Be the Best Dad You Can Be
Various Scriptures
June 20, 2010
THE AUDIO FOR THIS CAN BE HEARD AT WWW.ABERDEENWESLEYAN.ORG.
NOTE: THE ME/WE/GOD/YOU/WE FORMAT IS FROM ANDY STANLEY'S BOOK, "COMMUNICATING FOR A CHANGE."
Me: Six weeks ago I preached a Mother’s Day message, and I was pretty nervous about it.
As I mentioned then, it’s hard for guys to preach about being good moms because we have no experience, and that it was like a single guy trying to tell married couples how to have a great marriage.
They may have some technically correct information, but they don’t have the experience to back up what they’re saying.
But today is a different story. I can preach about being a dad, because what do you know – I am one. I’ve been one for going on 20 years now, and I’ve got 5 kiddos ranging from pre-teens to an almost 20-year old.
I’ve got three teenagers in my family – and you wonder why I’m bald…
Anyway, I know about being a dad. Not everything about being a dad, that’s for sure.
I’m still learning, and some of the stuff I’ll be sharing with you today is stuff I’m still working on in my own life because just like marriage, I don’t have all this parenting stuff figured out, either.
We: All of us have either been a father or had a father, right?
And all of can look at our dads and see things we liked and other stuff we didn’t really like.
I can tell you that my kids can look at me and see some things they like and stuff they don’t like, because like all of you dads here today, I’ve blown it on occasion.
But I can honestly say that I love being a dad. When my kids greet me at home, or demand a hug and kiss before I leave for work, that makes it worth it for me.
And I think that all of us would agree that dads have a huge influence on how we handle life, especially as we grow up ourselves.
God/You:
My goal for today is simple: to encourage you guys to be the best dads you can be.
I’m not here to beat you up, I’m here to give you some hope that you can be an awesome dad, and for those of you who think it’s too late, to tell you that it’s never too late if you’re both still breathing, okay?
Not every point I’ll be sharing with you will have Scripture, but I think you’ll find that all of what I’m bringing to you today is found in Scriptural principle, okay?
Seven steps to becoming a great dad (in no particular order).
1. Model authentic manhood.
1 Kings 2:2-3 –
“Be strong, show yourself a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires.”
According to people who are bigger and meaner than I am, manhood has nothing to do with being big and mean.
Authentic manhood covers four essential things that need to be taken care of.
You guys who were part of the men’s study the last year or so will recognize this, from Dr. Robert Lewis.
- Reject passivity.
Don’t live by default, with life just happening to you. Make things happen by being intentional about life.
- Accept responsibility.
This goes hand in hand with the idea of rejecting passivity.
Men, you need to understand that we are responsible to God for your family. You and I will be held accountable for it.
Don’t pass the buck. Take responsibility for the health and strength of your family and for the parenting of your kiddos.
- Lead courageously.
Take the initiative to lead your family to greater spiritual strength, financial strength, emotional health, and whatever.
Forget what others might think – do what’s best for your family and think more about what God thinks, which leads me to the fourth area in modeling authentic manhood, and that is to…
- Expect the greater reward: God’s reward.
God will reward you for being a strong man of God. And I think that part of that will be in the way your family shapes up.
There’s no guarantee that your kids will turn out well, because there have been godly men who have had bad kids.
But overall, I think that men who live for God tend to be rewarded with good, strong families.
Modeling authentic manhood is extremely important for our sons because it models what a man is supposed to be.
It’s important for our daughters because it shows them what kind of guy they should look for in a husband.
2. Be the leader in the home.
Make sure your family is provided for:
- Financially
1 Timothy 5:8 –
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Most guys have no problem with this, to be honest. I think most guys have no problem with knowing they need to make sure their family has a roof over their heads, food, on the table, and clothes to wear.
Unfortunately, I would also guess that most, if not all, of us know guys who seem to have no motivation whatsoever in that way.
But today I think I’m preaching to the choir, so I’ll move on…
- Spiritually
Make sure they have the opportunity for worship, Sunday School, Wednesday activities, etc.
Make sure they have Bibles for themselves that they can read.
Pray for them and with them.
Lead family Bible reading time and/or devotions.
- “Parentally”
In other words, be there, as much as you can.
I understand that sometimes you have to work late. But all the time?
You, as the dad, should be, along with their mother, their biggest influences. Not their friends, and not the media.
They need parents, and they need a dad.
And speaking of parenting, let’s look at step number three:
3. Raise your kids according to what’s RIGHT, not according to what’s PAST.
In other words, don’t let your kids do wrong things just because you did them when you were young.
One of the biggest cop-outs in the world is, “Well, I did that when I was there age, so who am I to say they can’t?”
You’re THE PARENT, that’s who you are! Act like it!
Or you cave when the child pressures you with your past.
You are THE PARENT. They’re supposed to learn from your mistakes, not repeat them.
My kids know most of the stupid things I did, and if it’s appropriate, I may share more with them depending on the situation.
And they know I’m only sharing these things with them because I want them to avoid the hurt and danger I put myself and others in.
“They need to learn some of that stuff the hard way.” No they don’t.
They don’t need to kill someone in a car crash to learn they shouldn’t drive drunk, or worse yet, end up dying themselves.
If that were to happen, you wouldn’t be thinking, “Well, that’s how they learn sometimes…”
No! You’ll be agonizing over not drilling this into them before, right?
Guys, listen closely, because I think a lot of parents don’t get this: you are not supposed to be your child’s friend, you’re supposed to be their parent.
Your relationship will change more toward friendship as they (hopefully) grow up and become independent of you (which, by the way, is one of the goals of parenting), but while they’re growing up they need you to care for them and set boundaries for them – and to discipline them when those boundaries are crossed.
Raise your kids according to what’s RIGHT, not according to what’s PAST.
4. Tell your kids you love them.
I’ve mentioned this in a message about marriage, but it’s true here as well.
Just as you should tell your spouse that you love them, you should also tell your children that you love them.
And you know what, guys, our sons really need to hear that.
It’s easy to tell our little girls we love them. It’s not always as easy to tell our boys, especially as we see them growing up to be men.
There is no shame in telling your kids you love them. You’re not a sissy.
In fact, I would say that you’re a bigger wuss for not having the guts to tell them you love them.
Don’t assume they know. Tell them. And show them with things like hugs, and even kisses when they’re younger.
5. Strengthen your marriage.
Ephesians 5:25 –
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ultimately, the best gift we can give our kids is to have a strong marriage.
It builds security in their lives growing up, and it models good marriage skills for them.
A strong marriage builds strong kiddos and builds up a wonderful image of what a father should be, so that if you have sons who grow up to have a family of their own, they’ll have a great example of what a husband and father should be.
And that leads to step number six:
6. Be the mentor and model your kids need you to be.
Ephesians 6:4 –
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
One of our jobs is to help our kids learn how to live for Jesus.
We do that through instruction and modeling.
And the fact is, more is caught than taught.
What that means for you and me is that it’s not enough for us to talk about Jesus and the Scriptures. We need to live it.
You exasperate your kids when you give lip-service to Jesus but don’t live for Him.
That’s called being a hypocrite, and that’s not what you want to be modeling to your kiddos.
I’ve said it before, but it needs to be said lots of times: You are a model to your kids whether you know it or not, and whether you want to be or not.
And your kids will mimic your lifestyle over your words every time.
So take this job seriously. Live for Christ, and help your children do the same thing.
Here’s the seventh step I want to share with you today:
7. Be available to your kids.
Our kids need us. They need us to be available to them, even when we’re busy with something else.
Sometimes when our kids call, we just need to say, “Okay, what’s up?”
Sometimes we need to risk not getting some work done if it means being with our kids during an important event or crucial time.
That’s not to say our kids should run our schedules, but it is to say that sometimes we need to just walk away from the job and walk toward our kids.
I know it’s not easy. In fact, that’s probably where I struggle the most in all this. But sometimes it’s necessary.
And sometimes we just need to be able to put down the newspaper or turn off the TV when our children need to speak to us about something.
And you know what? Sometimes what they need to talk to us about isn’t important to anyone but them.
“Dad, Tinkerbell 4 is coming out on DVD next August! Can we stay up late and go to Wal-mart when it comes out?”
“Hey Dad – did you know that some people are actually grossed out by snot? Weird, huh?”
“Hey Dad, I just found out that I don’t have superpowers. Can you talk to Mom about the couch?”
But if you’ll take the time for these kind of things, then they’ll come to you when they need to talk like this:
“Hey Dad, I really like this girl, and I she likes me. What do I do now?” (Run away from her, boy! Run like the wind!)
“Hey Dad, this boy at school has asked me out, but I think he only wants to have sex with me. What should I do?” (Give me his address and my shotgun…)
“Hey Dad, I’m not sure I want to go to college. Is that okay with you?”
“Hey Dad, I’m not sure I’m buying all this ‘Jesus’ stuff and I’m ready to just chuck it. Will you still love me?
“Hey Dad, my boyfriend and I slept together and now I’m pregnant. And I’m really scared. Will you help me?”
Dads, listen closely: if they can’t talk to you about Tinkerbell, they won’t talk to you about the most important issues of life.
You’ve got to be available to them.
Guys, I think that if we’ll take these seven steps seriously, we’ll be awesome dads that our kids can look up to, even when they’re long gone out of the house.
But what about those who have blown it and our kids are gone?
When God’s involved, it’s never too late to become a great dad. If you’re to the point where you realize that you’ve never let God be the master of your life and your parenting, but now you want to make that real, then you can start over.
As long as your children are alive, you can still be a great dad, starting now.
And if you’re here tonight and maybe your child has passed on from this earth and you don’t have the opportunity to work on healing that relationship, let me say something to you:
God is forgiving, and when you are in Christ, you are forgiven. And you can trust God to make things right, even if it’s on the other side of eternity.
But for those who are able to physically contact your child, let me give you three things you can do to becoming a great dad even now:
> You start by saying two of the hardest words any guy can say: I’m sorry.
> And then you ask them for the opportunity to be part of their lives, even if it’s only a small part for now.
> Display and proclaim your love for them.
We: How many guys here like “The Red Green Show?”
I love that show. And I just found out that some of the shows are available at the library, which is good because I can’t get it on TV…
Anyway, what’s the quote he always ends his advice segment with?
"Remember, I'm pulling for you; we're all in this together."
That’s what I want to say to you today.
I want this church to be a filled with guys who love Jesus and love their families, and who encourage each other to do those things.
My hope is that none of you leave here today thinking that you’re on your own in this fathering deal.
We have relatively new fathers and some who have been fathers for decades.
All of us can look back at things we’d do differently if we could, and we can probably all look back at things we did well.
Guys, let’s commit to being guys that others can come to for advice and encouragement in this very important job of being a dad.
And God bless you for it. Let’s pray.
