Putting Faith Over Family
Luke 14:25-27
Rev. Brian Bill
6/6/10
The Bridger Wilderness Area in Wyoming is one of the most pristine areas for hiking in the United States (besides Wisconsin). A number of years ago hikers were asked to fill out comment cards. Here are some actual comments…
* Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
* Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
* The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
* A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed?
* Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
* Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
* A McDonalds would be nice at the trailhead.
* There are TOO Many Rocks...
These comments and complaints reveal that most of us are looking for that which is comfortable and convenient. Some of us push back when Jesus calls us to radical commitment. But Jesus is more interested in having committed followers than He is in drawing a crowd of fans. As we continue in our series called, “Hope for Your Home,” some of us need a corrective. Here’s what I wrote down as I studied several passages in the Gospels: Family is foundational but following Christ must come first.
We’ve learned a lot of very helpful truths in our series so far. If you’ve missed any of the sermons, you can read them or listen to them online at www.pontiacbible.org. Here’s a summary of each one.
* If God doesn’t bless our families, they will be a mess
* Don’t play the blame game; own it by name and avoid the shame
* Keep the siblings and lose the rivalry by doing what God wants, not what Satan wants
* Moms who matter give their children to the Lord
* Grandparents in the gap must leave a legacy
* Every discipline situation is a setting for discipleship
* Godly parents don’t always produce godly children
Loving Our Families Less
We’re going to look at three main passages this morning that are quite shocking. Please turn in your Bibles to Luke 14:25-27. These words spoken by Jesus are difficult and demanding, abrupt and offensive and run counter to our Christian subculture. Let’s resist the urge to dilute these demands and allow the full force of them to jar us out of our comfortable Christianity.
But first let’s define the word “disciple” because it’s repeated several times. Look at the end of verse 26: “…he cannot be my disciple.” And at the last phrase in verse 27: “…cannot be my disciple.” This is repeated in verse 33: “…cannot be my disciple.” What is it that prevents one from being a disciple? We’ll get to that.
A disciple is a learner or follower and was used to describe someone who was totally committed to a cause or a person. It comes from another word that means “to learn by practice or experience.” There’s no such thing as an instant disciple; like the word, it takes discipline. We could define it this way: “A disciple is one who is undergoing the process of being taught, both by instruction and hands-on training to follow after and behave more like our Lord and Master Jesus Christ.” Pastor Dick would add that it must involve Attitudes, Beliefs and Character. Jesus himself defined a disciple this way in Luke 6:40: “A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.” The term “disciples” occurs 267 times in the New Testament, while “Christian” is found just three times. The Book of Acts uses the terms synonymously. Acts 11:26 says: “The disciples were first called Christians at Antioch.”
Let’s set the scene in Luke 14:25: “Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said…” Jesus often drew crowds but he was never interested in being popular. Some of them just wanted to see a miracle or get another free meal. This particular phrase refers to “many multitudes.” In the midst of all the fanfare, Jesus turns to them, which was actually a very dramatic act. It has the idea of “twisting forcefully” with a deliberate effort. What is that Jesus wants to tell them? Does He want to give them positive parenting principles so they can have their best life now? What would you say if Jesus spun around this morning, pointed at you and asked, “Why are you following Me?”
Look at verse 26: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple.” Let me remind you that these words come from Jesus Himself and they are quite strong. Notice that they are intended for all of us – “if anyone comes to me” and if one doesn’t hate his family – “…he cannot be my disciple.” Let’s allow the demands of discipleship in this passage to rock us. Imagine how offensive this statement would have been to those listening in a culture where honor of parents was the highest obligation and family was one’s greatest joy. By the way, you can’t say you’re a perfect candidate to be a disciple just because you may hate your sisters or your brothers!
A commitment to Christ is costly. I was talking to someone this week about being born again. As I urged him to consider making this decision, I asked him if there was something holding him back. He answered quickly, “Commitment.” I complimented him, telling him that it’s important to count the cost because becoming a Christian is making a decision to a lifetime of discipleship. I’m reminded of what happened in John 6 after Jesus did some tough teaching. Check out what happened in verse 66: “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.”
Now, let’s unpack this a bit. The main point Jesus is making is that while family is foundational, following Christ must come first. The word for “hate” means to “detest” or “abhor.” Jesus is not saying that we are to act in a hateful way toward our families. The Bible is clear that we are to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12), husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), dads are not to exasperate their kids (Ephesians 6:4), mothers are to love their children (Titus 2:4) and grown children are to care for their parents when they’re no longer able to do so (1 Timothy 5:8).
What He is saying is that compared to our love for Him, our love for those closest to us should seem like hate in comparison. Our spouse’s and children’s desires don’t come first; Jesus’ direction does. It’s not an emotional deal but rather a level of commitment. In the world of the Bible, they didn’t have lukewarm words. For instance, I’m told that there was no word for “liking” someone but rather just two choices – “love” or “hate.” We see this in Genesis 29:30-31 where it says that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. Then we read this in the King James Version, “And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb…”
Jesus often used figures of speech to make an unforgettable impact. An example of this kind of haunting hyperbole is Matthew 5:30: “And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Jesus loves to use penetrating paradox to make a point.
Notice that a follower is to hate “even his own life.” Drop down to verse 27: “And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” We have romanticized the cross and turned it into something we put on our walls or wear around our necks. When we do reference this verse, we often say something like, “Well, I guess that’s just the cross I must bear” and normally it refers to putting up with an obnoxious relative or living with an illness or some other affliction. But let’s remember that the cross was carried by condemned criminals and ended with a humiliating and excruciating execution. Everyone knew the person was saying goodbye to everything and that there was no turning back. We have lost the horror of the cross. Following Jesus must be greater than any other commitment in our lives. Christian martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer once affirmed: “When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.”
A few years ago a book came out called, “Dead Men Walking.” It referred to a death row prisoner walking from his cell to the place to be executed. While he passed by the cells, the other prisoners would say, “Dead Man Walking.” He’s alive and walking but he’s as good as dead. That’s a good description for the disciple of Christ. We are dead to self, dead to the world’s allurements and dead to sin. We must put to death the self-directed life.
Pastor Greg Allen from Bethany Bible Church put it this way: “To crucify a man was to expose him – naked and battered – for public ridicule and shame. It was to pin him – bleeding and in writhing agony – to beams of wood, suspended by his arms, until the life was slowly drained out of him. It was something so terrible that it was reserved for the vilest of criminals and scoundrels – the scum of the earth…To be forced to bear one’s own cross, then, was to be made to embrace its shame and humiliation. To carry it to the place of execution was to carry the instrument of one’s own dying. To bear the cross was the polar opposite of embracing the right to ‘self.’”
Discipleship according to our Savior must involve death to self – our independence, agenda and expectations. We see this in Acts 20:24: “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me — the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.” Speaking of those who are completely committed to Christ, Revelation 12:11 says: “…They did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”
That reminds me of a story I read about a missionary in India last month who was constructing a new church when he was killed by an extremist anti-Christian group. He had gone to a nearby town to purchase materials for the final phase of construction but never returned. Gospel for Asia said he was ambushed together with three other people and that all four were shot dead by the extremist group. His murder came just days before the church building for his growing congregation was to be completed. “Pastor Ajit was one of hundreds of missionaries risking their lives to share Jesus’ love in this area,” said GFA President K. P. Yohannan.
Jesus hits at the very heart of human relationships to make sure that following Christ comes first. Then he brings it closer to home by challenging us to lay aside our personal ambitions, goals, and our very life. It’s easy to be a fan; it’s much more difficult to be a follower. Friend, are you willing to renounce every person, every possession and especially yourself in order to follow Christ? What is it that is keeping you from following fully? John White in his book, “The Cost of Commitment,” nails it when he says, “All relationships, no matter how intimate, must be secondary to our relationship with Christ…I just cut myself ruthlessly from comfort and follow Him barefoot on rocky pathways.”
Loving Jesus More
Turn now to Matthew 10:34-39. I won’t need to make many comments on this passage because the message is similar to Luke 14 and it’s also quite clear: “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn
‘A man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’ Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
Sometimes a decision to be a disciple of Christ will put us at odds with someone we love. Think with me about how challenging this must have been to Jewish families because the family provided at least three things:
1. Status. To be a child of Abraham gave one identity and a feeling of superiority over Gentiles. In John 8:39, the Pharisees proudly proclaimed: “Abraham is our father…”
2. Salvation. To be Abraham’s offspring mistakenly assured Israelites a place in the kingdom of heaven. Paul counters this in Romans 9:6: “For not all who are descended from Israel are Israel.”
3. Security. When a Jewish person thought about their future retirement, he or she didn’t have Social Security or investments. But most had children who were to care for them (Psalm 127:3-5).
Jesus is demanding that they (and we) give up dependence on family and instead depend fully upon Him! Independence from God is at the core of sin and dependence on Him is at the core of discipleship. One pastor put it like this: “Salvation is both absolutely free and yet it costs you your very life. You receive it freely at no expense to you, but once you receive it, you have just committed everything you are and have to Jesus Christ.”
And that means that we’re to live full throttle for Him, without excuse and without compromise. From the great evangelist Billy Sunday: “I’m against sin. I’ll kick it as long as I’ve got a foot, and I’ll fight it as long as I’ve got a fist. I’ll butt it as long as I’ve got a head. I’ll bite it as long as I’ve got a tooth. And when I’m old and fistless and footless and toothless, I’ll gum it till I go home to Glory and it goes home to perdition!”
By the way, the best gift you can give to your family is to make your faith your number one priority! Almost two and a half years ago we conducted a comprehensive survey called Reveal. According to the research, there are four groups of people that make up a spiritual continuum here at PBC. I’ve listed the groups below with the corresponding percentages in each category.
* Exploring Christianity (6%). “I believe in God, but I’m not sure about Christ. My faith is not a significant part of my life.”
* Growing in Christ (36%). “I believe in Jesus, and I’m working on what it means to get to know Him.”
* Close to Christ (28%). “I feel really close to Christ and depend on Him daily for guidance.”
* Christ-Centered (30%). “God is all I need in my life. He is enough. Everything I do is a reflection of Christ.”
These stats are much higher than what George Gallup found – fewer than ten percent of evangelical Christians could be called “deeply committed.” One pastor sees concentric circles representing different levels of commitment with the goal being to move people from the outside to the inner – from the community to the crowd to the congregation to the committed to the core.
Redefining the Family
Many in our culture are committed to redefining the family. We must resist this because marriage has always been understood as one man and one woman committed in a monogamous relationship for life.
In our third passage for this morning, it might be surprising to learn that Jesus redefined the family. Once again, we’ll see that the family is foundational but following Christ must come first. Please turn now to Mark 3:31-34. Jesus is in a house teaching to a packed audience: “Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him.” Two things strike me about this.
* Jesus grew up in a family so He knows what it’s like to have siblings and experience family tension.
* While his mother Mary was a virgin when she was impregnated by the Holy Spirit, she later gave birth to other children. This passage, along with others, refutes the doctrine of the perpetual virginity of Mary.
Look at verse 32: “A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, ‘Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.’” I picture the news about his family arriving spreading from the back of the crowd to the front. Jesus is finally told that his family has arrived. I want to point out three things.
* His family is “outside.” This is a reference to where they are physically but at this point they are also outside spiritually. There is such a thing as being “in” or “out” when it comes to the kingdom of Christ.
* Family ties don’t get you in. You don’t get in because you’re familiar with the church or related to church, or because you go to church. You can’t get a relationship with Jesus like you get friends on Facebook, just because you have a mutual friend.
* When it says that they were “looking for” Jesus, their motives were not pure. According to verse 21, the family is embarrassed and they think Jesus has gone off the deep end: “…They went to take charge of him, for they said, ‘He is out of his mind.’”
I was helped greatly in my understanding of this passage from a sermon by Kevin DeYoung. Some of what I’ll share here comes from him. He talks about two extremes.
1. Family as nothing. He calls this the family straightjacket where the family curtails what it is that we really want to do. In this view, kids are to be seen and not heard, or maybe not even seen. The other night I observed a man get out of his truck and start yelling. At first I thought he was going off on one of his kids but then I realized he was talking to his dog. He eventually picked up the dog and threw him roughly into the back. I was thankful that he wasn’t talking like this to his child but then it hit me that many parents treat their kids like dogs by calling them brats or worthless or stupid or worse.
2. Family as everything. This extreme is the family as the center. If the sin of parents awhile ago was to ignore their family today it’s to make children the very center of everything. We don’t have a patriarchy or a matriarchy; we have a “kindergarchy.” Children run this country! Marriage is all about kids. Schedules are dictated by kids. The idea that all of life revolves around children comes from our culture, not from the Bible. We do them no favors if they think they are the center of our life and existence and we will lay down everything for them. We must love God more than our kids.
After hearing this sermon I remembered the U.S. News and World Report article I referenced last week called “Good Parents, Bad Results” (www.usnews.com). According to researchers, there are several common mistakes that parents make. I want to just mention two of them.
* Overindulgence. Faced with whining, pouting and tantrums, many parents cave in to their kids and give them everything they want. But, paradoxically, not setting limits has proven to make kids more defiant and rebellious because they “feel unsafe and push to see if parents will respond.” Jean Twenge, author of Generation Me, has found significant increases in depression and anxiety among today’s children and teenagers. Parents, be careful about giving your children everything they want. It’s bad for them. Let me give you a two letter word to try out. Ready for it? “No.”
Two children were overheard talking about their parents. The first one said, “I’m really worried. Dad works hard at his job so that I have everything I need, so I’ll be able to go to college some day. Mom works hard as well, cleaning up after me, taking care of me when I’m sick, and driving me wherever I want to go. They spend every day of their lives working for me. But I’m worried.” His friend asked, “What have you got to worry about?” The first little guy replied, “I’m afraid they’re going to try to escape some day.”
* Overprotection. Parents today don’t want to see their kids struggle so they’re stepping in to micromanage. One owner of a New York public relations firm says he has gotten E-mails from parents telling him that he’s making their child work too much. This child in question is in his 20s. Robert Brooks, author of Raising Resilient Children, reminds parents that kids will sometimes fail, make mistakes and have setbacks. When parents intercede, Brooks says, “It communicates to the kid that ‘I don’t think you’re capable of dealing with it.’ We have to let kids experience the consequences of their behavior.”
Jesus does not promote either view. In one view, the family keeps you from everything you want to do. In the other view the family gives you whatever you need (purpose and meaning). DeYoung summarizes the biblical view of the family in five words – it’s good, necessary, foundational, not ultimate. In Luke 9:62, Jesus gives another tough teaching when a man said he wanted to follow Jesus but wanted to say good-by to his family first: “No one who put his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
Once the message comes to Jesus that his family is asking for Him, He asks a very startling question, a question that must have shaken his mom and his siblings: “Who are my mother and my brothers?” In verse 34, Jesus looks around at those seated in a circle and redefines the family: “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” We talk a lot about the importance of not having to “do” anything to become a Christian. Works don’t save us. So how can Jesus talk about doing God’s will as an entrance requirement into his family? The key is found in John 6:28-29: “Then they asked him, ‘What must we do to do the works God requires?’ Jesus answered, ‘The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.’”
For those who are prone to give Mary more majesty than is due her, Jesus redirects people away from adoring her to the importance of everyday obedience. In Luke 11:27-28, in response to Jesus’ teaching, a woman in the crowd called out to Jesus, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.” Jesus totally reframes the focus from her womb to His Word: “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”
The family is foundational but following Christ must come first.
Kevin DeYoung closes by addressing three different groups of people.
1. Those that seem to have it all together, with nice families and good family values. What are you really depending on? What are you living for? Have you made your family an idol? It’s easy to make a religion of our family. We cannot live for our children but must serve them under the umbrella of living for God.
2. Those that face the difficult decision of whether to please their family or follow God. Maybe your parents don’t understand your faith or your spouse doesn’t get it or your children think you’re too fanatical. After Peter mentioned how much they had left in order to follow Jesus, we read these words in Mark 10:29-30: “…no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields – and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.”
This is a mind boggling statement. Whatever you have lost on account of Christ you will receive a hundred times “in this present age” brothers, sisters (I don’t want 100 sisters!) and mothers. Where do you get this many siblings and parents? In the church. This is your spiritual family. We are brothers and sisters and we need each other. And this spiritual family is your real family, and it’s more substantial than the genetic bonds of a physical family relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re here by yourself, if you’re single, or divorced or widowed or empty nesters. We are family (no, I’m not going to sing this song).
3. Those who wonder if they can really be a part of God’s family because of their family background. The word for you is hope. You can become part of God’s family. There is an “in” and an “out.” This is the scandal of the gospel – those who think they’re insiders are usually outsiders; and those who start as outsiders often end up on the inside. The least likely person can be Jesus’ brother or sister. The way to enter the family of faith is through receiving what Jesus has done for you on the cross. John 1:12-13: “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” The key is not who you are related to but who you have a relationship with. And the only way for that to happen is to be born again.
Jesus prepares a feast for those who come into his family. He invites us now to a meal called communion. We began with some comments that were really complaints; allow me to close with some comments that will help measure our commitment as we prepare for communion.
* Open to all who are in God’s family. Is Jesus everything to me?
* Assess your obedience level. Am I focused on ‘family first’ or ‘kingdom first’?
* Do an inventory and deal with family friction. Do I value my brothers and sisters here as much or more than my physical family?
