Watch Your Mouth Week 2
Criticism Gone Bad
Pastor Talbert W. Swan, II
This is week number two of our sermon series “Zip It” and this week we are talking about criticism gone bad. Let’s take a look at our scripture, James 1:26-27, this is what James says. He says, “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” He deceives himself. It’s really important that we get that.
We need to understand how the enemy wants to deceive us. He will stop at nothing to trick us. He’ll push us into things we have no business being in, “Man, you’re just a little curious. Just take a little peek. It won’t hurt anything,” but we need to understand that we can’t play around with stuff that he puts in our face. Sometimes, if we start looking around, and experimenting just out of curiosity, we’ll soon get hooked, so we need to just stay away and understand the deceit. Young people, maybe you are dating someone and there’s that little, you know, want a little kissy, touchy, feely, you know. You tell yourself you’ll stop at second base. You won’t … You are deceiving yourself if you think you are going to be able to stop. Look at McDonald’s French fries, oh, that’s what I’m talking about, are there any lovers of McDonald’s French fries out there? Man, you just keep putting those things away. They taste so good going down, but you know, what? If you keep doing that, in ten years you are going to weigh fifty-five hundred pounds, man.” But, what about the words that come out of our mouth? Man, we are deceiving ourselves if we think those words are not damaging and hurting people.
Things we tell ourselves, we tell ourselves things like this, “You know what? I had to get that guy. He had it coming.” I had to give her a piece of my mind… A little punch here; a little jab there. Criticism is just like a sneeze, when it finally comes out it’s a relief, it feels so good, but then you’ve got all that snot, all this other stuff and it’s like, “What do I do with that?” Right? Just wipe it off. And that’s how those words of criticism feel coming out of our mouth. We think to ourselves is, “Man, we’re giving somebody a piece of our mind. Well, it’s about time somebody gave them a piece of their mind, and I’m glad I was the one to stand up and finally do it.” Look at that. It felt so good, yet we have no idea of the damage that we are doing.
Even when we are right we can still be wrong in our response. Are we saying what we say with a critical spirit or a merciful spirit? An obsessive attitude of criticism and fault-finding, which seeks to tear others down usually dwells on the negative, seeks for flaws rather than good.
I know what you’re saying, but Pastor, I only give “Constructive criticism." The only criticism that is ever constructive is that which is expressed in love to "build up," not to tear down — it is always expressed face-to-face, never behind someone’s back.
Brothers and sisters, it is imperative that we deal with the critical spirit because it is destructive to our walk, witness, and our world. It is harmful to our relationship with God and others when we have an unforgiving, unloving , and critical attitude toward another person.
It is harmful to our witness because the world is watching us. It is harmful to our families, are churches, and our workplaces and few things do as much damage and cause as much dissension within relationships, churches and workplaces as a critical tongue and attitude.
Jesus gives us some instructions concerning the critical spirit in Luke 6:37-42.
37Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
38Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
39And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch?
40The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master.
41And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
42Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.
In this text, Jesus gives us a Warning against having
a critical spirit, a warning against listening to those who have a critical spirit and an illustration of the
foolishness of having a critical spirit.
I. Jesus Gives a warning against a critical spirit. He begins, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will but not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."
This statement "do not judge" many believe that Jesus was saying that we should never make any kind of judgment or evaluation about right or wrong in other people’s lives.
This is often carried to ridiculous extremes in our tolerant culture. I once heard of an example of this when on a jury with a woman said after hours of deliberation that she could never vote to convict the woman on trial, even though she was clearly guilty, because the Bible says, "Judge not, lest you be judged."
We know this from the Bible that Jesus was not forbidding us from making necessary evaluations about right or wrong or from being public about them when necessary. What Jesus was saying, was not to have a critical, fault finding evaluation of others.
Why? This attitude tends to hurt rather than to heal.
Jesus exhorts us to be very careful and be very loving in our evaluation or judgment of others. He is telling us to be slow to note their faults.
STORY: A man was irritated by his wife’s refusal to admit her hearing problem. Speaking with his doctor one day he asked, “How can I get my wife to admit that she needs a hearing aid?”
“I’ll tell you what you need to do,” his doctor replied. When you get home peek your head through the door and ask, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” “If she doesn’t answer, go into the living room and say, “Honey, what’s for dinner,” Then walk into the kitchen and ask, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” “If she still doesn’t answer walk right up behind her and say, “Honey, what’s for dinner? Then you will be able to convince her that she needs a hearing aid.
“Great! I think that will work.”
So he repeats the question as he goes through the house. No answer any of the times. Then he walked right up behind his wife and spoke directly into her ear. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
She turned around in a huff and resolutely replied, “For the fourth time, I said WE WERE HAVING SPAGHETTI!!!”
In other words, Don’t go looking for mistakes and dwelling on the negative. Jesus is saying that we are to evaluate and respond to other people’s sins with mercy. We are to lovingly correct when it is necessary but we are not to condemn people or to disparage them. We all need to be careful that an unmerciful, fault finding critical spirit does not reside in us.
THREE ROOT CAUSES OF CRITICISM
It is important that we understand this, that we get this from the very git-go, that people who constantly criticize others often do not realize the damage they are doing. People who constantly criticize others are often deceived and do not realize the damage that they are doing, so here is what we are going to do. Today, we are going to look at the three root causes of criticism. We want to identify them. We want to zip it up, and we want to figure out how to turn that around and begin speak words of life that build people up.
The first root cause is this: The first one is jealousy. Jealousy. And this is what the writer of Proverbs has to say about jealousy. He says this, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Let me say that again, Envy rots the bones. I want you to imagine, just kind of picture the inside of your body if it was to be rotting away, and that is what the writer is trying to tell us.
Envy and jealousy rots away at the inside of us. It rots away at our spirit and our soul. It turns us into bitter, and negative, and critical people. Here’s how it starts: It doesn’t start really huge and really big. It might look like this. Let’s say you’ve got a friend who just drives a hooptie. I mean a complete jalopy. It’s a total piece of crap, and you are sitting there with your car, you know, your car is okay, it’s pretty nice car, and you’re just like, my friend needs to get a new car. And one day, your friend calls you and says, “O, I’m so excited. I’ve been saving. I’ve been working hard, and I got a new car. I can’t wait to show you. I’m going to bring it over,” and you’re like, “Umm, okay. You know it’s kind of used. It’s not brand new, but new to your friend.” Your friend comes pulling up in their new car, swinging into your driveway, and you’re like, “Whoa, that’s a nice car, as a matter of fact, it’s nicer than mine! But you know, you’ve got to be like, “Oh, wow, great car.” You know, you got to be the great friend, so you walk outside, “Whoa, great car. Awesome. Incredible. Wouldn’t have picked that color, but yeah man, that’s a good car.” Just a little dig, umm, a little jealousy pops up, comes out in the comment, and your friend should be like riding high. Now, all of a sudden, he’s looking at that color, going, “Wha, man … yeah, um.”
You ladies are great at this, man. I’m telling you. I saw this in a movie the other day. Girl, finds a great guy, an incredible guy, goes to her girlfriend’s says, “Man, you got to meet this guy,” and they meet him and all of a sudden, you get in your little huddle, you know, you girls, and the girlfriends all start kind of picking him apart. I watched it in this movie and I was like, man, look at this, and they are all basically like, “Man, he’s this and he’s that and maybe he’s too perfect. Something’s got to be wrong with him,” and they’re just going. And this girl who was like riding on cloud nine is all of a sudden like coming down and down and down … and all because she’s just got a bunch of old jealous single girlfriends.
Come on, you know you’ve been there….you got a raise, you got a new car….some good news…and instead of celebrating with you….folks found something negative to say about your good situation.
So, here’s what the Bible has to say about that. Paul writes in Romans, it’s in your tongue, It says in Romans 12:15, this is what you are supposed to do. Don’t be jealous. Don’t take chips at people. Don’t be digging away at them. Instead, ”Rejoice with those who rejoice,” Paul says, “Listen, when something good is happening to somebody, you need to get behind them and be excited. Man, your friend pulls up in a new car, don’t be criticizing the color. Don’t be looking for something wrong with it. Instead, be like, “Oh, man, you deserve it. You’ve been saving, you’ve been working hard. Man, I’m so happy for you. Let’s go for a ride, whatever, but be excited, be thrilled and be happy. Rejoice with your friends when they rejoice.
Here’s the test. Here’s how you know if you are doing a good job. Here’s how you know if you’ve got jealousy rooted out of you or if you’ve let God clean it out of you. Ask yourself this. Be honest with yourself. “Am I truly happy for the good things others experience?” And, if in your heart, you answer that question and you say, “You know what? I’m really not.” When other people, my spouse, my brother, my sisters, my friends, people at work, when other people are experiencing good things, I’m not genuinely, truly happy for them, ………today is your day to change. Today is your day to let God change that inside of you and allow you to take His word and put it into effect, and begin rejoicing and being happy for the good things that happen to others.
NEGATIVITY
Second root cause of destructive criticism is this: Negativity. If all that you see in the whole world around you is what’s wrong with things, this is what the Bible says. In Luke 6:45 it says, “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. In other words, what’s inside of you, what you think about, that’s what you are going to talk about.
Negativity. We’ve got to get rid of it Start cheering people on. Be excited for them. Man, Paul got this. He understood this. When the Thessalonians were having a tough time, look at what he did. He didn’t write them and say, “Listen, here’s all the reasons you are having a tough time,” He didn’t say do this and do that.” Instead, look at what he did. Thessalonians 3:2, he says, “We sent Timothy “To get you up and about, cheering you on so you wouldn’t be discouraged by these hard times.”
So, here’s the question. Think about it. Who are you going to cheer on tomorrow? Who are you going to be a cheerleader for? Start. at home. Start with your kids. Start with your spouse. Then, look at the people you work with every single day. Begin cheering them on, especially people who are going through tough times. Don’t point out all the reasons they’re going through … don’t try to fix them. Just get behind them and be an inspiration to them. Start looking for the good and pointing it out, speaking it out, speaking life.
SARCASM
That brings us to our third thought, or our third point on the root cause of destructive criticism, and it’s this: sarcasm. Sarcasm, aka, also known as the class clown. Write it down. Remember this. The cutdown is the most deceiving of all forms of criticism. The cutdown is the most deceiving of all forms of criticism. Man, we think we are being funny. “Oh, that doesn’t really hurt anybody. Nobody really believes that stuff. They don’t really feel it.” And all along, those little digs, those little jabs, those little chips are killing people. They are hurting people. This is what Paul says in Ephesians, “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking.” … . It is those little digs, those little cutdowns, those little comments that are often chipping away at the people that are closest to us. Someone is too fat, too ugly, too skinny, too black, too yellow, too old, too stupid, …….and all the while, we’re tearing away at someone’s self esteem.
Those little sarcasm’s, those little digs, those little opportunities, you know, to be cute and funny, what they really are, are little shots. They are chipping away at people, tearing them down. And I’ve got to tell you. This was something that many of us have struggled with for a long time. We’ve destroyed friendships trying to be cute. We played the dozens….cmon now….you so fat, you jumped up in the sky and got stuck! You so black they marked you absent at night school, you so skinny you need to run around in the shower to get we, you so stupid you sit on the television and watch the couch.
We do that without realizing that we really hurt some folks with those words. Sometimes we have no idea of the power of our words. What we think is harmless, is cutting people. It is hurting them.
In Ephesians, Paul says, he says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for the building up of others.” So do you know what? Some of us need to make a change. We need to decided, “From this point on, no more chipping away at people.” Start encouraging people. Start building people up instead of chipping away at them.
CHANGE THE FILTER
We should think about the words that we have spoken this week, maybe even this morning. And what’s got to change in us? We need to change the filter. The thing, that filter our heart, our mind, the thoughts, the words that we speak, what comes out of us, the filter that they run through. It’s got to change. Any coffee lovers out there? Anybody who just loves coffee knows that if you don’t change the filter in the coffee maker, if you just run water through it with the same used up filter, you will have the worst cup of coffee you would ever put in your lips. For many of us, that’s exactly like our words. The things that are coming out of our mouth are running through this filter that needs to be cleaned out so bad, and the only person who can really do that is God.
It hurts when people say critical things about us. Somebody once said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I’m sorry. But that’s baloney! You and I know that words can be hurtful. Proverbs 12:18 says "Reckless words pierce like a sword!" Some of you are reeling right now from a harsh word that was said to you this week. Maybe it was from one of your kids: from your spouse, from your boss, from a friend..
HANDLING YOUR CRITICS
Let me close by telling you how to handle your critics:
Repeat after me, “I will be criticized” That’s the first step, realize that somebody is going to say something critical about you. Why? Just because….
Some people don’t like it that you can:
Come to church…
Get your praise on…
Shout in the aisle…
Dance in the pew…
Enter His gates with praise…
Bless His Holy Name…
critics don’t want to see you happy…
critics don’t want to see you succeed…
critics don’t want to see you get the victory…
David discovered His critics were not his enemies… His critics were in the group that was supposed to be on his side… You can handle it when your critics are your enemies, but how do you handle the critics who you least expect to have to have your guard up against…?
You want to know who your critics are? Look on your right and on your left…..they’re sitting right next to you…..o yes, trust and believe, somebody has already criticized your clothes since you been in church….they talked about your hair and your shoes…..o yes. But you can handle your criticss, first of all…
BY BEING CONFIDENT IN YOUR PURPOSE
When you have a purpose you can focus without being distracted…
When you have a purpose you don’t get upset when you are not invited out with friends…
When you have a purpose you know who you are and whose you are…
When you have a purpose you know where you’re going….
I don’t come to church to make friends, join clicks, get your number;… I come because I know my purpose… I been through too much to let you keep me from my purpose... You can handle your haters… I. By Being Confident In Your Purpose… Secondly you can handle your critics...
BY REMEMBERING WHAT YOU HAVE IS BY DIVINE PEROGATIVE; NOT HUMAN MANIPULATION
If God favors you, there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Favor will get you that:
Car you could dream about…
Job you applied for but was unqualified for…
House you did not deserve…
Favor ain’t fair… Because God gives it to you at His prerogative so that He can get the glory…
And when God gives you favor, you can tell your critics, “Don’t look at me… Look at Who is in charge of me… look at who’s blessing me.
Instead of criticizing me and hating on me, you need to understand that what I have I did not earn it... I can not afford it… I don’t have the education for it…” But God blessed me anyway.
Finally, you can handle criticism by realizing that no matter what folks say about you, you have reason to praise Him.
In the midst of your circumstances…
In the midst of your confusion…
In the midst of your crisis…
You’ve got to Praise Him…
Because He’s Almighty…
Because He Blessed Me…
Because He Cares for me
Because He Delivered me…
Because He Erased the penalty of sin that was against me…
Because He Forgave me…
Because He Gave me eternal life…
Because He Heard my cry…
Because He Justified me…
Because He Kept me…
Because He Loves me…
Because of His Mercy…
Because He Never left me…
Because He Opened doors for me…
Because He Paid the price for me…
Because Redeemed me…
Because He Saved and Sanctified me…
Because He Took my place at Calvary…
Because of His Undying love for me…
Because He gave me Victory…
