WATCH YOUR MOUTH SERIES WEEK 1
I WON'T COMPLAIN
Philippians 2:14-15
Pastor Talbert W. Swan, II
INTRODUCTION
Someone once said that great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people. The church that Paul wrote about was full of small-minded people who gossiped about each other and tore one another apart with their tongues. I wonder if we’re a bit like that church today?
We’re quick to avoid murder, stealing, and drunkenness in their literal sense, but we often assassinate fellow believers and leave destruction in our path by the way we use our tongues. Husbands have stabbed their wives with words that are as sharp as daggers and wives have lashed out with tongues that cut and pierce. Parents have devastated their kids by repeated blasts of venom. Children have exploded at their parents with volleys that have leveled the family like a bomb. And churches have been wiped out by wagging tongues that have sliced, diced, and chopped people to shreds.
Do you ever think that God may get sick and tired of hearing our negative words? The Bible says in the tongue there is the power of life and death. So many of us speak words of death: complaining, gossiping, lying, criticizing. We are going to speak words of life, and when it comes to words of death, we are going to zip it.
The title for today’s message is "I Won't Complain". I would like to ask you, how many of you would say honestly that you complain often. Would you raise your hand if that is you? Now, some of you at this moment, you are sitting next to a complainer who did not raise their hand. If you would like to complain about that, go ahead and raise your hand at this moment. The truth is, that it is incredibly easy for us to slip into a mode of finding the negative things in life and complaining about them, rather than searching for the good things. Like this one lady who was characterized as being very, very negative, she’d complain about absolutely everything. This lady, one time, went to the grocery store, and she was complaining because they only sell a whole head of lettuce. And she said, “I’m a single lady. I can’t eat all of the lettuce that goes bad. I demand that you sell me a half a head of lettuce.” And the worker there said, “We can’t,” and she threw a fit. So finally, the worker went back and was cutting the head of lettuce in half. One of his buddies said, “What in the world are you doing?” He said, “Oh, some old bag who’s just a pain like you would not believe wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” Then he looked up and saw that lady right by him, and he said, “And this fine lady would like to buy the other half of that head of lettuce.”
If you are like me, it is so easy to slip into a mode of complaining. We find fault with everything and everyone when we complain about big things or we complain about small things. We are going to talk about containing our complaining, and let us start with scripture from Philippians 2:14-15.
14 Do all things without murmurings and questionings:15 that ye may become blameless and harmless, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom ye are seen as lights in the world,
This is week number one in a three-week study where we will examine our words, but don’t miss this. The words are only a symptom of the real issue that takes place in our heart. The heart is the main issue. Our key thought for this study is this. If you are taking notes, understand that your words reveal the condition of your heart. All of us, the words that we speak reveals the condition of our heart. Jesus said this in Matthew 12:34 and following. He said, “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Out of the overflow of our heart, the mouth speaks. Verse 35, Jesus said, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him. An evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored in him.” Verse 36, “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.” Can you imagine how long some of those meetings will be?
Okay. Read on, verse 37, “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Our words reveal the condition and attitude of our heart. Now, how does this play out in everyday living? Well, write this down. From a negative heart, which is, quite frankly, what many of us have, from a negative heart overflows negative words, which generally become negative actions, resulting in a miserable life. Let’s look at that again. From a negative heart overflows negative words, which generally become negative actions, resulting in a miserable life. For example, have any of you ever met a joyful complainer? I haven’t. Someone who whines and moans all the time, and yet, is full of joy.
Now, as I talk about this topic, I just have to tell you, if I seem very passionate about it, I am, because this is one of the major areas where God has done an overhaul on my heart. And I will just be real honest with you. It always makes me feel a little vulnerable doing this in front of so many people, but here it goes. For years and years and years, after starting the church, I had an incredibly negative heart, which was characterized by my words, and what I would do is complain about, most often, my schedule and what I was missing out on that normal people get to enjoy. I would complain about the people, Oh Lord, the people, are enough to make you complain! And my pity party would go something like this, “Regular people get weekends off. Weekends are workdays for me. Most people get two days a week off. I get none. That’s just not fair. Most people get holidays off. Most holidays are religious days and so that means whenever you go to church for one little bitty weeny whoosh hour on holidays and get to go back to be with your family, I gotta work holidays. Football games, I miss them all. You put your little flags on your stupid cars and skip church, sit in front of the television and cheer, and I rarely get to see the Steelers beat up on the Cowboys or whoever their opponent is.
So, anyway, my pity party goes on, and it overflows into this “I don’t have a life” mentality. I’ve got all of these kids that need me, all you people that need me, the schedule that needs me … “I don’t have a life” is what I said for years and years. And what I had to acknowledge is that my words were a symptom of a very deep and very, very real problem in my heart. My heart was full of resentment and bitterness and anger, and the words revealed the condition of my heart. So do yours.
FORMULA TO JACK UP YOUR LIFE
Now, let me just give you a formula to really jack up your whole life, okay? If you want to just mess it up big and be miserable, here’s what you do, Okay? Very simply, you can try this at home alone, just make sure you have adult supervision. You want to hate your job for the rest of your life? Complain about it every single day. You want to be miserable about your job? Complain about the commute to work, complain about the people that you work with that just get under your skin like putting fingernails on a chalkboard. Complain about your idiot boss that doesn’t know squat. Complain about the lousy benefit package. Complain about how you are undervalued. Complain about how you don’t like your work environment, and I guarantee you, you will hate your job. If you are not fully miserable, let me tell you how you can hate your life. Complain about everything, everything, I mean everything. Complain about the weather, complain about the economy, complain about the prices of gas, complain about your physical features, how you used to be hot and now you’re not. Complain about the misplacement of your hair. It’s no longer on your head, now there’s more on your back or coming out of your ears. Complain about the way people drive …complain and complain and complain and you will be miserable. If that’s not good enough, let’s screw up your marriage, as well. Do you want to mess that up? Nit pick your spouse to death. Nanana lalalala au laah aah. Find anything, big things. Even more fun, find small things and nit pick them, I mean everything. The way they drive, the way they choose to get to a place, the way they chew their gum, the way they leave a little piece of food on their plate, the way their hair falls out and clogs up the shower drain, the way they leave their underwear laying around on the floor. Zero in and complain about everything, and I guarantee you, you will screw up your marriage. You think about it. When you are dating, you speak words of life. “I love you, honey bunch, sugar pie, muffin buffin’ luvy’ dovey lovy, oooh, and blow in your ear … you’re so good lookin’. You walk into the room and the smoke detector goes off, you’re so hot.” You know, and then years later, “You can’t do nothing right. I’m sick and tired of you. You come in here, you’re making me miserable.”
Now, in case you think that I am over reacting with just my own opinions, let me show you the word of God. Now, everyone look at Proverbs 21:19, let me remind you, this is the inspired, living word of a holy God. Gentlemen, if you want to prepare to say, “Amen,” lean forward. Proverbs 21:19. [silence] Just letting the Spirit move freely. [laughter] “It is better to live alone in the desert,” gentlemen, say it out loud with me. “It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.” And all of God’s men said, “Amen.” I should be getting a good offering from the brothers today.
Now, ladies, I didn’t want to leave you out, so I’ve got another verse. This one doesn’t actually appear in your bible, but this is an important verse. This one comes from II Talbert 4:2. Are you ready for it? “It is better to have an ice pick in your eye than to be married to a condemning, controlling, and judgmental airhead. Some of you are highly offended. Oh, complain awa-a-y. Let me just say to some of you, that’s not a real Bible verse. You can go home and go, “Where’s that Talbert book?” There’s something about ice pick. It’s not a real Bible verse, but yet it is true. You want to mess up your relationship? Speak words of criticism, complaining, negativity, and words of death.
Let me show you just how real this is. There was an article years ago printed in U.S. News and World Report. This article said that in your relationship, if you speak one in ten of your statements with a negative tone towards someone, one in ten statements with a negative tone, your relationship has better than a ninety percent chance of ending. Just one in ten statements negative towards someone, your relationship has better than a ninety percent chance of ending. If you, like me, battle with complaining words, ask yourself this question. If you are constantly complaining, ask yourself what is in your heart. What is in your heart?
Now, what I want us to do is take a step back, and we are going to look at four different Bible stories, but we are going to look at them one event at a time. What I want you to notice is how, when we look at one event, we can see the exact same event from two different perspectives. The first one is found in Numbers 11. The Israelites were for years in bondage, in slavery in Egypt. God used Moses to lead them out. God miraculously provided for them manna from heaven. Day after day, God provided every one of their needs, and yet, the Israelites did what so many of us do, and they started complaining. “God, oh God, we are sick and tired of this manna. If only we could go back to Egypt where the fish were free.” Complaining. Same event, different perspective. Moses says, “Did you forget that when you were in Egypt, you were slaves? Shouldn’t you be overcome with thankfulness?” Complaining, thankfulness. Same event, different perspective. Do you see that?
Look at another one. From Matthew 26, there was a very sinful woman who was forgiven by Jesus, and this woman took a very expensive jar of perfume and broke the jar open and poured this valuable perfume or oil over Jesus in an act of worship, and the contents of this jar were valued at, literally, about a year’s worth of wages. Judas looked on and said, honestly, what I would have said, “Woman, you’re being stupid. Why didn’t you sell that and give the money to the poor. You are wasting it.” Jesus looked on, same event, different perspective, and said, “You’re missing the point entirely. What this woman has done is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen. What she has done will be told about her for generations to come.” Same event. Different perspective.
Luke 10, Mary and Martha were hosting Jesus in their home, and Martha was doing what most of us do, wigging out. And she comes in complaining, “Jesus, Mary, she’s just sitting at your feet. She’s just sitting there. No good, lazy girl. Tell her to help me out.” Same event, different perspective. Jesus looks on and says, “Martha, Martha. You are worried and upset about many things. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.” Same event, different perspective.
One more, Acts, Paul and Silas were preaching Jesus, and they were arrested, stripped down naked, and these guys beat the tire out of them, put them in prison, locked them up by their feet in shackles. All the other prisoners were complaining, and Paul and Silas, at midnight, after just getting whipped big time, started worshipping God, singing hymns. God showed up, brought this big earthquake. All the doors flew open and the shackles fell off. Some people say it was the first jailhouse rock. The jailer looked on and said, “I’m as good as dead. I might as well kill myself.” Same event, different perspective. Paul and Silas said, “You don’t understand. Jesus did this stuff,” and the guy said, “Well, what can I do to meet this Jesus? What must I do to be saved?” and they led him to Christ, then his whole family, and that event led to the beginning of the church in Philippi. Same event, different perspectives.
So, here’s my challenge to you. I challenge you to do exactly what I have done, which is to look at the same things that you have been complaining about, but look at them from a different perspective. Rather than zeroing in on all of the negative and on all the bad, and God knows you can find that stuff. You don’t have to look that hard, but instead, take a step back and look at the same things that you have been complaining about, and look at them from a different perspective. Now, this has been a major issue in my life, and so over the years, I am learning to live out these three positive promises that I would challenge you to make and keep. Let’s look at them one by one.
THREE POSITIVE PROMISES
My first positive promise that I have made to Lord God is this, number one, I will not hang out with negative people. You see, negative people, they are cancerous and they are poisonous, and this negativity spreads very, very quickly. I Corinthians 15:23 illustrates this. “Bad company corrupts good character.” I used to have some friends, but I noticed every time I would hang out with these friends, they would complain. And so, guess what I would do? I would complain, and I would join in with them. And I found that the common denominator that I had with these friends is that, when we got together, we sinned by complaining. So I said, “I am not going to hang out with them anymore.”
Here’s another thing. Recently, I read a lot of blogs, and there’s all sorts of great blogs for ministers and ministries and such, and some are very positive and uplifting. Others, I have noticed, are really filled with people who are miserable in life, and negative people gather and criticize everything. There’s no work of God anywhere that is up to their standards. They criticize folk like me. They criticize others. They pick everybody apart. Every thing’s bad. They are negative and miserable. What I found is, when I read them, they bothered me and made me more negative and more defensive, so I don’t read them anymore. I don’t read Masslive and other local forums that speak negatively about the work I do or about the people I represent. No more negative blogs, no more negative people. I will not allow that to take me down. I will not hang out with negative people. I won’t engage in conversations with them, I won’t let them bring me down to their level. You have to determine in your mind…you’re done with the pity party and want to know where the praise party is.
Second positive promise is this. I will speak words of life. Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue has the power of life and the tongue has the power of death.” I will speak words of life. My commitment is this, in my relationships, when I could knit pick and they could knit pick me, instead, I am going to speak words of blessing. I am going to encourage people. I am going to talk about all of the things that are good about folk. I am going to praise people publicly; I am going to praise folk privately. I am going to speak words of blessing into people’s lives and lift them over and over again with encouragement.
In the lives of our children, what I noticed is, you know, we are often policing them. “Stop that. Come over here. Quit doing this. Don’t hit your brother. Don’t hit your sister. Quit hitting, all of you, each other.” You know. “Stay on your side. Am I going to have to pull this car over?” You know, “Stop that. Don’t climb the stairs, Boogie,” you know, and on and on and on and on. Instead, we should also catch them doing good things. “Man, you did awesome. Man, you cleaned up your room without being asked. Way to go! You said, ‘Yes, sir, immediate …’ what great manners. Ah, you brought over your dishes. You’re amazing.” And, I am going to encourage them with words of life rather than always criticizing what they didn’t do right. I’m going to speak words of life.
In my preparation this week, God was working in my heart, and was showing me still a lot of negative things that were in my heart. And so, I said, “God, I am going to go a whole day without saying anything that has to do with complaining. God, one whole day without complaining.” And what I am here to tell you, I didn’t say hardly anything all day long, because so often, what I wanted to say was not God honoring, didn’t uplift others, and it would have been complaining about something that I didn’t have the power to change. I will speak words of life and not words of death.
I like the story of an older lady who went to a church service, and at the door, one of the staff members greeted her and she said, “Young man, could you get me a nice seat up front?” And the guy said, “Well, I could, but let me just be honest with you. I’ll give you a little hint, our pastor is so boring that if you sit in the front, you’d fall asleep and you would regret it.” And the lady said, “Young man, do you know who I am?” And the guy said, “No, I don’t have a clue.” She said, “I am the pastor’s mother.” Oh yeah. And the staff member looks at her and said, “Ma’am, do you have any idea who I am?” And the mother said, “No, I don’t know.” And he said, “Praise the Lord!”
Third positive promise is this, I will be thankful for what I have. Instead of complaining about what I don’t like or don’t have, or I wish this was such and such, or I wish it was that way, or I wish I had different this or a different that … instead of complaining, which is so easy to do, I will give thanks in all things. Look at what the Bible says. I Thessalonians 5:18, the Bible says, “Give thanks.” When do we give thanks? We give thanks,“in all circumstances.” Can you see the common thread? Do everything without complaining; do everything without complaining. “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” How does this play out in everyday life? So you’re having a bad hair day. “I’m going to church, and my hair won’t do what it is supposed to do,” and you know you can’t worship God adequately on a bad hair day. So you’re freaking out. “I wish my hair would do this.” When you are tempted to complain about your hair, thank God that you have some, because a lot of people would take some hair instead of doing the comb over, okay? When you are about to whine about gas prices, “Oh, they’re so high.” Realize that if you own a car, you are in the wealthiest three percent of people who are alive today. Have you thought about that? You are in the richest three percent of the people in the world if you own an automobile. Same event, different perspective.
WATCH YOUR MOUTH!
Your words reflect the attitude of you heart, and if your words are characterized by complaining, let God do a work right here. So, what’s happened to me is that God has done a work in my heart. My words have changed. My actions have changed. My life has changed, and the lives of those around me are changing. All when God does a work right here. Look at your words. If they are not of God, if they are not God honoring, let Him by the power of the Spirit change your heart, change your words, change your actions, and your life will never, ever be the same. When you are tempted to speak words that do not honor God, zip it. Let God continue to work in your hearts and forever be different in His presence.
OUR WORDS DISPLAY WHO WE ARE AND WHAT’S IN OUR HEARTS
Luke 6:45
45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
(KJV)
• Whats in the well will come out in the water
• Whats in the tree will comeout in the fruit
OUR WORDS CAN DELIGHT OTHERS:
Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. In other words, a good word spoken at the right time is better than golden apples in a silver basket.
• Our words can can refresh and encourage someone that is discouraged and ready to give up and quit. Words can give new life to a dead relationship.
• the greek definition for encourage is “one who puts courage IN the heart of another”
In the story when Satan attempted to tempt Jesus in the wilderness, he was trying to subdue Jesus’ mission to the cross. When Satan came up against Jesus in the wilderness, Jesus didn’t say, I don’t know what I’m going to do; He opened his mouth and quoted the Words of God. He said, “It is written”. So if Jesus can speak the Words of God, (and He did say “these things I do, you can do, and even greater”) then somebody in here ought to be able to say something anointed and powerful that will break the yoke in somebody’s life!
When the enemy comes at you like a roaring loin, carrying some gossip, or foolish talk to us we need to speak back it him and tell him: “I don’t have time for that cause’ I’m too busy talking about my blessings!”
Matter of fact, I need to get a praise on right now because at one time in my life somebody said that I wouldn’t be anything!
– Somebody said that I wouldn’t make it!
– Somebody said that I was washed up! What they said was a lie! But that’s alright...
– I’ve been lied on, cheated... talked about, mistreated—
– Buked, scorned, talked about as sure as your born!
I know you heard the gossip about me...
– I’ve been up, down, almost level to the ground. But as long... as I got King Jesus, I don’t need nobody else! And when I think of His goodness and all that He’s done for me, my soul cries out Hallelujah! I thank God for saving me! And so, you can say what you want about me... I’m still gonna praise God! If I don’t praise Him... “if I hold my peace, the rocks will cry out!” I don’t know about you, but I want no rock crying out for me! I’ve been through too much to let a rock steal my praise!
Is there anybody here besides me been through some stuff and now that God has delivered you, you don’t care what folk say about you anymore?
- I may be poor... but I’ll praise Him!
- I may be dirty... but I’ll praise Him!
- My kids may be on drugs... but I’ll praise Him!
- My marriage may be on the rocks... but I’ll praise Him!
- I may be on welfare... but I’ll praise Him!
- I may be sick... but I’ll praise Him!
. . . And because I praise Him, I have power in my words!
– I can speak to my empty pockets and tell them to fill up!
– I can lay my hands on my hearts desire and claim it in the name of Jesus!
– I can speak to devils and send them back to Hell!
– I’ve got power!!!! Power!!! Power!!! in my mouth!!!
If you know you’ve got that power, slap three people a high five and tell them... “I’ve got the power, because I’ve got the right word!”
CONCLUSION
1. Think First. Using the acronym THINK, try to ask these 5 questions before you speak.
Is it True? Remember this rule about gossip: “The more interesting it is, the more likely it is to be false.”
Is it Helpful? Will your words help bring about a solution to a problem?
Is it Inspiring? Will your words build up someone?
Is it Necessary? Do we have to say anything at all?
Is it Kind? Are your words based on a desire to help?
3. Talk Less. Your chances of blowing it with your words are directly proportional to the amount of time you spend with your mouth open. Abe Lincoln said, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
Calvin Coolidge said, “I have never been hurt by anything I did not say.” Proverbs 10:19 puts it this way: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
