brats. Actually, if you follow this diet, you’ll end up like the guy who went to his doctor and said, “Doc, if there’s anything wrong with me, please don’t try to hoodwink me by giving a long scientific name. Just tell me in plain English what’s wrong with me.” To which the doctor said, “Well, to be perfectly frank, you’re just plain lazy and need more exercise.” The patient replied, “Thank you, doctor. Now please give me the scientific name so I can tell people what’s wrong with me.”
Before moving on, I want to address something I’ve become quite concerned about. This past Wednesday Pastor Jeff and I attended the Family Task Force meeting. During the meeting someone asked me why our summer attendance has taken a big dip. Here’s what I think. Summer sports leagues no longer see Sundays as sacred and many parents have signed their children up for travel teams that knock the family out of the faith community. Please hear my heart on this. There’s nothing wrong with encouraging athletics in our children – I do it as a dad with our daughters. But here’s the problem. By unplugging from Sunday services, children are learning subtly that sports trump worship. The other thing that happens is that some families get out of the habit of attending so that once the leagues are over they have a hard time getting back into the practice of regular Sunday involvement.
I came across a very encouraging verse in my Bible reading this week. Listen to Isaiah 58:13-14: “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord…”
4. “Jesus grew in favor with God” – I can trust God no matter what. It’s so important to be intentional about growing in your relationship with the Lord. This church has always worked at helping people grow spiritually but I don’t know of any other couple that has done more to equip leaders in this church than Pastor Frank and Judie Beaty. Pastor Frank served as senior pastor here for over 13 years, providing meaty sermons and a strong discipleship emphasis. I’d like them to come up front right now so we can express our gratitude to them.
5. “Jesus grew in favor with men” – I should treat others the way I want to be treated. This is a real challenge because all of us are born selfish and focused just on our world. We need to learn social graces, how to choose good friends (see 1 Corinthians 15:33), and how to love the unlovely. One of the qualifications for a church leader is to “have a good reputation” with outsiders (1 Timothy 3:7). Someone has said that character is what we are; reputation is what others think of us.
We’ve been working at weaning ourselves from a self-centered worldview as we focus on how this faith family can be involved in God’s global plan of extending His glory to the nations. Josiah Hanson and Hannah McIntosh return from China soon, Shiann Poshard leaves for the Philippines this week and David Grimes heads to the Dominican Republic in a couple weeks. In addition, we have the joy of sending out missionaries all over the world.
We’ve been asked to join believers all over the globe today to pray for our missionaries, Gary and Carol Varner. Their board of directors has declared today to be the “International Day of Prayer for Gary and Carol Varner” and they’ve sent out some specific prayer requests to guide us. Join me as I lead us in prayer.
* Pray for a miraculous healing of Gary’s body. Medically speaking, the kind of cancer that Gary has doesn’t look good. But we serve a God who is the Great Physician – the Gentle Healer. May we pray with boldness, placing our urgent request before Him.
* Pray for Gary and his wife Carol as they deal with the stresses of chemotherapy. The regiment Gary is on now is brutal - pray for strength to endure.
* Pray for Gary’s children. His son, Lt. Clayton Varner is currently stationed in Iraq. Pray for his safety and return to the US in August. Gary’s daughter, Jessica, is currently serving in Athens, Greece with Campus Crusade for Christ. Pray for her safety and protection in that unstable environment.
* Pray that Gary, who is also an accomplished writer and author, would be able to finish the second installment of his popular novel. Outside of missions, Gary has a deep love for writing, but the chemo has left him unable to finish his book.
As we wrap up, I’d like to give some action steps for both parents and for children.
1. For Parents: Take some time and do an inventory to see how you’re doing with these principles. Give yourself a grade from 1 to 10 and then think through how you can take each area to the next level.
* Live for the Lord
* Intentionally pass on your faith
* Allow your children to go so they can grow
* Memorialize the moments you have with them
2. For Children: How are you doing in these areas? Pick one that you need to work on. These would make a great prayer list for you to pray every day.
* Obey your parents
* Make wise choices
* Take care of your body
* Trust God no matter what
* Treat others the way you want to be treated
A young boy was asked if he believed in God. He answered, “Well, yes I do.” When asked why, he said, “Well, I guess it just runs in the family.” Does faith run in your family?
Have you ever wondered why Jesus came into the world as a child and not as a fully grown man? One pastor suggests two reasons that I think are very helpful.
1. Jesus needed to be the representative of people of all ages. He did not come just for adults, but for infants, babies, toddlers, preschoolers, children, boys and girls, teenagers and grownups.
2. Jesus needed to experience life at every stage so that He could be the perfect sympathizer and Savior. Friend, no matter what you’re going through, no matter how old you are, Jesus understands. Hebrews 4:15: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin.” And He saves all who look to Him for salvation…no matter what state you live in.
Invitation
