How We Talk
Part 4 – Words of Encouragement
Various Scriptures
May 2, 2010
NOTE: THE ME/WE/GOD/YOU/WE FORMAT IS FROM ANDY STANLEY'S BOOK, "COMMUNICATING FOR A CHANGE."
Me: This is the last message in a series about how we speak.
We started off looking at how what we say is a reflection of what’s in our heart, because Jesus says our mouth speaks from the overflow of our heart.
Then we talked about how to speak the truth in love. It’s not enough to just throw the truth in someone’s face – we need to do it in a way that communicates our love for them so they’ll hear it and receive it better.
Last week we talked about getting rid of “potty-mouth.” And it wasn’t about cussing, it was about things that I believe are worse and far more dangerous than cussing, and that was slander, gossip, and lying.
Today, as you can tell by title on your note-taking guide, is about speaking words of encouragement.
Some of the best memories of my life are times when someone took me aside, looked me in the eyes, and told me something encouraging.
Someone saw something in me that caused them to take a moment and let me know what it is they saw.
Other times I’d get a letter or a phone call. Just the other day I got an e-mail from someone I’ve never met but who has been using my messages in his ministry at a rescue mission in Oregon.
We: Everyone likes to hear good things about themselves from time to time.
Everyone likes to know they’re not a loser in someone’s eyes.
Everyone likes to get an atta-boy or atta-girl once in a while. Just make sure you’re giving the right one of those to the right person, okay?
I can’t think of single person who hates hearing someone say something nice to them once in a while.
Even the most modest person enjoys that. They just won’t brag about it and maybe try to deflect the praise.
But they like it – just like anybody else.
God: I want to just run through a number of Scriptures that point to the importance and power of words of encouragement.
We won’t spend a lot of time on these, but I want you to see how Scripture addresses this.
And by the way, you might find one or two of these that you might want to write down and memorize this week.
Proverbs 10:21 (NLT) –
21 The words of the godly encourage many.
People who have a solid walk with Jesus have the potential to positively influence a lot of people. I don’t think enough godly people realize that.
Proverbs 12:25 (NLT) –
25 Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.
I think all of us can relate to that one, right? You’ve been down and someone says just the right thing to bring you up. It’s a great thing, isn’t it?
Or maybe you’ve been the one to say that thing that brought someone else up. That’s a pretty awesome thing, too.
Proverbs 16:21 –
The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.
You want to help someone learn something or get better at something, especially your kids?
Try encouraging them instead of yelling at them about it.
This is especially important when it comes to children.
Some of you have been to games or sports competitions where instead of cheering the kids on, they’re yelling at them to do this better or do that better.
The anger and even the rage in their voices sometimes tells you that that kid is in for trouble when he gets home, no matter how well he does.
That’s not encouraging – it’s bringing fear. And how’s that gonna help someone improve?
It’s not just sports, either. It can music, or grades.
How many people do you know pressure their kids to get good grades, and when they don’t the kid is made to look bad to himself, his friends, his teachers, and even the parents’ friends.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t want our kids to do well. But let’s encourage them in what they do well as well as well as where they struggle.
There’s generally no need to pressure children unnecessarily. Or anybody else for that matter.
Proverbs 16:24 –
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
This is a verse I’ve put on a post-it note by my computer where I can see it every day.
Doesn’t that just say something to your spirit about how important it is for us to encourage people?
I don’t even like honey or honeycombs – although I do like Honeycombs cereal – but there is no mistaking the message in this verse.
You want to minister to someone? Speak pleasant words to them.
Then we move to the New Testament and we find a man who was characterized by his encouragement.
Acts 4:36 –
36 Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means Son of Encouragement).
One of the ways he encouraged the early church was the selling of some land and giving the money to the church.
But he was encouraging in the way he spoke as well:
Acts 11:23-24 –
23 When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts. 24 He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord.
Can people describe you as an encourager? It’s my hope that people will be able to describe me that way. God’s working on me in that area.
The Bible says that part of my job is to rebuke and correct, but it’s also to encourage you, and I really hope that God will help me to be better at that as long as He allows me to minister here.
There are 13 different instances in the book of Acts regarding how people were encouraged by the others in the church.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 –
11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Pretty straightforward, huh? I think this implies that it should be a habit among the Church of Christ.
Hebrews 3:13 –
13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Encouragement serves to keep our hearts soft toward God and holiness.
And folks, I’m talking about honest-to-goodness encouragement and praise.
Don’t go just throwing out empty words and empty flattery.
Flattery is not praise. Flattery is just throwing out stuff to fluff the other person up for your own advantage.
Use honest praise and encouragement.
Folks, here is what I want you to take home today:
Your words of encouragement can make all the difference in someone’s life.
Anyone can find something they don’t like in anybody.
Sometimes it takes effort and willingness to look for something you can praise in someone.
But anyone, if they’re willing, can find something they do like in anybody. And they can tell that person about it.
And the fact of the matter that not enough people in the Church do that. And not just this church – the Church overall can do a lot better job.
You: I want to look at four ways we can encourage each other, but before I do that, let me make a quick suggestion:
Since you speak from the overflow of your heart, then fill your heart with encouragement from the Scriptures.
This will do you good for your own heart, but will also help you in your efforts to encourage others.
Four ways we can encourage others:
1. Encourage people for who they are.
Tell them what you see in them right now. Maybe they have a sweet spirit, or good voice, a humble attitude, a zeal for Christ and for winning the lost, a great attitude toward serving others, or whatever.
Let them know that you notice these things in them.
2. Encourage people for what they do.
One of the biggest areas I think probably all of us can improve is just simply telling people we appreciate what they do, especially around the church.
When was the last time you told your child’s teacher – either here or at their school – that you appreciate their investment in your kid?
Or our musicians and song leaders on Sunday?
I’m fortunate – many of you will let me know you appreciated a message, but I don’t see many folks going up to Doug or Lorri, or Lowell or Debra or Olivia.
Or what about those awesome folks who work in the kitchen when we’re having a meal here?
Did you know that the bathrooms here don’t clean themselves and that one of the parents from the school cleans this place every week, and volunteers from the church straighten out the sanctuary ever week?
What about your board members – Lowell, Bruce, Pat, and Beth? They give tons of hours and labor and prayer to helping this church move forward for the kingdom.
And our greeters? They could use a word of thanks from you for making sure you get a friendly smile with your bulletin each week.
I could go on and on just about stuff here at the church. But when was the last time you thanked your mail carrier and told him or her that you appreciate their faithfulness in getting the mail to you every day?
Or your trash hauler?
A nice word telling someone you notice what they do will go a long way for someone, folks.
Here’s an important one:
3. Encourage people for who they can be.
This is good for anybody, but I think it’s especially crucial for kids.
Folks, I can tell you that there are far too many kids being told that they’ll never amount to anything good.
I hope that none of them are your kids.
When we see potential in someone, we need to tell them so, and we need to tell them what we see they have potential for.
We can communicate this anytime, but I think it’s important that they also hear it when they’ve let you or someone else down.
In those cases they need to know that in spite of what they’ve just done, we can see that if they’ll make the right decisions, God can make them into someone He can really use for great things in this world.
And again, adults need to hear this as well. It’s never too late for God to be able to mold someone into a person He can use. If they’re breathing and have a pulse, God can still do that.
4. Encourage people in their relationship with and service for Christ.
Tell people you’re praying for them, kinda like Paul does in the beginning of his letters.
Tell them how you see them maturing in Christ, or how you see God working in them in a specific way.
Encourage those you see serving Christ and the church.
There are tons of ways to encourage people in their walk with Christ and their service for Him.
But let me suggest something you can do right now:
Take 1 minute right now to ask God who could use an encouraging word from you. And write the name down on your note-taking guide. Right now.
Then commit to do that this week. A call, a visit, a meal out, a card, or letter. Don’t send an e-mail or message them on Facebook.
But do something this week to encourage that person and watch what God can do through you in the life of that person.
You’ll be amazed at the happiness you can bring into someone’s life with just a few words.
And if you’re not careful, you may end up actually liking it so much you keep doing it.
Now wouldn’t that be just too bad?
Also, encourage yourself when you can.
Lose the “I can’t do anything right” mentality.
Get rid of the “nobody loves me,” thinking, because if you’re here, then you are loved.
You’re loved by Jesus and you’re loved by us.
No, you’re not perfect. But neither are we. And by the grace of God, we’re getting better because of the work Christ is doing in us through the Scriptures and the Holy Spirit.
We: Folks, Christians have a reputation for being a pretty critical lot.
We’re quick to point the finger at something or someone we don’t like, and the world seems to think that that’s all we’re good for, kinda like the old time preachers that spent so much time preaching against sin that they didn’t have any time to preach the blessings that are in Christ.
My hope is that no one meeting any of us, either here on Sundays or out there during the rest of the week would think that about us.
I hope they find great encouragement in us – encouragement that comes from the encouragement we receive from the Scriptures and from other members in the Body.
And I hope they’ll find it’s contagious – just as it should be.
May the encouragement you find in Christ to overflow in the lives of others. For His glory and for the expansion of His kingdom.
Let’s pray.
