Compare Today’s TV Families (Kardashian's, Desperate Housewives, Family Guy,etc. vs. the Huckstables, Walton’s, Brady Bunch, etc.
It’s so common today to see families breaking apart instead of coming together, growing stronger, making a difference, living God's way. Thankfully, the Bible offers help and guidance to make any family stronger.
This morning, let’s discover five practices – YOU CAN DO - that will add strength to your family.
1. Spend Time with them Regularly
There are two things that last forever – the Word of God and people. In all my years growing up I’ve never heard anyone say on their death bed, “I wish I would have spent more time in the office. I wish I could have worked more overtime hours.” However, you do hear people say, “I love my family and wish I would have told them I loved them more.” Ephesians 5:16 says, “…redeem the time, because the days are evil.” Each of us only has a certain amount of time God gives us on this earth. Investing time in those closest to you is certainly one way to make the most of that precious time.
It’s hard to believe this July, that Amy and I will be married 9 years. Over that time, I’ve learned one thing that delights Amy most is when I simply take time to be with her. One of her favorite things to do is watch a Lifetime movie at least once a week. When she finds one she likes and says, “David, this is going to be a good one!” now I know that means, “Get off the internet, quit working on your sermon, it would mean so much if you watch this with me.”
A.W. Tozer wrote: “Time is a resource that is nonrenewable and nontransferable. You cannot store it, slow it up, hold it up, divide it up or give it up. You can’t hoard it up or save it for a rainy day–when it’s lost it’s unrecoverable. When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection.”
God has a purpose for your time on this earth. How sad it is to see people wasting their lives pursuing dreams that have nothing to do with God, family, touching others for the Lord, etc. Instead, squandering time by spending hours on TV, just laying around, not really seeing that your life can significantly strengthen others. How we need God’s wisdom to spend our time with family wisely. Moses prayed, “So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart for wisdom (Psalm 90:12).” Have you prayed and asked God for wisdom to live each day with eternity in mind?
You add strength to your family when you spend time together with them.
Mom and dad had a rule that we all ate dinner together growing up. They made it their goal to be at all our games if at all possible. Many nights, they would turn the TV off and just talk to Andria and I about life, problems we were facing, asking us what we’d like to do with our lives, etc. They prayed over us continually. These are some things they did to show we mattered.
You add strength to your family when you spend time together with them.
Ephesians 4:32, “And be kind to one another…” You may be in the midst of watching NCIS, LOST, ESPEN and your mom says, “Honey, can you help me folding up these clothes?” Don’t say, “Just 30 more minutes to go.” Get in there and help your mom fold the clothes, do the laundry, pick up around the house. When your mom works all day and then fixes dinner, instead of going to your room and listening to your CD’s, how about thanking her and then sitting down with her? One of these days you’ll be out of the house and you are going to miss seeing your parents.
2. Speak to them Encouragingly
The Apostle Paul says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth…” I remember a time when as a kid when my mom had to really let me have it because I was not behaving. She really blistered me! I remember turning around and saying, “Mom, I can’t stand you!” I wanted her to feel bad because she was not letting me have my way. I can remember mom tearing up because I spoke to her so rudely. Even as a kid, I did not know this Bible verse, but I knew my words could hurt. What would happen in our families today if “seldom was heard a discouraging word”?
You add strength to your family when you speak to them encouragingly.
“Let no corrupt word…” Ever gone into one of your rooms where a trash can was and the hairs stand up on the back of your neck because of the rotten smell? The smell makes you want to run quickly as you can and far away. You don’t want anything to do with it because of the putrid smell. When you lie, cuss, put down others, gossip, yell out of anger it is like trash that is simply stinking up the room. It turns people away from you and makes them want to go far away.
The worst smell I remember as a youth was each Wednesday at middle school. That was fish day in the cafeteria. You would go in there and immediately lose your appetite for lunch. That atmosphere was toxic! No one would want that smell in their home. When you and I let words come out of our mouth that aren’t wholesome, it’s like we are stinking up the house like those fish stunk up the cafeteria!
Another example, I caught just a few minutes of Dr. Phil on Tuesday and there was a lady on there that was verbally destroying her child with rotten language. She was screaming at her, “If you don’t eat this food, I’m going to shove it down your throat! If you don’t stop crying I’m going to beat your brains in!” “You are so stupid, I wish you weren’t even alive!” I saw that segment and it brought tears to my eyes because I know how easy it is to get upset with my boys. I have lost my cool with them and at times said things I wish I could take back. When I saw that mother yelling at her daughter, I realized what my words could do to Jon David and Nathan if I get out of control.
A few years ago, someone taught me this acrostic that calls us to think about what you say.
T- Is it true?
H – Is it helpful?
I – Is it inspirational?
N- Is it needed?
K- Is it kind?
You add strength to your family when you speak encouragingly.
Proverbs 18:21 states, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” One way to let our speech be a source of is to speak God’s Word to and over your family. Say about them what God says about them in His Word. Many people struggle reject themselves because they don’t measure up to the cover of magazines. Yet God says, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works.” Many people believe they are not special and have no real purpose in life. Yet God’s Word says in Ephesians 2:10, “…we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
My youth minister did a good job in teaching us that we did matter to God and each other. Every Wednesday night, Tom H. would have us sit in a huge circle. He would choose three people and have them sit in a special chair. All of us would take a moment to say what we appreciated about that person. This time was called, “Affirmation.”
Many times, youth would have tears in their eyes as their peers affirmed something significant about their lives.
What if you took time to tell your family God’s Word such as, “God loves you. I see His power at work in your life. God is with you everywhere you go today.” Ephesians 4:29 (ESV), “Stop all your dirty talk. Say the right thing at the right time and help others by what you say.”
You’ve heard said, “If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all.” What he’s telling us here is your words have tremendous power to build others up or tear others down.
What would happen if wives stopped yelling at their husbands, “Get off that couch you lazy bum and start cleaning up the garage. You never do anything but watch sports and you never do anything for the family!” What if she said, “Honey, when you take the time to clean up the garage it makes me feel like a million bucks. What our house looks like to me and others really matters and you can do such a good job getting this together.”
That husband is about 99% more likely to get right up and go to work if she compliments him instead of constantly nagging him.
You add strength to your family when you speak encouragingly.
3. Admit My Faults with Humility
There is no such thing as a perfect family. Just as our homes tend to look like a wreck sometimes because we don’t feel like immediately cleaning up, sin causes our lives to become a wreck. You go into your child’s room and it looks like a tornado has touched down and you yell, “What is the world is wrong with you?” You start thinking about getting them back. “Ooohh, I’m not going to let them watch their favorite show. I’m not going to cook them a good meal. I am not going to take them on that fishing trip.”
What happens? You become good at detecting others faults, but rarely do you take time to deal with your own faults. You start thinking, “They don’t deserve my love, my kindness, my forgiveness…they really need to pay for what they’ve done!” Did you deserve Jesus' love, forgiveness, patience, etc.?
What happens when you start focusing on others faults? You become proud, self-righteous, etc. You make yourself look great and others look bad. How about an attitude of humility?
How about admitting, “Son, when I was a kid, there was nothing I disliked more than cleaning my room. I would do anything to avoid it. Truth the matter was, I was being lazy and unconcerned about obeying my parents. Sometimes I still don’t like cleaning up my room, but I always feel better getting it done.”
What if your teenager is looking at sights on the internet that he should not be or spending so much time texting others it’s like they live on another planet? You could tell them about a time you totally regret giving into temptation. Let them know you don’t always bat .1000 either. In humilty, warn them of the consequences of living in sin and offer them a plan of escape. Let them know how patient and forgiving God was with you as you learned to walk in faith.
Kay Author, “Sin will take you further than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay, cost you more than you wanted to pay!”
Let them know how awesome it is to know the Lord Jesus Christ who forgave all your sins. When you truly begin to know how merciful and forgiving God is, it makes you want to worship and walk with Him…not live in sin! Thank you, Jesus, you do not give us what our sins deserve! Psalm 103:8, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, not punished us according to our iniquities.”
Pride keeps us from admitting sin. We don’t want to look bad. Thursday, May 6th was National Day of Prayer. How many of you know the best thing we can do is humbly admit our sin to God, turn from our evil ways, seek His face? That is the best thing we can do in America, yet we are often to proud to admit we are sinning against God.
You add strength (not decrease) to your family when you admit your wrongs with humility.
4. Love Them Unconditionally
Ephesians 5:1-2, “Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma.”
How does God love you? He loves you on your good days and He loves you on your bad days. He loves you when you are living on the heights and He loves you when you are in the pits.
Dads, it might be tempting to love your child more if they make the football team, hit the game winning home run, make the Dean’s list…it may be tempting to think you would love your wife more if she looked like Pamela Anderson on Dancing with the Stars…but pattering your life after your Heavenly Father means you love your family with unconditional love.
You add strength to your family when you love them unconditionally. The world loves people conditionally – when they make the grades, win the spelling B, have the looks of a cover girl. God teaches us to love our family like He loves them. That means taking our wedding vows seriously, “I will love only you, for better or worse.” That means I accept my child if he makes the team or if he misses the cut.
Knowing my Heavenly Father loves me unconditionally, I want to spread that love in our home. That means I’m learning, by His grace and Holy Spirit power to say no to sin, and yes to His will. It means I have great value apart from my performance, but simply because I belong to Him. It means I know He loves me unconditionally and HE loves me too much to let me stay in the shape I am in. It means my purpose in life is to know His love toward me and allow His love to flow through me to others in my life.
There was a young Jewish boy who grew up in Germany. He idolized his father who was a successful businessman. Their life revolved around the around the activities in the local synagogue. When the boy was a teenager the family had to move to another town in Germany. The community revolved around the activities of the local Lutheran church. The father announced on day that they were going to abandon their Jewish faith and join the Lutheran church. When the son asked why, ‘It will be good for business’. This left the young man confused and bewildered which led to anger and bitterness which followed him all his life. He later left Germany for England to study. After some time he formulated his ideas into writings which gave way to a whole new way of life. HIS NAME WAS KARL MARX and his new ideas was ATHIESTIC COMMUNISM.
It really does matter the manner in which you love your family.
You add strength to your family when you love them unconditionally.
5. Share Jesus with them Compassionately
The ultimate act of love was the sacrifice the Lord Jesus Christ made on the cross of Calvary for sinners like you and me. When He gave His life it was like a sweet fragrance to God the Father. Because Jesus gave His life for you and me, now it is my turn and your turn to live in such a way that we honor Him.
Bill Fay had his life changed when He gave his heart and life to the Lord Jesus Christ. His mission in life is to share Jesus faithfully and compassionately with others. He tells of a time not long ago when he looked over and saw John Denver. It was pretty obvious with his distinct features and signature guitar that it was him. I went over and said, "John!" He jumped up, stuck out his hand and said, "I haven't seen you in a while."
I said, "No sir, we've never met. But I am a man who's prayed for you for over five years, and I have a message for you from your dead father, Dutch."
You see, years earlier, in the height of my pagan lifestyle, John Denver's father was the co-pilot on the Learjet that used to fly me around the country to do my illegal mob business. His father -- whose hand I held when he surrendered his life to Jesus Christ -- made me promise that one day I would share with his son. I said, "Dutch, if God provides the moment, the privilege is mine."
Now it looked like the moment was going to come. I met with John in a private room in the Denver airport for the better part of two hours. I took him line by line through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
There wasn't a single verse of Scripture he did not understand -- nor was there a single verse of Scripture that he would accept. Finally, I said, "John, when did you make up your mind Jesus Christ would never become your Lord and your Savior?"
He could remember the date, the time and the place. A godly Sunday School teacher, like some of you, said to him Jesus Christ was The Way, The Truth and The Life. I left with a saddened heart, tears in my eyes.
I asked God, "Why did You go to all this trouble if John Denver was not going to accept You?" And a verse of Scripture came into my heart that took evangelism to another level for me. I hope it will for you. It comes out of 2 Corinthians 2:16, and it says, "To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life."
The word "death" in Scripture means eternal separation from God. Wherever you go, to whomever you speak, wherever you stand, you represent life and you represent death -- for you and them it will be either an opportunity, or an opportunity lost. (Bill Fay, Baptist Press)
You add strength to your family when you share Jesus compassionately.
How they respond is not up to you, but between them and the Lord. Only God can change the human heart and make it into a heart like the Son of God. Only Jesus can make family members who are angry, bitter, unforgiving, and make them kind, compassionate, tenderhearted, forgiving. Your business and mine is to do the sharing and it’s the Holy Spirit’s work to do the life changing.
The best way to add strength to your family is to pray for them and share that Jesus Christ loves them so much He died on the cross for their sins and rose again to be their King. If you have never invited the Lord Jesus Christ to come into your life, invite Him in today. He can add a strength to your life that you’ve never had before. He cares for you and your family. Receive His salvation and strength today!
