The Dating Game
Various Scriptures
June 13, 2010
THE AUDIO OF THIS SERMON CAN BE FOUND AT WWW.ABERDEENWESLEYAN.ORG.
NOTE: THE ME/WE/GOD/YOU/WE FORMAT IS FROM ANDY STANLEY’S BOOK, "COMMUNICATING FOR A CHANGE."
Me: Well if you’ve looked at your note-taking guide, you’re aware that the topic of today’s message is dating.
Believe it or not, I used to date. And not just when I was dating my wife.
I actually had real dates in high school AND college.
I was no Casanova, but I had some dates. Some were good, others weren’t so good.
I tried to think of some funny stories about when I was dating, but really the only things I could think of were things that were either embarrassing to me or embarrassing to my date, and if they ever heard this message, they might be a bit peeved at me.
So let’s just suffice it to say that I’ve got a little bit of experience about what I’m going to talk about today, okay?
We: Most of us are familiar with what dating is all about, at least to some degree.
For those of us who have had dating relationships, we can probably all think of lessons we learned that we wish we would have learned before we started dating, but instead we learned them the hard way while we were dating, and sometimes it meant the end of that relationship, right?
How many of you are remembering stuff you had forgotten for decades until right now?
God/You:
Most of what I’m talking about is geared to those of you in or near high school, or college. But obviously the principles and stuff I’ll be sharing go for people dating at any age, for the most part.
I think it’s important to acknowledge up front that there are no Scriptures regarding dating.
Dating is a relatively new invention and it’s not addressed in the Scripture.
But I think that because of the numerous Scriptures dealing with personal relationships, we can cull together some information that will be useful to you, no matter what your age.
But I want to start off with a News flash: You don’t HAVE to date! Especially if you’re in high school.
You okay with that?
Over 50% of girls and over 40% of guys never date in high school. And it’s not just because they’re geeks or something.
Even geeks can get dates once in a while – just look at me!
The point is that if you never have a date in high school, that’s okay!
And just to make something else clear, I don’t think anyone should be dating in Junior High. That age, in my opinion, is simply not mature enough to deal with the hassles and heartache that come with dating.
But if you do choose to date, there are six principles to keep in mind if you do date:
(Much of what I’m sharing is information from Dawson McAllister’s ministry and obtained from ChristianAnswers.net.)
1. Honor your father and mother.
Not only is this one of the Ten Commandments, it’s a safeguard God has put in place for you.
Believe it or not, your parents do care about you, and they generally know what’s best. You may not believe that, but it’s true.
Respect their wishes for who you can and can’t date, respect their boundaries of what’s acceptable in terms of activities (what kind of movies, concerts, etc.) are allowed, physical boundaries, curfews, etc.
If you are living in their home, eating their food, using their laundry facilities, and all that stuff, they have the right to determine when you date, who you date, and what goes on during your dates.
They have an obligation to do all they can to protect you from people who would harm you.
And the fact of the matter is that in certain dating situations, you may be pressured to do stuff that you know would not be pleasing to God or to your parents, and could cause you harm.
If you honor your father and mother during the dating process, you’ll find that their trust level will go way up, and you’ll also find that they’re generally more willing to cut you some more slack.
And that’s what every teenager wants from their parents, right?
2. Remember that even if your parents aren’t there, God is – and He sees EVERYTHING.
Folks, God sees you in every situation – good, bad, or ugly – or sinful.
The Bible says that there is nowhere we can hide from Him.
Listen to this from Psalm 139 –
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
Folks, you might be able to fool your folks about what you’ve been up to on a date, but you can’t fool God.
Why is it important to know this? Because it’s a safeguard for you.
Knowing that God sees everything can help you say no to compromising situations.
Here’s the third principle:
3. Guard your heart.
The Bible tells us to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences everything else in our life.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
Dating is a very emotional situation, especially when you’re first starting to date a specific person.
It’s very easy to let your emotions lead, and if you’re not careful, you can let yourself be led into activities and relationships you know aren’t right and that can steal your heart away from Christ.
The fourth principle is to…
4. Understand that you are known by the company you keep.
Who you hang out with is who you become identified with.
It’s not just true in a dating situation, it’s true about every area of life.
If you hang out with loser friends, guess what – you’re identified as one of the losers.
You hang out with thieves, you become identified with them – even if you don’t steal anything.
We also tend to become like the company we keep. If you keep hanging out with these folks, then you end up doing what they do.
1 Corinthians 15:33 –
Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.
In dating situations, if you date people that don’t live lifestyles that honor God, you will be brought down to that level. It’s that simple.
And that leads to the fifth principle about dating:
5. Christians should only date other Christians.
Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.
In other words, our best friends and our dates should be people who love Jesus.
Look at this from 2 Corinthians 6:14 –
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
One of the main purposes for dating is to find a mate, right?
Well, this passage is true for business partnerships, as well as marriages and dating.
Dating a non-Christian puts you in danger of giving up on Christ for the sake of the relationship.
“But what if I can lead him to Christ?”
“Missionary dating” is a dangerous thing. Why? Because it’s much easier, and more likely, to bring someone down than to bring someone up.
For the sake of your own spiritual health, you need to avoid dating someone who doesn’t love Jesus.
I say it that way, because anybody can claim to be a Christian, but most aren’t.
A Christian is someone who believes in Jesus and lives for Him. Most people who claim to be Christians don’t do that.
Be that person’s friend. Pray with them and for them. But don’t date them.
I know that sounds harsh and judgmental, but folks, I’ve seen it happen over and over. A Christian starts dating a non-Christian, and then before you know it, the Christian has decided that the person they’re dating is more important than Jesus.
Here’s the last principle we’ll cover today:
6. Ask some tough questions.
> Does the situation I put myself in invite sexual immorality or help me avoid it?
1 Corinthians 6:18 says to "flee from sexual immorality." We cannot do this if we are tempting ourselves through carelessness.
It needs to be said, because I don’t want there to be any question about it:
Sex outside of marriage is wrong. Always.
It doesn’t matter if you think you love each other. It doesn’t matter if you plan to get married. It doesn’t matter if you used protection.
Sex outside of marriage is wrong.
Sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong. This includes things like touching each breasts and genitals, as well as oral sex.
I’m sorry I have to be so graphic, but unfortunately, I’m coming across situations in my ministry where kids are being told that these things aren’t wrong.
I don’t want anyone to go out of here thinking that these things are okay.
So you need to ask yourself if you’re putting yourself in a situation where you will be inviting sexual activity.
And if you are, then you need to literally leave that situation. Flee from it!
If the person won’t let you leave, call your parents. And if that doesn’t work call me. I’m sure your date would just love to hear that your pastor is coming to get you and take you to your parents.
That’ll cool their jets in a hurry, believe me.
> What kind of reputation does my potential date have?
When you accept a date you are essentially saying, "My values are the same as your values." That in itself can put you in a position you may regret later.
Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Bad company corrupts good character."
> Will there be any pressure to use alcohol or drugs?
When I was a teenager, I was pressured a lot into doing that stuff, and I let them talk me into it.
The problem is that when you do drugs and alcohol, you lose the rational thought process that keeps you from saying no to other things you shouldn’t be doing.
I can say that in almost every instance when I broke the law when I was in high school, it was because I was either drunk or stoned.
Most of those things I wouldn’t even consider doing if was in my right mind.
Besides, if you’re under 21, it’s illegal for you to drink, and illegal drugs are illegal for anybody.
Don’t let yourself be pressured into using that stuff. If it comes out after you’re there, leave. Call your parents, and remember, if you can’t call them, call me.
Believe me, I don’t mind helping someone get out of trouble. That’s easier than getting called after it’s already happened.
Another question to ask:
> Am I attracting the wrong type of person?
Make sure that the message you send with your actions and the way you dress doesn’t attract people who will lead you to compromise your values.
> Am I aware that sin is first committed in the heart?
Matthew 5:28 says, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
> Are you going to the right kind of place for a date?
Is there going to be a crowd that will make it difficult for you to be alone with your date? (by the way, that’s a good thing).
Are the parents of the date around (if you’re going to his or her house)?
If you’re going to a movie, is it one that you’d be embarrassed if your parents found you there?
You need to go somewhere very public, or at least somewhere where a parent is around at all times.
Okay, so we’ve looked at some principles to keep in mind if you choose to date, which of course, you’re not required to do.
But I want us to turn a corner and discuss an issue that comes up all the time when talking about dating, and we’ve touched on it a bit already.
It’s the idea that there may be some people in here who have already gone too far and have allowed sexual activity to go on in their relationship.
You know it’s wrong, and you knew it was wrong when you did it, but for some reason or another, you went ahead and went for it.
And a lot of people who have done that start to think, “Well, we’ve already done it. We might as well keep doing it.”
Folks, that’s a lie. You can stop. You need to stop. And let’s look at why. Here are three reasons:
If you have already gone too far, why stop?
* God is forgiving.
1 John 1:9 tells us that God is faithful and just to forgive our sins if we confess them. You can start fresh with God anytime you want to.
* God is holy.
His word tells us that sexual sin is wrong, and He knows what is best.
* God is caring.
God knows that going too far before marriage tends to break up couples and leads to less happy marriages. He knows that most guys do not want to marry a girl who has been intimate with someone else.
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You can stop. If you think you can’t then you need to get out of the relationship. Today.
Don’t let that person pressure you into continuing something you know is wrong.
We: Folks, dating is part of our culture.
If you, as a Christian, want to participate, then all I can do is tell you to be careful.
Be careful to honor yourself and more importantly, honor God with your dating.
Show the world that Christians can do this differently. That you’re more concerned with pleasing God than pleasing your date.
And maybe we can start influencing the culture for Christ instead of letting the culture influence us for the world.
Let’s pray.
