I want you to write on the top of your notes, "AQ equals --" this is like algebra -- "AQ equals E," as in Edgar, "plus P," as in Peter, "0 -- times 0426." I wish I had a -- no, I’ll give that to again. Ready? AQ equals E plus P times 0426. AQ is your anger quotient. You know you have an IQ? We now know we have emotional intelligence. You have an AQ. You have an anger quotient. And your anger quotient is your environment plus your perspective times your obedience to Ephesians 426. Ephesians 426 says -- it’s the good summary of anger in Scripture. "Be angry." That’s a command, "Yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger lest you give the devil a foothold, or an opportunity.
So your anger quotient talks about the environment that you’re in. Certain environments raise the possibility of anger. Certain perspectives that you have either increase or decrease your relationship with anger. And it’s all tied into, no matter what your environment or perspective, obeying Ephesians 4:26. And so in the first half of tonight, I want you to circle the P -- or E, if you will, and I’m wanna talk about your environment. I wanna talk about the environment that ca allow you to be either more angry or the environment that can cause you to be far less angry. And I wanna read just a little section. My teammate -- I’ve never teamed up and done a book with someone before, and it’s been kinda fun to get a woman’s perspective, and especially someone that’s worked with so many people. She’s a practicing psychologist and counselor. And she did this experiment -- just a couple paragraphs.
She said, "One day I decided to keep a mental log of all the times I felt angry. I wanted to know how often I got angry, and what I got angry about, and what triggered the anger. I encourage you to try this, too. The results were surprising and quite humbling. I was shocked at how often angry feelings came to the surface. Prior to consciously counting these episodes, I had mistakenly assumed that anger was only an occasional visitor to my emotional arsenal. I was wrong, very wrong. I had to be honest about my feelings of anger, frustration, and actual infuriation. I had felt either flits or fits of anger at not being able to find my favorite socks, running out of milk, the kids taking too long to get ready, the slow driver in front of me, the long wait at the pharmacy, the store that was closed on Monday, having to put gas in the car, the price of the gas in the car, the long line and the slow service when I got gas in the card, the kids leaving their clothes on the floor again, the computer freezing on me again. And I was only halfway through the day.
"Though some of these feelings could describe fleeing frustrations, when I was honest, far too many of them were actual anger. Then came another humbling lesson. I realized that most of the day-to-day anger I experienced was all about small, insignificant stuff that I face all the time. When I stopped and looked at how often I got angry and what I got angry about, I had to admit that it happened too much and too often. Then I took a further step. I asked, ’What is it that contributes to anger of my day-to-day life?’ And the answer was surprisingly simple: stress, stress. The relationship between stress and
anger in my life isn’t unusual. The more pressured, burned out, overwhelmed, or busy that you become, the more your anger will lie at the foot of your feet ready to explode at any moment. The key to lessening our anger is our ability to minimize stress." Final line, "The more stress we’re under, the more likely it is that anger will make its appearance. Our goal is reduce stress."
And so I wanna just encourage you in our time together, I’m gonna be really, really practical, not an outline. I’m not gonna go to all kinda different text. I basically wanna give some practical wisdom about how to reduce stress in your life. I am Type A personality. I have been a workaholic. I have been characterized by being driven. I live in a very high-pressured world in sorta the California pace, and I’ve pastored anything from a member church of about 35 people where 34 of them are related. That produced a lot of stress, 6,000 or 7,000 people coming through the doors every six or seven days, and a very large staff and big budgets and being totally overwhelmed. And so all I wanna know is I understand what it’s like, and I just wanna walk through some very practical ways that people far wiser than me and many things that I’ve experienced that might help you.
No. 1 stress reducer is eliminate hurry. I’ll never forget listening to a tape. I think it was by John Ortberg. And he was talking about a book that he had read by Dallas Willard. And then he met with Dallas Willard and he was ready to take -- it was when John moved from the west coast earlier. He went to teach at a large church in Chicago and has since gone back to California. But when he was ready to take that big step -- and it was a big, big, big church, and he was gonna be the teaching pastor with a team of guys. And he met with Dallas Willard and he said, "You’re a wise man in the things of God. You’ve written books on the spiritual disciplines. What piece of advice could you give me as I take my family into all this responsibility and all this pressure and all I’m gonna face? And he said, "I got my pen out," and he said, "I’m gonna take lots of notes. This is Dallas Willard and he’s gonna -- he leaned back and he looked at me and he said, ’Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.’ And he said, ’Okay, yeah, okay, good.’ He said, ’That’s it. Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. Speed and godliness are incompatible. Speed and peace or incompatible. Hurry and loving other sis incompatible. Hearing God’s voice and hurry are incompatible. Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.’"
I heard that at a time when our church was going through some significant growth, a capital campaign, a building campaign. Someone mistakenly took a couple of the messages and stuck ’em on a local radio station, and then some other station put it on some other station, and that started down the road. To say that I was under pressure and living a hurried life would be an understatement. And I think there’s times in our life where God will give us a message that is so for us that the entire trajectory of our future can be changed if we’ll just obey that one word for us in that moment. And I remember thinking to myself -- and then Ortberg is a tremendous teacher. If you’ve never read any of his books, I just highly recommend him and so I remember deciding I’m going to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from my life. I was the guy -- the plane door. It’s leaving. One more person’s getting on Ingram gets on. Okay. Sits down. Briefcase. Gotta do some work, dah, dah, dah. You know what I mean? Doing this -- getting to a meeting one minute just before it starts ’cause you can’t be late, but gotta do five things just before you get there. Multitasking all the time, talking on the phone, answering e-mail on the computer, and three other things, if I could. And he gave some practical ways to do it. And so I went into training. I literally went into training. I took some of his suggestions.
No. 1, for two years, I drove in the right-hand lane on the freeway. (Laughs) It was just -- I’m just gonna drive in the right-hand lane. I’m not gonna be a hurry. I’m not gonna count how many cars go by in the toll lane. "If I get in this lane right here, I think, let’s see, one, two, three, four. The yellow car got in with me, and, oh, man. I shoulda picked that line." You know what that tells you about your mindset? You must be really, really important. You must be so important that you have to get wherever you’re going that matters so much more than everybody else. What I realized, my hurry was rooted in arrogance and what he called grandiosity. My being overextended was rooted in my grandiosity. For all the right reasons, doing really pretty significant things for God, I had come to believe unconsciously -- it wasn’t willfully -- that I’d become indispensable. I had to be everywhere. And do everything. And I had to hurry. And the more of it I could do, the more God would be pleased.
I also went into the discipline of when I went to the grocery line of going to the longest line instead of the shortest one. It’s painful. But then I just, "Hey, how you doing?" "Good?" "So you shop here often?" "Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. You?" "No. I just come -- my wife sends me for stuff and I pick up what I can remember. It’s usually the wrong brand or something." "So do you live around here?" And you know what happened? I started relating to people, again. Pretty soon the knots in my stomach when I was driving -- because I always had to -- I could tell you when you get off this ramp, if you go in the left-hand lane, for the first two and half miles, then if you go to the right-hand lane because the exit comes this way, then you get in the right-hand lane, then you could -- I was always in a hurry. And I began to slow, slow down. And it was really amazing that just the quality of life --
I did something weird. I always tried to figure how -- let’s see, they say you have to be there -- this was before 9/11. You had to be there like an hour before a flight, and so I would just -- I mean, everything was down to the wire. And then I decided, "You know something? I think I’m gonna get there an hour and a half early, sometimes two hours. And I’m gonna get there early and --" I happen to like a very good cup of coffee. "I’m gonna get a very good cup of coffee. I’m gonna put my feet up. I’m gonna think about what’s going on. I think I’m gonna spend a little time writing in my journal. Gonna thank God for some of the people in my life, maybe return a few calls. I think I’m gonna call some people while I wait that I just --" have you ever just opened your phone and just thought, "I wonder who haven’t I talked to lately" for now reason? "Bob, Tampa. Probably get a voicemail. That’s okay. ’Hey, Bob.’" (Makes Noises) "This is Chip. You know what? I’m sitting on the airport in Dallas and I just wanted to remind you, God loves you, Bob. And you remember two years ago when we had that little meeting? You came to my mind today. I love you. You are a friend like few I’ve ever had, and I hope you’re doing well today. God bless you." And I just started doing some spontaneous non-urgent, not having to get it done, eliminating hurry from my life.
Now, do I have some regression now and then? You bet. But I still get to airports early. I don’t always drive in the right-hand lane all the time. But for a period of time, I just got that, "I gotta get there," attitude out of me, and it made a huge difference.
I read a poem that many of you will recognize, and it was about that classic, "Slow me down, Lord." And then after it, there were some observations that we made. "When I’m in a hurry, I don’t notice the flowers blooming along side the road. When I’m in a hurry, there seems to be more irritating drivers on the road then normal. When I’m in a hurry, I don’t strike up friendly conversations with those around me. When I’m in a hurry, I avoid I people, places, and things that take time and energy and effort. When I’m in a hurry, I pretend not to see the person behind me in line who only has a few items when I have a cart-full of groceries. When I’m in a hurry, my heard pounds and my muscles are tense and my mind races. When I’m in a hurry, I rush through the day and I rush by people. When I’m in a hurry, I don’t ask people how they really are, or if I do, I don’t stick around to hear the answer. When I’m in a hurry, my devotional life is a task to get done instead of a time to treasure. When I’m in a hurry, I’m abrupt with people. When I’m in a hurry, it feels like life is a race to be run. When I’m in a hurry, I get angry more easily and more often.
"When I’m not in a hurry, I enjoy my food more. When I’m not in a hurry, I smile more and just feel calmer. When I’m not in a hurry, life seems to be a lot more enjoyable and less stressful. When I’m not in a hurry, I’ll ask about others, about themselves, how they’re doing, and I actually like hearing what they have to say. When I’m not in a hurry, my times I prayer are more meaningful. When I’m not in a hurry, I think I’m actually a nice person, more thoughtful, and kinder to others. And when I’m not in a hurry, I’m more patient, loving, understanding, and tolerant. When I’m not in a hurry, things just don’t bother me as much."
See, we can talk about anger and the A, B, C, D, and it’s a secondary emotion. But your AQ, your anger quotient, will be determined by your E, environment, plus your P, perspective, times your willingness to obey Ephesians 4:26. So eliminate hurry.
Second is downsize your expectation. Most of us try to do too much too soon, and we feel overwhelmed and it puts us under pressure. And because our expectations are so high and we’re under pressure, then anger bubbles out.
The most dramatic experience ever. In seminary, I had a conviction that my wife should be home with our kids, and that was a really conviction because that meant I needed to support us and go to school full-time, which was really hard. And so I would get up at about 4:30 in the morning and study Greek until 7:00, catch a car pool. In the car pool, I’d go to work. I called it work. I went to seminary, from 7:00 until about 4:30. And I would either read or be in class 100 percent of the time. Come home, play with the kids, eat dinner, go to 6:30, get home at 11:00, do it again. So I was under lots of pressure. And where I went to school they wanted three years of Greek and two years of Hebrew. It wasn’t always that it was so hard, but it was just so much to do.
And I remember a guy that became a great mentor and a friend for the last 25 years was Howard Hendricks. I actually went to school to be around him. And I’ll never forget one day he a group of us together and we were kinda whining about our lives and demands. And he has this funny, "You know what the problem don’t ya?" "No, prof. What’s the problem?" "The problem is you guys don’t get enough Cs." "What do you mean?" "You don’t get enough Cs." He had this funny way of always doing like this with his nose "Cs? What do you mean?" "Yeah, you’re a bunch of smart guys here. You came from schools where you were smart guys. And you think getting As is where it’s at. I got news for you guys. God doesn’t care whether you get As. Secondly, no one’s gonna look at your resume whether you got As or not. You’re competitive, driven, carnal guys. Get some Cs. Love your wives. Have some fun." And so I was involved in ministry and I was involved in working. And it was like someone just took the expectations and said -- and I wasn’t probably near as smart as a lotta guys, but I was always like -- I always was one of those students that could figure out what was gonna be on the test. So I always got really good grades. I’m just kinda street smart, but I’m not like super academic. When Ken Boa speaks, I just take notes and go like, "Dude, where do you get a brain like that?" He’s just smart, smart. I take their smart stuff and get it for us regular people. So I would get -- but I felt that pressure. And I remember, again, I made a decision. And I looked at -- and I said, "Okay. This Greek class, zillion hours. I gotta read all these books. I’m supposed to have all these -- let’s see. Let’s see, 2,000 words memorized and all this. And that’s worth 10 percent of my grade. And when I get out a computer has all those words somewhere. So, okay. Ten percent. That gives me from 100 to a 90. Not gonna do that. And then this other thing, you’re supposed to read this, this, this, and that. Well, I wanna do to the exegetical work, this, this, this.
"That’s what will help me be the man God wants me to be. I’m not doing that. That’s only 5 percent." And so I started to go the last couple years, and I go to the professor and say, "I just want you to know I’m not sloughing off. It’s not that I don’t care about you. It’s not I don’t think what you’re doing is important. It’s that all these words are in a book. When you do the little quizzes on the vocabulary, I won’t do well. I’m not even gonna try. I’m starting your class with a B. And I just bought myself seven hours a week. And it’ll probably make me a better dad, a better husband." And I just went through my classes.
Now, you know what? As crazy as prof was, even after doing that, most of all of us just got Bs and As anyway. But I was just that, "What? Who’s putting the invisible gun to your head that says, your house has to be absolutely spotless all the time? Who’s putting the invisible gun to your says that says you always have to return every call the same day or that new thing, (Makes Beeping Noise), an e-mail comes, "Oh, oh, my gosh. I gotta return the --" Who made these rules? "I didn’t get that -- it’s been seven minutes and they haven’t returned my e-mail yet." Why, if I’m doing something over here that’s the will of God, how does someone electronically shoot something through a satellite that says it’s now the most important thing in my life? Where did we start doing that? If I didn’t know better, that would be stupid. That would just be stupid. And then we get so overwhelmed -- I’ve done this. Have you ever done this? You get sorta those -- they’re not quite spam. They’re like from Harry and David’s and different people you order some stuff now and then, or Delta Airlines is telling me new fares. Have you ever felt like you’re so overwhelmed that you wanna feel like you’ve accomplished something. And I sit at my computer, "Delete that one. Delete that one." Have you ever done that? (Laughs) Like the day is going so overwhelmed and I feel like I’ve done something. "Harry and David. That one’s gone. Delta Airlines, that’s gone. There’s three advertisements gone. Boy, do I feel good about myself." (Laughs) Is this nuts?
Anyway, three, learn to say no. I was privileged to get some mentoring from Chuck Swindoll as the radio was growing every year, we’ve had this dinner and we get a chance and somehow I got to sit next to him. And every year for about seven or eight years, he literally took me for about a half hour, put his arm around me and basically gave me that, "Now young man, here’s what you need to remember." And it was amazing. So I remember one year he said, "One of the greatest things you’ll ever have to learn, learn to say no kindly, artfully, and with exercise." And he said, "It will save you so much."
People need to know you would love to, but the answer’s no. And I thought, "Wow. That is --" I didn’t really understand what he meant. And then there was a certain book that I thought would be really important, and we were friends, and so I called him or wrote him and asked him if he would endorse the book. And I got the nicest, most excellent, kindest letter that I felt like when I got done reading that letter, I was next Cynthia¸ maybe the second or third most important person in Chuck Swindoll’s life. Wow. No. (Laughs) I mean, it was just like, "Chip, I appreciate you so much and what you’ve done. And as I glance this, this is gonna have great impact. I’m so excited, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. Our times together and our board and the priorities, they’ve just limited what I can do. I would love to do it, but I just can’t." Learn to say no kindly. Don’t take stuff on in church. Don’t do stuff for friends. Don’t let guilt drive you to get your schedule. Because under stress when you’re doing stuff you don’t feel really called to do, you get resentment and you’re gonna have more anger.
No. 4, admit mistakes and imperfections. If we could just liberate one another. One of the core values -- we only have four at Living on the Edge, and we did it with the acronym LOTE. And the L is for live it out. We gotta be what others to become. And the O is for own your stuff. Don’t blame. Don’t tell someone else. It wasn’t on time. It was you’re late. I love it when someone says -- one of the new guys that’s working with us and he was executive pastor of a huge church and about 13,000 people and has all this capacity and had this great reputation. And I get this -- he just started working with us six or seven months ago, and I get this e-mail. "Hey, Chip. Sorry, man. Haven’t done this in years. I thought my plane was to leave at this time. It’s no one else’s fault. I didn’t look at the thing. I missed my plane. I’ll miss the management. I blew it. Sorry." I wrote him an e-mail back. I said, "Hey, Rick. Let me tell you this you made my day. Thanks so much. You didn’t tell me it was someone else’s fault. You didn’t tell me your assistant blew it. You didn’t tell me that you’d renegotiated things and thought it might be better to come a second day, but you’re really sorry. There was no smoke. There was no mirrors. You made a mistake. Welcome to the human race. You owned your stuff. Way to go. Keep it up." Do you realize how much stress we’re under to slightly bend the truth to say, "The traffic was really heavy." Of course, it was very heavy, and you left a half hour late, right? You would really love to do it. You would never wanna do that in a million years, right? But you can’t. You forgot. How ’bout that one? Like, "You know what? I forgot to call you back." There was one, I was checking my messages from somewhere and I thought -- and I called the guy and I -- and this is -- it’s just human I think. I thought to myself, "Okay. I was busy. I was traveling. There’s got to be a legitimate excuse. This is an important relationship and it’s been four days." And then God thought -- had this little thought form the Holy Spirit, "Why don’t you just tell him you forgot? Isn’t that what happened?" "Yeah. That doesn’t sound very spiritual, Lord." "Yeah, I know, but is it the truth?" "Yeah." Do you think human beings ever forget Chip?" "Yeah." Why don’t you just tell him you forgot?" "Okay."
So I called this guy and I said, "Hey --" it was really one of those real important-type things. I said, "Hi, this is Chip, and, by the way, I realize it’s been a number of days and it sounded pretty urgent and I just forgot." And at the other end of the phone was -- it wasn’t like, "You are a terrible person. You will now be sent to -- if there’s a purgatory, you will now go there." It was just, "Hey, man, I understand." What happens? Admit your mistakes.
Five, laugh more often. Don’t take life or yourself so seriously. Proverbs 17:22 says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine." And all I can tell you is my time tonight, I just want to help you all with some real practical things about how life really works. And sometimes we think the really important people, whoever they are -- I can just tell you, I don’t know who some of your spiritual heroes are, but some of mine, I’ve discovered are the funniest people in the world, and the most fun to be around.
A number of years ago, I spoke at Saddleback and went out to dinner with Rick Warren and a few of the associates. I thought we were gonna get kicked outta the place we laughed so much. If you’ve ever heard Erwin Lutzer of Moody Church, he does the best Billy Graham imitation in the world. He’s hilarious. James McDonald, you do not want to drive in the same car without covering your eyes. He is a number, and he’s laughing all the time. The people that I know that have inspired me and helped me have a great sense of humor, and they laugh and they have fun. And I just want to encourage you to -- a lot of the anger, a lot of the stress will leave when you just lighten up a little bit and enjoy yourself.
No. 6 is take care of yourself. This is one that you almost don’t wanna say ’cause it’s gonna over the top. But I’ll just say it just so it can have the good stewardship is you need enough rest. You need to eat good food. And you need to work out enough to keep your body in shape. And when you don’t do those things, when you don’t have much rest, when you eat stuff that’s no good for you and you don’t do any kind of exercising, you’re gonna be angry more often. It’s just the way it is. Less sleep, less energy. I don’t think everyone has to be, quote, a health nut. But I think you oughta ask yourself if this really is the temple of God, 1 Corinthians 16:9 and 20, if this really is the temple of God, am I treating it like God’s temple. And you just start slow with where you’re at and start putting more good stuff instead of bad stuff in your body. If you’ve never jobbed or anything you just start waking and little by little by little but you take care of yourself and you’ll just find your anger -- by the way, a lot of people that have not good eating habits and don’t work out guess you’re angry at?
Audience: Yourself
Yeah. My background in undergraduate and grad work, I did in undergrad, but then in just a few classes in grad work in psychology. And there’s this weird thing the way our minds work is that when people don’t like themselves or they feel guilty or bad, they feel like they need to punish themselves. And we will actually create behaviors to produce outcomes to make -- equalize things inside of us and so people will eat and do things t are bad for them that create outcomes that sorta say, "Well, l this is the kinda person I am. This is what I deserve." Now as weird as that sounds, it’s true. But take care of yourself. You matter. You’re important. You’re precious. You’re loved. And then, finally, know what triggers your anger. And let me give you an acronym here, H-A-L-T. This is one I got from assistant who was in a car wreck. She’s okay. I realize sometimes I make these passing comments and, "Well, what happened with the car wreck?" She’s fine. But it was real serious. But she was an amazing assistant. Her name was Noreen, and she worked for Dr. Stanley. And she remembered him saying this little acronym, HALT. When you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, stop, halt. Don’t make a big decision. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t try and take on something. And I guess what I got from that acronym is what I found is when I’m hungry, I’m a lot un-nice to be with, right? I’m angry. When I’m lonely, my anger quotient goes up. When I’m tired, you don’t even wanna go there.
And so I just wanna encourage you some real practical learnings about your AQ, your anger quotient’s gonna be your environment -- that’s what we talked about here -- plus your perspective -- we’ll look at that in just a second. That’s times obedience to 4:26, is in real life these are things that will minimize the stress and help you with your AQ. AQ, my anger quotient, equals my environment. I just talked about how I can create an environment with less stress, and that will lower my anger quotient. But it’s plus P, for perspective. How do you look at life? Actually, it’s from where do you look at life. And that P we’re gonna talk about, the E is you minimize stress. To get the right perspective, you wanna maximize God. You wanna get a high clear view of God. And I’m gonna really pick up the pace. I put all the verse on the left-hand size. We obviously can’t teach ’em all the way through. But what I wanna do is give you some super practical ways to maximize your relationship with God so you get a high, holy, more kinder, loving, accurate view of who he is. Okay? Have you got it? You ready?
Now you better dig in. Here we go. Let me give you six things here to maximize or enlarge your perspective. This is what I call spiritual wisdom. No. 1, get right with God. Believe in him. Confess your sins. And forgive others. Whatever change you’re here an you don’t know Christ personally, don’t leave this campus until you put your faith in Christ, allow him to forgive your sins, and give you a peace that’s indescribably, and power that’s within you.
If you are a believer here. Then take to heart, submit, therefore, to God. Resist the devil. He’ll flee from you. Submission. Anything you know that God wants you to do or to act on that you’re not is called lack to submission. You want to say to God, "All that I am, all that I have is yours." And if he’s been speaking to you about dealing with anger, dealing with your marriage, dealing with an alcohol issue, dealing with prescription drugs, dealing with forgiving someone in the past, just do it. You’ll be amazed. Things will -- submit, therefore, to God. Resist the devil. He’ll flee from you. Then notice, "Draw near to God and he’ll draw near to you." And then he talks about, "Well, what’s it mean to draw near to God?" "Cleanse your hands, you sinners. And purify your hearts, you devil-minded." And then he’s gonna go on in the passage -- in this passage later on and talk about this is the picture of humbling yourself before God so that he can come and lift you up and help you. God is not an angry, mean God, who’s arms are cross with a bony finger and a tapping toe that thinks you have messed up and you’re messing up again, and he wants to whack you on sorta your spiritual knuckles and saying, "Get with the program." He is not down on you. He loves you. He’s for you. He dies for you.
Now certain behaviors and certain stiff-arming of God will bring about what I call Hebrew 12, the velvet vice of consequences. He loves you so much that when you are living in a way that’s contrary to your best and his Word, he will begin to bring consequences into your life. And it can come in finances, in relationships. It can come in your kids. It can come in your health. He just wants to say, "Hello. I love you." And some of us, we keep thinking, "Why are all these things happening to me?" Just stop and say, "Is there anything in my life that needs to be realigned with what I know is true?" And the perspective that you’ll get and the peace that you’ll receive --
Some people have someone that’s wounded you. You just need the last line. You need to forgive ’em. Release ’em. God’s a fair judge. He knows all things. The reason we don’t want to release people is, "Well, I’m taking ’em off the hook." You’re not taking ’em off the hook. "’Vengeance is mine,’ says the Lord." Tell you what. If God’s absolutely fair and he’s all-wise and he knows all things actual and possible, he knows why the person did it, what the circumstances were. You just say, "God, I’ll tell you what. Either I’m gonna be the referee or you’re gonna be the referee. I don’t know the whole story. I’m gonna give this person to you." And then here’s what’s helped me. "Now, God, when I really have been really honest about stuff in me, I do not want to get what I deserve. I mean, not at all." And we’re gonna talk about this later, but it is, "If I’m gonna receive your mercy," Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another just as God also has forgiven you," but get right with God. Your perspective, your life, a half-hearted partially in, partially out relationship with Jesus Christ is the most miserable people on the face of the earth. Just come clean.
No. 2, experience God’s unconditional love and acceptance. And you have the passage here I quoted earlier today, Zephaniah 3:17. I mean, just look, this is the God. When you wake up in the morning -- I have this picture and I try and remember. And a lot of mornings as soon as my eyes open, I have this picture of God looking down upon me and him saying to this, "The Lord personal God, Elohene, is in your midst. The mighty one will save --" and that word saved means he’ll deliver. It’s not just save you from your sin. It means he’s a deliverer. He’ll help you. He’ll take care of whatever you’re facing. "He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing."
Is that your view of God? Is that how he feels about you? Well, that doesn’t come naturally to me, and so one of the things that I do -- and I don’t know how it works -- but some of believe that God loves us, but emotionally, we don’t even feel like he likes us. That’s why it’s hard to pray. Lotta, lotta Christians are like, "Duty. I know it’s right." Like walking with God is like, "It’s like caster oil. It’s really good for you. Just tastes terrible. I know you’re supposed to pray. I’m gonna pray _____. Read the Bible. This is really fun. You get a little spiritual quiver just now and then. That’s pretty good. But it’s like --" and I’m gonna tell you one of the great -- God wants you to experience his love. A lot of that goes back to how you were raised and some teaching you got and family background. Now this is an iPod. No. It’s actually an MP3. IPod is the actual name, but it is an iPod. And this is loaded with music that causes my heart to remember how much God loves me. And almost every morning part of my prayer time, there’s two or three or four songs, and sometimes I just tell God, "I just wanna hang out. I don’t wanna get anything done. If you want me to read something, let me know. I’ve got a program I usually follow. I just wanna hang." And I put this on and I sing along with the songs, and I just worship God. And all I can tell you is, I get up, I feel loved.
When Theresa and I go out for coffee, it’s not like, "Oh, what do you wanna get accomplished here? Okay. You wanna get intimate? Okay. I love you. Let me hear you say it. You love me, too. Good. Okay. We got that off. Okay. Plan for the day. Let’s hold hands at 1:01. Great. Let’s walk the dog and look up and say, ’Isn’t it beautiful?’ Okay. We’ll get that one down. Okay? You think we can squeeze sex in here and make it real meaningful a little bit later? That should be important." I mean, some of us approach our relationship -- when I am with Theresa, I just wanna hang. I just like being with her. I just like looking in her eyes. I like just walking in the park. I like getting up at 5:00 in the morning when the moon’s out and the stars are just coming and when it’s cool and sitting out on the porch and hearing all the birds and sipping on a cup of coffee. And just sometimes we’ll sit quietly for 15 minutes, and sometimes we’ll talk. I like her. I love her. I want to be in her presence. God wants you to experience that.
There’s multiple ways you can do that. You can take walks in nature. But, see, you gotta slow down. So this is helpful for me. So that’s a little tool that I use.
That second tool for me is my view of God was so warped that I have read portions of this book for about the last 32 years. It’s called The Knowledge of the Holy, by AW Tozer. And I will never forget hitting the chapter on the goodness of God and reading, "The goodness of God is that which disposes him to be kind, cordial, benevolent, and full of good will toward men. He is tender-hearted and quick of sympathy. And his unfailing attitude toward all moral beings is open, frank, and friendly. By his nature, he is inclined to bestow blessedness." And I love this, "He takes holy pleasure in the happiness of his people." Do you believe that, or you always trying to measure up to something?
"He takes holy --" when you’re happy, God gets happy. Then I love the line, he says, "The whole outlook of mankind might be changed if we could all believe we dwell under a friendly sky, and the God in heaven, though exalted in power and majesty, is eager to be friends with us." God is good. God is powerful. I’m the object of his love. He’s got the whole universe under control, and I bet he can handle that business deal. He’s got the whole universe under control, and I bet he can handle what’s happening with the economy. He’s got the whole universe under control, and you are the object of his affection. So experience God.
Three, accept who God made you to be. Psalm 1:39, classic passage. "He formed your inward parts, you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. His eyes saw your unformed substance." How do you learn to accept who you are? There’s lots of tools. This is the one I’m using right now. I probably have about 30 of these, maybe 40. I started in my last couple years of college. I don’t think it’s for everyone. If you don’t do this, don’t feel guilty. In fact thing that I share that happens to help me that you think, "That doesn’t work for me," then I would not do it.
I have a sneaking suspicion you’re not me and I’m not you. I’ve heard lots of wonderful things other people do, and I think, "That sounds idiotic. That doesn’t work for me." But I used to try it. Anybody I thought -- you know what this is? I’m learning to accept me because I’m tracking the journey that I have with God. And it’s not formal. And sometimes I make a list. Sometimes I write out my prayers. Some of ’em start out, "God, I am really tired. I’m really bummed out and I don’t feel like paying at all, but I thought I would check in. Here’s what’s going on in my heart. And what I realized is the more I processed life with him, and then I realize, you know something? I was struggling with this two years ago, and, wow. You know something? I really am changing? The grace of God is willing and working in and through me for his good pleasure.
When you can’t see it and you can’t track it -- S&P 500, don’t they track stuff? Dow, don’t they track stuff? NASDAQ, don’t they track stuff? Businesses, don’t they have a quarterly report? Most of us have no idea, "Where am I spiritually? Where had I been, where am I going? And I wonder where I’m at right now?" And sometimes, this is hard, I believe I know, I get really hard and really discouraged. And I just think, "You know what I don’t think my life’s going anywhere. I don’t think God’s using me at all. I don’t -- you know the sorta condemnation journey. And I’ll go pull out one of these from like five or ten years ago. I think, "Man, this is a sorry dude that wrote this." (Laughs) and that’s as sincere as he could be and I think, "Wow."
And then I’ll read -- I was praying this outlandish prayer. "God did that. Wow, if he did that for me, he sure must love me ’cause I know who I am." And it’s just a journey. And, by the way, most of these passages, I told you before it’s been helpful. You can write ’em on a card. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Read ’em over. Pray them out loud to God. Your mind gets renewed. You wanna maximize God. Trust God and his sovereignty. Let him be in control. This Isaiah passage, "To whom then will you liken me, or who’s my equal. Lift up your eyes. See who’s created these things. He brings out their hosts, the stars by number." He calls all these 200 billion stars, and behind it 200 billion galaxies all by name. "Who can know the strength of his power? Not one of them is missing. Why do you say, ’Oh, Jacob,’ and speak, ’Oh, Israel, my way is hidden from the Lord’? Have you not known, have you not heard the everlasting God, the Lord, the creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable."
I don’t mean -- I will never throw my brains in the trash and just say "Oh, whatever," But I will do the most rigorous research I can, and I will study the scriptures. And I will review everything I can get my hands on to understand all the whas and the whys of this life. And then when I get done, I just realized, I don’t know anything. And I have to entrust the mystery of this life and what God’s doing in the world in people I love in me. And at the end of the day, I have to back it all the way up to this big, big P for perspective, and say, "He’s good. He’s holy. He’s loving. He’s wise. He knows all things. I’m the object of his affection. He has a good plan. I won’t always understand it. And he is in absolute control, and he’s trustworthy." That will give you a different lens to look through.
You either tend to look at like through the problem, the 5 percent of your marriage, or 10 percent you don’t like, the part of work, the three or four things that are bugging. And you tend not to look at the 97 of all the grace of God and all the things that he’s done. And when you look at the problem pretty soon, you look at people and everything through the problem, and you become an angry, resentful, not very fun sort of drinking the lemon juice type Christian. Or you take that and you pull it back and you get a high, awesome view of God. And you don’t say there’s not a problem. But you see the problem of you of who God is.
We covered this one. Be merciful. Just all I can tell you is as you read Luke 6, "Love your enemies. Do good to them," God’s that way. Just let people off the hook. Just give ’em an Ollie, Ollie in free. Remember when you played Hide-N-Seek?" you just need to an "Ollie, Ollie, in free. I’ve hated your guts for 11 years. I’ve been envious of you for ten. You’ve been talking about me bad. Everyone knows you have. Ollie, Ollie, in free. Just taking you off the hook. Wrote your name on a piece of paper. Offered you to God. Burnt the piece of paper. I’m just done with that." Just let some people off the hook, and the person that will get free is you.
Finally, No. 6, pray about everything. We all know this very familiar passage about not being anxious, but in everything by prayer and supplication of making a request known to God in that great promise of his peace. And prayer is hard for me. I think it is for most Christians. And we mentioned his name earlier. This little tool. It’s called The Handbook of Prayer by Ken Boa. And what it does is it takes just scripture and it personalizes it. And it’ll start with praise, renewal, petition, intercession, affirmation, thanksgiving, and just -- you can just see it’s short. But you can read out loud a little portion of God’s Word that’s personalized, and it lead us, and then you can pray some thanksgiving. And there’s some time to confession and some renewal.
And I don’t do anything every day. I mean, I read my Bible and I pray, but sometimes I read a lot and sometimes I pray a lot, and sometimes -- but I don’t get up with Theresa every day and go, "Okay. Now we need to talk for 37 minutes. We need to walk for 14.4 minutes. We need to have two and a half meals together. And then we need --" in other words, what’s the relationship need? Let’s get out of the three chapters keeps the devil away. Let’s talk about a heart that hungers and thirsts for the living God, that pants to be in his presence, that longs to enjoy him, and discipline ourselves and blocks off time not to fulfill a duty to check off a list, but to meet a God who is eager to be our friend.
You get a high view of God. You will get small problems or you’ll get a different perspective on ’em. And now we go back to where your anger quotient equals environment, minimizing the stress, E, plus P, perspective, maximizing God, times O, obey, Ephesians 4:26.
